Like the old days, only better
This is the first time in a month that I've had two days off in a row. I'm really enjoying it. I'm sitting around in my pajamas and watching some tv. I've got some cartoons to draw, some cards to make, and I've volunteered to make a database of facts about the Psych characters from season 4. I'm quite excited.
I've got two social events I'll be attending this evening. It'll be a tight squeeze, and there will be a mad Planes Trains and Automobiles-style dash from one party to the next, but I'm determined.
It's been nine years since I was in Nova Scotia. I used to say "since I was home," but don't anymore, which shows you how long it's been. I've been anxious about the trip, fearful that I'll be walking into the fiasco that was Christmas 2001. One of the reasons I started this livejournal was because things were so stressful back then.
Seven reasons this trip will be different than The Christmas Fiasco
I never got to know Dad's family as well as I should have and I regret that. Part of it was that we lived far away. Part of it was that I grew up being so jealous of their cool city life. It's hard to make friends with people when you're jealous of them. And part of it was picking up the vibe from Dad's issues with his siblings. The family had some significant fractures along various status lines of class, race, and legitimacy. I should have known better than to just take it all at face value. Growing up, my aunt Shauna was my favourite relative. I could relate to her responsibility and her work ethic. She always seemed to be busy. Plus, the woman had a black-belt in Karate. How freakin' cool is that? I'd be willing to bet money that she thinks I don't even like her. Facebook informs me that she has a kid I've never met. I feel bad that I've let things slide so far.
My brother, John, always seemed to get along well with Dad's family. Hell, he gets along well with everyone. Much of what I know about my own family came from listening to John talk about them. No word yet on whether or not he'll be able to come with me.
I've been getting along well with mom and I'm looking forward to seeing her home. In the past I think I was embarrassing for her to take places because I didn't know how to socialize. She'd bring me to visit a friend of hers and I'd sit there like a lump. Retail has certainly beaten that out of me. I'd recommend a decade of retail work to anyone shy and awkward. It worked for me.
I'm hopeful that I can make the most of the time I have this trip.
I've got two social events I'll be attending this evening. It'll be a tight squeeze, and there will be a mad Planes Trains and Automobiles-style dash from one party to the next, but I'm determined.
It's been nine years since I was in Nova Scotia. I used to say "since I was home," but don't anymore, which shows you how long it's been. I've been anxious about the trip, fearful that I'll be walking into the fiasco that was Christmas 2001. One of the reasons I started this livejournal was because things were so stressful back then.
Seven reasons this trip will be different than The Christmas Fiasco
- I'm a different person at 37 than I was at 28. I have an extra decades worth of confidence and social skills. I've achieved things with my school (trust me, I'm a doctor), and I have an awesome new job.
- I'm not as emotionally vulnerable as I used to be. I won't be going to my folks looking for reassurance, head-patting and approval. I already like me now. I'll be going there looking for some kind of friendship between adults.
- Dad's a different person. 56 and 65 are different places in a man's life. He's handled things post-divorce and he's got a new life with new friends.
- I'm not just dropping in after a ten year absence. We've been writing to one another and I spoke with him on the phone in 2009. It's been cordial. I'll call him on Monday to remind him that I'm coming, and gage his interest level.
- I'll also be visiting (if I can arrange it) with family members from the Robinson clan. I've been out of touch with them so long that I now have cousins and second cousins that I have never met. And they're in highschool now.
- I've realized that my shyness and fear of rejection came across as snotty stuck-up bitchiness. I was so paranoid abut people putting me down that I was an asshole too much of the time. I'm not like that anymore. Self-esteem can work wonders.
- I've become capable of having fun. I used to be all work and no play, and I think people found that off-putting. It stemmed from my embarrassment about my origins and my desperation to achieve something before I ran out of energy and ambition. Now I feel like I've reached a place where it's okay to rest, relax, and just have some damn fun. And that certainly makes it easier to socialize.
I never got to know Dad's family as well as I should have and I regret that. Part of it was that we lived far away. Part of it was that I grew up being so jealous of their cool city life. It's hard to make friends with people when you're jealous of them. And part of it was picking up the vibe from Dad's issues with his siblings. The family had some significant fractures along various status lines of class, race, and legitimacy. I should have known better than to just take it all at face value. Growing up, my aunt Shauna was my favourite relative. I could relate to her responsibility and her work ethic. She always seemed to be busy. Plus, the woman had a black-belt in Karate. How freakin' cool is that? I'd be willing to bet money that she thinks I don't even like her. Facebook informs me that she has a kid I've never met. I feel bad that I've let things slide so far.
My brother, John, always seemed to get along well with Dad's family. Hell, he gets along well with everyone. Much of what I know about my own family came from listening to John talk about them. No word yet on whether or not he'll be able to come with me.
I've been getting along well with mom and I'm looking forward to seeing her home. In the past I think I was embarrassing for her to take places because I didn't know how to socialize. She'd bring me to visit a friend of hers and I'd sit there like a lump. Retail has certainly beaten that out of me. I'd recommend a decade of retail work to anyone shy and awkward. It worked for me.
I'm hopeful that I can make the most of the time I have this trip.