Fic: I'm Not Done (Eric/Sookie), 1/1
Title: I'm Not Done
Pairing: Eric/Sookie
Rating: PG
Summary: For the first time, she experienced what it was like to have Eric hate her, and it ripped her raw. True Blood fic. Post 4x09 "Let's Get Out of Here." 3,719 words.
Note: canciona you are to blame for this! My Eric-gets-his-memory-back story.
Sookie knew the moment it happened, because a glimmer came back into his eyes. A glimmer she hadn't even realised was missing.
With his fingers around Eric's neck, Bill looked confused by the transformation - he was perhaps still stunned by the force of her power - and then Eric uttered, in a strained and irritated voice: "Get. Off. Me."
And Bill too understood. He released his grip and took a step back, while Eric rose to his full, towering height. Eric took in the hall, the tolerance banner, the balloons, the abandoned cameras, with expressionless consideration. He obviously knew nothing about where he was or why he was there, but he wasn't about to give away his dismay; he was Eric again, through and through.
"Eric?" Bill tested him, not entirely believing it.
There were screams from out in the lobby; a reminder that the other three vampires were still on the rampage.
Then Sookie saw Marnie - Antonia, whatever - reappear up on the balcony; the slow, unmistakable movement of her lips as she started another chant.
"BILL!" she warned, and Eric's gaze snapped in her direction like he had just noticed she was there.
"We have to go," Bill snapped at Eric. "Take Sookie, now."
Eric seemed to sense that now was not a time to argue. Bill dashed off in the opposite direction while Eric came for her. Their eyes touched, and the chariness in his stare confirmed to her that he remembered nothing. Then he swept her up in his arms and carried out of the hall at vampiric speed, much like Bill had carried her from Fangtasia the night they'd first met.
The force of his movement caused a wind to lash at her hair, and her heart hammered in her chest when it occurred to her she had just done the impossible, but they were not followed, and when the world finally slowed to a recognisible shape she realised they had arrived at Fangtasia. The parking lot was dead, and the neon red Fangtasia sign was dark, but the fact that she hadn't been to the club in days and Eric had never spoken of it and now they were here told her all she needed to know about his renewed state of mind.
The door was unlocked, and their entry echoed in the empty room. A strange static coursed from Sookie's fingers, residue from her power, and she slumped into the nearest chair, drained and numb. Eric, feeling these emotions in her, glanced down at her warily, just as Pam emerged from the back room carrying a syringe. She rolled her eyes at the sight of them.
"Unless you have a dead witch to tell me about, what you're here for can wait," she sniped. "I'm not in the mood to deal with your bullshit right now."
"What did you just say to me?" Eric hissed, and Pam's eyes widened before she dropped the syringe.
"Oh thank fucking Christ," she breathed, drawing up to him as if she was about to hug him. She stopped short when she remembered Sookie was there.
"I don't think it would be too much for me to ask what the fuck is going on right now," Eric said.
Before either Sookie or Pam could offer an explanation, there was a whoosh of air and Bill materialised in the bar with blood streaked down the front of his suit.
Pam was none too impressed. "I'm assuming Sabrina isn't actually dead or I wouldn't still feel like a walking fucking corpse."
"No, she's not dead," Bill said. "Sookie somehow broke her spell over Eric just as he was about to kill me."
"What spell?" Eric snapped.
"So it is true," Bill said, eyeing him over before glancing worriedly at Sookie. "You are... yourself again."
Eric caught the look. Thanks for drawing attention to me, Bill.
"And who exactly was I before?"
"That fucking witch Bill sent you to visit made you forget who you were," Pam said, bending to pick up her syringe. She jabbed it straight into her forehead without flinching, and Sookie recoiled. "She also cursed me when I tried to get her to reverse it and now I have to do this four times a fucking day. So if we could find a way to kill the bitch sooner rather than later --"
"Calm down, Pam," Bill said, not unkindly, and Eric's upper lip curled when he observed Pam's obedience.
"How long was I like this?" Eric demanded.
"About a week," Pam sighed.
"I have been walking around for a week without any memory of who I am?"
"You lost a week of your life, boohoo. Least you didn't lose a year," Sookie muttered, hugging herself around the waist.
"You were basically a human," Pam added, but Eric was too distracted by Sookie's mood to hear this comment.
