Somewhere You Can Never Go
Title: Somewhere You Can Never Go
Characters: Miles, Lara, Pierre, Daniel, Hurley.
Warnings: Spoilers all the way through S5, plus some S6 speculation.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Written for joyyjpg, who requested Miles. After realising the reset didn't work, Miles reflects on his relationship with his father.
Miles sat beside his mother's grave long after all the other mourners had gone home. "I need to know what you meant, Ma," he whispered when he was sure no one else was about. "Why did my dad kick us out? How did he die? And what did you mean, when you said his body was somewhere I could never go? I need to know, damn it, Ma. What did you mean?"
But Lara merely whispered "It's best you don't know. It's for your own sake that I didn't tell you anything. You're not to go looking for him."
By that time, Miles had already begun to think that it was sometimes easier to deal with the dead than the living. But usually, he'd found that whenever dead people had spoken to him, they'd tended to be a lot more forthcoming, telling Miles everything he wanted to hear and sometimes things he didn't.
But Lara was proving as difficult in death as she had in life. And with her gone, and not talking, Miles had no idea where he could turn for the answers he needed.
They all seemed to have a different reason for being on board the Kahana. Miles had heard Keamy laughing one day about the deckhand calling himself Kevin Johnson, who apparently had told Keamy he'd thought they were on a rescue mission. But Miles knew that Kevin Johnson wasn't that man's real name, and he'd heard from the ghost named Libby why Michael Dawson was really on board.
He'd heard Daniel telling Charlotte quite early on that he was there because the island would cure the problems he had with his memory, in order that he could carry out his scientific research. Daniel had also asked Charlotte why she was there, suggesting that she'd been hired to research the island's natives. But Charlotte had answered "Something like that" in such a way that anyone but Faraday would have realised there was more to it.
Lapidus, of course, had bored them all stupid with his talk of Oceanic Flight 815 and conspiracy theories. Four days of sharing a berth with him, and Miles knew exactly where he wanted to stick that damn manifest, which he practically had memorised himself.
But as soon as Naomi had mentioned people who were deceased, Miles had wondered if it was possible that his father could have been one of the people she was talking about, whether the island Naomi mentioned could have been the place Lara said he could never go. And since his mother had never given him any answers, maybe he'd be able to find out the truth directly from his father.
As things turned out, he didn't get the chance to try and talk to his father. He had plenty of other ghosts try talking to him, mind - someone named Edward Mars warning him not to trust the Austen woman, a man named Christian who said he was watching over Claire, and someone only identifying himself as Daddy, warning Charlotte that she should leave as Daniel advised. But he never heard anything from anyone who could have been his own father.
Then, of course, Linus had turned the wheel, and Miles hadn't had a moment to think about his father after that.
He'd never known anything about him at all, anyway. He'd had no pictures. All he'd ever known was that he must be of Asian origin, since there was no trace of that in Lara's family. He didn't even know the guy's name - Straume had been Lara's maiden name, which she'd reverted to and changed Miles's name to after the separation.
The day Miles was processed into the DHARMA Initiative by someone named Opal, he'd half-heard, but not taken much notice of, Daniel being processed by an Asian man grumbling about the fact that he'd been pulled in for processing because Amy was still out sick after her husband had been killed.
But it wasn't until his third day there, when Miles was in line for the cafeteria, that some woman got in line behind him and stumbled against him. "Oh! Sorry," she exclaimed.
Miles would have brushed it off, but there was something about the woman's voice that made him turn around, then take a step back in shock as he recognised a young version of Lara.
"Oh, honey, did I startle you? You look like you've just seen a ghost," Lara said, frowning with concern.
"No, it's - it's fine," Miles stammered, unusually at a loss for words.
"You're one of the new recruits, aren't you?" Lara asked, holding out her hand. "I don't think I've seen you before. I'm Lara."
"Uh, Miles." Miles replied, taking her hand and shaking it awkwardly.
"As in the jazz artist, Miles Davis?" Lara asked.
Miles nodded. "So, uh, you're a fan?" he asked, knowing full well she was, remembering the days of his childhood when Lara inflicted his music on him constantly.
Lara grinned. "I sure am. Much to the disgust of my husband. He likes country," she added, pulling a face. "Hey, here he is now. Pierre, honey! Over here!" she called, lifting a hand in greeting to the Asian man who had processed Daniel. The man named Pierre walked over and kissed Lara on the cheek.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Lara asked, staring at Miles and frowning.
"You know what? I don't feel so great. I don't think I better have anything to eat after all," Miles muttered.
