Re-Cap...Ya Diggggg?
Last Thursday
Woke up about 7, and by 9 we were off to Old Saybrook. Basically just spent the day in the car, highlighted by occasional calls to Ashley while my dad was in the car, getting my copies of American Gangster (Jay-Z) and Big Doe Rehab (Ghostface.)
Thursday night, Ashley's jealousy started up all over again, and I tried to tell her I can't take anymore. With legs bleeding, she said she can't live without me. We basically never split up.
Friday
Met up with Liv outside the school in the morning, and was immediatly found/hugged by Cynthia and a few other people once we got inside. Honestly it was the best day. Even in the classes that seemed to go on for a minute - I felt so welcomed by everybody. Like I was back home, and the past six months was just a detour.
Friday afternoon I went downtown with Liv, Whitney, and John Facey (who I've basically never talked to before then.) We just chilled, and I was reminded how unbelievably cold snow is. Ya digggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg?
At night I went to Cynthia's house, then we were going from there to the dance. Sarah Sweeney, Sofia, and other people I'm forgetting were also there getting ready, so it took about an hour for them to decide on dresses. The actual dance was pretty gangsta though. I did a song, and seeing everybody I didn't see earlier that day was nice.
Saturday
Woke up and called Ashley, soon after getting a text from Liv, saying go to Whitneys at 11:30. We watched hilarious blaxploitation/Dennis Rodman movies, realized Jack's mother is actually a white redneck woman, and then Kati picked me up.
Kati & I eventually picked up Jess, and it was back to the hilarious shit we used to always do when we hung out. I put on a three-foot-tall sumbraro, she gave me crutches to walk with, and we went to Cucko's Nest, lol. We picked up Kati's boyfriend/fiancee and went back to her house, watched Pocket Ninjas (or as much as a person can stand...about 10 minutes) and prank-called for about an hour. Went home and talked to Ashley.
Sunday
Woke up, talked to Ashley, and basically avoided helping my dad around the house. It was a combination of not wanting to get in the way, and just generally being lazy. I helped pack up the car though, we stopped at Cynthia's because she wanted to say goodbye, and we were out.
Got back around 10:30, tired and not liking where I was.
Monday
Basically a normal/boring day at Massaponax. Work at night, where we played Uno to kill the last hour.
Tuesday
A re-run...until I got this poem from Ashley. We'd talked about this before, and a letter accompanied it, but, oh lord. It took me by the happiest suprise I could possibly imagine . . .
I love you so much - you mean the World to me
If you don't believe me - one day you'll see
I never thought I'd love someone so much
I long, feel, and wait for your touch
Your my first, my present my future, not my past
And I'm damn sure I wanna make you my last
You're sweet, gentle, and very kind
That's why you always stay on my mind
And I swear to you I will keep my promises
I want you so much, you're all I need
And you're so much better than speed or weed
You're everything I want, I couldn't ask for more
Even on the special days you make me sore
You're amazing to me, you'll never get old
So what color ring do you want, silver or gold?
...We're engaged. Hold up on the "you're growing up too fast and have your whole life, this is a mistake" comments for a minute. I finished the day in possibly the greatest mood I've felt in 2007. She's getting an apartment in-town once she turns 18, and I can legally move in a month later, when I turn 18 in October. With work and dedication, shit could be so perfect.
Wednesday (Today)
The best, passionately fucking it up with the worst. I walked around basically smiling non-stop. We worked together in Science, and I showered her in compliments and 'I love you's. I was so happy. She was too. She takes this as an oppurtunity to ask about how I'll react when she wants to go to clubs or road trips with her 'girlfriends.'
I was absolutely shocked, and offended. How the fuck am I supposed to approve of an ex-cocaine addict with alcoholic family going to the clubs? Road trips? "Cabins for the weekend"? Somebody's been watching too many Hollywood drug movies. I lost it.
