Worth The Wait: Chapter Four
As with most mornings, Jensen found himself awake before his alarm was due to go off. And normally that was a thing he prided himself on. A simple joy that he took pleasure in, which got him up and going. But today, as with the last couple of days, he didn’t move a muscle. Just glared down the time before cancelling the alarm and turning it away. He was tempted to just go back to sleep, but it had been hard enough trying to get to sleep the night before. And at any rate, there was too much daylight seeping in through the curtains for sleep to be possible.
He wasn’t going to get up. He didn’t have any classes to get to, it being a Friday and all, but he probably would have skipped them anyway even if he had. He’d missed a few already. Had only gone to one or two he absolutely couldn’t afford to miss. But other than that he’d only left his room for coffee runs. Hadn’t even really turned his phone back on either, except to check to see if his mom had text him. He didn’t need her worrying about him on top of everything else. And he didn’t need her contacting Chris either.
Jensen wasn’t ready to see Chris yet. He was both certain and uncertain about what Chris might have to say, but Jensen couldn’t take a defence of Chad’s actions. Chris would want him to be all “mature” and “rational”. Whatever that meant. Not seeing the jerk that stabbed you in the back made perfect sense to Jensen. What was immature and irrational about that? Lines had been blurred and crossed and redefined before. But this?
He had to get out. He was in need of another caffeine fix anyway. And he couldn't bear another minute more staring at his ceiling. He pulled on his jeans, a fresh t-shirt, a hoodie and some sneakers and he was out the door. Arms hugged to himself. There wasn’t really too much foot traffic at that time of day which made it easier to keep his gaze below chest level. He watched his feet as he moved, getting lost in the rhythm of his stride. He almost walked right into, “Jared?”
Jared took a half step back to give them more space, hands in his pockets, small smile on his lips, “Hi Jensen.”
“Hey.”
“It’s good to see you, man.”
“Yeah,” fuck, if he could have smacked himself in the face, “I mean, you too.”
Jared just continued to smile, “You heading in?” he asked with a nod to the coffee shop.
Jensen nodded and Jared went first, held the door for him, “Thanks.”
The cinnamon hit them the second they were inside, Jared inhaled deep, eyes closed, “God I love that smell.”
Jensen snorted, “You sound like a kid in a candy house,” he could just picture it, like Hansel and Gretel, minus the wicked witch, “You’d just scarf the whole damn thing wouldn’t you?”
Jared shrugged with a laugh, “Well you know, no power in the verse and all that,” and he winked.
Firefly references always scored points, but still, “Hmm,” Jensen said with a down turn of his lips, as Jared placed their order.
“What?”
“Well, I dunno if Felicia or Addy would agree with you on that,” he said with a cock of his brow.
Jared laughed and his bangs fell across his eyes, “Probably not. But that’s part of their charm.”
“Gotta agree with you there,” each of the girls had admirable traits; they knew who they were and they made no apologies. Jared too.
“Next time we have a game night, you should definitely come over. You still owe Cindy a rematch.”
“She’s still kinda pissed, huh?”
Jared nodded, “Little bit yeah.”
“Well I don’t know about tonight,” Jensen crossed his arms as he picked up his coffee, holding the cup at his elbow, he didn’t feel quite up to hanging out in such big numbers, “But maybe some time after break?”
“Sure,” Jared smiled picking up his own drink and led the way over to a table, “You going home for Thanksgiving?”
Jensen nodded, letting his cheeks puff out as he exhaled. Home. His family. He was supposed to be flying out with Chris and Chad, “That’s the plan.”
“Me too. I can’t wait to get home to all that food,” and at Jensen’s look added, “And my family of course.”
“Of course. Food before family. Your mom-”
“Would kill me. But, dude, it’s so worth it. You have to let me tell you…”
And Jensen did let Jared tell him all about the Padalecki Thanksgiving Feast right down to the last side dish. It felt good just to listen and to not have to really think about anything but what Jared was saying and just offer up a comment or two here and there, let Jared do the talking. Jensen drank his coffee and ended up staying for a second cup.
