hello lj world
One of my teachers suggested that I start a journal. I said, "Oh I journal all the time..." And then I realized that I don't anymore. So here I am, trying to start this up again. I doubt I will keep at it, but we'll see.
This year has been a strange one for me... Tumultuous, with lots of ups and downs. I've started questioning a lot of things and I have lost touch with some of my closest friends. Of course, my friends are the last people who would judge me, but I think I've remained pretty distant because I'm so confused, I'm pretty unhappy, and I don't want to disappoint anyone.
Essentially, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't know if I want to be a psychologist anymore. I don't know if it's worth going into debt $50,000 a year for 5 years, especially when I'm not sure I want to go this path. I'm exploring other options (any suggestions are welcome!). I guess... I was so sure since high school that I was going to be a psychologist that... it never really occurred to me to question that. And now that I see what it's really like, I don't know if it's right for me.
I'm trying out for American Idol this summer - I'm not kidding. I figure, it can't hurt, right? Right. Basically, music is what I'd ultimately really love to do. I started to pursue it as a freshman, and then I hated Opera and Mrs. Heller (yes, that was her name - I knew I should have been scared)... And it never occurred to me to continue my music degree at Tufts. I just gave it up, which is unfortunate considering that I can't very well go to graduate school for music when I have an undergrad degree in Psych. But anyway, that's one thing I'm looking at - trying to figure out how I could make it in the music world.
Other things I'm thinking about:
-Culinary school for Pastry and Baking... California Culinary Academy in SF has a great program. I want to open a bakery at some point in my life... Just thought it would be later...
-Masters in Counseling or a Masters in Education so that I could be a college counselor. I'm going to look more into this with my own college counselor when I go back to Exeter.
-A Masters or some sort of graduate degree in Child Development, since the one thing I really enjoyed this year was Child and Adolescent class...
-My brother thinks I should get an MBA... I'm not really sure what I'd do with this, but it's totally different than anything else I've done.
-I've thought about a career in HR. I'd be good at that and you can work your way up to making a lot of money... I don't think I'd really get fulfillment out of that, though.
-Masters in English and then probably teaching.... Although, I don't think I can live on a teacher's salary.
Yes, this is the problem. I want to have a fulfilling job AND make a lot of money so I can afford my four kids and hybrid cars and Disney vacations... bah! As Alex pointed out, "Mrs. Fields made BANK with her baked goods." haha. I don't think most bakers are that successful, however! College counseling, I think I'd really really enjoy and be good at and be happy with, but let's be real, even at Exeter these people don't make a lot of money and I'd have to work my way up to Exeter and the only way to make more money is to do private college counseling like Mariah had in New Canaan... but I'd have to live somewhere like New Canaan because until she mentioned it, I'd never heard of that. I could probably make money with an MBA, but would I be happy? Maybe if I was working for a non-profit or something.. I dunno. HR, I could make money, but no fulfillment. English.. ha. hahaha. Oh my. And then there's singing. If I win American Idol - well yes, I will make money AND be able to do what I love... If I don't - starving artist...
So I could just continue with my degree... Be unhappy for the next 3 years, not have a life, not have fun, not meet anyone to date/have a serious relationship with/marry... Then go off to internship, go off to post-doc... and maybe when I'm 30 start working a fairly low-level doctoral job and work my way up to maybe be able to open a private practice by the time I'm 37 or so and well MAYBE I will have paid off my student loans by the time my kids go to college. OH WAIT, I won't have kids because I never had time to meet anyone to marry. ahh... Yeah, I don't know.
Being an adult blows.
And THAT, my friends, is why I haven't updated because if you think all that is incoherent... Well, this is me after having struggled with it for the entire year and with it all sorted out.
Oh, but the few things I do like about my life:
-Living in the Bay Area... I never want to leave... well, I want to go back to Exeter eventually, but that's after I have kids, and we've already established that that might not happen.
-My adorable apartment.
-My AMAZING roommate.
-You think I'm going to say EP, but I'm not. EP got pretty miserable this quarter... HOWEVER, my very close friends from EP: Maggie, Alex, Irene and Jarreau, who have helped me in immeasurable ways this year. Especially Alex.. Ohh, Alex... He is a whole nother entry in and of itself. ;)
-Mariah is in SF, which is AMAZING. Always good to have one best friend nearby.
-Being independent from my parents... Okay, almost.. They still pay my cell phone cuz we are on a family plan and my car insurance, also on a family plan. But everything else.
Okay, I'm actually nodding off now... I need to do work, but alas, I am not motivated in the slightest bit.
Sorry that my one entry in months is confused and crazy... It's what I like to call my Quarterlife Crisis (Also a book, which I am reading now and I highly recommend to anyone struggling with these issues ( i.e., What am I doing with my life? How do I make the right decisions for my future? etc.).