After class, I tried to kiss her by the stairs. She refrained, cause Jessie (the bitch that ate her pussy out freshman year,) was walking by. I got so offended - I nearly raced down the stairs, saying, "it's over, it's over, it's over, it's OVER." She ran up to me . . .
"Really?
"Yeah."
"Okay."
In complete pain, I got through history. I saw her in debate and couldn't help but ask how she wasn't hurt. We exchanged notes for a while...she wouldn't get back with me, and insulted me. I felt complete lonliness wash over me. The feeling of literally having no one on Earth that gives a shit whether or not oxygen is coming out your nose, and having just fucked up what I believe is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I wanted to die. In detail, I told her I was going to kill myself afterschool. She begged to get back with me...I walked away holding in tears.
...Apparently those notes weren't thrown away properly. The teacher found them, gave them to the guidance counselor, who called my mom and read them. My mom left work early to make sure I wasn't dying, and my dad came in after. I told them it was not even like that, and its just something I wrote in the heat of anger two or three weeks ago. They bought it.
Ashley & I are back together and strong, but I've been basically unable to talk without crying since I got home. We exchanged some mean words when we first spoke...which scared the shit out of me. I'm petrified she'll leave me, or hang up the phone. She's petrified I'll leave her, and can't even eat. She called me from dinner to let me know that she loves me. The warm feeling that'd usually leave though is completely clouded with dispair, regret, feeling like the biggest fuck-up in the World. How was I about to ruin shit with the most prescious person I hold in my life? And dangle the past it hurt for her to tell me right over her head?
She felt she hurt me today, and "punished" herself by making 7 gashes down her leg. I feel so bad. She's getting psychiatric help and all...she suggests I do the same. I love her so much, and this probably sounds all crazy to basically anyone reading it.
God-damn it's been a long day. My mom needs to take two steps back, Ashley needs to hold me tight, and I need to stop writing before peoples friends pages are just a big page of this shit. Sorry.
And Until Next Time . . .
The New Wu-Tang Album Bangs About As Hard As An Old, Decripit Buddhist Monk
Woke up about 7, and by 9 we were off to Old Saybrook. Basically just spent the day in the car, highlighted by occasional calls to Ashley while my dad was in the car, getting my copies of American Gangster (Jay-Z) and Big Doe Rehab (Ghostface.)
Thursday night, Ashley's jealousy started up all over again, and I tried to tell her I can't take anymore. With legs bleeding, she said she can't live without me. We basically never split up.
Friday
Met up with Liv outside the school in the morning, and was immediatly found/hugged by Cynthia and a few other people once we got inside. Honestly it was the best day. Even in the classes that seemed to go on for a minute - I felt so welcomed by everybody. Like I was back home, and the past six months was just a detour.
Friday afternoon I went downtown with Liv, Whitney, and John Facey (who I've basically never talked to before then.) We just chilled, and I was reminded how unbelievably cold snow is. Ya digggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg?
At night I went to Cynthia's house, then we were going from there to the dance. Sarah Sweeney, Sofia, and other people I'm forgetting were also there getting ready, so it took about an hour for them to decide on dresses. The actual dance was pretty gangsta though. I did a song, and seeing everybody I didn't see earlier that day was nice.
Saturday
Woke up and called Ashley, soon after getting a text from Liv, saying go to Whitneys at 11:30. We watched hilarious blaxploitation/Dennis Rodman movies, realized Jack's mother is actually a white redneck woman, and then Kati picked me up.
Kati & I eventually picked up Jess, and it was back to the hilarious shit we used to always do when we hung out. I put on a three-foot-tall sumbraro, she gave me crutches to walk with, and we went to Cucko's Nest, lol. We picked up Kati's boyfriend/fiancee and went back to her house, watched Pocket Ninjas (or as much as a person can stand...about 10 minutes) and prank-called for about an hour. Went home and talked to Ashley.