Jensen was in his mom’s kitchen drying and putting away the dishes that Chris had been washing. It was their first night back home and his mom probably would have let them get away with not helping out, but they had both insisted. And maybe Jensen had been putting off being absolutely alone with his best friend. There had of course been the drive to the airport that morning, but it had been too early to start in on anything and Chris had seemed to agree. And once they were actually at the airport it was much too public. Then they were home and swarmed by family. But things were winding down for the day and of course his mom had to go and ask that question.
“So where’s Chad?”
Guilt clenched in his gut when he didn’t know the answer, but he wasn’t going to care. He shrugged almost imperceptibly, his eyes briefly meeting with Chris’s. Chris had the intel, “He went to his dad’s. Said he wanted to spend some time with him.”
Jensen’s mom frowned and Jensen bit his lip. That didn’t sound like Chad at all. Given the choice he would much rather spend such occasions either with the Kane or Ackles family. Not that Chad didn’t love his dad, or his mom. But they didn’t exactly have the greatest sense of family and Chad had never not spent Thanksgiving with Jensen and Chris.
But whatever. Chad should have thought about that before he decided to humiliate Jensen on a national scale. Though thankfully it seemed no one in his immediate family had seen it. Could just be biding their time of course. Avoiding Josh was pretty much a solid plan for any family get-together. He liked to be an ass when he had a captive audience.
So when they finally got to Jensen’s room, door closed behind them, there really was no more running from it.
"Is this how it's going to be?"
Didn’t mean Jensen had to make it easy. "What?"
"This?” Chris threw up his hands, “Is this it? Coming up for two decades of friendship and we're just not going to talk about it?"
Jensen shrugged, keeping his eyes down until he looked at Chris, "What do you want me to say?"
And their eyes locked. Chris measuring him up, he was sure, to weigh the bullshit, "I know you're pissed-"
And Jensen was done with sentences that started with how he was supposed to feel, "Yeah I am. And if it was as simple as that then I-" Jensen shook his head. It was unquantifiable. They may not have been blood, but he had always considered them to be brothers, and he just couldn’t wrap his head around how someone so close could hurt him so profoundly.
It didn’t even bear thinking of what Chad would do with the new information he’d received, fuck, "I told him."
Jensen knew that Chris probably already knew that, there was no way Chad wouldn’t have taken it to Chris. But Jensen hadn't really fully allowed himself to think about it, he still didn’t think he could, but he’d needed to say it.
"What does that mean for you?" is what Chris asked, ever the diplomat.
Jensen shrugged, "Does it have to mean something?"
Chris shrugged right back with a shake of his head, "That's up to you, man."
"Is it? Apparently some people seem to think they need to make decisions for me."
"He wouldn't...” Chris took a breath. “Not with this."
"He told you," Jensen shot back.
"That's not the same and you know it,” Chris said, voice level.
"Yeah well,” Jensen found his gaze sweeping the floor once again, to hell with reason, “Slippery slope."
Chris scrubbed his hand down over his mouth, "He didn't do it to hurt you."
"Maybe not. But that's beside the point."
"What is the point?"
"I can't trust him.”
"Have you ever really tried?"
Jensen scoffed.
And he would have argued but Chris didn’t let him start, "Don’t. You need to give him a chance,” and Chris huffed a little, “I mean you of all people know there's a lot more to him than what he lets surface. And you know how you feel when other people make that assumption and just dismiss him. So are you really going to let yourself be that guy?"
Fuck if Chris didn’t know exactly what to say to make him feel like absolute shit. And fuck of course he didn’t. But he still didn’t know what Chris wanted him to say, “I don’t know how to make this right.”
“You won’t. Until you talk to him. You owe him that at least.”
“What if he doesn’t want to talk?”
They shared a look.
Apparently that was one question that Chris didn’t have the answer for either.
Jared was out on the back porch of the Harris home. He, Genevieve and Danneel had returned home sans Adrianne who had decided to spend Thanksgiving with her girlfriend. Their families had long shared their get-togethers to keep their children happy and the Palickis weren’t too happy about their daughter not joining them. Danneel had been giving them the skinny on Felicia and the rest of their new friends, so Jared had decided to slip out for a moment while everyone’s attention was diverted.
