We're not outta this yet (ota)

[marauding_miss]

For the most part, Rogue was not a social creature. By pure survival instinct, she closed herself off to a lot of things, and making friends was one of them. She had a few friends, just a few. A handful maybe. Of course, Spokane and then the illness, that shot all of that in the foot with a gallon of buck shot and a few sticks of TNT

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[movetheearth]

So this whole pretending that everything is mostly okay routine? Well it's pretty easy going as long as you can avoid talking to other people, though not always. Especially in a camp where you have to attend P/T or sit in a mess hall to eat with other people. Apparently, sometimes, you have to bite the proverbial bullet and just get on with it, so that's what Ric has been doing. Getting on with his routine around camp in the hope that he'll work out a way to get the balls to talk to Rogue, without it seeming too obvious that he's been missing her.

By no long shot has he completely forgiven her, the Mexican is still hurt, but after a good talking to by Lorna he's seeing a bit more sense. Usually (and this is his default setting really) Ric would ignore the issue at hand and be all blase about it. But he can't be because it's Rogue and although she said some pretty bitchy, nasty, selfish, mean -- okay getting off track here -- things, he misses his sister

[marauding_miss]

She's not admitting to anything; not the catching in her throat as she spotted him, not the thump of her heart as he walked past her to the middle of the buildings, not the sting of tears at the blatant rejection. She can remember everything she said, everything they shouted at each other, because it plays over and over in her head and she can't even remember what she'd been thinking. Those are things she never would've said, things she'd never had fired at him, and she wishes he'd understand that it was another case of just attacking himself

[movetheearth]

The lighter refuses to co-operate and it's infuriating, enough that Ric hurls the thing at the ground and glares at it before he rummages in his pockets to see if he's got another one spare. He's got another three, but that's not the point. The rolley catches light at last and Ric finally looks up to see that Rogue has her face hidden against her knees, long hair with its distinctive white stripe, hanging down to act like a curtain.

Cigarette between his fingers, he sucks at the side of his thumb, a nervous gesture as he watches his Rogue and wonders what the fuck he's going to say. Sorry I slapped you but you kissed my boyfriend? No, that sounds too false. I only lashed out because you said those bitchy things. No, still placing the blame on Rogue, and despite her having said those things Lorna had been right and her wisdom played over and over in Ric's head at night; 'Are you more upset that she kissed your boyfriend rather than finding someone else to kiss, or are you actually genuinely under the impression that she was seriously

[marauding_miss]

With her knees pressing into her eyes, Rogue makes a point on pressing just shy of too hard, making her eyeballs ache but stopping the tears because she is not some stupid little girl who is going to cry over a boy not talking to her. Her Mama would slap her twice as hard if that happened

[movetheearth]

Look up the word ISSUES in the dictionary and beneath that definition will be a picture of Julio, or at least there should be along with the title Queen King of these. His reaction to walking in on Rogue and Martini kissing had been a gut instinct reaction, not thought put into it at all. Just a desperate need to make it clear that Martini was his. My Martini. Mine. And he would have done the same to most others, only Ophelia would get away with being quite so hands on but she was different. And the slap? Well the slap was as a result of hearing the shit that he'd buried for years, no-one like to know that they're fucked up, no-one likes to hear how disgustingly messy and dark their repressed little secrets are. That you're seen to be an alcohol dependent jerk because you can't deal with the reality of your life. That nothing is a secret anymore

[marauding_miss]

Eyes trained on his knee, where the tin is balanced, Rogue listens and considers. That was probably their only other big fight, and that had been an accident. "Y' get awful catty when y'r cornered, don't'cha."

She said it softly, not wanting to spark another fight, but it was the truth. They'd both gotten way too involved in that and all the little niggles from their budding relationship was aired for the entire camp. "An' Ah think it was you that called it Operation Havoc, jus' puttin' that out there."

Back then, they'd used Remy as a reason to fight, or he had. This time it had been Mark. Sort of. "Y' think maybe we're gettin' too like siblings? Fightin' over boys?" It wasn't like she was too interested anyway, not like she could really get close to anyone anyway.

[movetheearth]

"Like Wade and Logan always seem to think, I'm not good at fighting my own battles. Not like I can throw a decent punch." All there is from Ric is a slight shrug of his shoulders, his gaze still focused on the task at hand. "I'm used to hiding behind others because all I'm good for is spouting shit. Pointless, nasty, catty shit."

He sets a completed cigarette down and starts on another one, needing to find something to do with his hands now that he's stubbed out his previous rolley. Rogue is right though, he'd been the one to give it a name, they'd also said stuff -- well Ric had said some really uncalled for stuff and nearly gotten his lights knocked out.

"Is that a complaint? Because I'd rather have that then nothing..." He licks at the paper, twirling the cigarette between his fingers and thumbs. "Anyway it's not the boys we're fighting over, or at least not what I'm fighting with you over.

[marauding_miss]

"Ah dunno, y' slap like a girl, an' that sorta hurts." She didn't really mean to bring it up, but there it was. Her remark from his slap to her face. It didn't hurt really, more the shock and the surprise that he'd actually hit her. But then, she hadn't exactly held back.

"Ah dunno really," she didn't want to be one of those cases, the siblings that she'd heard about that always got bitchy and catty. She'd always thought she and Rictor were different, that she wouldn't be that kind of sister and he'd never really get that kind of angry with her. "Ah mean, we kinda got outta hand."

