Soundwave does not work that way.
Hello everyone! I've been reading this comm for a while now, but this is my first post here. I just couldn't let this monstrosity of a "fic" remain unsporked. The story is in bold.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6615628/1/The_music_that_plays
First off, this story apparently takes place on pre-war Cybertron in WFC continuity, not that this has any effect on the fic.
This story is all about one sadly screwed up child, his name was Soundwave. Soundwave had always had a certain attraction to an autobot, which Megatron would never allow. So, Soundwave never spoke of it. The man of his dreams was, Jazz. All of the fembots he met fell in love with him. Jazz was just too hot, and Soundwave could hardly bare it.
Aaaaaaagh. This is the very first paragraph of this fic, and it tells us exactly what we're in for in the rest of the fic. Grammar Nazi mode enact! First, let's look at the grammar: there shouldn't be a comma between "child" and "his", "So" and "Soundwave" or "was" and "Jazz", not to mention using "bare" instead of "bear". These all personally annoys me, but I can see how some of them were made. But I really don't see how you can excuse characterizing Soundwave as "a sadly screwed up child". I can sort of see the screwed up part, but in the sense that he won't pause in torture or murder, which isn't woobie-ish at all.
So, it was a normal day on Cybertron, before the war erupted, before there was autobots and decepticons. Soundwave was on his normal schedule of stalking Jazz.
LOLWUT. That second sentence is just so perfect. Every time I read it I giggle hysterically. (Also, this paragraph mentions Jazz flexing his huge muscles. In what world do robots have biceps?) Well, anyway, while he's out stalking Jazz, Soundwave notices Shockwave (apparently having taken a break from stalking Megatron) stalking Jazz too.
"Just who do you think you are?" Soundwave asked. Shockwave stared strangely at him for a moment. There was an awkward minute of silence…. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Soundwave finally broke the silence.
"Well, uh….. you gotta promise not to tell Megatron." Shockwave told him.
"Sure," Soundwave hurried. Shockwave grabbed his head and turned it down toward the weights.
"You see that bot on the weights, I think his name is….Jazz? Anyway I have a monster crush on him."
"YOU BITCH!" Soundwave yelled. Many bots looked at them.
"WHAT?" Shockwave whisper yelled at him, confused. "Did you just call me a bitch?"
THIS CHARACTERIZATION IS MAKING ME CRY.
Since I don't have any TF gifs, have some Blackadder instead.
BUT GAH. Where do I begin? Why are Shockwave and Soundwave talking like teenage girls? They're supposed to be the (admittedly future, at this point) most loyal officers to Megatron, so why, why, why are they acting this way? Also, what is a whisper yell? SO MANY QUESTIONS, SO LITTLE ANSWERS. But Soundwave yelling "BITCH!" is a funny mental image.
"Anyway stay off of my man, bub." Soundwave threatened.
AAGH AAAGH AAGH SOUNDWAVE DOES NOT TALK THAT WAY
"Yeah, now step off before I have my little squirrels from the hood come and shank you till you die!" Soundwave told him, and then walked away in a prissy fashion. Leaving Shockwave thinking what the hell.
Well, at least Shockwave is sane. Also "little squirrels from the hood" is the best description of the cassetes EVER.
since Soundwave has an obsession with Jazz that means his minions do too. So every now and then he would find Rumble "having his way" with a poster.
I . . . don't want to think about that.
So Soundwave gets up the courage to talk to Jazz:
"Look you guys I'm going to lock the door and all of you can take advantage of the posters, all right?" Soundwave told them. Rumble, Frenzy, and Ravage all nodded happily.
Down on the street… "Hey, what's your name?" Soundwave asked playing dumb.
"It's Jazz, how 'bout you?" Jazz said in a dreamy voice.
"Soundwave's the name and DJin's the game." Soundwave tried to act cool. "So how's life? Who are your friends?" Soundwave asked trying to make conversation, and finding out more about Jazz.
"Well, my life's been going good; I just got nominated for best body in Iacon." Jazz told him. Soundwave almost fainted when he heard this. "I guess my best friends are between Hotshot and Sideswipe." Jazz finished. Soundwave was thinking, Sideswipe is a young hottie, and Hotshot is also a very handsome robot. Gosh, hotness just surrounds this guy.
"So, who do you think is the hottest fembot?" Soundwave just had to know.
"Well, it's not really my place to say." Jazz said.
"Why not, because they dress funny? Or is it because they ARE dressed?" Soundwave taunted.
"No, it's because…I'm gay." Jazz finished as Soundwave's face lit up.
This fic is making me cry. It wouldn't be so bad if it was Shattered Glass, but it's meant to be WFC, which it looks NOTHING like! And that's not even starting on the whole "Jazz is gay" part. I'm of the opinion that Transformers are neither male nor female and so cannot be either straight or gay, but YMMV on that. But either way, this fic is terrible. Oh, and the best part? There are three more chapters and positive reviews.