Sunday
Woke up, talked to Ashley, and basically avoided helping my dad around the house. It was a combination of not wanting to get in the way, and just generally being lazy. I helped pack up the car though, we stopped at Cynthia's because she wanted to say goodbye, and we were out.
Got back around 10:30, tired and not liking where I was.
Monday
Basically a normal/boring day at Massaponax. Work at night, where we played Uno to kill the last hour.
Tuesday
A re-run...until I got this poem from Ashley. We'd talked about this before, and a letter accompanied it, but, oh lord. It took me by the happiest suprise I could possibly imagine . . .
I love you so much - you mean the World to me
If you don't believe me - one day you'll see
I never thought I'd love someone so much
I long, feel, and wait for your touch
Your my first, my present my future, not my past
And I'm damn sure I wanna make you my last
You're sweet, gentle, and very kind
That's why you always stay on my mind
And I swear to you I will keep my promises
I want you so much, you're all I need
And you're so much better than speed or weed
You're everything I want, I couldn't ask for more
Even on the special days you make me sore
You're amazing to me, you'll never get old
So what color ring do you want, silver or gold?
...We're engaged. Hold up on the "you're growing up too fast and have your whole life, this is a mistake" comments for a minute. I finished the day in possibly the greatest mood I've felt in 2007. She's getting an apartment in-town once she turns 18, and I can legally move in a month later, when I turn 18 in October. With work and dedication, shit could be so perfect.
Wednesday (Today)
The best, passionately fucking it up with the worst. I walked around basically smiling non-stop. We worked together in Science, and I showered her in compliments and 'I love you's. I was so happy. She was too. She takes this as an oppurtunity to ask about how I'll react when she wants to go to clubs or road trips with her 'girlfriends.'
I was absolutely shocked, and offended. How the fuck am I supposed to approve of an ex-cocaine addict with alcoholic family going to the clubs? Road trips? "Cabins for the weekend"? Somebody's been watching too many Hollywood drug movies. I lost it.
After class, I tried to kiss her by the stairs. She refrained, cause Jessie (the bitch that ate her pussy out freshman year,) was walking by. I got so offended - I nearly raced down the stairs, saying, "it's over, it's over, it's over, it's OVER." She ran up to me . . .
"Really?
"Yeah."
"Okay."
In complete pain, I got through history. I saw her in debate and couldn't help but ask how she wasn't hurt. We exchanged notes for a while...she wouldn't get back with me, and insulted me. I felt complete lonliness wash over me. The feeling of literally having no one on Earth that gives a shit whether or not oxygen is coming out your nose, and having just fucked up what I believe is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I wanted to die. In detail, I told her I was going to kill myself afterschool. She begged to get back with me...I walked away holding in tears.
...Apparently those notes weren't thrown away properly. The teacher found them, gave them to the guidance counselor, who called my mom and read them. My mom left work early to make sure I wasn't dying, and my dad came in after. I told them it was not even like that, and its just something I wrote in the heat of anger two or three weeks ago. They bought it.
Ashley & I are back together and strong, but I've been basically unable to talk without crying since I got home. We exchanged some mean words when we first spoke...which scared the shit out of me. I'm petrified she'll leave me, or hang up the phone. She's petrified I'll leave her, and can't even eat. She called me from dinner to let me know that she loves me. The warm feeling that'd usually leave though is completely clouded with dispair, regret, feeling like the biggest fuck-up in the World. How was I about to ruin shit with the most prescious person I hold in my life? And dangle the past it hurt for her to tell me right over her head?
She felt she hurt me today, and "punished" herself by making 7 gashes down her leg. I feel so bad. She's getting psychiatric help and all...she suggests I do the same. I love her so much, and this probably sounds all crazy to basically anyone reading it.
God-damn it's been a long day. My mom needs to take two steps back, Ashley needs to hold me tight, and I need to stop writing before peoples friends pages are just a big page of this shit. Sorry.
And Until Next Time . . .
The New Wu-Tang Album Bangs About As Hard As An Old, Decripit Buddhist Monk