5.17 - Out of Reach
Sunshine came back into my life at about the same time my summer fling prospects faded away. It's worth considering, though noting that I'm not more than superficially distraught by the whole thing.
It begins on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Shortly after eight AM. I run into Tiffany outside my Rhetoric and Comp class. She's always sitting in the hall, she doesn't like to be in the classroom when it's empty - or nearly empty. Sometimes she's in the thick of a group, sometimes she's solo. I was infatuated with her. But it wasn't a kneejerk attraction. I knew her before I met her. She emailed me after the first class, which she had to miss, and asked me to catch her up. Why she singled me out (and she did, I checked my email log and she only sent an email to me), I'll never know. When we met in person, I was friendly, but only just. As the hours and days went by, I began to notice her more and more. She had opinions - and what's more - she articulated them! I'm a sucker for a blonde with a brain. Soon, I saw that I looked at her longer than was necessary - held the gaze after she'd finished speaking. I saw she was having a similar experience. Sometimes I'd pan the room and catch her looking at me, which she'd break as soon as I noticed. I told Dixie and My Darling Girl that I thought it might be prudent to ask her out. Nothing serious - lunch or coffee or something. I haven't "asked out" a girl. Most of my past escapades have been with people I was already close to and in some routine interaction with which was primarily social. And on the day I worked up the courage to ask her, she dropped that she had a boyfriend. Bloody hell. Oh well.
But Tiffany was just the morning crush, 12:30 and philosophy rolls around and we have the afternoon heartthrob - Kyle. Kyle is avataric of other guys I've liked. Shaved head, stubble kept closely trimmed, great smile, tan, lean. Reminds me of Dom or Chad. Another intellectual heavyweight, he was the one who took on Joshua (professor, but you don't call him Dr., Mr., or Josh, it's Joshua - a moniker I respect, being particular for names and naming as I am). He and I had a few debates between us, sometimes falling down on the same side of a topic, but the discourse was great regardless. I soon noticed I was noticing him more and more. One day, while Joshua was recapping the sinewy course of our discussion, he mentioned "Arthur and Kyle" in some context and I had a flash daydream. I imagined not me, but other couples. Dick and Liz, Dixie and Vahid, some guys at the Death Star or Castle maybe, but people in private discussing plans and someone saying "We're going over to Arthur and Kyle's for a party" or "We're having dinner with Arthur and Kyle on Friday". I don't know what it is, but I imagine domestic life slightly more readily with a guy than I do a girl. I'm domestic in any case, but I like the idea of coming home to a guy - or having a guy come home to me. Problem is here that Kyle is straight, conservative, and in a relationship. Thank God for Facebook, it saved me needless pining.
My last source of summer fling prospect, or prospects, came idly from the Castle. Not that I have a particular attraction to any of the girls there (well, I do, but it's moot) - it's more the calibur of girl I'm attracted to. Sexy, social, independent of the college or Greek life. But hanging out at the Castle and the girls only reinforced the idea I've held to date. I could lose my virginity in a one night stand cheap hotel, but I don't see it happening that way. I'm a romantic at heart and it just about has to happen in the context of a relationship which exists for longer than one moon's arc across the sky.
I still listen to the "Boys of Summer" on sunset days when I'm driving away from Behrend. I like to imagine that there's a girl or guy somewhere who is moving in their own way toward me. I belt the lines "My love for you will still be strong after the boys of summer have gone." Tiffany, Kyle, the archetypal girl at the Castle - the trouble is I could see a rich, passionate summer fling, but that would be it. I couldn't have any of them for longer than that. So I wait. I acknowledge the passing of certain people with a tinge of remorse, but buck up and move on. Or at least I tell myself to and with the gravity of time pressing against it, I'll believe it before too long.
It begins on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Shortly after eight AM. I run into Tiffany outside my Rhetoric and Comp class. She's always sitting in the hall, she doesn't like to be in the classroom when it's empty - or nearly empty. Sometimes she's in the thick of a group, sometimes she's solo. I was infatuated with her. But it wasn't a kneejerk attraction. I knew her before I met her. She emailed me after the first class, which she had to miss, and asked me to catch her up. Why she singled me out (and she did, I checked my email log and she only sent an email to me), I'll never know. When we met in person, I was friendly, but only just. As the hours and days went by, I began to notice her more and more. She had opinions - and what's more - she articulated them! I'm a sucker for a blonde with a brain. Soon, I saw that I looked at her longer than was necessary - held the gaze after she'd finished speaking. I saw she was having a similar experience. Sometimes I'd pan the room and catch her looking at me, which she'd break as soon as I noticed. I told Dixie and My Darling Girl that I thought it might be prudent to ask her out. Nothing serious - lunch or coffee or something. I haven't "asked out" a girl. Most of my past escapades have been with people I was already close to and in some routine interaction with which was primarily social. And on the day I worked up the courage to ask her, she dropped that she had a boyfriend. Bloody hell. Oh well.
But Tiffany was just the morning crush, 12:30 and philosophy rolls around and we have the afternoon heartthrob - Kyle. Kyle is avataric of other guys I've liked. Shaved head, stubble kept closely trimmed, great smile, tan, lean. Reminds me of Dom or Chad. Another intellectual heavyweight, he was the one who took on Joshua (professor, but you don't call him Dr., Mr., or Josh, it's Joshua - a moniker I respect, being particular for names and naming as I am). He and I had a few debates between us, sometimes falling down on the same side of a topic, but the discourse was great regardless. I soon noticed I was noticing him more and more. One day, while Joshua was recapping the sinewy course of our discussion, he mentioned "Arthur and Kyle" in some context and I had a flash daydream. I imagined not me, but other couples. Dick and Liz, Dixie and Vahid, some guys at the Death Star or Castle maybe, but people in private discussing plans and someone saying "We're going over to Arthur and Kyle's for a party" or "We're having dinner with Arthur and Kyle on Friday". I don't know what it is, but I imagine domestic life slightly more readily with a guy than I do a girl. I'm domestic in any case, but I like the idea of coming home to a guy - or having a guy come home to me. Problem is here that Kyle is straight, conservative, and in a relationship. Thank God for Facebook, it saved me needless pining.
My last source of summer fling prospect, or prospects, came idly from the Castle. Not that I have a particular attraction to any of the girls there (well, I do, but it's moot) - it's more the calibur of girl I'm attracted to. Sexy, social, independent of the college or Greek life. But hanging out at the Castle and the girls only reinforced the idea I've held to date. I could lose my virginity in a one night stand cheap hotel, but I don't see it happening that way. I'm a romantic at heart and it just about has to happen in the context of a relationship which exists for longer than one moon's arc across the sky.
I still listen to the "Boys of Summer" on sunset days when I'm driving away from Behrend. I like to imagine that there's a girl or guy somewhere who is moving in their own way toward me. I belt the lines "My love for you will still be strong after the boys of summer have gone." Tiffany, Kyle, the archetypal girl at the Castle - the trouble is I could see a rich, passionate summer fling, but that would be it. I couldn't have any of them for longer than that. So I wait. I acknowledge the passing of certain people with a tinge of remorse, but buck up and move on. Or at least I tell myself to and with the gravity of time pressing against it, I'll believe it before too long.