We're not outta this yet (ota)

[marauding_miss]

For the most part, Rogue was not a social creature. By pure survival instinct, she closed herself off to a lot of things, and making friends was one of them. She had a few friends, just a few. A handful maybe. Of course, Spokane and then the illness, that shot all of that in the foot with a gallon of buck shot and a few sticks of TNT

Comments

[movetheearth]

So this whole pretending that everything is mostly okay routine? Well it's pretty easy going as long as you can avoid talking to other people, though not always. Especially in a camp where you have to attend P/T or sit in a mess hall to eat with other people. Apparently, sometimes, you have to bite the proverbial bullet and just get on with it, so that's what Ric has been doing. Getting on with his routine around camp in the hope that he'll work out a way to get the balls to talk to Rogue, without it seeming too obvious that he's been missing her.

By no long shot has he completely forgiven her, the Mexican is still hurt, but after a good talking to by Lorna he's seeing a bit more sense. Usually (and this is his default setting really) Ric would ignore the issue at hand and be all blase about it. But he can't be because it's Rogue and although she said some pretty bitchy, nasty, selfish, mean -- okay getting off track here -- things, he misses his sister.

Heading back from the mess hall Ric is rolling a cigarette, filter tip trapped between his lips as he manages to walk and not drop the rolling paper or tobacco. Tucking the filter before the tobacco he licks the paper, glancing up as he approaches Lincoln House and spying Rogue, as he rolls the cigarette into it's final shape. Normally he'd sit on the steps but there's no way he's about to tell Rogue to move so instead he makes an abortive maneuver, and moves to stand between the two buildings and lights up.

Yeah.

This isn't going to be awkward at all.

[marauding_miss]

She's not admitting to anything; not the catching in her throat as she spotted him, not the thump of her heart as he walked past her to the middle of the buildings, not the sting of tears at the blatant rejection. She can remember everything she said, everything they shouted at each other, because it plays over and over in her head and she can't even remember what she'd been thinking. Those are things she never would've said, things she'd never had fired at him, and she wishes he'd understand that it was another case of just attacking himself.

She loves him dearly, but Rogue wished that Julio -the one that constantly blabbered in her mind, riled her up and made such catty, bitchy comments would just shut his mouth and go to the back of her mind like all the rest. But he's talking to her at least, and her Ric isn't, which is painful.

Glancing to the side, Rogue bites her bottom lip, considering walking over to try and start talking to him, but she remembers the slap, and the glare, and the anger. And maybe Rictor doesn't want to talk to her anymore. And that just makes her chest hurt a little. The only way she can control her tears, and make it not look like she's crying, is to drop her head onto her knees, letting her hair fall around in a curtain over her head.

God, when did she get so pathetic?

[movetheearth]

The lighter refuses to co-operate and it's infuriating, enough that Ric hurls the thing at the ground and glares at it before he rummages in his pockets to see if he's got another one spare. He's got another three, but that's not the point. The rolley catches light at last and Ric finally looks up to see that Rogue has her face hidden against her knees, long hair with its distinctive white stripe, hanging down to act like a curtain.

Cigarette between his fingers, he sucks at the side of his thumb, a nervous gesture as he watches his Rogue and wonders what the fuck he's going to say. Sorry I slapped you but you kissed my boyfriend? No, that sounds too false. I only lashed out because you said those bitchy things. No, still placing the blame on Rogue, and despite her having said those things Lorna had been right and her wisdom played over and over in Ric's head at night; 'Are you more upset that she kissed your boyfriend rather than finding someone else to kiss, or are you actually genuinely under the impression that she was seriously trying to steal your boyfriend and not just a little bit lost under all these crazy, scary emotions and things that she didn't get?' So much was said between them, and most of those hurtful words were only painful because they were the truth.

Ric takes another drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke out in one long breath before he crosses to stand by the steps to Lincoln House where Rogue is sat. Like a child he fidgets, shifting his weight from foot to foot. There's no denying that he loves Rogue, she's the reason he's smoking tobacco rather than the pack bought cigarettes he usually favours.

