(no subject)
None of you understand, do you? It feels like a battle against good and evil. This reeks of injustice. I can't stop this feeling. I want it to go away. I don't want to carry this with me forever.
But part of me knows I will. It's gotten so bad that even hearing the name sets my teeth on edge and fills me with rage. For either of them really. They're part of a past I want gone. I don't want to remember.
When I supported you in your pain, I never thought I would expect the same from you.
I guess I do.
So what will you do? Play the diplomat? Sometimes you can't just stay in the gray area. I used to think the world was filled with gray. There was no good and bad. But there IS, god damnit.
You. Can't. Fucking. Ignore. It.
I don't need people in my life who won't support me. I will not play the part of the single pillar. I'm starting to crack and it seems its come to this.
Do you think forgiving and forgetting will make this feeling go away? It won't. This feels almost archaic. I feel like two ideals from different ages are clashing in my head. "Move on and forget, live your life the way society dictates" vs. "Seek JUSTICE."
I know I'll never feel satisfied until I have. You may say, "Karma will take care of it." But you don't believe in karma, do you? What are you trying to do? Placate me?
Meanwhile you smile at them and act like it never happened. You befriend them and when they cry to you and say, "I never meant to..." you tell them it's OK.
IT HAPPENED AND THEY ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE. Do not ignore this injustice for the sake of your COMFORT.
What sort of person are you that you can just lay there and let it pass. You're a weak person and a weak friend. Stand up for me as I've stood up for you.
This isn't over. The feeling will come back. I'll tell you it's ok and act like I'm over it, but inside my blood is boiling and my teeth are grinding and that animalistic rage is tearing at my gut. It will be back whenever I hear their name, or see their faces.
I know you won't do anything. Ignore this, as you've ignored my feelings. I don't care anymore. Don't expect me to do anything when next you feel hurt or scared.
But part of me knows I will. It's gotten so bad that even hearing the name sets my teeth on edge and fills me with rage. For either of them really. They're part of a past I want gone. I don't want to remember.
When I supported you in your pain, I never thought I would expect the same from you.
I guess I do.
So what will you do? Play the diplomat? Sometimes you can't just stay in the gray area. I used to think the world was filled with gray. There was no good and bad. But there IS, god damnit.
You. Can't. Fucking. Ignore. It.
I don't need people in my life who won't support me. I will not play the part of the single pillar. I'm starting to crack and it seems its come to this.
Do you think forgiving and forgetting will make this feeling go away? It won't. This feels almost archaic. I feel like two ideals from different ages are clashing in my head. "Move on and forget, live your life the way society dictates" vs. "Seek JUSTICE."
I know I'll never feel satisfied until I have. You may say, "Karma will take care of it." But you don't believe in karma, do you? What are you trying to do? Placate me?
Meanwhile you smile at them and act like it never happened. You befriend them and when they cry to you and say, "I never meant to..." you tell them it's OK.
IT HAPPENED AND THEY ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE. Do not ignore this injustice for the sake of your COMFORT.
What sort of person are you that you can just lay there and let it pass. You're a weak person and a weak friend. Stand up for me as I've stood up for you.
This isn't over. The feeling will come back. I'll tell you it's ok and act like I'm over it, but inside my blood is boiling and my teeth are grinding and that animalistic rage is tearing at my gut. It will be back whenever I hear their name, or see their faces.
I know you won't do anything. Ignore this, as you've ignored my feelings. I don't care anymore. Don't expect me to do anything when next you feel hurt or scared.