No One Knows What It's Like To Be Hated, To Be Fated
Title: No One Knows What It's Like To Be Hated, To Be Fated
Characters: Daniel, Charlotte, Jeanette Lewis, Miles, Theresa.
Pairings: Daniel/Charlotte
Rating: PG
Warnings: Character death. Spoilers up to The Variable.
Summary: Daniel agonises over whether or not to warn Charlotte to leave the island.
Author's Note: Can be read alone or as a companion to Bad Man, which tells Charlotte's side of the story, and two forthcoming parts with Eloise, Jeanette Lewis and Widmore's side.
At first, Daniel hadn’t intended to say anything to Charlotte. He hadn’t known whether he would be able to change anything or not. The people known as the Others, or the Hostiles, hadn’t been affected by the time shifts. So maybe if Daniel didn’t say anything, and Charlotte remained on the island, she’d be fine.
But maybe her mother would take her away from the island anyway, whether Daniel said anything or not. And if he didn’t say anything, Charlotte would still be determined to find the island again. It hadn’t worked when he’d apparently told her before; Charlotte hadn’t even remembered the “crazy man” until moments before she died, when her consciousness had returned to that moment from her past.
He told me that if I came back I would die. That was what Charlotte had said; maybe if she had remembered him, none of this would have happened? Maybe she would have believed what he had said, and never attempted to find the island again?
But as soon as Daniel had had that thought, he remembered exactly how Charlotte had described him. There was this crazy man…he scared me. Did he really want to scare Charlotte even more by forcing the issue, making sure that she never dared to return to the island? He already hated the fact that Charlotte’s last thoughts before she died had included fear of him. Part of Daniel had needed to know at first how Charlotte had really felt, whether she had died in fear or pain, how she had felt about him. He’d asked Miles a few times whether he’d be able to talk to Charlotte for him, but Miles had shaken his head. “That wouldn’t work,” he’d explained. “I can’t talk to Charlotte as a ghost, because right now, we’re in a time where Charlotte’s still alive.”
Daniel had argued with himself back and forth over this issue since they’d found themselves in the DHARMA Initiative era - he should tell her, he shouldn’t tell her. He’d known Sawyer and Miles, and Charlotte’s family too, had thought he was acting crazy, in fact Sawyer had taken him aside one night and explained that he was drawing attention to himself. They were trying to blend in with the DHARMA Initiative, but the way Daniel was acting, it was never going to work.
That had been a part of why Daniel had wanted to leave the island, to go and work in the headquarters in Ann Arbor. That, and the fact that he found it hard to deal with being so close to little Charlotte and yet so far away, watching her play on the swings and knowing what was going to happen to her, knowing there was nothing he could do to change that. It had felt like a punch to the gut that first day he’d seen her and she’d waved right at him; could she possibly know somehow what was going to happen, could she recognise him? When her consciousness had skipped back and forth, could some image of Daniel have somehow remained in her mind?
“That’s crazy,” Miles had said when Daniel had shared that thought with him, “even for you. How can she know you? She probably waves at everyone.”
But Daniel still wondered, every time he saw her. He’d seen her once, babbling about Geronimo Jackson, then looking at Daniel strangely, as though she realised she’d said that to him before (except it wasn’t, not for her.)
It wasn’t long after that when Daniel left for Ann Arbor, thinking it was better that way. If he left the island without telling Charlotte anything, maybe changing that one thing would change the rest of her future.
Yet he continued to research the problem throughout his time in Ann Arbor, wondered all the time whether Eloise had been wrong in her ideas of course correcting. And sometimes he wondered if he was getting close to a solution, yet it continued to elude him.
Daniel had been in Ann Arbor almost three years when one of the guys he was working with had come in saying new recruits had arrived, and passing around a picture. Daniel had taken it without much interest at first, spared it merely a passing glance before he stopped and stared.
Wait a second. Was that Jack, Kate and Hurley?
How was that even possible? Daniel couldn’t understand it. There was obviously some unknown variable that had come into play.
And then it came to him. That was where the answer lay. He’d thought so much about the constants, that he never realised the variables could be the answer.
All the way back on the sub from Ann Arbor, Daniel had told himself that he had to do it. And in fact, a part of him had known all along that he would. Because of what he had always believed was true, whatever happened, happened.
And it had already happened in Charlotte’s past, so it had to happen in Daniel’s future.
He’d known it would be difficult to convince her. Charlotte had said so herself; she’d thought he was a crazy man. And it hadn’t exactly worked the first time around.
But this time it was going to be different. Because if what he planned to do worked, if the Swan was never constructed and Flight 815 never landed on the island, then Charles Widmore would never send his freighter, with Charlotte on board, and Charlotte would never return to the island.
