O.o
I'm a little late on the bandwagon, but I just had to post something about this: The Open Source Boob Project.
Why does this piss me off? Because I'm appalled that this shit is still allowed to go on at cons and there are still people out there who think it's okay. Even moreso, they get their women partners/friends involved and consider it's more okay because women are doing to too.
Bullshit...utter bullshit.
This is one of the reasons why I stopped going to cons. I've been to so many cons where I've had people grab me, grope me, give unwanted hugs, backrubs, kisses and even if I said no, they'd take it as a challenge, or do it anyway because they think hey, we're fans, we're all family here. (I even had an author guest of honour at one con hit on me once and was quite persistent, even after I said no and used every thing I could to get rid of the guy. Wanna know who "saved me"? Barbara Hambly...I kid you not. She knew how to handle this guy and finally convinced him there were more willing and enthusiastic women for him to get his jollies from and told him flat out that a no was a no, not a try harder...which makes Barbara Hambly the best person ever and will always be a favourite in my books.)
Now some group of bozos want to start a movement where wearing pins indicates what your preferences are? A green pin says yes, you can ask to touch my boobs and a red pin says no, you can't. Wait, why the need for a red pin at all? I thought a no pin of any sort would be a pretty damn clear indicator that no, you can't ask to touch my boobs. Then someone says, oh, but the red pin indicates you support the project, you just don't want to participate. WTF?
I won't even begin to try and understand that point of view. Hey, I support consenting adults agreeing to do whatever the hell they want with each other as long as no one ends up permanently damaged or dead, even if it's not my cup of tea, but I don't think I need to advertise this by wearing a red pin publically. I especially think some practices should be done where I have the option of not having to look at it. Group gropes are not on the list of things I want to see going on outside of a closed door or room party set up for such activity.
Another thing that bugs me...the initial concept involved several people, a group of close friends who thought it up and had their fun with each other with it, but then they accosted a pretty girl in a skimpy costume and asked if they could touch her boobs. She said sure and they all descended on her to cop their feels.
o.O Shit man, I've been that girl...in my younger days and it was awful and creepy and I hated it. Of course I said no, get the fuck away from me. Sometimes I wasn't even asked. One time I told one ass groper, after I screamed in a crowded elevator to leave my ass alone, that if he did it again, I'd make him a permanent part of a wall and then I was told off by another female fan that I didn't need to get violent about it. I sure did, this asshole had been grabbing my ass numerous times and no matter how much I complained, no matter how much I screamed, the con refused to do anything about it...so I decided to take matters into my own hands.
For some folks who are not quite understanding what I'm getting at:
Okay, you're walking down a hallway, minding your own business, dressed in an outfit that you pretty much had to tape to your body because you're at a con doing the CosPlay thing and it's just for fun and suddenly some chick walks up to you, tells you you're beautiful and asks to touch your boobs. This woman is flanked by about six or seven other people and they all want to touch your boobs too. Sure, there are several ways you can take this, including turning and running away screaming for help. You could let let them have their grope because you see a bunch of creepy people who were blocking your way and just figured if you gave them what they were asking for you'd get by them sooner or you were scared shitless that if you didn't let them, they'd do it anyway or worse, or you may honestly have thought it was flattering and wasn't too squiked out by the whole request.
Thing is, they haven't a clue what she was really thinking and they singled her out because she was attractive, and obviously wanting attention by her costume, not because the gropers asked her why she chose this particular costume, but because she was just wearing it. Hell, in my early con days I used to wear cutsey little costumes that were too short/revealing and yet I in no way wanted people to grope me even if they did ask. I wore the costume because it was cute, I had the body at the time to get away with it, not because I wanted fanboys or girls to accost me and assume I was wearing it so they could cop a feel or two.
So, while the OSBP people wail and complain people aren't getting it because it was amongst a select group of friends, it doesn't change that it didn't start out that way.
And the other thing that gets me, they came up with the pin idea to push this movement at a second con. According to the woman who handed out the pins, people came to her, she didn't go to them. Fine, that's great, but if this only started off with a teeny group of people, how did 40 or so pins get handed out? It means people had to know about it and how to you know about it? Someone tells you about it...and given a few con goers on various comments on other blogs that bring this up said they were asked if they'd like to participate and were shown the pins, this was not something that was a come to only. It was someone going out there and recruiting, so I call bullshit on that one.
Then there's the validation and boobie therapy points. These guys had women coming up to them ASKING them if their own boobs were nice enough to be touched, and, as if proclaiming from on high, theferret uses language befitting a Biblical text that makes him sound like, thanks to his god-like powers, he's able to make the woman feel like she was beautiful just by feeling her chest. She's asksing for validation, you boob ('scuse the pun) and you are a disgusting pig for taking advantage of someone's low self esteem. And I just love how he says that in being able to fondle women's breasts, he is cured of all his horrible highschool memories where he was denied boobie handling by those oh so mean highschool hotties (okay, sure I'm putting words in his mouth at that one, but it's implied if you ask me). Hell, when I was in highschool my first boyfriend came out of the closet when I was in grade 10 and I didn't get another date for the rest of my highschool years because the rumour was I turned straight guys gay. Not true, of course, but I got over it...actually, I got over it pretty quickly since in the end I decided I didn't need to date anyone who thought like that in the first place.
