Bad Habits, Stagnation, and Cravings
Lately I've been noticing some bad habits that I have. The biggest of which, right now, is that I am really bad at being proactive, even when I'm highly motivated. For example: Marcus and I have been talking about getting a dog since fairly early on in our relationship. In our apartment, it wasn't really feasible, but when we moved into the house, that was something I thought would happen fairly quickly. But here we are six and a half months later, and we still haven't made any real progress towards that goal. Yeah, we've gone to the adoption events a couple of times to meet some doggies, but we still haven't done any of the things we need to do to actually get a dog (like get our fence fixed, find a vet, fill out an application, etc.). Every time we do make it out to an adoption event, we talk about how we need to do all of those things...but then we don't actually DO them. This time, I plan to push harder. I've been waiting too long for this not to happen, especially if it's because of my stupid bad habits!
Which leads me to my next point: stagnation. I feel like my life is stagnating. I know this is normal and to be expected to some extent, as we were so busy planning our wedding, and then buying our house, and now we don't have any big life event to keep us moving forward. But facebook has been blowing up lately with people getting engaged (which is a GREAT thing, I'm SO happy and excited for those of you in that group!) and especially people having babies...I want kids SO badly (both of us do), and I feel my biological clock ticking as my classmates start to turn 30. But here, again, I run into this issue of talking about needing to make progress, but then not actually doing anything about it. I keep MEANING to make more of an effort, but things happen, and my mood shifts, and then I just...don't. *sigh*
Maybe all of this feeling of stagnation leads me to feel a need to live vicariously through my family and friends (whose lives all seem much more interesting and exciting than mine), or maybe I've just been unintentionally antisocial lately, but for the past few days, I have been intensely craving deep conversation. You know, the kind of conversation where you totally lose track of time, and you feel a real connection to the other person. Whenever I get these cravings, there are certain people I tend to gravitate towards, who I want to have these conversations with, but then again, it's much easier to have conversations like that with people whose stories you don't already know. This is a conundrum I wrestle with a lot. I'd love to have conversations like this with my sister, for example, or with some newer friends who I've never had the opportunity to delve deeper with yet. But I find myself trying instead to talk with the same people I've had these types of conversations with in the past: Cliff, Pearl, Michelle, Gabbie...but also yearning to have these conversations with other friends, some old who I just haven't caught up with like that in a while (Cara, Laura, Lianna, Emma, Nina, even Chris, and others come to mind), and some newer who I don't really know well enough to attempt that kind of conversation with (Cat, Drew, Ada, Lindsey, etc.). I'm not quite sure how to remedy this situation. It was so much easier in school, when we were all thrown together, in close proximity all the time. That environment was much more conducive to satisfying these cravings. Now I have to actually make a LOT of effort, and it doesn't work anyway when it's forced like that.
Also, just so you know, even though I haven't been keeping up with my own livejournal recently, I do still read all of yours! So keep them coming :)
Which leads me to my next point: stagnation. I feel like my life is stagnating. I know this is normal and to be expected to some extent, as we were so busy planning our wedding, and then buying our house, and now we don't have any big life event to keep us moving forward. But facebook has been blowing up lately with people getting engaged (which is a GREAT thing, I'm SO happy and excited for those of you in that group!) and especially people having babies...I want kids SO badly (both of us do), and I feel my biological clock ticking as my classmates start to turn 30. But here, again, I run into this issue of talking about needing to make progress, but then not actually doing anything about it. I keep MEANING to make more of an effort, but things happen, and my mood shifts, and then I just...don't. *sigh*
Maybe all of this feeling of stagnation leads me to feel a need to live vicariously through my family and friends (whose lives all seem much more interesting and exciting than mine), or maybe I've just been unintentionally antisocial lately, but for the past few days, I have been intensely craving deep conversation. You know, the kind of conversation where you totally lose track of time, and you feel a real connection to the other person. Whenever I get these cravings, there are certain people I tend to gravitate towards, who I want to have these conversations with, but then again, it's much easier to have conversations like that with people whose stories you don't already know. This is a conundrum I wrestle with a lot. I'd love to have conversations like this with my sister, for example, or with some newer friends who I've never had the opportunity to delve deeper with yet. But I find myself trying instead to talk with the same people I've had these types of conversations with in the past: Cliff, Pearl, Michelle, Gabbie...but also yearning to have these conversations with other friends, some old who I just haven't caught up with like that in a while (Cara, Laura, Lianna, Emma, Nina, even Chris, and others come to mind), and some newer who I don't really know well enough to attempt that kind of conversation with (Cat, Drew, Ada, Lindsey, etc.). I'm not quite sure how to remedy this situation. It was so much easier in school, when we were all thrown together, in close proximity all the time. That environment was much more conducive to satisfying these cravings. Now I have to actually make a LOT of effort, and it doesn't work anyway when it's forced like that.
Also, just so you know, even though I haven't been keeping up with my own livejournal recently, I do still read all of yours! So keep them coming :)