Leaning in his nudges a knee against her side.

[marauding_miss]

With her knees pressing into her eyes, Rogue makes a point on pressing just shy of too hard, making her eyeballs ache but stopping the tears because she is not some stupid little girl who is going to cry over a boy not talking to her. Her Mama would slap her twice as hard if that happened.

It's not just that Ric slapped her, it's not just that he was a prissy little bitch -he's always a prissy little bitch, she can tell that now because he doesn't shut up and keeps cat fighting with Carol. But she loves him for being a prissy little bitch anyway. No, the biggest problem is that he didn't listen to her, that he just jumped right in there and started firing off accusations and just couldn't take the truth when she told him.

She didn't like touching people for a reason, because things like this happened and she was sick of losing friends because she knew too much about them.

When her side was nudged, she was about to get mad, just because she was being disturbed. Lifting her head, blinking past the flare of light and the slight ache from the pressure she put on her eyes, Rogue nearly leaps to her feet when she sees it's Rictor, standing right there. Smack his stupid face and walk away, go on, smack it.

Shaking her hair loose, back from her face, she sort of slides over, as if to invite him to sit without using words -because right then, there's the chance that they won't be her words.

[movetheearth]

Look up the word ISSUES in the dictionary and beneath that definition will be a picture of Julio, or at least there should be along with the title Queen King of these. His reaction to walking in on Rogue and Martini kissing had been a gut instinct reaction, not thought put into it at all. Just a desperate need to make it clear that Martini was his. My Martini. Mine. And he would have done the same to most others, only Ophelia would get away with being quite so hands on but she was different. And the slap? Well the slap was as a result of hearing the shit that he'd buried for years, no-one like to know that they're fucked up, no-one likes to hear how disgustingly messy and dark their repressed little secrets are. That you're seen to be an alcohol dependent jerk because you can't deal with the reality of your life. That nothing is a secret anymore.

There's a moment where Ric can see in Rogue's eyes that she's tempted to lash out, it's no less than he deserves really, but the threat of it still makes him tense. But rather than punching him with all she's worth, and boy Ric knows she could sock him one good, Rogue shifts over to make room for Julio on the steps.

Sitting Ric doesn't move away when they jostle against one another, he keeps his gaze facing front, watching the camp as he sucks on his cigarette and rummages for his tobacco tin. His attempts at rolling cigarettes aren't bad, some of them are a little more misshaped than others, but that's mostly because he's trying to do three things at once as he rolls them. Balancing the tin on his knee Ric takes out a filter paper and some tobacco, starting to roll a new cigarette.

"First time you an' me fell out was in Africa, a staged fight. You remember? For that stupid plan of yours to give Bradley time to hack the computers mission... no wait -- Operation Havoc, yeah. That's what we called it."

[marauding_miss]

Eyes trained on his knee, where the tin is balanced, Rogue listens and considers. That was probably their only other big fight, and that had been an accident. "Y' get awful catty when y'r cornered, don't'cha."

She said it softly, not wanting to spark another fight, but it was the truth. They'd both gotten way too involved in that and all the little niggles from their budding relationship was aired for the entire camp. "An' Ah think it was you that called it Operation Havoc, jus' puttin' that out there."

Back then, they'd used Remy as a reason to fight, or he had. This time it had been Mark. Sort of. "Y' think maybe we're gettin' too like siblings? Fightin' over boys?" It wasn't like she was too interested anyway, not like she could really get close to anyone anyway.

[movetheearth]

"Like Wade and Logan always seem to think, I'm not good at fighting my own battles. Not like I can throw a decent punch." All there is from Ric is a slight shrug of his shoulders, his gaze still focused on the task at hand. "I'm used to hiding behind others because all I'm good for is spouting shit. Pointless, nasty, catty shit."