"Marnie - the witch you saw - has been possessed by a spirit called Antonia Gavilán de Logroño," Bill explained, seeing he was getting no help from the two women. "She is a true necromancer. The situation has esculated quite seriously while you've been... indisposed. She has been forcing vampires into the sun."
A flicker of recognition crossed Eric's features at the mention of the name - he had, Sookie supposed, been alive during the inquisition - but he was too impatient for more information. "And what have I been doing these past few days?"
Bill glanced at Sookie. He had the good tact not to reveal everything. "Pam thought it best for your protection if you stayed in the cubby you built at Sookie's house."
Eric turned to regard Sookie fully, not even bothering to hide his suspicion now. "And why has the bond between us been strengthened?" he wanted to know.
Pam made a sound at this information. Bill looked uncomfortable.
"You were injured," Sookie said after a pause. "I healed you."
"And you drank from me because...?"
Sookie looked up at Pam and Bill, who were eyeing them with varying degrees of disapproval and pity.
"Why else do you think?" she said quickly, jumping to her feet. She was terrible at lying, but deflection was her only option at this point. She wasn't ready to deal with his yet. She remembered what she'd said to him when they were lying together in her bedroom, about loving him no matter what, but with Eric staring at her so intently like that, his body charged with the strength and swagger than came from being what he was and who he was, she couldn't do it. She couldn't tell him the truth. She certainly couldn't tell him with Pam and Bill looking on. Their relationship had been so simple and pure when he'd had amnesia, unmarred by the sins he had committed against her. It had been safe. But now it wasn't like that and she felt the risk of exposing herself. She had to grieve for what she had lost before she could even consider it.
"I broke the spell, so maybe we should all just be happy about that," she said, turning to Bill. "Are you heading back to Bon Temps?"
He hesitated. "Yes, but..."
"But what?"
"There is the question of Nan Flanagan."
Sookie hadn't even seen what had happened to the female vampire during the attack. "What about her?"
"She saw you use your powers, Sookie. She's going to have questions. Serious questions."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying she's going to be a problem. The President of the American Vampire League knowing what you are? Who knows what she could do with that information."
"Clearly I've missed a lot," Eric observed, though he seemed to be talking more about the renewed friendship between Bill and Sookie than about Nan.
"I thought her whole schtick was no violence against humans," Sookie said. "Now you're telling me she's going to be a threat?"
"You're not exactly human," Pam pointed out.
Sookie was in no mood for her caustic observations; even if she did have a point.
"Nan is also likely to have questions for you," Bill said to Eric. "Now that you are no longer... infected."
Eric narrowed his eyes at Bill as he attempted to interpret the meaning behind this.
"You did try to kill both of us at the festival," Bill explained.
Eric clenched his jaw as the true extent of Antonia's manipulations sunk in. "I am going to kill this bitch," he said.
"I'll help," Pam snapped.
"You will hold off until we have a suitable plan in place," Bill snapped. "In the meantime, perhaps, considering your... mutual position, it would be best for you Sookie if you stayed here at Fangtasia. Until I can... smooth things over with Ms Flanagan."
Sookie's eyes widened as she tried to convey her so-not-okay with this scenario. While Bill's look was apologetic, it also said she had gotten herself into this situation to begin with and she could deal with the ensuing discomfort. It felt a little bit like his version of punishment.
"You also might want to explain to Eric that he will need to silver himself come dawn," he added, straightening his suit as if he had just reminded himself that he was king, and he did have the final say here.
He bid them goodnight, and Sookie found herself all too suddenly alone with Eric and Pam. And then when Ginger called Pam back to her treatments, just Eric.
Only an hour ago she had been struggling to release her Eric from Antonia's hold. She just wasn't ready for this. The room was quiet, and too still. Eric was examining her closely as if he could determine what he had missed through their bond. She had never really understood what that felt like on their end, but she imagined it to be similar to the sensation she experienced when she couldn't clearly read people's thoughts. It made her uncomfortable to think that someone had that same advantage over her.
"The last time we spoke," he said slowly. "You didn't want me in your house. Funny how that changed."
"Pam offered to pay me," she said. "A lot of money. Plus she reminded me it is technically your house. What was I supposed to do?"
His coy smile disappeared. As he stepped closer she could see he was starting to get genuinely annoyed, frustrated that he couldn't remember. "You will tell me what happened, Sookie. It sounds to me you were the one most around me when I was... in this state."