He must have zoned out or something though because he nearly jumped out of his skin when he received the nudge to his side from Genevieve, "There's unattended, uneaten pie sitting on the kitchen counter and you're out here all on your own doing what?"
He’d known of course that any alone time would be short lived and while he hadn’t quite expected Genevieve he wasn’t exactly surprised either that she was the one to find him, but still, "Did Danni send you?"
Genevieve pinned him with one of her more deadly looks, "Have you ever known Danni to need a messenger?” and she arched her brow at him, “And I am nobody's messenger girl."
Jared huffed a laugh, truer words and all that, “So what are you after?” escape probably most likely. She didn’t like being made a fuss of, especially not when the conversation turned to relationships or lack thereof. Ah parents.
She shrugged, "Well I don't know if you've noticed but you're kinda freakishly tall and I need something from the top shelf," lips tugged up in a smirk.
Jared scoffed, "Freakishly?"
"I stand by that."
"Yeah we'll see who has the last laugh, Cortese, next time we're in a crowd and you can't see. You just lost piggy back privileges."
“Pfft,” she said with a quick jab of her knuckles to his arm, “You’d huff for like two seconds and then you’d cave. You’re a softie, Padalecki. Always have been.”
“Okay, first off: Ow!” Jared said with a pout as he rubbed his arm where she’d hit him, “I swear you have Adamantium bones. And secondly, you’re not the only vertically challenged one in our group anymore, so…”
“You just keep talking, Stretch, and I’ll give you a vertical challenge,” and she shoved him playfully, shaking her head.
“Bring it, Pint-size,” he said fondly, lightly bumping his fist into her shoulder and a quiet fell between them.
The silence drew Jared’s eyes back down to his cell in his other hand. He swiped his thumb back and forth across the screen almost absently, actively resisting the urge to check it again.
“So are you going to actually tell me? Or-”
“He hasn’t text me.” That was a loaded answer if there ever was one, but he hadn’t meant it to be.
“What, and you can’t text him?”
“He said he’d text when he landed,” and Jared didn’t want to seem clingy or too overly concerned, but really he’d be just as miffed if it was Genevieve or Danneel or any of his other girls who hadn’t kept him updated.
“He’s probably too zombie-brained. Flights do take it out of you. And if his family is anything like yours he probably hasn’t had a minute.”
True. And Jared knew it was kind of crazy. That there were probably perfectly good explanations as to why he hadn’t.
But, “Hey, your folks are just as happy to see you.”
“Sure. But they’re not Pada-happy.”
“Whatever that means,” he grumped a little. Genevieve’s family was kind of quiet and her mom was every bit the tomboy she had wanted her daughter to be and her dad was one of those real men don’t show emotions kind of dads. Jared knew that his family could be a little enthusiastic. That’s just how they were. But enthusiasm wasn’t the only measure of love.
“Not to be a total bitch here, but you do remember he’s not actually your boyfriend?”
And there it was.
“I know.” God did he know. And he was dealing. Mostly. They had been texting pretty much non-stop since their first encounter after the letter, but he couldn’t really call it flirting, “I know.”
“So how about you and me head back inside. Grab the pie and make a run for Danni’s bedroom?”
“Devious. I like it,” he said with a thoughtful nod and a grin.
Later that night when he was turning in for bed, a good couple of hours earlier than his usual, he got a text from Jensen.
Hey. Sorry man. Home safe. Think I need to sleep for like a decade. -J
As good as it had been to get away from the incident and the looks that followed it. Jensen was glad to be back at school. There was just the matter of taking that step back into the paper. He hadn’t been too sure on what to expect. Desk poaching wasn’t uncommon. It was the nature of journalism. But miraculously Jensen’s desk was as he left it. Seemed he had a new neighbour though. Danneel smiled as he approached, “My desk, is still my desk?”
“Yep,” she nodded as she got to her feet.
“How did you-?” he started indicating between the two desks.
