What is happiness, what is love?
I am currently sick with a head cold, the nyquil will be kicking in shortly and I shall soon be off to bed. But before I lay myself down to rest I want to write in my journal.
~
Yesterday was the last day of classes, Monday is my one final exam, graduation is May 15th and thus ends my college career.
I have yet to receive the grade for my independent study, I have heard nothing from my advisers since my oral defense. No news is good news in some sense, if I had failed they would have told me. It would be nice to know what the end result is, my peers in the department say I should receive honors, but who knows.
Friday, Erin and I had our one year anniversary. Though any real celebration has been put off on account of me being sick. We did exchange gifts but that was all. As some of you may already know, my gift to Erin was two tickets to see Wicked in NYC. Erin's gift was a set of wicker baskets to hold my potted plants an a nice picture frame to hold a currently unframed picture of us from formal.
My job search is on hold, round one of my applications didn't result in a job, and round 2 will not start until after I get back from Prague. I am used to having a clear direction to take in life and there has always been someone to affirm that I am taking the right steps. Here, at this stage in my life there is no one other than myself to affirm the decisions I make.
I feel I am at an impasse in my life, not in the sense of being stuck, but more so in not knowing what is to come next. At times I feel like a child who as lost his way, at other times I feel there is a whole new wold of experience just waiting outside.
In the immediate future I am going to home for an indefinite amount of time, essentially till I have a job in Columbus. Depending on how long I stay at home I may take on some sort of temp work to earn some minimal income.
This impasse has been cause for me to think through many of life's stereotypical 'big questions'. What is happiness, what makes me happy, am I going to be content with life, who am I, who are you, why am I here, where am I going, etc etc etc. Oddly enough, I don't think I am going to answer these questions by thinking them through.
More directly Erin's asked me about what I call love in respect to our relationship. At the moment I really don't have an answer. I don't think it is really something that can or should be defined, merely felt. It is a feeling I have, but not one I can describe. So how do I convey what it means to me?
This evening I started watching Cinema Paradiso and watched the first half of the film before I realized I only have half the film. It reminded me all too much of the current state of things. At second thought - perhaps it is better to describe life as a great adventure, in which case this is just the beginning. And in that sense there is an excitement in not knowing where I am headed. Sometimes it is better to experience than judge and interpret.
~
All in all I have been philosophizing too much, especially considering I'm sick and should probably be in bed resting. Speaking of which, I'm off to bed. More will be writ later.
~
Yesterday was the last day of classes, Monday is my one final exam, graduation is May 15th and thus ends my college career.
I have yet to receive the grade for my independent study, I have heard nothing from my advisers since my oral defense. No news is good news in some sense, if I had failed they would have told me. It would be nice to know what the end result is, my peers in the department say I should receive honors, but who knows.
Friday, Erin and I had our one year anniversary. Though any real celebration has been put off on account of me being sick. We did exchange gifts but that was all. As some of you may already know, my gift to Erin was two tickets to see Wicked in NYC. Erin's gift was a set of wicker baskets to hold my potted plants an a nice picture frame to hold a currently unframed picture of us from formal.
My job search is on hold, round one of my applications didn't result in a job, and round 2 will not start until after I get back from Prague. I am used to having a clear direction to take in life and there has always been someone to affirm that I am taking the right steps. Here, at this stage in my life there is no one other than myself to affirm the decisions I make.
I feel I am at an impasse in my life, not in the sense of being stuck, but more so in not knowing what is to come next. At times I feel like a child who as lost his way, at other times I feel there is a whole new wold of experience just waiting outside.
In the immediate future I am going to home for an indefinite amount of time, essentially till I have a job in Columbus. Depending on how long I stay at home I may take on some sort of temp work to earn some minimal income.
This impasse has been cause for me to think through many of life's stereotypical 'big questions'. What is happiness, what makes me happy, am I going to be content with life, who am I, who are you, why am I here, where am I going, etc etc etc. Oddly enough, I don't think I am going to answer these questions by thinking them through.
More directly Erin's asked me about what I call love in respect to our relationship. At the moment I really don't have an answer. I don't think it is really something that can or should be defined, merely felt. It is a feeling I have, but not one I can describe. So how do I convey what it means to me?
This evening I started watching Cinema Paradiso and watched the first half of the film before I realized I only have half the film. It reminded me all too much of the current state of things. At second thought - perhaps it is better to describe life as a great adventure, in which case this is just the beginning. And in that sense there is an excitement in not knowing where I am headed. Sometimes it is better to experience than judge and interpret.
~
All in all I have been philosophizing too much, especially considering I'm sick and should probably be in bed resting. Speaking of which, I'm off to bed. More will be writ later.