Two Posts from me in a week? Has Hell frozen over yet?
I've pretty much figured out who I am, for now at least. The question thet's been driving me absolutely batty is, "Where am I going?" Okay, so most of it is probably stress from going back to school and starting two upper-division courses with long papers (which I have a quite a phobia of, thanks to some of my high school teachers) but variations of that have been bugging me for the past year. Perhaps the better question would be, "What am I doing here right now?" I'm starting my third year of college with a hundred units to earn before I graduate, and my GPA is so bad I've been on academic probation since after my first quarter here. I'm working for slightly above minimum wage in a job which isn't quite dead-end, but it's close. I'm not keeping in good contact with my family, I dislike making new friends for fear of losing them and I dread social situations and group work.
Of course, there are a few answers to the second question. The reasons I usually give are actually second (to get out of my parents' house) and third (I like this school a lot better than the community college I was at and it's going to get me a lot further) on my personal list. Most people who know me personally already knew what the first one (to be with Jon) was though. Yes, I chose the college I'm at because it was closer to my boyfriend. Of course, before I met him my only reasons for wanting to go to Fullerton or Monterey were because I had friends there. I never really dreamed of which college I wanted to go to like most other people did. I knew I was going because that was what you did, and my parents would be upset if I didn't, but I just wanted (and still want) to be done with school.
Sometimes I wish I could just do school part time and have a full-time job. Two, no three things keep me from actually doing that. First of all, the school funding from my parents would probably stop and I wouldn't have enough money to complete college without taking out student loans like Jon's doing. We're going to have work hard enough as it is to get rid of his debt with out me digging myself a hole as well. Secondly, I'd probably end up like Kristy who's 26 and hasn't finished school yet. And finally, work's doing a fine job of driving me crazy as it is part-time. I don't think I could handle that kind of crap forty hours a week unless they paid me quite a bit more than they actually do.
I just don't know what to do right now.
And you know what the sad part is? I've been trying to reach out and ask for help. I've left messages for five people in the past three days. Obviously I'm not doing it so well though, because nobody's responded yet.
Of course, there are a few answers to the second question. The reasons I usually give are actually second (to get out of my parents' house) and third (I like this school a lot better than the community college I was at and it's going to get me a lot further) on my personal list. Most people who know me personally already knew what the first one (to be with Jon) was though. Yes, I chose the college I'm at because it was closer to my boyfriend. Of course, before I met him my only reasons for wanting to go to Fullerton or Monterey were because I had friends there. I never really dreamed of which college I wanted to go to like most other people did. I knew I was going because that was what you did, and my parents would be upset if I didn't, but I just wanted (and still want) to be done with school.
Sometimes I wish I could just do school part time and have a full-time job. Two, no three things keep me from actually doing that. First of all, the school funding from my parents would probably stop and I wouldn't have enough money to complete college without taking out student loans like Jon's doing. We're going to have work hard enough as it is to get rid of his debt with out me digging myself a hole as well. Secondly, I'd probably end up like Kristy who's 26 and hasn't finished school yet. And finally, work's doing a fine job of driving me crazy as it is part-time. I don't think I could handle that kind of crap forty hours a week unless they paid me quite a bit more than they actually do.
I just don't know what to do right now.
And you know what the sad part is? I've been trying to reach out and ask for help. I've left messages for five people in the past three days. Obviously I'm not doing it so well though, because nobody's responded yet.