“I had to kill a guy.”
Jensen nodded, lips curved down as he tapped his chin with his finger, and then he nodded a fair enough, “Jared help get rid of the body?”
Danneel gave a well you know kind of shrug, “He knows what’s good for him,” and they shared a grin.
Jensen took a sweeping glance round the room, to Danneel’s old desk and the person now sitting there, and to her new one right across from his, “You moved.”
“Well hey, every Lois worthy of her salt needs a Clark Kent right?”
Jensen smiled, he knew what she meant, but still Clark Kent, the mild-mannered klutz with glasses, “Did you just call me a dork?”
“But only to your face. And what are you talking about? Superman isn’t a dork.”
“You didn’t call me Superman.”
“I call you Superman you might start wearing blue tights with red underpants over the top, which I feel would be mildly to moderately disturbing.”
“Good thing there’s no phone booth in here.”
“Hey what you get up to in your free time is none of my business.”
Jensen sighed, “Spandex: so underappreciated.”
Danneel covered her ears, “La la la, not listening.”
They’d been back for a week and a half when Jensen came to the decision that he needed to stop being a little bitch about the whole thing and actually be the mature young adult he claimed to be. He’d had more than enough time to think about it and Chris was right and he was done pretending that he wasn’t. He had to talk to Chad. He’d started tapping out a text to him about a half dozen times but what could he really say via text that wouldn’t sound flat? Hollow? Stupid? It was the kind of conversation that required being face to face. Jensen did owe him that.
Jensen scrubbed his hand down his face and then slid his fingers across his mouth with one final steadying breath before he knocked on Chad’s door.
“What?!” came the gruff response.
“It’s me. Think you could maybe open the door so we can talk?”
Nothing. Jensen sighed and was about to knock again when the door opened. Chad didn’t say anything. Didn’t look at him either. Just leaned into the door.
“Can I come in?”
Chad just shrugged and Jensen entered the room after a brief pause.
He was just taking a moment to collect his thoughts, he hadn’t been able to come up with one good way of starting this conversation. But apparently it was a moment too long in Chad’s book, “Right well, just say what you came here to say and then you can be on your way.”
“What?”
“I just want it over with.”
“You want what over with?”
“Well, you came here to tell me you never want to see my face again right, so…”and Chad rolled his hands in a get on with it kind of way.
“If I didn’t want to see your face, then why would I come here?”
Chad shrugged.
“Shit, Chad. I came here to apologise.”
“For what?”
“For what I said. Or didn’t say. I should have-”
“I don’t know. Maybe you were right. I was pretty one-track about it.”
“And now?”
“I’m sorry for pushing that on you. That’s just my way. It’s me. But…”
“But what?”
“But it’s not. Me, I mean. I just-” Chad shrugged again. It had been his coping mechanism.
Jensen figured Chad didn’t have the words for now, but when he did Jensen would be there to listen, “Yeah. I get you.”
“So does that mean-”
“We’re good?”
“Yeah.”
Jensen nodded his agreement, “Then we’re good,” and he held out his hand for Chad to shake, and they shared a bro hug, thump to the back included.
It was Cocktail Night with the girls. Jared was buzzed. And very pleasantly so. He’d been up dancing with Cindy and Adrianne, but they needed to rehydrate? Re-lubricate? Jared snorted at himself. Yeah neither of those sounded right. But whatever meant more booze he was all for that. Anyway. He’d kind of collapsed down next to Amy when they got back to their corner, slinging his arm across her shoulders he pulled her in tight. She and Genevieve had been holding the fort. Unattended seats would be swarmed and taken over.
Felicia and Danneel had been on mission to get more drinks. And they’d kind of timed it perfectly, arriving almost simultaneously.
“Flix,” Danneel pouted a little, “you have to teach me some computer science words so that I can talk to Misha.”
Felicia set down her tray of drinks and then threw up her hands, “What like you want to RAM his hard drive?” which had Jared and all the rest of the girls giggling.
Danneel was not amused, “Felicia!”
Felicia frowned, “Wait…you want him to RAM your hard drive..?”
