here comes the judge
This is y'all's belated Monday post. Happy belated Monday, I hope it was the beginning of a fabulous week for everybody.
I forget sometimes how cool my mom is. I cut off like, my whole fucking hand last night (see: papercut) and she was all up in my biznatch with the hydrogen peroxide shit and a bandaid. She's great.
Actually, it was kinda nasty. Barnaby Jones got himself the sniffles, so I've been medicating his fuzzy self twice a day. Way past bed time, I beckoned him come forth to receive his meds, which didn't interest him at all. Reached up under the bed to grab the fucker and he sank his quarter inch fangs into my finger down to the bone. You should see my sheets, it looks like someone was murdered in that bed.
Anyway. For now, I'm hoping my finger doesn't fall off. I'm finding that it would be very difficult for me to get through life without my right middle finger - I can't draw, my typing is all discombobulated, and I can't flick people off with quite as much force as I'd like to. My name is Distraught.
You guys - big news, big news! I'm going to testify in court next month! No, no, no. You don't get it. This is big news because I'm going to testify. G-rad would be so proud. CUZ HERE COMES THE JUDGE!! Oh gosh. I think imma throw up on the witness stand, I really think I might. I have public speaking issues.
Honey Barbeque, my part time friend, left his apron and ickle chef hat in the back seat of my vehicle, so I'm off to go drop them at his house. Until next time friends.