He sets a completed cigarette down and starts on another one, needing to find something to do with his hands now that he's stubbed out his previous rolley. Rogue is right though, he'd been the one to give it a name, they'd also said stuff -- well Ric had said some really uncalled for stuff and nearly gotten his lights knocked out.

"Is that a complaint? Because I'd rather have that then nothing..." He licks at the paper, twirling the cigarette between his fingers and thumbs. "Anyway it's not the boys we're fighting over, or at least not what I'm fighting with you over.

[marauding_miss]

"Ah dunno, y' slap like a girl, an' that sorta hurts." She didn't really mean to bring it up, but there it was. Her remark from his slap to her face. It didn't hurt really, more the shock and the surprise that he'd actually hit her. But then, she hadn't exactly held back.

"Ah dunno really," she didn't want to be one of those cases, the siblings that she'd heard about that always got bitchy and catty. She'd always thought she and Rictor were different, that she wouldn't be that kind of sister and he'd never really get that kind of angry with her. "Ah mean, we kinda got outta hand."

See, she was putting her own blame in there too. She absolutely knew that she probably shouldn't have said those things, but it wasn't exactly her fault, she wasn't escaping with that, blaming his noise in her head for the reasoning, because he wouldn't understand. He just didn't want to understand. "We don't talk 'bout things. We let 'em pile up, we jus' explode once in a while an' it's kinda shit when we do."

[movetheearth]

His actions falter for a moment, the cigarette he's working on rolled a little too hard so that the paper splits and the tobacco spills back into the tin. Ric sighs under his breath and balls up the wasted paper, flicking it off his thumb and towards the grass. "I shouldn't have done that."

Starting with a new piece of paper he offers the pack to Rogue, she was the one who'd always done this for him when he'd made the slow transition. Sure, he still smoked a pack of cigarettes occasionally, but Rogue had at least made Ric promise that if he was going to slowly kill himself, could he at least do it a little slower with roll-ups. "I guess we did."

It's a case of where they are both circling the words I'm sorry, that much is obvious, but Ric just can't quite bring himself to say it just yet. Things got said, some of the true -- okay most of them true. Just Ric was finding it hard to understand why Rogue hadn't just told him up front what was going on rather than kissing Martini. With a nod Ric takes one of his pre-rolled cigarettes and lights it.

"You know what I'm like though Rogue, weren't you the one who said I repressed things. That I was becoming a dependent because I've not got the balls to face it?" He picks at a stitching of his cargos, thumbnail running up and under the length. The words had struck home and this, right here, is why Ric is still hurting.

[marauding_miss]

That wasn't a sorry, and she understands that, so she doesn't mention it. Just taking the pack from him, settling the tin on the step between them and starting on rolling him up a few cigarettes. "Mah daddy smoked roll ups. He'd get too drunk t' get it right sometimes, always shout me f'r help. Ah was twelve when Ah perfected it." She padded up the right amount of tobacco so that it was a decent smoke but still rolled correctly, slotting in the filter tip and rolling it in her fingers before licking the paper and sticking it.

Putting it on the tin, she started another, using the process to clear her mind a little. "Ah could'a worded that better Ah s'pose." But when Carol's being a bitch, and Julio's being a queen, well there was only so much she could handle. "It's jus' that," it's just that she knows it all now, and she's worried, she's scared. She sees what he's not dealing with and she knows he should be dealing with it.

"Ah worry is all." Even now, she's so tempted to go to all those places she knows of and clear out his stashes of booze, so tempted to find every drop of alcohol and ditch it. "What Ah said, Ah," she meant every word of it, and she knew she did, but at the same time, "Ah can't take 'em back."

[movetheearth]

"My Padre, he smoked a pipe. I can still smell it now, remember sitting in his lap when I was little and watching him as he signed paperwork and dealt with phone calls in his office. The smell of tobacco and pipes reminds me of him, cigars too, but those were for special occasions only." Ric sets down another newly rolled cigarette next to Rogue's and picks up another filter paper, resuming the task.