“Stop saying hard drive!”
“Well what are you asking me for? I’ve never flirted with a guy. Don’t boys like dirty innuendos?”
“Misha isn’t just some boy. He’s smart and sophisticated. A man. So how would he find me saying something like that sexy?”
Felicia gave Danneel a pointed look before directing said look down to Danneel’s breasts, which Danneel promptly crossed her arms over with an, “Ugh.”
Felicia tipped her head back on a sigh, “He likes yoga.”
“What?”
“Yoga. He likes it.”
“How do you know?”
“Well I’ve definitely seen him carrying a yoga mat to and from class a bunch of times.”
Adrianne shook her head, “Danni, babe, you just need to be you. He’ll forget what a computer even is.”
Which got an “Exactly,” from Genevieve and a, “She’s right,” from Cindy.
“He will!” Amy kind of blurted, “You’re beautiful, Danni, and so wicked smart and funny, and I fully support you in your endeavour to go after a real man. Because boys are stupid. Screw them and that stupid third date rule bullshit.”
“Here, here,” Jared piped up, apparently sweet Matt wasn’t so sweet after all, so much as he was an insensitive jerk. He’d gone off on one when Amy had told him she wanted to break things off. They hadn’t even been serious. Jared wanted to wring his neck. But he would settle for comforting his friend. “And to Danni,” he said as he raised his glass, “For saving me, once again, from the most tragically dull first date to ever ever,” and he downed the rest of his French martini. “You’re the bestest friend I could ever have,” she would always be his first call.
“Love you too, Jare,” Danneel smiled.
“I do love you. I love all my ladies,” and he gave Amy an extra squeeze, “you know what, Amy, I’ll be your boyfriend. And then we’ll never be bored or jerk-faced. Though I don’t think we have the right amount of boobs.”
Amy glanced down at her own boobs for a moment and then back up into Jared’s face, “Or penises.”
“Or penises!” Jared said maybe a little too loudly, “Good point.”
Cindy pushed her hand back through her hair and she sat forward, more serious-like, “Is it penises? Or is it penisi?”
And they all erupted into laughter, alcohol spraying everywhere and Jared buried his face in Amy’s shoulder. He’d definitely needed that.
When Jared woke up the following morning the only thing he knew was that he needed coffee. And lots of it. He was totally still half asleep but he had shit to get done that day on top of the actually going to classes. So he needed to be alert. Hence coffee.
And the real stuff like Jensen liked. Not his usual. Though he didn’t think he would be able to part with the sugar or cream. Regular black coffee was just too strong all on its own. But maybe coffee wasn’t the only thing his brain was seeking.
He hadn’t even really been paying that much attention to where he was walking, his feet knew where to take him, and his heart jolted a little when he bumped right into Chris who easily steadied him.
“You okay there?” Chris asked with a tinge of amusement, and of course Jensen was with him.
It really should be illegal for Jensen to look that hot so early in the morning. And that smile of Jensen’s still made Jared feel weak in the knees, “What? Yeah. I’m good,” his body was most definitely awake now, but his brain was still playing a bit of catch up, “I’m good.”
Jensen and Chris both snorted at that, “Just severely under-caffeinated?” Jensen suggested with a smirk.
“Still doing better than you pre-coffee. I mean at least he can still use words. And vaguely sentence-like even.”
Jensen flipped Chris off but Chris just ignored it turning his attention back to Jared, “Anyway, I thought sugar was your poison of choice?”
“Well yeah,” Jared couldn’t deny that, hell he’d just been thinking it, “but I think I need something a little sturdier right now.”
Jensen smiled right at him again. Maybe Jared needed a shot of espresso. He let the guys go in first and Jared got his white coffee and a bacon sandwich and they sat down together. Chris pulled out his phone and Jared did the same, but Jensen had a book with him which he only opened up after taking that first sip of his coffee. Jared stretched his arms out and up on a yawn before taking a sip of his own, and immediately grabbed another couple of packets of sugar from the middle of the table.