"Want us to lead you back to your house?" Lara offered, but a new voice spoke up "It's okay. I'll take him." Miles glanced up to see Daniel, four places back in the line.
"So, uh, you want to tell me what just happened back there?" Daniel asked once they were safely out of earshot.
"That man and woman back there?" Miles replied. "That was my mom and dad."
He'd tried to avoid them as much as possible after that, but it wasn't always easy in a community like the DHARMA Initiative.
That idiot Rosie had made some stupid comment after Lara had given birth, something along the lines of "Isn't it funny that they called their kid Miles, just like you? It's an unusual name, did they name him after you or something?" Miles had brushed it off and walked away, and Rosie hadn't thought any more of it.
Miles had sometimes watched them, though, tried to see if he could understand why Pierre had thrown them out, see what Lara had meant about him not caring. But nothing he had seen could help him make sense of it, in fact the scene he had witnessed with Pierre reading the polar bear book to his younger self only gave the impression that he had cared after all, left Miles more confused than ever about why he had sent them away.
"You okay, dude? You've been kinda quiet ever since, you know, you yelled at Jack about it not working." Hurley's voice broke in on his reflections.
"I was thinking about my dad," Miles admitted. "I was thinking about how I saved him from the Swan back there, but I couldn't save him from..."
"When all the DHARMA dudes got wiped out?" Hurley asked. "Because I'm guessing that still happened, since we didn't change the past and everything."
Miles nodded. "Yeah, that."
Hurley sighed. "Sorry, man."
"I always knew I couldn't do anything to save him," Miles pointed out. "But at least this way, I got the chance to know him, and now I understand what really happened, that he sent us away because he wanted us to be safe. And if what Jack had tried to do had worked, then I wouldn't ever have had the chance to get to understand him. I'd still be angry and wondering why."
Hurley smiled.
"What's so funny?" Miles asked.
"Nothing, dude." Hurley replied. "It's just that I kinda had the same conversation with Jin, right before he met up with Sun again. He had his reasons for not wanting it to work either."
"But he and Sun at least have another chance now," Miles pointed out. "I can't get that with Dad."
"Sure you can." Hurley pointed out. "You can still talk to him the way I talk to my friend Charlie. You can still talk to ghosts, right?"
"It's not the same," Miles pointed out. But Hurley had reminded him that he could still have hope of talking to Pierre again after all.
Characters: Miles, Lara, Pierre, Daniel, Hurley.
Warnings: Spoilers all the way through S5, plus some S6 speculation.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Written for joyyjpg, who requested Miles. After realising the reset didn't work, Miles reflects on his relationship with his father.
Miles sat beside his mother's grave long after all the other mourners had gone home. "I need to know what you meant, Ma," he whispered when he was sure no one else was about. "Why did my dad kick us out? How did he die? And what did you mean, when you said his body was somewhere I could never go? I need to know, damn it, Ma. What did you mean?"
But Lara merely whispered "It's best you don't know. It's for your own sake that I didn't tell you anything. You're not to go looking for him."
By that time, Miles had already begun to think that it was sometimes easier to deal with the dead than the living. But usually, he'd found that whenever dead people had spoken to him, they'd tended to be a lot more forthcoming, telling Miles everything he wanted to hear and sometimes things he didn't.
But Lara was proving as difficult in death as she had in life. And with her gone, and not talking, Miles had no idea where he could turn for the answers he needed.
They all seemed to have a different reason for being on board the Kahana. Miles had heard Keamy laughing one day about the deckhand calling himself Kevin Johnson, who apparently had told Keamy he'd thought they were on a rescue mission. But Miles knew that Kevin Johnson wasn't that man's real name, and he'd heard from the ghost named Libby why Michael Dawson was really on board.
He'd heard Daniel telling Charlotte quite early on that he was there because the island would cure the problems he had with his memory, in order that he could carry out his scientific research. Daniel had also asked Charlotte why she was there, suggesting that she'd been hired to research the island's natives. But Charlotte had answered "Something like that" in such a way that anyone but Faraday would have realised there was more to it.
Lapidus, of course, had bored them all stupid with his talk of Oceanic Flight 815 and conspiracy theories. Four days of sharing a berth with him, and Miles knew exactly where he wanted to stick that damn manifest, which he practically had memorised himself.
But as soon as Naomi had mentioned people who were deceased, Miles had wondered if it was possible that his father could have been one of the people she was talking about, whether the island Naomi mentioned could have been the place Lara said he could never go. And since his mother had never given him any answers, maybe he'd be able to find out the truth directly from his father.
