(no subject)
~ Part 1, physical frustrations
Last week started with the EKO Spring Formal.
It didn't quite go as planned, the hotel didn't have records of our room reservations and that resulted in Erin and I having to share a room with another couple. Suffice to say, we were really looking forward to having our own room.
To be honest, I've been somewhat ... physically frustrated lately. The hotel mix up didn't help. Erin and I have had our sex talk, we know what we are comfortable with - yet, nothings happening. It's not for lack of attraction or desire. I think this one falls to Erin though, she often has different priorities.
At any rate, this next weekend we are reserving a night to ourselves with every intent to - well that part is none of your business : P.
~ Part 2, 'we' not 'I'
Erin has taken to speaking of the somewhat distant future as 'when we', which is a complete change from how she used to talk of the uncertain times ahead. I don't think it is a good or necessarily bad thing, just wanted to take a moment to think of what it really signifies. There is still some little part of me that wants to ask “am I really ready for this?”.
The response is that I do feel ready, I caught myself saying 'we' long before Erin did. I describe the way I feel as a mixed emotion of excitement and nervous anxiety. It is the same general feeling I have towards anything related to out-of-college life.
Certainly we are in a long term relationship, and looking to continue it out of college. I won't say with any certainty that it will go on to marriage, but I do like to (perhaps naively) hope that just maybe, thats where we are headed. Though at the moment marriage is a touchy subject with me.
~ Part 3, Adoption
Erin is very vehement about adopting rather than having a biological child, and I don't necessarily feel the same. This came up earlier in the year, and her certainty of wanting to adopt threw me off. I've never really given it any thought, I mean I've always seen myself as raising a child that carries my genes.
Ultimately I don't think it is something to be thought through at this time in my life/relationship. Is it all that unusual that I feel that I feel my relationship with Erin shouldn't be controlled but such choices?
The way I see it, what comes first is my relationship with Erin (or whomever I may be when I come to that stage in life). Having / not having a child is something to address independent of being or not being in a romantic engagement. I don't think it is right that one say they won't consider a relationship because so-and-so won't have a child by them.
~ Part 4, Marriage
As I said, touchy subject.
I struggle to name a couple here at school that is in a long term, serious relationship, that is not yet engaged. Erin and I excluded of course. A good friend had her bridal shower just this last weekend, and she hasn't been with her fiancée any longer than Erin and I have been together. And there are certainly a few couples that I feel should not be getting married.
Just so theres no confusion let me layout a few of my personal feeling towards marriage
* I firmly believe in living with someone at length before proposing
* people change, especially out of college (certainly as much as people change going into it) that brings about an uncertainty that is reason enough to wait
* thinking that Erin and I might someday make that dedication to each other is not to say that we will
~ Part 5, An awkward Buddhist
I am Buddhist. I've considered myself to be so for over a year now, but whenever the subject of religion comes up I hesitate to declare myself as such. I think it has to do with how I don't associate my particular concept of Buddhism to be institutional, or even particularly religious. Certainly there are sects that are as religious and institutional as western catholicism. However, I follow the Chan/Zen tradition, which to me is as much a life philosophy to as it is 'religion'.
(Historically Chan Buddhism evolves from Dhyan Buddhism as it travels from India to China and is influenced partially by Taoist doctrine. There is a third major shift occurs as Chan Buddhism comes to Japan and eventually becomes the modern Zen sects that are so popularized today.)
~ Part 6, Jobs
I had my first job interview last week. Unfortunately, I was not as far along their recruiting process as I had initially thought. The interview was just a preliminary getting to know the company sort of conversation. They said I should hear back from them in another week about coming in for a second more formal interview. Either that, or I will get a call saying I am no longer being considered for a position.
I don't think I have too much to worry about though, I have a competitive resume and solid recommendations. So, trying out this not worrying thing, and seeing how far it will take me...
I find I'm fine as long as I don't think about the greater picture. Everything seems to rely on everything else, but if I can keep them broken down and separate from each other it's much easier to approach.