This was one time where Jared could really appreciate that Jensen and Chris weren’t exactly what you’d call morning people; they liked their quiet. And Jared kind of liked it too. The uninterrupted minutes of getting to just watch Jensen exist without it making things weird or uncomfortable. But it made his heart ache.
Now arguably Jensen was more put together than Jared was right now, but his hair was still a little sleep rumpled, sticking up every which way in places, the spikes looking softer sans product, not that Jensen used a lot, but he liked to keep it tidy. Jared wanted to run his fingers through it. Or bury his nose in the crook of Jensen’s neck. Map out the freckles on his forearm. Jensen gave him one of those devastatingly beautiful smiles of his when he glanced up from his book and Jared was powerless to do anything but smile back.
Jared had the number of some guy from his night out with the girls still in his pocket. There had been more dancing and even more drinks and he’d met him when it had been his turn to buy. There had been flirting and Jared might have flirted back a little. He was probably going to give him a call. Well maybe. He hadn’t made up his mind yet. There were still things to weigh up and consider. He’d liked him well enough, sure, but there was still something not quite.
Jared blinked when Jensen got up, the action snapping him out of his whatever. Jensen was getting a second cup of coffee. Jeez. How long had he zoned out?
Chris leaned in as soon as his best friend was out of earshot, “Don’t give up on him.”
“What?”
Chris sighed scratching the back of his neck, “Look I know it’s not easy. Waiting sucks, man. But please. Just don’t give up on him just yet.”
“What are you. Why are. Did he say something?”
“Not in so many words. But he likes you, Jared. I know it.”
That weird feeling settled in his chest again. Jensen wanting him. That’s what Jared wanted more than anything. He was weary of getting his hopes up too high, but at the same time he knew that Chris wouldn’t have said anything if he wasn’t certain it would come to something. Jared didn’t get a chance to say anything else on it though because it was then that Jensen returned to the table. Maybe Jared needed to re-think his approach.
Over the next few days Jared and Jensen had spent significantly more time in each other’s company at Jared’s orchestration mostly, though Jensen had extended a few invitations of his own in reciprocation. Jared had reached the conclusion that time and space apart wasn’t doing them any favours. So they would meet up for coffee and breakfast, for lunch, after classes and in between, and if hanging out ran over into dinner? Jared wasn’t hearing any complaints.
So it really shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Jared when Jensen wanted to spend his Sunday with him. Sure Jensen hadn’t exactly phrased it like that. But it didn’t make him any less excited about it. He’d even stayed at his own dorm for once so that they could start the day sooner; reduce any waiting around. They ended up just going on a wander round the town. But it was great getting to just talk and at length about anything and everything.
And naturally sports came up, “What?!” Jensen said kind of loudly, and he shook his head in disbelief, “You’ve got to be kidding me. Cowboys all the way man. How did I not know this about you? You seemed so normal.”
Jared scoffed at that, followed rather swiftly by a confused laugh as Jensen grabbed his wrist to raise his arm, and gave him a once over, before letting Jared’s arm drop back to his side, “What are you doing?”
“Looking for any visible indicators of your insanity.”
“What, like this?” and Jared kind of spun around arms flailing into the start of some crazy gesture when he dropped his ice cream that they had literally just got moments before at Jared’s insistence.
Jensen snickered a little but then sucked in his lips to try and cover and he placed his hand over his mouth to hold it in.
Jared pouted, he’d barely even touched it. And he was staring down at the smooshy melty carnage when Jensen’s fully intact ice cream dropped into his eye line.
“Here,” Jensen said softly, “You can have mine.”
When Jared looked up it was almost as if everything shifted into slow motion, the way their eyes met and the way they were pulled together as if by an external force, and Jared really just couldn’t fight it.
He kissed him.
And he knew he felt Jensen kissing him back, just like he felt the second that he pulled away. Jared had barely opened his eyes when Jensen just turned and fled. His chest tightened. His heart sunk. He looked down at Jensen’s ice cream in his hand. He didn’t know what to do with it. But he wasn’t going to eat it, that was for sure.
CHAPTER FIVE AND EPILOGUE