July 6th, Monday, 9:56 P.M., a coat room in the London Pavilion

[johnwlennon]

I found a coat room outside the back exit of the theater, before the lobby. I turned the handle, happy to find it open. I went inside, flipping on a light switch. I wrapped my arms around myself, weighing my options. To come right out with what I was feeling? Or gently tell Paul what was bothering me

Comments

[jamesmacca]

I fliched when he punched the wall, my eyes looking away. I hated seeing him like this, and it hurt even more knowing that it was my fault.

"What do you want me to do, John? I can't take it back." I looked down for a moment, before looking back up to him wanting to kiss his problems away but settled for a hand on his shoulder.

"I love you. Not George, not anyone else. You. I don't know what to do to make you believe me." I felt sick, terrible. I had hurt John, and hurt us.

But I couldn't help but keep that nagging thought that there was still something between John and Brian. What had happened in the theater? I didn't dare bring that up...nothing probably even happened anyway

[johnwlennon]

"I DO believe you, Paul. I do. I know that you regret it, I know... I know... that's not the problem. I am the problem. The fact that it haunts everything I fucking do... I just couldn't hold it in anymore, I wanted you to know. I need

[jamesmacca]

He said Brian. Freudian slip?

"What's with you and Brian?" I asked, regretting it almost immediately. I should be comforting John, but damn it, if there was something going on and he wasn't telling me...

"Fuck, I don't care. Damn it John, I don't want to play this fucking game of jealousy. I want you. I don't want George. He means the world to me, he does, but you have nothing to worry about. I love him as a friend." I slipped my arm across his shoulders. "And you've only known for a day..." I placed a chaste kiss to his temple. "This is all moving really fast. Give it time, okay love?"

[johnwlennon]

He didn't care? Guilt surged through me. I cared. I cared way too much about him and George. Maybe I shouldn't... maybe I was being stupid and childish. But... it ate at me. Like a constant toothache that wouldn't go away...

"Nothing's going on with Brian, anyway. And... I know you love me. I know George is just your friend. I know that. I just can't get past the thought that at one, well... two times, he was more than that. It's just.. fucking me up! I'm sorry. I'm just," I sighed heavily, stepping closer into his embrace, dropping my head onto his shoulder, my forehead against his neck, "sorry I'm like this. I get jealous so easily and it won't go away."

My arm slipped around him and I pulled him into a full-on hug, my face buried in the soft warm skin of his neck and the smooth fabric on his shoulder.

"Just stick in there with me, okay? It's gonna take a lot of time. I just wanted you to know... so if I act weird, or mad, or something... it's probably just... that THAT is on my mind again."