Worst Day Of My Life
As I type this, my hands are literally numb and nerves are reacting slower then usual. Damn.
It all started with an argument today with Ashley. We had an afterschool activity with Debate where she was my partner, and had been conjuring up every excuse in the book over the last couple days to get out of it. It was a huge grade and her responsibility - I took it as an evalutation of how responsible she really was, she took it as whatever.
After a day of being ridiculous, she wound up staying, I wound up having an attitude. I refused her a ride home with my mom until the last second. She called her house, and since her mom couldn't take her, she asked the number of a family friend. Might I add he's a known rapist, thats tried to get with her with his little daughter in the backseat.
The pain of knowing your girlfriend is about to be raped is comparable knowing your little sibling is about to be kidnapped - I cried the whole way home, a 15 minute drive.
I implored she not go with him over the phone. She got rude with me, until I got my mom on the phone, who scared her out of it. She wound up getting a ride from one of the office secretaries. When I called to make sure she'd give her a ride, she talked to me like I was crazy when I said a rapist was on the way to pick her up. People are so fucking dense.
At the school she told me she hated me. At home - she attempted to kill herself. Admittedly bleeding, she called me and verbalized her will. That I shouldn't be afraid of moving on, and please tell her mom she's sorry for all she's done.
I cried like I've never cried in my life. My mom & I called 911, walked Jessica over to the neighbors house, and drove to Ashley's. That 10-minute drive was an emotional breakdown.
We got there, and she walked out the house - alive. She wouldn't let me see her wrists, but claimed she was fine. The cop had checked them and called her mother. Her brother & BJ were home, watching me from the doorway. BJ laughing with his unemployed/weed-infested self, her crack-dealing brother just gazing at me. In sweatpants, at 4:00 in the afternoon. She questioned why I was there, and twisted her ring. She'd tried giving it back to me once already - that time I asked for it. My mom was uneasy about the two men staring us down, so she called me back to the car, and Ashley went back inside. She wouldn't tell me the truth.
I came back, and she was on the phone. Still not opening up, saying she wished I was there. I told her - when I was, she made nothing of it. Her mother had left a voice-mail to my mom, saying to call her and tell her what happened.
She did, on speaker-phone. Her mom said, "Well, I don't think Ashley would actually do something like that, but I appreciate your effort. I think its just something with Jonothan and her." I snapped.
"FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH! SHE'S TRIED BEFORE! SHE'S FUCKING TRIED BEFORE, YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR OWN DAUGHTER YOU BLACK-ASS MOTHERFUCKER! I'VE TALKED TO HER OUT OF IT BEFORE YOU MOTHERFUCKER, FUCK YOU ALL!"
I saw my dad, held his shoulder with one arm, and punched his with the other.
"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FOR BRINGING ME, YOU FUCKING FAILURE!"
Crying, my mom said she told her mother that she'd tried before. I said I was leaving.
I was gone over an hour, walking. Pouring rain, muddy Earth floor, dodging roadkill and cars. I got to a train-track and decided it wasn't worth dying.
My dad picked me up in his car. Handed me the cell phone, and said Ashley wanted to talk to me. She could barely breath from the pain of not being with me. I told her everything. I told her she was beautiful, she was sweet, nice, and had the potential to be a female Martin Luther King. I made her promise she'd never do drugs again, date another thug, hurt herself, kill herself, or do anything illegal/immoral for her money. Sincerely, she promised. She begged to be back with me, and said this would never happen again. I told her I loved her & she was a great person, but had heard that before. She told me I was free in this World now, and to know she'll always love me.
Now she's leaving Fredericksburg - going off to live with her crack-addicted, sex-offending father. I begged her not to go - she told me the only way that'd happen is if I got back with her. I couldn't.
She might be raped by her own father tonight, assuming the drugged driver doesn't crash on the 45 minute drive.
The school counselor will be told all this tomorrow. It pains me to no end to say this - but its no longer in my hands.
I'll be afraid to ever commit again.