Last week started with the EKO Spring Formal.
It didn't quite go as planned, the hotel didn't have records of our room reservations and that resulted in Erin and I having to share a room with another couple. Suffice to say, we were really looking forward to having our own room.
To be honest, I've been somewhat ... physically frustrated lately. The hotel mix up didn't help. Erin and I have had our sex talk, we know what we are comfortable with - yet, nothings happening. It's not for lack of attraction or desire. I think this one falls to Erin though, she often has different priorities.
At any rate, this next weekend we are reserving a night to ourselves with every intent to - well that part is none of your business : P.
~ Part 2, 'we' not 'I'
Erin has taken to speaking of the somewhat distant future as 'when we', which is a complete change from how she used to talk of the uncertain times ahead. I don't think it is a good or necessarily bad thing, just wanted to take a moment to think of what it really signifies. There is still some little part of me that wants to ask “am I really ready for this?”.
The response is that I do feel ready, I caught myself saying 'we' long before Erin did. I describe the way I feel as a mixed emotion of excitement and nervous anxiety. It is the same general feeling I have towards anything related to out-of-college life.
Certainly we are in a long term relationship, and looking to continue it out of college. I won't say with any certainty that it will go on to marriage, but I do like to (perhaps naively) hope that just maybe, thats where we are headed. Though at the moment marriage is a touchy subject with me.
~ Part 3, Adoption
Erin is very vehement about adopting rather than having a biological child, and I don't necessarily feel the same. This came up earlier in the year, and her certainty of wanting to adopt threw me off. I've never really given it any thought, I mean I've always seen myself as raising a child that carries my genes.
Ultimately I don't think it is something to be thought through at this time in my life/relationship. Is it all that unusual that I feel that I feel my relationship with Erin shouldn't be controlled but such choices?
The way I see it, what comes first is my relationship with Erin (or whomever I may be when I come to that stage in life). Having / not having a child is something to address independent of being or not being in a romantic engagement. I don't think it is right that one say they won't consider a relationship because so-and-so won't have a child by them.
~ Part 4, Marriage
As I said, touchy subject.
I struggle to name a couple here at school that is in a long term, serious relationship, that is not yet engaged. Erin and I excluded of course. A good friend had her bridal shower just this last weekend, and she hasn't been with her fiancée any longer than Erin and I have been together. And there are certainly a few couples that I feel should not be getting married.
Just so theres no confusion let me layout a few of my personal feeling towards marriage
* I firmly believe in living with someone at length before proposing
* people change, especially out of college (certainly as much as people change going into it) that brings about an uncertainty that is reason enough to wait
* thinking that Erin and I might someday make that dedication to each other is not to say that we will
~ Part 5, An awkward Buddhist
I am Buddhist. I've considered myself to be so for over a year now, but whenever the subject of religion comes up I hesitate to declare myself as such. I think it has to do with how I don't associate my particular concept of Buddhism to be institutional, or even particularly religious. Certainly there are sects that are as religious and institutional as western catholicism. However, I follow the Chan/Zen tradition, which to me is as much a life philosophy to as it is 'religion'.
(Historically Chan Buddhism evolves from Dhyan Buddhism as it travels from India to China and is influenced partially by Taoist doctrine. There is a third major shift occurs as Chan Buddhism comes to Japan and eventually becomes the modern Zen sects that are so popularized today.)
~ Part 6, Jobs
I had my first job interview last week. Unfortunately, I was not as far along their recruiting process as I had initially thought. The interview was just a preliminary getting to know the company sort of conversation. They said I should hear back from them in another week about coming in for a second more formal interview. Either that, or I will get a call saying I am no longer being considered for a position.
I don't think I have too much to worry about though, I have a competitive resume and solid recommendations. So, trying out this not worrying thing, and seeing how far it will take me...
I find I'm fine as long as I don't think about the greater picture. Everything seems to rely on everything else, but if I can keep them broken down and separate from each other it's much easier to approach.