At least, that was what Daniel kept telling himself as he approached Charlotte, started telling her about how Dr. Chang was about to start organising his evacuation of the island and how she and her mother had to leave.
“Why do we have to leave?” Charlotte had asked. “I like it here. I don’t want to leave.”
“I know it’s hard, sweetie,” Daniel had said, swallowing back tears, “but you have to leave, with your mother, and go to a place called England.”
Charlotte frowned, stuck out her lower lip. “But why can’t Daddy come with us?”
Daddy didn’t come with us. We never saw him again.
The words Charlotte had said to him three years ago, or would say twenty seven years from now, rang in Daniel’s head. How could he possibly tell Charlotte that she was never going to see her father again, that in all probability (although Daniel didn’t know this for sure) her father would be killed in the Purge?
“Your daddy’s still needed on the island,” Daniel tried to explain, knowing how it sounded even as he said it, but not knowing what else he could say.
Charlotte stared at him. “So will we ever come back here?” she asked, and Daniel looked down at her, saw the hope in her eyes and hated that he was going to have to destroy it, but knew it was the only thing he could do.
“You can never come back to the island, Charlotte!” he yelled. “This place is death!” He wondered why his words sounded so familiar, then he remembered: it was what Charlotte had said to Jin.
Charlotte’s lower lip trembled. “What do you mean?”
Daniel gripped her shoulders. "You have to leave this island, go far away and never come back! Do you hear me? Never come back to this island, Charlotte, or you will die! Do you understand me, Charlotte? Die!"
Charlotte wrenched herself from his grasp. “You are a bad man!” she sobbed. “Why are you saying all these horrible things to me?”
“You don’t understand,” Daniel pleaded. “I’m trying to save you!”
But Charlotte ran, not looking back at Daniel, running straight into the arms of her mother.
“What’s the matter, love?” Jeanette asked, before looking up and meeting Daniel’s eyes. “Oh“, she said, pursing her lips. “You.”
Daniel couldn’t blame her for reacting that way. He knew she’d been suspicious of him whenever he’d encountered her before. But he had to say something to her now, while he still had the chance.
“You’re going to have to lie,” he began. “When Dr. Chang orders the evacuation of the island, and you and Charlotte get on the sub…you’re going to have to convince Charlotte that she never lived on an island, that she made it all up. Because if Charlotte doesn’t believe that the island’s real, she’ll never want to come back here.”
“What on earth are you talking about?” Jeanette demanded. “Don’t you think you’ve frightened my daughter enough?”
“You can’t ever let Charlotte come back here,” Daniel continued. “Because if what I’m trying to do doesn’t work, and she’s here when Benjamin Linus moves the wheel, Charlotte will die!”
“How dare you?” Jeanette exclaimed. “Stay away from my daughter and from me.”
But she had taken his warning seriously, Daniel could see it in her eyes. It was still possible that Daniel’s plan wouldn’t work, that he wouldn’t change anything. But even if it didn’t, Daniel knew that Jeanette would do her utmost to make sure Charlotte never remembered the island.
He could hear the voices from so far away: He wasn’t going to shoot me, Eloise. And he could see Eloise crouching over him, no recognition in her eyes even as he spoke the words: I’m your son.
Then he heard another voice, one he hadn’t heard for three years, and if his plan had worked, he imagined he would never hear it again. It hurt to move, yet Daniel craned his neck and realised he was in a bar, looking at a red-haired girl who appeared to be arguing a point about Carthage with her friend; a younger Charlotte.
The friend noticed Daniel first, nudged Charlotte and pointed at him. Look, Charlotte, that American guy’s checking you out. You should go over and talk to him.
Charlotte shook her head. I don’t think so.
Oh, go on, her friend cajoled. I don’t know why you never date, Charlotte. You never know, he could be The One.
Charlotte rolled her eyes. Don’t be daft. You know what Mum would say if I married an American.
Charlotte? Daniel thought. Had he met her before, then, at Oxford?
Who’s Charlotte? came a new voice. Why did you call me that? Daniel blinked and realised he’d shifted to another moment from his past; he was looking at Theresa, sat in their lab at Oxford University.
Daniel shook his head. I don’t know…
But Theresa wasn’t listening; she started babbling on about some childhood argument with her sister Abigail. Then Daniel heard his own words in his head again: I don’t know… and he realised he’d shifted again to that day in Essex, Massachusetts, when he’d been unable to explain to Caroline why the coverage of the fake Flight 815 wreckage had upset him so much. But now he understood why; he’d known somewhere, deep down, that it was something to do with the strange images in his head, the ones of the red headed woman…
Then she was there before him, holding out her hand to him.
“You weren’t a bad man,” Charlotte said. “I understand now that you were only trying to keep me safe after all.”