As things turned out, he didn't get the chance to try and talk to his father. He had plenty of other ghosts try talking to him, mind - someone named Edward Mars warning him not to trust the Austen woman, a man named Christian who said he was watching over Claire, and someone only identifying himself as Daddy, warning Charlotte that she should leave as Daniel advised. But he never heard anything from anyone who could have been his own father.
Then, of course, Linus had turned the wheel, and Miles hadn't had a moment to think about his father after that.
He'd never known anything about him at all, anyway. He'd had no pictures. All he'd ever known was that he must be of Asian origin, since there was no trace of that in Lara's family. He didn't even know the guy's name - Straume had been Lara's maiden name, which she'd reverted to and changed Miles's name to after the separation.
The day Miles was processed into the DHARMA Initiative by someone named Opal, he'd half-heard, but not taken much notice of, Daniel being processed by an Asian man grumbling about the fact that he'd been pulled in for processing because Amy was still out sick after her husband had been killed.
But it wasn't until his third day there, when Miles was in line for the cafeteria, that some woman got in line behind him and stumbled against him. "Oh! Sorry," she exclaimed.
Miles would have brushed it off, but there was something about the woman's voice that made him turn around, then take a step back in shock as he recognised a young version of Lara.
"Oh, honey, did I startle you? You look like you've just seen a ghost," Lara said, frowning with concern.
"No, it's - it's fine," Miles stammered, unusually at a loss for words.
"You're one of the new recruits, aren't you?" Lara asked, holding out her hand. "I don't think I've seen you before. I'm Lara."
"Uh, Miles." Miles replied, taking her hand and shaking it awkwardly.
"As in the jazz artist, Miles Davis?" Lara asked.
Miles nodded. "So, uh, you're a fan?" he asked, knowing full well she was, remembering the days of his childhood when Lara inflicted his music on him constantly.
Lara grinned. "I sure am. Much to the disgust of my husband. He likes country," she added, pulling a face. "Hey, here he is now. Pierre, honey! Over here!" she called, lifting a hand in greeting to the Asian man who had processed Daniel. The man named Pierre walked over and kissed Lara on the cheek.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Lara asked, staring at Miles and frowning.
"You know what? I don't feel so great. I don't think I better have anything to eat after all," Miles muttered.
"Want us to lead you back to your house?" Lara offered, but a new voice spoke up "It's okay. I'll take him." Miles glanced up to see Daniel, four places back in the line.
"So, uh, you want to tell me what just happened back there?" Daniel asked once they were safely out of earshot.
"That man and woman back there?" Miles replied. "That was my mom and dad."
He'd tried to avoid them as much as possible after that, but it wasn't always easy in a community like the DHARMA Initiative.
That idiot Rosie had made some stupid comment after Lara had given birth, something along the lines of "Isn't it funny that they called their kid Miles, just like you? It's an unusual name, did they name him after you or something?" Miles had brushed it off and walked away, and Rosie hadn't thought any more of it.
Miles had sometimes watched them, though, tried to see if he could understand why Pierre had thrown them out, see what Lara had meant about him not caring. But nothing he had seen could help him make sense of it, in fact the scene he had witnessed with Pierre reading the polar bear book to his younger self only gave the impression that he had cared after all, left Miles more confused than ever about why he had sent them away.
"You okay, dude? You've been kinda quiet ever since, you know, you yelled at Jack about it not working." Hurley's voice broke in on his reflections.
"I was thinking about my dad," Miles admitted. "I was thinking about how I saved him from the Swan back there, but I couldn't save him from..."
"When all the DHARMA dudes got wiped out?" Hurley asked. "Because I'm guessing that still happened, since we didn't change the past and everything."
Miles nodded. "Yeah, that."
Hurley sighed. "Sorry, man."
"I always knew I couldn't do anything to save him," Miles pointed out. "But at least this way, I got the chance to know him, and now I understand what really happened, that he sent us away because he wanted us to be safe. And if what Jack had tried to do had worked, then I wouldn't ever have had the chance to get to understand him. I'd still be angry and wondering why."
Hurley smiled.
"What's so funny?" Miles asked.
"Nothing, dude." Hurley replied. "It's just that I kinda had the same conversation with Jin, right before he met up with Sun again. He had his reasons for not wanting it to work either."
"But he and Sun at least have another chance now," Miles pointed out. "I can't get that with Dad."
"Sure you can." Hurley pointed out. "You can still talk to him the way I talk to my friend Charlie. You can still talk to ghosts, right?"
"It's not the same," Miles pointed out. But Hurley had reminded him that he could still have hope of talking to Pierre again after all.