Probably saved me a lot of grief anyway.
But I digress.
Actually this only the tip of the iceberg of why this whole thing pisses me off and gets me going and it also is the tip of the iceberg of why I stopped going to cons. I've been way too polite in explaining to people why I stopped going, you know, same old, same old in the way of panels, too expensive and often having guests I'm not interested in seeing or I've no clue who they are, but honestly, this was one of the main reasons. Now, maybe at this point in my life, given my size and whatnot, no one would ever want to touch me, but I don't know...there's a lot of chubby chasers that go to cons and a lot of undiscriminating people. My bulk may not put anyone off. :P I could only hope in those circumstances, my personality would (hey, I don't think I'm unattractive, not in the least, and I'm a pretty nice person overall, but man, when I want a creep to stay away from me, I'd be hoping something about me would make them stay away, be it looks, personality, the fact that I bathe regularly or whathaveyou).
Still, I have a huge rack, and an ample bottom and I have met men who get very turned on by my figure so...still...not interested. Ew.
I just personally feel that NO woman should have to have this sort of nonsense shoved in her face. I don't care if theferret claims that man-boobs were also up for fondling as well as male bums. Dude, you didn't call this the Open Source Body Project, you called it the Open Source BOOB Project (although one could say Boob in this sense referrs to the idiocy of the originators of the thing, not the body part they were hoping to have open access too). Man boobs and men's bums are not the same as a woman's breasts, especially since folks seem to erroneously think that a woman's breasts are not an errogenous zone (and while a man's chest area is also an errogenous zone, it doesn't have the same view in society as a woman's chest...and even those men with boobs that can compete with mine are able to go round shirtless wherever they wish while, where I live, it's considered indecent and I could be charged under the law for exposing them outside of certain venues). And of course a man's testicles were off limits because it was too sexual. Given the wording of the post, the whole bloomin' thing was sexual in nature. That argument that a man's kiwis were too sexual doesn't wash, if you ask me.
And yes, theferret does a lot of backpedalling, damage control and his wife is posting everywhere being way too defensive about the whole thing. To me that doesn't take away the original post and I hope as hell this bozo is truly sincere in his apology, because to be honest, I don't think he is, this is just for show because he's gotten so much flack, and for once in my life I'd like to be wrong in something like this.
I haven't even touched on the subject of male privilege and patriarchal issues that come up with this post, and others do it much better than I could, I just had to get this off my chest...so to speak...especially given my own experiences at cons back in the 80's and early 90's.
Why does this piss me off? Because I'm appalled that this shit is still allowed to go on at cons and there are still people out there who think it's okay. Even moreso, they get their women partners/friends involved and consider it's more okay because women are doing to too.
Bullshit...utter bullshit.
This is one of the reasons why I stopped going to cons. I've been to so many cons where I've had people grab me, grope me, give unwanted hugs, backrubs, kisses and even if I said no, they'd take it as a challenge, or do it anyway because they think hey, we're fans, we're all family here. (I even had an author guest of honour at one con hit on me once and was quite persistent, even after I said no and used every thing I could to get rid of the guy. Wanna know who "saved me"? Barbara Hambly...I kid you not. She knew how to handle this guy and finally convinced him there were more willing and enthusiastic women for him to get his jollies from and told him flat out that a no was a no, not a try harder...which makes Barbara Hambly the best person ever and will always be a favourite in my books.)
Now some group of bozos want to start a movement where wearing pins indicates what your preferences are? A green pin says yes, you can ask to touch my boobs and a red pin says no, you can't. Wait, why the need for a red pin at all? I thought a no pin of any sort would be a pretty damn clear indicator that no, you can't ask to touch my boobs. Then someone says, oh, but the red pin indicates you support the project, you just don't want to participate. WTF?
I won't even begin to try and understand that point of view. Hey, I support consenting adults agreeing to do whatever the hell they want with each other as long as no one ends up permanently damaged or dead, even if it's not my cup of tea, but I don't think I need to advertise this by wearing a red pin publically. I especially think some practices should be done where I have the option of not having to look at it. Group gropes are not on the list of things I want to see going on outside of a closed door or room party set up for such activity.
Another thing that bugs me...the initial concept involved several people, a group of close friends who thought it up and had their fun with each other with it, but then they accosted a pretty girl in a skimpy costume and asked if they could touch her boobs. She said sure and they all descended on her to cop their feels.
o.O Shit man, I've been that girl...in my younger days and it was awful and creepy and I hated it. Of course I said no, get the fuck away from me. Sometimes I wasn't even asked. One time I told one ass groper, after I screamed in a crowded elevator to leave my ass alone, that if he did it again, I'd make him a permanent part of a wall and then I was told off by another female fan that I didn't need to get violent about it. I sure did, this asshole had been grabbing my ass numerous times and no matter how much I complained, no matter how much I screamed, the con refused to do anything about it...so I decided to take matters into my own hands.