Daniel reached out, took her hand and followed her.
Characters: Daniel, Charlotte, Jeanette Lewis, Miles, Theresa.
Pairings: Daniel/Charlotte
Rating: PG
Warnings: Character death. Spoilers up to The Variable.
Summary: Daniel agonises over whether or not to warn Charlotte to leave the island.
Author's Note: Can be read alone or as a companion to Bad Man, which tells Charlotte's side of the story, and two forthcoming parts with Eloise, Jeanette Lewis and Widmore's side.
At first, Daniel hadn’t intended to say anything to Charlotte. He hadn’t known whether he would be able to change anything or not. The people known as the Others, or the Hostiles, hadn’t been affected by the time shifts. So maybe if Daniel didn’t say anything, and Charlotte remained on the island, she’d be fine.
But maybe her mother would take her away from the island anyway, whether Daniel said anything or not. And if he didn’t say anything, Charlotte would still be determined to find the island again. It hadn’t worked when he’d apparently told her before; Charlotte hadn’t even remembered the “crazy man” until moments before she died, when her consciousness had returned to that moment from her past.
He told me that if I came back I would die. That was what Charlotte had said; maybe if she had remembered him, none of this would have happened? Maybe she would have believed what he had said, and never attempted to find the island again?
But as soon as Daniel had had that thought, he remembered exactly how Charlotte had described him. There was this crazy man…he scared me. Did he really want to scare Charlotte even more by forcing the issue, making sure that she never dared to return to the island? He already hated the fact that Charlotte’s last thoughts before she died had included fear of him. Part of Daniel had needed to know at first how Charlotte had really felt, whether she had died in fear or pain, how she had felt about him. He’d asked Miles a few times whether he’d be able to talk to Charlotte for him, but Miles had shaken his head. “That wouldn’t work,” he’d explained. “I can’t talk to Charlotte as a ghost, because right now, we’re in a time where Charlotte’s still alive.”
Daniel had argued with himself back and forth over this issue since they’d found themselves in the DHARMA Initiative era - he should tell her, he shouldn’t tell her. He’d known Sawyer and Miles, and Charlotte’s family too, had thought he was acting crazy, in fact Sawyer had taken him aside one night and explained that he was drawing attention to himself. They were trying to blend in with the DHARMA Initiative, but the way Daniel was acting, it was never going to work.
That had been a part of why Daniel had wanted to leave the island, to go and work in the headquarters in Ann Arbor. That, and the fact that he found it hard to deal with being so close to little Charlotte and yet so far away, watching her play on the swings and knowing what was going to happen to her, knowing there was nothing he could do to change that. It had felt like a punch to the gut that first day he’d seen her and she’d waved right at him; could she possibly know somehow what was going to happen, could she recognise him? When her consciousness had skipped back and forth, could some image of Daniel have somehow remained in her mind?
“That’s crazy,” Miles had said when Daniel had shared that thought with him, “even for you. How can she know you? She probably waves at everyone.”
But Daniel still wondered, every time he saw her. He’d seen her once, babbling about Geronimo Jackson, then looking at Daniel strangely, as though she realised she’d said that to him before (except it wasn’t, not for her.)
It wasn’t long after that when Daniel left for Ann Arbor, thinking it was better that way. If he left the island without telling Charlotte anything, maybe changing that one thing would change the rest of her future.
Yet he continued to research the problem throughout his time in Ann Arbor, wondered all the time whether Eloise had been wrong in her ideas of course correcting. And sometimes he wondered if he was getting close to a solution, yet it continued to elude him.
Daniel had been in Ann Arbor almost three years when one of the guys he was working with had come in saying new recruits had arrived, and passing around a picture. Daniel had taken it without much interest at first, spared it merely a passing glance before he stopped and stared.
Wait a second. Was that Jack, Kate and Hurley?
How was that even possible? Daniel couldn’t understand it. There was obviously some unknown variable that had come into play.
And then it came to him. That was where the answer lay. He’d thought so much about the constants, that he never realised the variables could be the answer.
All the way back on the sub from Ann Arbor, Daniel had told himself that he had to do it. And in fact, a part of him had known all along that he would. Because of what he had always believed was true, whatever happened, happened.
And it had already happened in Charlotte’s past, so it had to happen in Daniel’s future.
He’d known it would be difficult to convince her. Charlotte had said so herself; she’d thought he was a crazy man. And it hadn’t exactly worked the first time around.
But this time it was going to be different. Because if what he planned to do worked, if the Swan was never constructed and Flight 815 never landed on the island, then Charles Widmore would never send his freighter, with Charlotte on board, and Charlotte would never return to the island.