"Lorna was right, you were dealing with having me in your head and being sick... and I wasn't helping things by yelling." Ric spits a bit of errant tobacco out and takes a draw from his cigarette. Hearing it like this, that Rogue is worried about him makes Ric feel guilty. Scuffing his boot along the step, he watches the hazy swirl of smoke a it rises up from his cigarette and dissipate. "I know. I can't take back what I said either but Rogue I'm fine. Look, all that stuff you were dealing with from me, well you've not had the years to get over it. Accept that it's a part of you and get on with it. It's alright, I understand that now."

Rogue is right though, even if Ric can't see it or acknowledge the fact, he's got a hell of a lot of problems boiling and bubbling away beneath the surface and one day they'll come to a head and something will snap. Finally Ric turns to look at Rogue and offers her a small but genuine smile. "It was a spur of the moment thing right? But it's okay. We're okay right?"

[marauding_miss]

She remembers that, faintly, because she doesn't have a lot of memories of his father except for the last one. The one she really didn't want, the one that makes her want to call her own Daddy just to hear his voice.

"Lorna, huh." It doesn't bother her that he's talking about things to someone else, not really. It's good that he is, because it's helpful. But Rogue doesn't know who Lorna is, so it irks just a little. Even as she hears him talk, there's that voice in her head yammering away at the same time, Rictor's words almost drowned out by Julio's and Rogue tries to focus on rolling the cigarette but fails to block out the voices.

Stuff? Can't even say it, it's just stuff. High dependency, low rate idiot. Stuff. It's just stuff. Teenagers deal with stuff, stock brokers deal with stuff. This is serious, this'll kill him. Julio's voice just keeps going and Rogue stops rolling to stare at her knees. She has to swallow down the anger, stop herself from lashing out, from listening to that voice. "Well Ah'm so glad you understand that now. Ah'm glad that you understand that Ah just need t' get over it."

She can't help the sharp tone. Placing the rolled up cigarette to the tin, Rogue brushes off her legs and stands up. "But it's a little bit harder for someone that can actually see just what your doing to yourself, and that ain't something Ah can just get over an' brush aside, you Goddamned idiot."

She gets as far as the first set of stairs inside before she puts her fist through the wall and sighs. Great, now she needs to go apologise to Ric and then explain why there's a hole in the wall to the Captain or Miss Frost. Head hanging low, she makes her way back outside, slumping down on the stairs.

"Ah'm sorry, Ah didn't mean that. Ah mean, Ah did, but it ain't-" she's doing a bang up job of explaining things. "The noise, in mah head, it gets t' me. An' y' keep fightin' with Carol and it just makes her irritable an' then y' get all huffy an' Ah get pissed an' say things Ah don't mean." It's a long way to explain just how loud and noisy and bitchy he is. "Ah'm sorry."

[movetheearth]

The tone of voice catches Ric off guard and his jaw works up and down as he searches for the right words. In the back of his mind a voice is screaming at him. Tell her the truth! Tell her just how fucking hard it is to be you! Tell her now, whilst you've got a chance. But Ric stomps down on that voice and buries it amongst all those other things in his head and heart.

He honestly thought that they were getting somewhere with the talking, at least they weren't throwing punches or snide remarks but this? It's a step backwards and Ric feels like he is watching a train wreck. Rogue's yelling at him, calling him an idiot and telling him that she can see what he's doing to himself. And to think Ric had genuinely thought he was doing better this time around.

"Wait! Ro-Rogue!" She's gone before he can stop her and Ric stays sat on the step, grabbing a new cigarette and barely finishing the other before he's lighting up once more and puffing away. The tin gets pushed aside as Ric rests his elbows on his knees and scowls at the world. He can hear the thud of something crashing into the wall and then silence, before the entrance to Lincoln House swings open and Rogue settles back onto the step next to him.

