Shop or Die
Title: Shop or Die
Author: pnai-87
Pairing: Jacob/Bella
Rated: K+
Summary: Jacob, Embry, Quil and Seth have run out of clothes. Emily and Bella take them
shopping. (Prompt request stolen from audreyii_fic )
Validation beta: majestamoniet
Inspired by a request from pamymex3girl
“This feels like a hazing ritual.” Bella grumbled, as people gawked at them.
“It is,” Emily said. “Every new wolf girl has to go through this. Hopefully, this will be the last
time.” She glanced pointedly at the four hulking figures behind them.
“There’s still Colin and Brady,” Seth reminded them, “They’re still growing.”
“Surely, there’s a pill or something they can take. If we cut off their legs at the knee,
will it grow back shorter? Like a starfish?” They all stopped and stared at Bella, who looked
like she was actually thinking of testing out her theory.
Emily laughed. “Height isn’t the problem, Bella.”
“And I’d like to see you find a saw that can damage these babies,” Embry slapped his legs.
“Did they have to come?” Bella asked Emily plaintively.
The older girl patted her head sympathetically. “I know they attract a lot of attention,
but trust me, you can’t estimate their sizes without them.”
“To be fair, the only reason I’m here is because of you, Bells.” Jake said, “I still had a good
two pairs left.”
She turned to scowl at him. “Do not blame your ineptitude with a washing machine on me.
Having a girlfriend does not equate to having a maid.”
“Wow. You really hate shopping, don’t you, Bella?” Quill glanced at a toy store. “Hey, Legos!”
Just like that the four were completely entranced.
The picture they made, crouching
around the plastic table, four broad shouldered figures fighting over little plastic blocks.
“Children. All of them.” Emily shook her head. “Sam, Jared and Paul weren’t nearly this
difficult. Leah went to get herself clothes before she ran out.”
“You so lose 10 years for this,” Bella told Jacob.
A good twenty minutes (six houses, a boat, and something that looked like a dog) and a
lot of whining for more time later, they were back to walking through the mall.
“Emily,” Embry began.
“No,” She replied, recognizing the tone.
“But I’m hungry. I missed breakfast.”
“You had breakfast at my house, you filthy liar.” Bella said.
“Actually, I could go for a pizza,” Quill said, wandering towards the kiosk.
“Ooh, and there’s ice cream over there.” Seth piped excitedly.
Jacob dutifully stayed with her (though he did look longingly at the ice cream stand)
and Embry followed Quill.
“I know those three don’t have any money,” Bella said, having seen Emily put what
they had in her purse.
“Haven’t you learned by now, Bells? With werewolf charm, the world is our fried oyster.”
They watched as Seth flirted with the girl behind the counter, and got himself a free
chocolate swirl (and a phone number no doubt) while Quill and Embry sat with a
group of college girls who were only too happy to share their six boxes with them.
“So this really is an all day event,” Bella mused.
“Not usually, but I knew these guys would be like this, so I thought it best to have you
clear you schedule.” Emily said, sitting down at an empty table, waiting. “Thank you for
coming with though, Bella. I don’t think I could have come this far into this building without
you.”
It was a full hour before they were finally in Big & Tall, the only store in the whole state
that carried their sizes.
“And now the real work begins,” Emily announced.
She pasted on a bright smile to the haggard looking sales’ lady. “Mrs. Greengrass,
good to see you again.”
The woman openly scowled at her. “Ms. Young, the last time you were here with bull sized
men, I lost half my inventory and several pieces of furniture were destroyed. Now, the only
reason I haven’t pressed charges or have you banned from my store is because when
you’re on your own you more than make up for the lost inventory in one stop, but I have a
heart condition, Ms. Young, I cannot endure another primary fitting.”
“Well, that’s why I brought back up today.” Emily grabbed Bella’s arm and pulled her
forward. “This is Bella Swan. She’s the police chief’s daughter in Forks. The tall one is her
boyfriend,” She nodded toward Jacob, “and the youngest one is going to be her
step brother.” She smiled at Seth.
“And the other two?”
“They know to behave themselves if they don’t want to starve.” Emily said brightly, but
Quil and Embry both paled. They knew she was serious.
She stared at the four of them one by one, as if committing their faces to memory,
then down at Bella, frowning doubtfully. “You have two hours, Ms. Young, no more.
If one stitch is ripped on anything,” She let that hang and then went back to the counter.
Bella let out a nervous laugh, “Okay, well she wasn’t very scary.”
Jacob scoffed, “Sure, compared to a vampire or maybe a dragon.”
Emily whipped her head around at them, “Two hours. Pants, shirts, socks and boxers.”
She scanned the room. “Do not try anything on without showing me first. Bella, you got
Jacob and Quil. Seth and Embry, come with me.”
Before they started moving she narrowed their eyes at them, “Remember, I have access
to many embarrassing picture of four little wolves running around in dresses and I would
hate for it to accidentally show up online or your school paper. Are we clear?”
They all gulped and nodded.
It wasn’t so bad from there. Aside from Jacob insisting on showing her how his new
underwear fit, or trying to pull her into the changing room every other second, it wasn’t as
difficult as it could have been.
What bothered her was the two blondes that couldn’t seem to move without bump
rubbing themselves against Jacob.
Growling, she pushed him into one of the loveseats outside the fitting room, straddle him
and slammed her mouth against his. She pulled back when he moaned, and turned her
head to the frozen blondes. Mine, her eyes said, back off.
By the time they were all done and scrunched up in Emily’s hummer, she had a royal
headache. She vowed to never set foot in a mall again, least of all with a half naked
werewolf.
