Driving home caught between the shuddering click of my truck's aging engine and the twanging guitar of the music I gave you I am stuck. With your head on my shoulder shivering against what we'll say is the song but I know it's the wish that I didn't wish it meant more than it does I am stuck. Here I go again, forgetting how the nets get stuck in my ( Read more... )

I want to say, "I'm just at a place in my life when I can't really have anything for myself. I'm empty and broken and caught between who I was and who I'll be..." and not sound like a whiny brat. This, however is impossible, so I won't try. Finally understand the lyrics to "You Can Call Me Al," as I can't have much, but I can have a bodyguard. I ( Read more... )

Sleepwalking today. Whiskey. Football. Future. Over one problem and on to another, the big one...motion, change. Need a doctor, or the doctor, you know, whatever. Last night sucked. Today is better. Every day is better, moving on toward the end. The Liminal Lad has an expiration date. Who am I after that? Country boy in the big city...hmm, that ( Read more... )

Most of the time these days I'm moved on from all the dumb and painful shit I've raked myself over, tonight was pretty bad though. I didn't want to be Mark and Vanessa, that's why I've done it twice. So now, instead of being excited and happy and blushing over some new folly, I'm just shaken to my core over the same old crap. It doesn't matter how ( Read more... )

Let's be metaphorical for a moment...oh wait, where am I? Yes, that's right. This is the lunatic, liminal hell I've cast my life in, for my own good. Good, I think I know a thing or two about that, at least from a selfish, self-important sort of perspective. I have to go now. I have a ticket, not golden or anything, but it'll take me where I'm ( Read more... )

This weekend was harder than it should have been. Feel like I've been chasing phantoms for months, and now my phantoms have form and I wish they didn't (something about nets seems appropriate here)...shouldn't be collapsing against my door and growling at my own thoughts. It was an interesting vacation in prosperity-ville but I've got to get back ( Read more... )

She says, "You made my day," and I wonder at how long it's been since I've done that for anyone. Might have thought I'd lost the capacity. I think she made mine too, but for the nagging suspicion that I can't have this now...because I can't, and I shouldn't, and I won't. Despite this up-swelling from a little new friendship, and a lot of hope, I'm ( Read more... )

Woke this morning trying to disentangle my fingers from others both familiar and foreign, wondering why I can connect there and not here with anyone, anything. It's grey and cold and wet and sensible and everything is proceeding according to plan, so lets all celebrate impending victory. Oh, but this twisted, pointless longing that shows up between ( Read more... )

Realized last night how many things moving means. I'm breaking up with Columbia. True/False is our last fling. Parties and planning and avoiding affection from most angles, simply ignoring it from others as I try not to go insane as I try to wrap my head around the fact that Manhattan is essentially inviting everyone in Missouri to Columbia to live ( Read more... )

I am melted, in the wicked witch sense of the word. This week has been annoyingly hard, and will only continue to be. Working this much and doing T/F is insane. Going at this pace, not taking any kind of a vacation before the move, and jumping into the biggest shapeshift of my life may kill me. If don't do this, though, I'm really going to lose my ( Read more... )