"WTF Wedne... no, wait, Fail but it's promised week 69 w/ a side of sex, so you'll forgive me" week

[the_perkygoff]

That's Fail with a capital "F!!" ( ﾟ ヮﾟ)

Yeah, so, right. I don't think I've been quite this late in quite some time, and for that, I apoli-gizzle. It's made even more epic by the fact that I had all the links (sans one, that I got tonight) ready to go for this week for literally weeks now. I blame some extremeee jet-lag from my trip this past week to Colorado, not to mention the extremeee backlog of messages and e-mails I came back to, not to mention the extremeee final paperwork from school this fall. ._. Anyway, enough of that. As promised, here is week 69 where all of the links have to do with sex in some way, shape, or form. Ironically enough, most of these are fairly work (and brain.... well, mostly brain) safe, showing that I must be getting soft in my old age.

Next Wednesday, for week 70, I'll be having another special themed week, made especially for all those students graduating this year.

Let's begin:

So... how about a $2000 vibrator? I don't know what's worse... the studded diamonds, the fact that it's meant to be worn around because of the studded diamonds, the fucking guitar pick, or the fact that this is a promotional goodie for Eurythmics star Dave Stewart.

Okay, here's one of those NSFW links, but hiiilarious: Boobs, and ten ways to have fun with them. I've actually seen at least half on other countdowns on various other sites, so don't be too surprised if there isn't a lot of "new" to you internet trollers.

Alright, I don't like to typically post websites and say "GO LOOK AT EVERYTHING HERE" (I'd rather pick out some of the best) but no really: Cake Wrecks is one of the best. It's a photo compilation of some of the worst cakes ever created. Many of these are just odd, or weird, or fantastical, but there it certainly has it's share of NSFW "and what were you thinking?" sorts of cakes (really just to name a few). In general, I highly recommend the "creepy cakes" section of the website (this and these are some cakes that don't necessarily fit the theme this week, but are amongst my favorites from the last couple weeks).

Originally from CNN, but they fail and take their links down: studies show that watermelon may increase your sex drive. Okay, fine, it may be stretching things a bit but the logic is there.

Shit like this intrigues and petrifies me: "Sex chip" being developed by scientists. "A research survey conducted by Morten Kringelbach, senior fellow at Oxford University's department of psychiatry, found the orbitofrontal cortex could be a 'new stimulation target' to help people suffering from anhedonia, an inability to experience pleasure from such activities. His findings are reported in the Nature Reviews Neuroscience journal." Why so scary? Wait until there's the first person who manages to hack the chip... which could be wildly amusing, in retrospect.

This was one of those links that when I came to it, I seriously had to glance up at my address bar and wonder how I wandered into this corner of the internet. Unfortunately, it's been so long now that I really couldn't tell you. The Midwest Teen Sex Show is really just that: a video community focusing on teen sexuality. Before you go thinking this is something underage, it's really more of a combination of comedy sketch and pure frankness that's genuinely trying to teach people the variations in sexual lifestyle, from prom night to condoms to boobs to the video I originally found and lawled over, fetishes. But really, watch and and all of them. They've all got that element of wonderful deadpan humor. This is one of those links that should really be mostly work-safe, but it can get kinda raunchy.

Epic article title could not be ignored: real dragon ladies fake death to avoid sex. Ahahah.

National Sex Offender Website, anyone? Type in your address and be prepared to get freaked the fuck out. Yaaaay.

OH. OH HAY. HAY. WAT. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS IN HEALTH CLASS, EH? Childbirth can cause orgasms. I mean, it makes sense as to how it might happen, but seriously. This was news to me when I first read it.

Oh hoooo-ray! Male teacher caught leering at girls while using homemade sex device... in his car. Seriously couldn't keep it in his pants until he got home, I see. He gets a D for being a pedo but an A in ingenuity.

I fucking LOL'd: ladies, what would you do with a penis for a day? The forum conversation had me rolling and the subsequent comments on the entry are just as great. (Less funny, but points for doing the flipside is what would dudes do with a vagina for a day.)

So a man in Michigan has been charged for 90 days in jail for having sex with a car vacuum... meh. Why the hell not? Seems I've posted a half dozen other odd objects that penors have been stuck into over the course of the last year. I assume the punishment was as high as it was, because it was a car wash vacuum, and therefore done in public. Yet another case of not being able to wait until one gets home.

Peen bling, anyone? At least it's not a Prince Albert but it's still NSFW.

15 of the most bizarre animal mating rituals, from snail donkey punching to penis fencing to snake orgy "mating balls." This list excludes the creativity of humans, of course, which I think we can be grateful for.

...but never fear! The same website (oh Cracked, you're good to me) had the great internet porn-off, which is a lot less perverted than it sounds. Basically, it was a challenge: ask 100 volunteers to try to quit porn. From there, it was just the matter to see how long they could go without going in search of photographic nakedness, either on the web or on their hard drives or at the back of their closet shelf. And voila, the results can be read at the link above, as well as some more background on the experiment.

Umm, hay. Wow. NSFW. And it's a commercial selling err... something. But research shows that this is trying to sell something. And boobies. And lots of boobies. (Okay, I lie. I do know: it's for washing machines. But rilly now: boobies.) I'm a little shocked for having watched this one myself but completely ridiculous and completely European... not to mention that I have Philly D to blame.

It was only a matter of time before they made a vibrator that could be recharged from a USB port.

5 ridiculous, safe-for-work fetishes. But, of course, if you were looking to claw your eyes out, there's also 18 of the world's most disturbing sex toys instead (and oh so very NSFW).

And no one's safe... here's six of the raunchiest and depraved sex acts... from the bible. These are mostly either filled with a) incest and/or b) the LORD smiting down someone for a poor job done. Talk about performance anxiety.

This title wiiiins: 73-year-old porn star bedazzles Japan's aged. Of course this comes straight out of Japan! "From women in their 20's to their 70's, Tokuda romances them all (sometimes more than one at a time). Tokuda is a genuine leading man in the genre of elderly porn, starring in more than 200 adult videos. Tokuda (that's his porn name) is so successful, he is a brand. 'I retired and didn't have anything to do,' says Tokuda, a former 9 to 5 travel agent. 'This is my second life. I don't know how long I can keep living, but I want to enjoy the rest of it.'" You go, uh, dude.

OH HAY, I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY SOME PEOPLE MIGHT BE A LITTLE WEIRDED OUT BY THIS ONE, NO SIR: Cadaver sex exhibition in germany is criticized. Interestingly enough, the man responsible for it, one Gunther von Hagens, is the same man who invented the technique of plasination and is the developer of the Body Worlds exhibit I got to see in Baltimore last summer.

To end is the article I literally got today, so hooray for being so late: China sex theme park comes to abrupt end. Again: can't imagine why.