See, she was putting her own blame in there too. She absolutely knew that she probably shouldn't have said those things, but it wasn't exactly her fault, she wasn't escaping with that, blaming his noise in her head for the reasoning, because he wouldn't understand. He just didn't want to understand. "We don't talk 'bout things. We let 'em pile up, we jus' explode once in a while an' it's kinda shit when we do."

[movetheearth]

His actions falter for a moment, the cigarette he's working on rolled a little too hard so that the paper splits and the tobacco spills back into the tin. Ric sighs under his breath and balls up the wasted paper, flicking it off his thumb and towards the grass. "I shouldn't have done that."

Starting with a new piece of paper he offers the pack to Rogue, she was the one who'd always done this for him when he'd made the slow transition. Sure, he still smoked a pack of cigarettes occasionally, but Rogue had at least made Ric promise that if he was going to slowly kill himself, could he at least do it a little slower with roll-ups. "I guess we did."

It's a case of where they are both circling the words I'm sorry, that much is obvious, but Ric just can't quite bring himself to say it just yet. Things got said, some of the true -- okay most of them true. Just Ric was finding it hard to understand why Rogue hadn't just told him up front what was going on rather than kissing Martini. With a nod Ric takes one of his pre-rolled cigarettes and

[marauding_miss]

That wasn't a sorry, and she understands that, so she doesn't mention it. Just taking the pack from him, settling the tin on the step between them and starting on rolling him up a few cigarettes. "Mah daddy smoked roll ups. He'd get too drunk t' get it right sometimes, always shout me f'r help. Ah was twelve when Ah perfected it." She padded up the right amount of tobacco so that it was a decent smoke but still rolled correctly, slotting in the filter tip and rolling it in her fingers before licking the paper and sticking it

[movetheearth]

"My Padre, he smoked a pipe. I can still smell it now, remember sitting in his lap when I was little and watching him as he signed paperwork and dealt with phone calls in his office. The smell of tobacco and pipes reminds me of him, cigars too, but those were for special occasions only." Ric sets down another newly rolled cigarette next to Rogue's and picks up another filter paper, resuming the task.

"Lorna was right, you were dealing with having me in your head and being sick... and I wasn't helping things by yelling." Ric spits a bit of errant tobacco out and takes a draw from his cigarette. Hearing it like this, that Rogue is worried about him makes Ric feel guilty. Scuffing his boot along the step, he watches the hazy swirl of smoke a it rises up from his cigarette and dissipate. "I know. I can't take back what I said either but Rogue I'm fine. Look, all that stuff you were dealing with from me, well you've not had the years to get over it. Accept that it's a part of you and get on with it. It's alright, I understand that now

[marauding_miss]

She remembers that, faintly, because she doesn't have a lot of memories of his father except for the last one. The one she really didn't want, the one that makes her want to call her own Daddy just to hear his voice.

"Lorna, huh." It doesn't bother her that he's talking about things to someone else, not really. It's good that he is, because it's helpful. But Rogue doesn't know who Lorna is, so it irks just a little. Even as she hears him talk, there's that voice in her head yammering away at the same time, Rictor's words almost drowned out by Julio's and Rogue tries to focus on rolling the cigarette but fails to block out the voices.

Stuff? Can't even say it, it's just stuff. High dependency, low rate idiot. Stuff. It's just stuff. Teenagers deal with stuff, stock brokers deal with stuff. This is serious, this'll kill him. Julio's voice just keeps going and Rogue stops rolling to stare at her knees. She has to swallow down the anger, stop herself from lashing out, from listening to that voice. "Well Ah'm so glad you understand that

[movetheearth]

The tone of voice catches Ric off guard and his jaw works up and down as he searches for the right words. In the back of his mind a voice is screaming at him. Tell her the truth! Tell her just how fucking hard it is to be you! Tell her now, whilst you've got a chance. But Ric stomps down on that voice and buries it amongst all those other things in his head and heart

[marauding_miss]

She has to brush the concrete off her fist, taking her glove off and beating it down on the step before slotting it back on and clenching her hand inside. Sighing, she's more bothered about centring herself before she speaks because she doesn't want to mess things up more

[movetheearth]

Teeth grinding Ric tries to play off the comments with a smile, but he can feel that itch that starts in the back of his mind. Soon it'll progress and work its way beneath his skin, till Ric needs something to drink to numb the pain. That voice of self-doubt starts up as soon as Ric lets the thought grab hold. And won't that just be something Rogue can gloat about? I mean that's what she's digging at huh? You let everyone down don't you? Such a fuck up Julio. Always have been and always will be. Ric doesn't pay much attention to the ash from his cigarette that falls onto his arm, just brushes it off before taking a drag

[marauding_miss]

Later is fifteen years from now when he's in a hospital bed with liver failure. Later is years from now when he's so messed up he levels another city. Later is years from now when he's chased everyone away and there's a call through about how they've found this body, and could someone come and claim it.

"Yeah, darlin', we can talk about it later." She doesn't want to bench the issue, because God knows it'll be so hard to bring up. But she's still got to make amends with Mark, to make sure Mark understands that no one is really to blame for what happened, that it all just got out of hand and really, he should try and talk to Rictor.

It's going to be hard on her side, she knows that. He'll bury it along with everything else, pretend things are fine and make like they never had their fight. He'll treat her the way he always did -probably just a little wary of touching her until even that fades away. But Rogue isn't that good at repression, least of all when there's a voice niggling away at her. "So we're good?"