(no subject)
i'm begining to think there's something wrong with me.... why can't i move on? it's been six months. there were rumors that he was back in town and that people saw him at the mall... well that's all false. i texted him and asked him why he came back to EC... it's the least he could do for me... and he said he hasn't been back and doesn't plan on it. i told him i hope i could trust him... cause if i see him around here, he won't live to see the next day. last thing i said was good luck.... and i got a 'you too'. when you give literally everything you can to someone just so they can turn around and ruin your life, that hurts. fucking sucks. for a first 'relationship', i sure picked out a winner. as bad as i never want to see him again, i do. and that's what makes me feel like a piece of shit. why would i wanna see someone who didn't care about me at all and would just hurt me again?? that's what i can't figure out. but i'm like that... as much as i know it'll hurt, i don't care. if i want it, i want it... and try so hard to get it. but with this, there is no trying. just me sitting here wishing i could go back to a time where i was so ignorant. and life seemed so sweet.... yeah
and now i'm falling behind in school again. for no reason. just because i'm stupid. lazy. and if i miss a few classes, i get too scared to go back and face the teacher..
i'm a moron.
i miss my brother more then ever. i call him and he never calls me back. i talked to him on saturday when i was drunk and i told him i want to talk to him more and if i call, he should answer.. he's like 'of course i'll answer, i'm your brother'...... no calls back.
my birthday is this weekend..... the only thing i'm excited for is to see mische and isa. that's it.
i'm in such a down mood. sure i can be happy around someone for a while, but that goes away rather quickly.
it sucks.
just not feeling myself lately.
emotionally. physically. mentally.
blah.
when i talk to him, it's like i experience it all over again.
and now i'm falling behind in school again. for no reason. just because i'm stupid. lazy. and if i miss a few classes, i get too scared to go back and face the teacher..
i'm a moron.
i miss my brother more then ever. i call him and he never calls me back. i talked to him on saturday when i was drunk and i told him i want to talk to him more and if i call, he should answer.. he's like 'of course i'll answer, i'm your brother'...... no calls back.
my birthday is this weekend..... the only thing i'm excited for is to see mische and isa. that's it.
i'm in such a down mood. sure i can be happy around someone for a while, but that goes away rather quickly.
it sucks.
just not feeling myself lately.
emotionally. physically. mentally.
blah.
when i talk to him, it's like i experience it all over again.