She felt for him then, even if he was being rather forceful in his reaction. For a moment she just tried to see past his layers of growing hostilty, to the human man underneath. She was positive he was still there. If only she could read his mind! Part of her wanted to confide in him, but most of her wanted to run and hide from his scrutiny.
"You were more human," she said at last. "Like Pam said. Nicer."
Eric gave away little. "What did I remember?"
"Not much. Basic things about being a vampire. Nothing about vampire politics. You didn't know me, or Pam, or Bill. You mentioned a few things about your childhood, I guess."
She mentioned this last fact to see how he would respond to the idea of his total honesty. His expression shuttered. And it confirmed to her what she had not wanted to face. That he was not going to be the same.
"Anything else?" he asked.
She swallowed back her grief. Yes, we made love and you said you would never leave me. You wanted us to run away together.
"No," she murmured.
"Why did we exchange our blood, Sookie?" he persisted.
"I told you why," she said, retreating around the back of the bar. She fiddled with the bottles, made like she was looking for food. There was a mini-fridge there, she remembered Ginger making her a sandwich once.
"I don't believe you. Not even remotely."
"Well that's not really my problem, is it? Though I can see why you might have some trust issues right now."
"God damn it Sookie," he started to stalk around the bar, and she recoiled so sharply he actually stopped. Their eyes met and tears flooded hers. Their appearance disturbed him so much his lips parted.
"Please," she said, and the pain in her voice was so raw it was enough to deter him, something she had never managed to achieve in the past. Whether her tears appealed to some remnant of his amnesiac self, or they emphasised the sadness he felt through their shared bond, she wasn't sure, but he looked ill at ease, and he didn't stop her when she fled the room. She ducked into the bathroom, wedged herself in one of the empty stalls, and rested her forehead against the door in an effort to keep breathing.
*
Later, she ran into Ginger coming out of the basement, and the blonde screamed at her. "Jesus have mercy, you scared me!"
Sookie resisted rolling her eyes; barely. "Sorry."
"I just finished chaining Pam into her coffin," Ginger explained, as if Sookie had asked.
Sookie automatically looked for a window before realising there were, of course, none in sight. "It's daytime already?"
"Almost. Eric's in his office. I had to silver him up real good; almost twice as much as Pam. It's crazy, this witch thing, ain't it? Do you think she's gonna try again today?"
"I don't know," Sookie said quietly.
"I was just making myself a snack before I go back down to sit with Pam. Do you think you could watch over Eric for me? It would have been much easier for me if he'd just agreed to lie low in his coffin down in the basement with Pam, but for whatever reason he wanted to be up in his office. Who am I to question the master, right?" She laughed stupidly, and Sookie wondered how she had lasted as long as she had at Fangtasia.
When Ginger left, she hovered outside Eric's door for too long, knowing he could feel her on the other side. She drew in a calming breath, and went in.
She found him stretched out on a cot in the middle of the room. After closing the door, she stood over his heavily silvered form. Tendrils of smoke rose from his torso, where the chains had been wrapped around and around. His eyes were closed as if he was in a quiet repose, and for a moment she thought he was strong enough to endure the pain and sleep. She even allowed herself to examine the pale, handsome angles of his face before he opened his eyes and caught her.
"Would you check my chains?" he asked flatly. "I can't say I have confidence in Ginger's abilities."
She hesitated before crouching beside him, leaning over his swaddled form to test the strength of the chains. They held firm.
"Pam assures me they will be enough to withstand the necromancer," he said, gritting his teeth.
"They will," she said. "I was with you the first time she cast the spell. They kept you still."
"How reassuring," he said, closing his eyes.
She wondered if he was afraid Antonia would lure him to her again. She was overcome with the need to reassure him. "She won't have all this power forever, you know," she said. "I've visited her coven. Most of them were scared out of their wits even before she started holding them hostage and forcing them to work with her. Without them she's just one person."
"I don't need you to placate me, Sookie," he said tiredly. "I actually remember Antonia Gavilán de Logroño."
"You knew her?" she asked, maybe a little fearful that he had been one of the vampires responsible for her torment.
"Not personally. But what she did to those vampires during the inquisition was legendary. The story passed quickly throughout Europe at the time. Many were fearful that another similarly powerful witch would materialise, though that never happened."