“I hate shopping.”
The End
Author: pnai-87
Pairing: Jacob/Bella
Rated: K+
Summary: Jacob, Embry, Quil and Seth have run out of clothes. Emily and Bella take them
shopping. (Prompt request stolen from audreyii_fic )
Validation beta: majestamoniet
Inspired by a request from pamymex3girl
“This feels like a hazing ritual.” Bella grumbled, as people gawked at them.
“It is,” Emily said. “Every new wolf girl has to go through this. Hopefully, this will be the last
time.” She glanced pointedly at the four hulking figures behind them.
“There’s still Colin and Brady,” Seth reminded them, “They’re still growing.”
“Surely, there’s a pill or something they can take. If we cut off their legs at the knee,
will it grow back shorter? Like a starfish?” They all stopped and stared at Bella, who looked
like she was actually thinking of testing out her theory.
Emily laughed. “Height isn’t the problem, Bella.”
“And I’d like to see you find a saw that can damage these babies,” Embry slapped his legs.
“Did they have to come?” Bella asked Emily plaintively.
The older girl patted her head sympathetically. “I know they attract a lot of attention,
but trust me, you can’t estimate their sizes without them.”
“To be fair, the only reason I’m here is because of you, Bells.” Jake said, “I still had a good
two pairs left.”
She turned to scowl at him. “Do not blame your ineptitude with a washing machine on me.
Having a girlfriend does not equate to having a maid.”
“Wow. You really hate shopping, don’t you, Bella?” Quill glanced at a toy store. “Hey, Legos!”
Just like that the four were completely entranced.
The picture they made, crouching
around the plastic table, four broad shouldered figures fighting over little plastic blocks.
“Children. All of them.” Emily shook her head. “Sam, Jared and Paul weren’t nearly this
difficult. Leah went to get herself clothes before she ran out.”
“You so lose 10 years for this,” Bella told Jacob.
A good twenty minutes (six houses, a boat, and something that looked like a dog) and a
lot of whining for more time later, they were back to walking through the mall.
“Emily,” Embry began.
“No,” She replied, recognizing the tone.
“But I’m hungry. I missed breakfast.”
“You had breakfast at my house, you filthy liar.” Bella said.
“Actually, I could go for a pizza,” Quill said, wandering towards the kiosk.
“Ooh, and there’s ice cream over there.” Seth piped excitedly.
Jacob dutifully stayed with her (though he did look longingly at the ice cream stand)
and Embry followed Quill.
“I know those three don’t have any money,” Bella said, having seen Emily put what
they had in her purse.
“Haven’t you learned by now, Bells? With werewolf charm, the world is our fried oyster.”
They watched as Seth flirted with the girl behind the counter, and got himself a free
chocolate swirl (and a phone number no doubt) while Quill and Embry sat with a
group of college girls who were only too happy to share their six boxes with them.
“So this really is an all day event,” Bella mused.
“Not usually, but I knew these guys would be like this, so I thought it best to have you
clear you schedule.” Emily said, sitting down at an empty table, waiting. “Thank you for
coming with though, Bella. I don’t think I could have come this far into this building without
you.”
It was a full hour before they were finally in Big & Tall, the only store in the whole state
that carried their sizes.
“And now the real work begins,” Emily announced.
She pasted on a bright smile to the haggard looking sales’ lady. “Mrs. Greengrass,
good to see you again.”
The woman openly scowled at her. “Ms. Young, the last time you were here with bull sized
men, I lost half my inventory and several pieces of furniture were destroyed. Now, the only
reason I haven’t pressed charges or have you banned from my store is because when
you’re on your own you more than make up for the lost inventory in one stop, but I have a
heart condition, Ms. Young, I cannot endure another primary fitting.”
“Well, that’s why I brought back up today.” Emily grabbed Bella’s arm and pulled her
forward. “This is Bella Swan. She’s the police chief’s daughter in Forks. The tall one is her
boyfriend,” She nodded toward Jacob, “and the youngest one is going to be her
step brother.” She smiled at Seth.
“And the other two?”
“They know to behave themselves if they don’t want to starve.” Emily said brightly, but
Quil and Embry both paled. They knew she was serious.
She stared at the four of them one by one, as if committing their faces to memory,
then down at Bella, frowning doubtfully. “You have two hours, Ms. Young, no more.
If one stitch is ripped on anything,” She let that hang and then went back to the counter.
Bella let out a nervous laugh, “Okay, well she wasn’t very scary.”
Jacob scoffed, “Sure, compared to a vampire or maybe a dragon.”
Emily whipped her head around at them, “Two hours. Pants, shirts, socks and boxers.”
She scanned the room. “Do not try anything on without showing me first. Bella, you got
Jacob and Quil. Seth and Embry, come with me.”
Before they started moving she narrowed their eyes at them, “Remember, I have access
to many embarrassing picture of four little wolves running around in dresses and I would
hate for it to accidentally show up online or your school paper. Are we clear?”
They all gulped and nodded.
It wasn’t so bad from there. Aside from Jacob insisting on showing her how his new
underwear fit, or trying to pull her into the changing room every other second, it wasn’t as
difficult as it could have been.
What bothered her was the two blondes that couldn’t seem to move without bump
rubbing themselves against Jacob.
Growling, she pushed him into one of the loveseats outside the fitting room, straddle him
and slammed her mouth against his. She pulled back when he moaned, and turned her
head to the frozen blondes. Mine, her eyes said, back off.
By the time they were all done and scrunched up in Emily’s hummer, she had a royal
headache. She vowed to never set foot in a mall again, least of all with a half naked
werewolf.
“I hate shopping.”
The End