The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I just finished reading “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” for the first time. I know, I’m behind the curve, haha. I’ve wanted to read it for a while, because several of my friends have quotes from it on their facebook profiles, but it took the movie coming out to get me to actually read it (so I could decide whether or not to see the movie). Anyway, I literally JUST finished it, so my head is still in that post-reading fog, so I’m not sure if any of this will come out making sense (and also, it’s clearly in the author’s voice, because I’m a voice sponge, haha), but I needed to get it out before I forget it.
I’m a little scared by just how much I relate to Charlie (the main character). His high school experience reminds me SO MUCH of my college experience. Minus the drugs and alcohol (which I was exposed to, but never partook of). Also, I’ve never read a book before where the main character’s mind seemed to work the way mine does. It’s a little scary. If you haven’t read the book, there’s no way I could describe it as well as Charlie does, so just read it if you want to know what I mean. My life experiences are absolutely nothing like Charlie’s when it comes to childhood and family, but our brains work the same way. We react the same way. And we struggle with the same ultimate challenge of a natural observer trying to “participate” in life rather than just observing.
In fact, when I started thinking about writing this, I ALMOST slipped into the same kind of panic mode that Charlie does. Luckily, I was able to get control of my thoughts before that happened. But it made me realize that part of why reading is such an escape for me is because I DON’T control my thoughts when I’m reading. I don’t have to. I get so caught up in the story, that everything else just disappears. And it’s the only time I’m truly relaxed, because I’m not spending so much energy desperately trying to control my thoughts so that I don’t fall off a mental cliff. And the second I become aware of that and start needing to control my thoughts again, the magic starts to slip away.
I wish I didn’t feel the need to control my thoughts. I wish I could just let them go and not worry about what might happen to me or where they’ll take me. I wish I didn’t have to struggle every day with anxiety…especially anxiety about slipping into depression again. I know I’m in a MUCH better place than I’ve been in a long time, and I’ve started to believe that I truly am rid of my depression for good. But reading this book made me scared - what if I’m wrong? I know once I come out of the book fog, I’ll feel better, and realize I was just being silly and overreacting. But this is a place I never want to go again.
I’m not going to see the movie. I just decided that. I’m trying to surround myself with positive influences rather than negative ones, and even though I LOVED this book, and felt so connected to the characters (especially Charlie), I just think it was a little TOO real for me. It reminded me of a part of my life that I’ve worked really hard to get out of, and my goal is to stay out of it for good. So for my own mental health, I won’t see the movie. Or read the book again. Unless I change my mind, which is also totally possible.
The book fog is starting to lift now (although I’m still stuck in the author’s voice, apparently, lol), and I’m feeling a little better. If anyone reads this, please don’t get all worried about me, I’m really fine. I just needed to get this down on “paper” (haha) before I came out of the book fog completely and lost it forever. Thanks.
I’m a little scared by just how much I relate to Charlie (the main character). His high school experience reminds me SO MUCH of my college experience. Minus the drugs and alcohol (which I was exposed to, but never partook of). Also, I’ve never read a book before where the main character’s mind seemed to work the way mine does. It’s a little scary. If you haven’t read the book, there’s no way I could describe it as well as Charlie does, so just read it if you want to know what I mean. My life experiences are absolutely nothing like Charlie’s when it comes to childhood and family, but our brains work the same way. We react the same way. And we struggle with the same ultimate challenge of a natural observer trying to “participate” in life rather than just observing.
In fact, when I started thinking about writing this, I ALMOST slipped into the same kind of panic mode that Charlie does. Luckily, I was able to get control of my thoughts before that happened. But it made me realize that part of why reading is such an escape for me is because I DON’T control my thoughts when I’m reading. I don’t have to. I get so caught up in the story, that everything else just disappears. And it’s the only time I’m truly relaxed, because I’m not spending so much energy desperately trying to control my thoughts so that I don’t fall off a mental cliff. And the second I become aware of that and start needing to control my thoughts again, the magic starts to slip away.
I wish I didn’t feel the need to control my thoughts. I wish I could just let them go and not worry about what might happen to me or where they’ll take me. I wish I didn’t have to struggle every day with anxiety…especially anxiety about slipping into depression again. I know I’m in a MUCH better place than I’ve been in a long time, and I’ve started to believe that I truly am rid of my depression for good. But reading this book made me scared - what if I’m wrong? I know once I come out of the book fog, I’ll feel better, and realize I was just being silly and overreacting. But this is a place I never want to go again.
I’m not going to see the movie. I just decided that. I’m trying to surround myself with positive influences rather than negative ones, and even though I LOVED this book, and felt so connected to the characters (especially Charlie), I just think it was a little TOO real for me. It reminded me of a part of my life that I’ve worked really hard to get out of, and my goal is to stay out of it for good. So for my own mental health, I won’t see the movie. Or read the book again. Unless I change my mind, which is also totally possible.
The book fog is starting to lift now (although I’m still stuck in the author’s voice, apparently, lol), and I’m feeling a little better. If anyone reads this, please don’t get all worried about me, I’m really fine. I just needed to get this down on “paper” (haha) before I came out of the book fog completely and lost it forever. Thanks.