(no subject)
You know, I take so much time out of my life just to try to justify to myself the reasons I do the things I do. It's an exquisite form of torture, to constantly battle yourself over every decision you've ever made.
But I digress from the reason I'm posting, I do that when I don't want to cut to the chase. Want to apologize to Denise for waffling on last night, I had a lot of emotions running rampant on my soul. It was tiring, and it was a very long sleepless night for me last night.
I have been posting a lot of entries, now and again, on myspace blog. (Shameless plug) Trying to reason things out to myself, and to seek help and comfort from those I consider my peers. Doesn't usually work.
Sometimes I cross post here, sometimes I don't, but mostly I just write for the writing. I still censor most of what I write though, the only time I don't is when I lash out.
I am desperate in my attempts to cling to the positive aspects of my life, I view them as the salvation of my .. hmm. soul? Rather than use skillful metaphors about this or that, I'll say this.. With out Denise and ashley, the only two who I can talk to regularly, I think my sanity would have fled me long ago.
Ashley only reads my myspace, and Denise gets stalked by me on Yahoo messenger.. sooo. :P
I hope my life gets on track this year, I really do. An I hope that someone will share those moments with me this year. Have to focus on the happiness, an not the sad moments.. If you focus on the sad moments, it destroys you... I know this for fact, because that's what I've been doing.
So Happy moments: Lets see.
1. Planning trip to my Ex's Family reunion in the summer.. Yay I get to see my Grandma
2. Leaving later this month for a ... Get away.. To visit Family.
I have these two things to focus on, and countless others I discover and experience every day and night.
I'd like to have more, and I'd like to have reason to share it with someone. Maybe this year will be the year for me.. ^.^
But I digress from the reason I'm posting, I do that when I don't want to cut to the chase. Want to apologize to Denise for waffling on last night, I had a lot of emotions running rampant on my soul. It was tiring, and it was a very long sleepless night for me last night.
I have been posting a lot of entries, now and again, on myspace blog. (Shameless plug) Trying to reason things out to myself, and to seek help and comfort from those I consider my peers. Doesn't usually work.
Sometimes I cross post here, sometimes I don't, but mostly I just write for the writing. I still censor most of what I write though, the only time I don't is when I lash out.
I am desperate in my attempts to cling to the positive aspects of my life, I view them as the salvation of my .. hmm. soul? Rather than use skillful metaphors about this or that, I'll say this.. With out Denise and ashley, the only two who I can talk to regularly, I think my sanity would have fled me long ago.
Ashley only reads my myspace, and Denise gets stalked by me on Yahoo messenger.. sooo. :P
I hope my life gets on track this year, I really do. An I hope that someone will share those moments with me this year. Have to focus on the happiness, an not the sad moments.. If you focus on the sad moments, it destroys you... I know this for fact, because that's what I've been doing.
So Happy moments: Lets see.
1. Planning trip to my Ex's Family reunion in the summer.. Yay I get to see my Grandma
2. Leaving later this month for a ... Get away.. To visit Family.
I have these two things to focus on, and countless others I discover and experience every day and night.
I'd like to have more, and I'd like to have reason to share it with someone. Maybe this year will be the year for me.. ^.^