This year has been a strange one for me... Tumultuous, with lots of ups and downs. I've started questioning a lot of things and I have lost touch with some of my closest friends. Of course, my friends are the last people who would judge me, but I think I've remained pretty distant because I'm so confused, I'm pretty unhappy, and I don't want to disappoint anyone.
Essentially, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't know if I want to be a psychologist anymore. I don't know if it's worth going into debt $50,000 a year for 5 years, especially when I'm not sure I want to go this path. I'm exploring other options (any suggestions are welcome!). I guess... I was so sure since high school that I was going to be a psychologist that... it never really occurred to me to question that. And now that I see what it's really like, I don't know if it's right for me.
I'm trying out for American Idol this summer - I'm not kidding. I figure, it can't hurt, right? Right. Basically, music is what I'd ultimately really love to do. I started to pursue it as a freshman, and then I hated Opera and Mrs. Heller (yes, that was her name - I knew I should have been scared)... And it never occurred to me to continue my music degree at Tufts. I just gave it up, which is unfortunate considering that I can't very well go to graduate school for music when I have an undergrad degree in Psych. But anyway, that's one thing I'm looking at - trying to figure out how I could make it in the music world.
Other things I'm thinking about:
-Culinary school for Pastry and Baking... California Culinary Academy in SF has a great program. I want to open a bakery at some point in my life... Just thought it would be later...
-Masters in Counseling or a Masters in Education so that I could be a college counselor. I'm going to look more into this with my own college counselor when I go back to Exeter.
-A Masters or some sort of graduate degree in Child Development, since the one thing I really enjoyed this year was Child and Adolescent class...
-My brother thinks I should get an MBA... I'm not really sure what I'd do with this, but it's totally different than anything else I've done.
-I've thought about a career in HR. I'd be good at that and you can work your way up to making a lot of money... I don't think I'd really get fulfillment out of that, though.
-Masters in English and then probably teaching.... Although, I don't think I can live on a teacher's salary.
Yes, this is the problem. I want to have a fulfilling job AND make a lot of money so I can afford my four kids and hybrid cars and Disney vacations... bah! As Alex pointed out, "Mrs. Fields made BANK with her baked goods." haha. I don't think most bakers are that successful, however! College counseling, I think I'd really really enjoy and be good at and be happy with, but let's be real, even at Exeter these people don't make a lot of money and I'd have to work my way up to Exeter and the only way to make more money is to do private college counseling like Mariah had in New Canaan... but I'd have to live somewhere like New Canaan because until she mentioned it, I'd never heard of that. I could probably make money with an MBA, but would I be happy? Maybe if I was working for a non-profit or something.. I dunno. HR, I could make money, but no fulfillment. English.. ha. hahaha. Oh my. And then there's singing. If I win American Idol - well yes, I will make money AND be able to do what I love... If I don't - starving artist...
So I could just continue with my degree... Be unhappy for the next 3 years, not have a life, not have fun, not meet anyone to date/have a serious relationship with/marry... Then go off to internship, go off to post-doc... and maybe when I'm 30 start working a fairly low-level doctoral job and work my way up to maybe be able to open a private practice by the time I'm 37 or so and well MAYBE I will have paid off my student loans by the time my kids go to college. OH WAIT, I won't have kids because I never had time to meet anyone to marry. ahh... Yeah, I don't know.
Being an adult blows.
And THAT, my friends, is why I haven't updated because if you think all that is incoherent... Well, this is me after having struggled with it for the entire year and with it all sorted out.
Oh, but the few things I do like about my life:
-Living in the Bay Area... I never want to leave... well, I want to go back to Exeter eventually, but that's after I have kids, and we've already established that that might not happen.
-My adorable apartment.
-My AMAZING roommate.
-You think I'm going to say EP, but I'm not. EP got pretty miserable this quarter... HOWEVER, my very close friends from EP: Maggie, Alex, Irene and Jarreau, who have helped me in immeasurable ways this year. Especially Alex.. Ohh, Alex... He is a whole nother entry in and of itself. ;)
-Mariah is in SF, which is AMAZING. Always good to have one best friend nearby.
-Being independent from my parents... Okay, almost.. They still pay my cell phone cuz we are on a family plan and my car insurance, also on a family plan. But everything else.
Okay, I'm actually nodding off now... I need to do work, but alas, I am not motivated in the slightest bit.
Sorry that my one entry in months is confused and crazy... It's what I like to call my Quarterlife Crisis (Also a book, which I am reading now and I highly recommend to anyone struggling with these issues ( i.e., What am I doing with my life? How do I make the right decisions for my future? etc.).