"Oh," she said, and it occurred to her then that the woman Antonia had possessed would probably die as a consquence of all this. She couldn't find it in her to be sorry about that.
"If the chains will hold, there is no reason for you to be here, Sookie," he said.
"I know," she sighed, resting back on her haunches. He was definitely not the Eric who had begged her to stay with him. She wanted, absurdly, to laugh.
"As far as I can tell, any injuries I would have sustained while I was with you were probably the result of what I am doing right now," Eric said.
He opened his eyes to stare at her, and she quickly looked up at something on the wall. "Your point?"
"My point, is that I either attacked you once you freed me, or you offered yourself to me. Considering the fact that I can currently feel my blood running through your veins, I am going to guess it was the second option."
Her heart jolted, but her time alone had given her the opportunity to brace for this conversation.
"Yes," she said eventually.
His eyes remained fixed on her face as he tried to read her, to understand the extent of their new connection. "You offered yourself to me," he repeated. "What else happened, Sookie?"
"A lot of things happened," she said, still staring at the wall.
"Did we kiss?"
She laughed shortly. "Yes."
"Did we have sex?"
The satisfied purr to his voice galled her, the way it always had. She finally looked at him, and felt the urge to lash out. "Yes," she snapped. "We had a lot of sex. And it was good. Maybe because you weren't such a controlling, egotistical jackass."
This didn't really have the desired effect on him. It wiped the amused smirk off his face all right, but that was possibly because he hadn't been expecting her to answer in the affirmative. He hadn't been expecting it.
It was because of that she regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She had never thought anything she could do would affect Eric Northman in this way, but he looked fairly disturbed. The idea that their first time had happened when he wasn't himself, when he was more human, was clearly an insult. And in a way, she had used him. She had never really thought of it that way before, but she had. Sleeping with him while he was not himself was safe for her, but it cheapened the real feelings he did, she knew he did, have for her, and... the feelings she had always secretly harboured for him, even before he became kind and sweet and exactly what she'd needed.
For the first time, she experienced what it was like to have Eric hate her, and it ripped her raw.
"I guess you could say I had to become Bill," was what he said.
It stung, and it wasn't even true. The reasons she had loved him had been far apart from the reasons she had loved Bill.
"You were still you, but you weren't you," she said carefully. "You weren't... distracted by anything. You were completely devoted to me. In a kind of unrealistic way. In a way that... I don't think would have lasted, even if I hadn't known it was temporary."
It was never going to be something she could properly explain to him. He kept his eyes closed, because she had him in the rare position where he couldn't walk out on her or react to her in any way physically, and she sensed him detatching himself. The smoke still lifted from his motionless form, and blood had started to seep from his ears. He would have to suffer through this all day, unable to shut down the way vampires did, unable to retreat. It seemed unfair to continue to torture him. She wasn't sure herself what this meant for the future of their relationship, and she was the one who remembered it all.
"Eric..." she murmured, anxious, sorry.
She lowered her face to his, upset by the thought that she might have hurt him, now that she had been exposed to a truly gentle side of him. He must have felt her there, her breath caressing his skin, but he didn't react until she pressed her lips to his cheek. A concilliatory sort of gesture.
He did not want it. Instead he turned so his mouth was against hers; angry, forceful.
This kiss was different; she felt that immediately. The same, but different. There was something demanding about it. His tongue slipped impatiently in her mouth, as if there was some fundamental truth there he had yet to discover, and she was going to give it to him. She answered with a burning feeling deep in the back of her throat. She could tell he wanted to break free of his chains and throw her to the floor, and she was actually a little glad that he couldn't; she was afraid of him in a way she had never been before. Heat still flared up in her belly, a desperate sort of heat that had been missing when they were together before, because this was what she had wanted it to be like. Even when she was with him, even when she was loving him, she had also wanted the Eric who would devour her, and she'd had to settle for the softer one in his place.
At the same time she was confused, because there was none of the familarity she had grown used to between them, and she was keenly aware that their relationship, such as it was, had come to its end.
When she realised she was pressing into Eric's chains and literally scorching him, she pulled back, gasping. She was both aroused and grief-stricken. He saw it in her face and felt it through their bond and stared at her with such disgust it actually frightened her.
"Go home, Sookie," he said.
It was the only thing she could really do. She rose shakily to her feet, touching a hand to her mouth, wanting - no, needing - him to understand, and fearing that he never would.