For some folks who are not quite understanding what I'm getting at:
Okay, you're walking down a hallway, minding your own business, dressed in an outfit that you pretty much had to tape to your body because you're at a con doing the CosPlay thing and it's just for fun and suddenly some chick walks up to you, tells you you're beautiful and asks to touch your boobs. This woman is flanked by about six or seven other people and they all want to touch your boobs too. Sure, there are several ways you can take this, including turning and running away screaming for help. You could let let them have their grope because you see a bunch of creepy people who were blocking your way and just figured if you gave them what they were asking for you'd get by them sooner or you were scared shitless that if you didn't let them, they'd do it anyway or worse, or you may honestly have thought it was flattering and wasn't too squiked out by the whole request.
Thing is, they haven't a clue what she was really thinking and they singled her out because she was attractive, and obviously wanting attention by her costume, not because the gropers asked her why she chose this particular costume, but because she was just wearing it. Hell, in my early con days I used to wear cutsey little costumes that were too short/revealing and yet I in no way wanted people to grope me even if they did ask. I wore the costume because it was cute, I had the body at the time to get away with it, not because I wanted fanboys or girls to accost me and assume I was wearing it so they could cop a feel or two.
So, while the OSBP people wail and complain people aren't getting it because it was amongst a select group of friends, it doesn't change that it didn't start out that way.
And the other thing that gets me, they came up with the pin idea to push this movement at a second con. According to the woman who handed out the pins, people came to her, she didn't go to them. Fine, that's great, but if this only started off with a teeny group of people, how did 40 or so pins get handed out? It means people had to know about it and how to you know about it? Someone tells you about it...and given a few con goers on various comments on other blogs that bring this up said they were asked if they'd like to participate and were shown the pins, this was not something that was a come to only. It was someone going out there and recruiting, so I call bullshit on that one.
Then there's the validation and boobie therapy points. These guys had women coming up to them ASKING them if their own boobs were nice enough to be touched, and, as if proclaiming from on high, theferret uses language befitting a Biblical text that makes him sound like, thanks to his god-like powers, he's able to make the woman feel like she was beautiful just by feeling her chest. She's asksing for validation, you boob ('scuse the pun) and you are a disgusting pig for taking advantage of someone's low self esteem. And I just love how he says that in being able to fondle women's breasts, he is cured of all his horrible highschool memories where he was denied boobie handling by those oh so mean highschool hotties (okay, sure I'm putting words in his mouth at that one, but it's implied if you ask me). Hell, when I was in highschool my first boyfriend came out of the closet when I was in grade 10 and I didn't get another date for the rest of my highschool years because the rumour was I turned straight guys gay. Not true, of course, but I got over it...actually, I got over it pretty quickly since in the end I decided I didn't need to date anyone who thought like that in the first place.
Probably saved me a lot of grief anyway.
But I digress.
Actually this only the tip of the iceberg of why this whole thing pisses me off and gets me going and it also is the tip of the iceberg of why I stopped going to cons. I've been way too polite in explaining to people why I stopped going, you know, same old, same old in the way of panels, too expensive and often having guests I'm not interested in seeing or I've no clue who they are, but honestly, this was one of the main reasons. Now, maybe at this point in my life, given my size and whatnot, no one would ever want to touch me, but I don't know...there's a lot of chubby chasers that go to cons and a lot of undiscriminating people. My bulk may not put anyone off. :P I could only hope in those circumstances, my personality would (hey, I don't think I'm unattractive, not in the least, and I'm a pretty nice person overall, but man, when I want a creep to stay away from me, I'd be hoping something about me would make them stay away, be it looks, personality, the fact that I bathe regularly or whathaveyou).
Still, I have a huge rack, and an ample bottom and I have met men who get very turned on by my figure so...still...not interested. Ew.
I just personally feel that NO woman should have to have this sort of nonsense shoved in her face. I don't care if theferret claims that man-boobs were also up for fondling as well as male bums. Dude, you didn't call this the Open Source Body Project, you called it the Open Source BOOB Project (although one could say Boob in this sense referrs to the idiocy of the originators of the thing, not the body part they were hoping to have open access too). Man boobs and men's bums are not the same as a woman's breasts, especially since folks seem to erroneously think that a woman's breasts are not an errogenous zone (and while a man's chest area is also an errogenous zone, it doesn't have the same view in society as a woman's chest...and even those men with boobs that can compete with mine are able to go round shirtless wherever they wish while, where I live, it's considered indecent and I could be charged under the law for exposing them outside of certain venues). And of course a man's testicles were off limits because it was too sexual. Given the wording of the post, the whole bloomin' thing was sexual in nature. That argument that a man's kiwis were too sexual doesn't wash, if you ask me.
And yes, theferret does a lot of backpedalling, damage control and his wife is posting everywhere being way too defensive about the whole thing. To me that doesn't take away the original post and I hope as hell this bozo is truly sincere in his apology, because to be honest, I don't think he is, this is just for show because he's gotten so much flack, and for once in my life I'd like to be wrong in something like this.
I haven't even touched on the subject of male privilege and patriarchal issues that come up with this post, and others do it much better than I could, I just had to get this off my chest...so to speak...especially given my own experiences at cons back in the 80's and early 90's.