At least, that was what Daniel kept telling himself as he approached Charlotte, started telling her about how Dr. Chang was about to start organising his evacuation of the island and how she and her mother had to leave.
“Why do we have to leave?” Charlotte had asked. “I like it here. I don’t want to leave.”
“I know it’s hard, sweetie,” Daniel had said, swallowing back tears, “but you have to leave, with your mother, and go to a place called England.”
Charlotte frowned, stuck out her lower lip. “But why can’t Daddy come with us?”
Daddy didn’t come with us. We never saw him again.
The words Charlotte had said to him three years ago, or would say twenty seven years from now, rang in Daniel’s head. How could he possibly tell Charlotte that she was never going to see her father again, that in all probability (although Daniel didn’t know this for sure) her father would be killed in the Purge?
“Your daddy’s still needed on the island,” Daniel tried to explain, knowing how it sounded even as he said it, but not knowing what else he could say.
Charlotte stared at him. “So will we ever come back here?” she asked, and Daniel looked down at her, saw the hope in her eyes and hated that he was going to have to destroy it, but knew it was the only thing he could do.
“You can never come back to the island, Charlotte!” he yelled. “This place is death!” He wondered why his words sounded so familiar, then he remembered: it was what Charlotte had said to Jin.
Charlotte’s lower lip trembled. “What do you mean?”
Daniel gripped her shoulders. "You have to leave this island, go far away and never come back! Do you hear me? Never come back to this island, Charlotte, or you will die! Do you understand me, Charlotte? Die!"
Charlotte wrenched herself from his grasp. “You are a bad man!” she sobbed. “Why are you saying all these horrible things to me?”
“You don’t understand,” Daniel pleaded. “I’m trying to save you!”
But Charlotte ran, not looking back at Daniel, running straight into the arms of her mother.
“What’s the matter, love?” Jeanette asked, before looking up and meeting Daniel’s eyes. “Oh“, she said, pursing her lips. “You.”
Daniel couldn’t blame her for reacting that way. He knew she’d been suspicious of him whenever he’d encountered her before. But he had to say something to her now, while he still had the chance.
“You’re going to have to lie,” he began. “When Dr. Chang orders the evacuation of the island, and you and Charlotte get on the sub…you’re going to have to convince Charlotte that she never lived on an island, that she made it all up. Because if Charlotte doesn’t believe that the island’s real, she’ll never want to come back here.”
“What on earth are you talking about?” Jeanette demanded. “Don’t you think you’ve frightened my daughter enough?”
“You can’t ever let Charlotte come back here,” Daniel continued. “Because if what I’m trying to do doesn’t work, and she’s here when Benjamin Linus moves the wheel, Charlotte will die!”
“How dare you?” Jeanette exclaimed. “Stay away from my daughter and from me.”
But she had taken his warning seriously, Daniel could see it in her eyes. It was still possible that Daniel’s plan wouldn’t work, that he wouldn’t change anything. But even if it didn’t, Daniel knew that Jeanette would do her utmost to make sure Charlotte never remembered the island.
He could hear the voices from so far away: He wasn’t going to shoot me, Eloise. And he could see Eloise crouching over him, no recognition in her eyes even as he spoke the words: I’m your son.
Then he heard another voice, one he hadn’t heard for three years, and if his plan had worked, he imagined he would never hear it again. It hurt to move, yet Daniel craned his neck and realised he was in a bar, looking at a red-haired girl who appeared to be arguing a point about Carthage with her friend; a younger Charlotte.
The friend noticed Daniel first, nudged Charlotte and pointed at him. Look, Charlotte, that American guy’s checking you out. You should go over and talk to him.
Charlotte shook her head. I don’t think so.
Oh, go on, her friend cajoled. I don’t know why you never date, Charlotte. You never know, he could be The One.
Charlotte rolled her eyes. Don’t be daft. You know what Mum would say if I married an American.
Charlotte? Daniel thought. Had he met her before, then, at Oxford?
Who’s Charlotte? came a new voice. Why did you call me that? Daniel blinked and realised he’d shifted to another moment from his past; he was looking at Theresa, sat in their lab at Oxford University.
Daniel shook his head. I don’t know…
But Theresa wasn’t listening; she started babbling on about some childhood argument with her sister Abigail. Then Daniel heard his own words in his head again: I don’t know… and he realised he’d shifted again to that day in Essex, Massachusetts, when he’d been unable to explain to Caroline why the coverage of the fake Flight 815 wreckage had upset him so much. But now he understood why; he’d known somewhere, deep down, that it was something to do with the strange images in his head, the ones of the red headed woman…
Then she was there before him, holding out her hand to him.
“You weren’t a bad man,” Charlotte said. “I understand now that you were only trying to keep me safe after all.”
Daniel reached out, took her hand and followed her.