Ric is listening to the apology but he hears the unsaid words just as loudly as those Rogue speaks. You're killing yourself. This is serious. You've got a problem and neither drinking and smoking will make it go away... you can flirt all you like compañero, but it don't stop the hurting. Flicking the ash from his cigarette to the ground Ric, firmly and resolutely puts asides the fact that he wants to talk about his feelings and turns to smile at Rogue, the walls going back up in place that keep him apart from everything he's buried for all these years. "It's alright. I'm sorry too, for slapping you and reacting the way I did over the whole Martini kiss thing. I don't get... I'm just... whatever... it's fine."

[marauding_miss]

She has to brush the concrete off her fist, taking her glove off and beating it down on the step before slotting it back on and clenching her hand inside. Sighing, she's more bothered about centring herself before she speaks because she doesn't want to mess things up more.

"It ain't something we can just forget about, an' Ah'm sorry Ah kissed y'r boyfriend, Ah probably fucked that up too. But Ah jus'...It just felt like he was mahn. An' y'r an awful possessive bastard, darlin', Ah mean, really. The thoughts y'all have. It's a little worrying jus' how possessive y' can be." Not that it bothered her when she was on the other side of it, not really. Because he was handsy and charming and protective too. But now she was fighting back those personality traits.

"Ah ain't good at explainin' mah powers. But for a while, after we touched, it felt like Ah was you, okay? That's why Ah did it, an' Ah'm sorry Ah hurt ya, Ah don't wanna do that, an' Ah don't wanna say things that hurt ya, but it's like word vomit sometimes." Especially when Carol and Julio were playing sabotage.

"Don't worry 'bout the slap, Ah sorta deserved it."

[movetheearth]

Teeth grinding Ric tries to play off the comments with a smile, but he can feel that itch that starts in the back of his mind. Soon it'll progress and work its way beneath his skin, till Ric needs something to drink to numb the pain. That voice of self-doubt starts up as soon as Ric lets the thought grab hold. And won't that just be something Rogue can gloat about? I mean that's what she's digging at huh? You let everyone down don't you? Such a fuck up Julio. Always have been and always will be. Ric doesn't pay much attention to the ash from his cigarette that falls onto his arm, just brushes it off before taking a drag.

"I don't think Martini hates you," Ric exhales the smoke. "If anyone it's me he resents for hitting you, but thank you." He can't help that he's possessive, a constant fear of abandonment means Ric either ends up leaving before he can get hurt (case in point Ophelia) or he clings so tightly to the ones he loves and cherishes that they either get sick of it (Rogue) or seem oblivious to the reasons why (Martini.) "I just get so caught up in him sometimes, everyone really. But with Martini I worry that he'll get wise and leave me, or he'll have a weird turn thanks to his mutation and leave." Or he'll see just how fucked up I really am and want to leave. Everyone I know, goes away in the end.

With a sigh Ric leans back, arms resting on the step above so he can recline. "I'm not saying we should forget it, just I really don't want to talk about it any more Rogue. We both said things that we can't take back and I just don't want to dwell on it right now. Later, can we talk about it later? Please?"

It's a trademark move, if it's too painful to talk about then bury deep deep down and hope that the other person will let it go. Because if they keep hashing it over and over Ric is going to have to give in to his urges and rummage around for his flask. Which will only give Rogue more ammo and whilst things are still so tense, well it's just not a good idea.

[marauding_miss]

Later is fifteen years from now when he's in a hospital bed with liver failure. Later is years from now when he's so messed up he levels another city. Later is years from now when he's chased everyone away and there's a call through about how they've found this body, and could someone come and claim it.

"Yeah, darlin', we can talk about it later." She doesn't want to bench the issue, because God knows it'll be so hard to bring up. But she's still got to make amends with Mark, to make sure Mark understands that no one is really to blame for what happened, that it all just got out of hand and really, he should try and talk to Rictor.

It's going to be hard on her side, she knows that. He'll bury it along with everything else, pretend things are fine and make like they never had their fight. He'll treat her the way he always did -probably just a little wary of touching her until even that fades away. But Rogue isn't that good at repression, least of all when there's a voice niggling away at her. "So we're good?"