Shit's Like A Chapter Book
Chapter One: Things I've Said A Million Times, But Will Repeat Cause Its A New Day
This morning I woke up completely fed-up with all the events yesterday. Going through all that mental stress, for what was most likely nothing. The lies, even if they were semi-good-natured, (she thought it was positive but still lied by saying it really was,) all seemed like too much to handle.
I was fixed on breaking up with her, and we almost did seperate until we both came to our senses. Honestly, as said 10,000 and a half times - I've got no one else here. It's one thing to feel like that in a town where you know everybody, but another to know that in a town where you know nobody. Calling up some friends that treat me better to chill instead just isn't possible. And when she puts down her front, she's the sweetest girl in the World.
Chapter Two: Picking Her Up, And Thoughts On Virginia's White Population
My mom was supposed to pick her up at 1:30 - (Ashley basically never has a ride because her mom's more retarded then Special Ed) - but after shopping with my aunt for five years, they came back with around 4:30-5. We held each other, reconciled some of the more ridiculous issues, and made love. Ya diggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg?
6:00 we went to some gay-ass downtown event. Think Saybrook Stroll with five times the people, music, and events. But the people was basically just the crackity-cracker percentage of the town (there's a difference between us white people and crackity-crackers,) the music was crackity-cracker music, and the events were like...waiting an hour in line to ride a horse, or get your face painted. And it was COLD. We ate at Sammy T's though. Crab cake sandwiches are actually so deliscious.
Chapter Three: Almost Getting Caught...BALLINNNNNN
We came back for the last couple hours of 2007. Basically just the normal things, but I have to include this story - it was so memorably embarassing.
So things were good, I made sincere promises to chill my anger, she made some promises, things were nice, the mood was right, we start to get into a little somethin. I need say no more about that, but just as shit was bouncing and getting climatic - I feel her push me off like someones about to come in. Thank God we were wearing pajama bottoms - I bounce to the edge of the beat, pull them up at least over me, and sit at the edge of my bed, breathing heavy. My shirt/hoodie were still on, thankfully. It was my mom, with a burning sage plant, lol. Apparently it was some corny-ass New Years tradition a friend had turned her onto -but that was the scariest shit. If she'd pushed me off two seconds later...if the TV would have been two notches louder...my own mother would have witnessed something she should never see.
I feel a little embarassed at my own actions, but at the same time - she needs to grant a little more privacy. I'll admit we get a lot, but closing the door would make moments like that a lot easier. I understand I'm her son, but I'm also 10 months away from being 18 years old. A young man. The fuck can she do about time? Growing up. It was bound to come, and its actually amazing I waited this long.
She was cool about it though. Ashley said I made it obvious with the breathing, but no direct comments were made by her. I just pray nothing changes as far as us being allowed in my room. It's one of those things she can't stop, but can make a lot harder if she chooses. Please no.
Chapter Four: Counting Down Without Dick Clark
In less R-rated news, the actual countdown was beautiful. She asked me if I'd stay with her through 2008 - I said "yes", and we fell back into 'We Celebrate' by Ghostface - the perfect New Years song in my opinion. Shit was movie-esque.
Afterwards, she experienced some back pain, and passed out a couple times in my closet, trying to change her pants. I was in there with her to catch her, Thank God, but that was scary. With all these symptoms its still highly likely she's pregnant. We get the official news either Tuesday or Wednesday from the doctor's results. If she is, no way am I leaving this girl alone with my baby. If she's not, I still don't plan on leaving her, but a change must come.
Chapter Five: I'm Human (Unlike Oprah)
A change must come from me too, which I've got to accept. Yes she does a ton of shit, but replying to her lies by accusing her of acting like a bitch will never help. This new and out of impatience, but excuses are excuses. Hell, there's been some really bad days. I've screamed into the phone, I've cut myself, I threw my phone, I even had to send in for a new phone, because she drove me to cracking it in half when she was flirting with another guy online. She thought it was testing his intentions but - fuck men around here.
Chapter Six: Overly-Bitter Women Have A Point
I kind of understand the bitterness most women have, especially concerning sex & fear of trust. I heard the stories in Old Saybrook, but never saw it so lived out until I moved here. I personally could never base a relationship out of feeling physically intimate from time to time, but half these guys don't even want relationships. Just fucking and leaving. Who am I to point the finger at people like Ashley for succumbing to what they want a few times? They're animalistic, pressuring, and often turn to rapists if they're rejected enough. I'd be covering my area too, lol. Instead, I have to apologize for them and assure that I'm nothing like that. I feel the same way about being white, historically, aha.
Chapter Seven: I Write Too Much
Real talk aside, everything's looking basically okay, and I look forward to doing some good things in '08. This test needs to come back ASAP so I can focus my mind on anything else though, and I need to re-adjust my sleep scheduale to waking up in the AM.
And Until Next Time . . .
Ya Diggggggggg?