More Bertuzzi
Recently, in an effort to improve his approval rating within the Colorado Hockey Fan Community, Vancouver Canucks Winger Todd Bertuzzi sent us a letter. In his letter, Bertuzzi attempted to show Colorado hockey fans that he really isn't a bad guy, hoping that in writing, he can let the real Todd Bertuzzi shine through. Bertuzzi promised to send follow-up letters as needed. His latest letter, in it's entirety, follows:
Dear Colorado Avalanche Fans -
Here's ho ho ho hoping that this letter finds you in the Christmas Spirit! As for me, I've really been in the Christmas Spirit the last few days, and it's quite uplifting!
It all started last week, when we had a few days off during a homestand. I got home from practice and checked the mail. I was elated to find that a CD I had ordered, Hitler's Greatest Speeches, Vol. 1 had finally arrived! Some guys get fired up by listening to Metallica, others hardcore rap. As for me, I've always found that listening to Hitler really get's me in the zone.
Well, this called for a celebration, so I decided to go cruising for hookers. First, I smoked a couple of rocks of crack cocaine. Then I broke into my neighbor's house and stole a bottle of Jim Beam. I took the bottle, popped in my Hitler CD, and headed for downtown (after stopping off to fill of my gas tank with free, drive-off gas.)
Eventually, I found a hooker and we drove around, drinking the Jim Beam. As we were cruising, we ended up in a neighborhood in which all the houses were decorated with Christmas lights and displays. One home in particular was done up rather well. As I looked at the home, I thought "now why don't I do something like this to my home?" After determining that the homeowner's weren't home, the hooker and I got busy, stealing the lights and the display. This took us about an hour - it's actually pretty amazing how much work one can do when properly motivated.
After we got back to my house, the hooker and I smoked some more crack, and we drank a bottle of Jack Daniels I stole on the way home. Then we opened up the windows, cranked up my Hitler CD, and got to work setting up the display. After we finished with the display, we got started on the lights.
You Colorado fans think that Steve Murray had it rough after I jumped him on the ice that night? Well at least Steve Murray is walking and stuff. Just as we were finishing up the lights, the hooker fell off the roof, landed on her head, and died.
I didn't panic. I finished up the Jack Daniels, smoked another rock, and then did what needed to be done. I buried the hooker in my neighbor's backyard, then went home and called it a night.
You know what the cool thing about all of this is? My house won the $500 prize for best display! I used the cash to buy more cocaine.
So here's hoping that your holiday season is going as well as mine is!
Don't worry, I'll be writing again real soon. Until then -
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Your buddy,
Todd
Dear Colorado Avalanche Fans -
Here's ho ho ho hoping that this letter finds you in the Christmas Spirit! As for me, I've really been in the Christmas Spirit the last few days, and it's quite uplifting!
It all started last week, when we had a few days off during a homestand. I got home from practice and checked the mail. I was elated to find that a CD I had ordered, Hitler's Greatest Speeches, Vol. 1 had finally arrived! Some guys get fired up by listening to Metallica, others hardcore rap. As for me, I've always found that listening to Hitler really get's me in the zone.
Well, this called for a celebration, so I decided to go cruising for hookers. First, I smoked a couple of rocks of crack cocaine. Then I broke into my neighbor's house and stole a bottle of Jim Beam. I took the bottle, popped in my Hitler CD, and headed for downtown (after stopping off to fill of my gas tank with free, drive-off gas.)
Eventually, I found a hooker and we drove around, drinking the Jim Beam. As we were cruising, we ended up in a neighborhood in which all the houses were decorated with Christmas lights and displays. One home in particular was done up rather well. As I looked at the home, I thought "now why don't I do something like this to my home?" After determining that the homeowner's weren't home, the hooker and I got busy, stealing the lights and the display. This took us about an hour - it's actually pretty amazing how much work one can do when properly motivated.
After we got back to my house, the hooker and I smoked some more crack, and we drank a bottle of Jack Daniels I stole on the way home. Then we opened up the windows, cranked up my Hitler CD, and got to work setting up the display. After we finished with the display, we got started on the lights.
You Colorado fans think that Steve Murray had it rough after I jumped him on the ice that night? Well at least Steve Murray is walking and stuff. Just as we were finishing up the lights, the hooker fell off the roof, landed on her head, and died.
I didn't panic. I finished up the Jack Daniels, smoked another rock, and then did what needed to be done. I buried the hooker in my neighbor's backyard, then went home and called it a night.
You know what the cool thing about all of this is? My house won the $500 prize for best display! I used the cash to buy more cocaine.
So here's hoping that your holiday season is going as well as mine is!
Don't worry, I'll be writing again real soon. Until then -
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Your buddy,
Todd