(no subject)
[not filtered in the slightest]
Well well well! It must be my birthday. Either that or Mrs. Claus is looking for a little something extra in her stocking.
Whoever was so kind as to grace me with this offering, I should point out that as much as I appreciate it, there's really no need to be shy! Like a Mexican gardener, I tenderly care for any flower that springs up in my dirt patch, because I'll probably end up having to sell you to support myself. I'm very tolerant when it comes to looks, and I've always thought of personality as more of an optional thing. Whoever you are, just come see me in person- the Zapper is an equal-opportunity lover.
Except if you're a dude.
Anyway, despite that, I'll probably hang on to these anyway. It would be just plain rude of me to refuse such a heartfelt gift, and Captain Zapp Brannigan is the very pinacolada of male chivalry and manners.
...
*sniff*