(no subject)
Well well well...
more dates.
=D
I went on two more. one was with someone named brandon, very sexy, very nice guy. one problem - he is 31 years old. I know, =O.... I'll make the date with him short. it was short in of itself because of my situation at home, but we went out to eat and back to his friends' place. there was a slight problem, and that was that he and his friend iris [janet] smoke marijuana. and they wanted to do it right there before we went in to eat. I guess I don't have a problem with people smoking weed, but just that he felt he HAD to do it right there in front of me baffled me. however they did ask me if I minded, and since I didn't want to start any problems with these people that I had just met that very day, I said no. so I watched them take a few hits before we went into the restaurant to eat.
this could have been the weed, but he was very Lively. very entertaining. I didn't have to do much work to impress him. Iris was very nice too, and after a while I decided that I liked the two of them. the food was good. he was very attractive, and I was concerned that he was not going to like me because of my size. however, he didn't seem to have a problem with that and even still considers me attractive. I was pleased with that. we just went back to his friend's place, [whom I met earlier that evening], I guess to just sit there and hang out for the remainder of my self-imposed alotted time. there they smoked more marijuana while I was there and since I felt uncomfortable I asked if I could use their computer and check my mail while I did that. I amused them with kittenbreak.com and puppybreak.com and then I made my impression as a nice person to them.
This was last week. I usually talk to brandon on the phone about different things and it's nice talking to him; he's made a good impression on me. I forget how old he is sometimes. one thing concerned me, and that was last night he was getting sexual with me over the internet/phone the same way that matt nevo was during the summer when I turned 18. I told him about that, and about how it wasn't a good idea and about my experience with matt. Instead of trying to convince me like matt did that it was okay to be sexual and it was okay to do this and that and to enrapture ourselves in fantasy...he told me that my logic made sense and that he would calm down. Which he did. and called me today anyway, instead of abandoning me for not putting anything out. Good sign.
Now to my next date, Lawrence. Man.....and I have to say this.....he is HOT! Just like with brandon, I couldn't believe someone so beautiful was interested in the likes of me. I took a huge risk in calling him. Reason being, his personality online was that of a determined person, someone who takes no B.S. from people. And he's a bit of a partier. and when I say a bit you know that I mean a huge one. LOL! he left his number a while back...I'd always been scared to use it. We didn't talk much in the last two months, but he messaged me every once in a while saying he'd still like to meet me and take me out. so two days ago I had absolutely NOTHING to do and wanted someone to go out with...I had been counting on going to lunch with local matt or hanging out with brandon but that never happened, both were busy...and I'd told lawrence online about my situation at home and how it would be a good idea to at least meet before the semester ended, so that I never had to have the pain of sneaking out during the break.
Soo I'd remembered that he'd given me his number...and I was scared..thinking does he really want to go out with me? is he really interested in traveling the distance to meet me? But I really wanted to do something that day with so much time to spare. So I called and left a message saying who I was and exactly what I was calling for LOL! Needless to say...he called back shortly :) we worked something out around his schedule and my schedule and after some talking on the phone about different things like his job and his past, I finally met him. I had to wait for him, so I called home to lie about going to the movies with xtine and matt and my parents thankfully bought it - so I had more time with him that evening.
I was effin scared. and when I stepped into his car, [it was raining outside], I saw exactly what was on my computer screen - a strong, beautiful man. and it smelled like weed in the car - lol - he does the green too. like I said, I suppose I don't mind that.
so he was talkative - which I like - I don't have much of a life so I run out of jokes pretty quick. he introduced himself and talked about how terrible traffic was. He asked me where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, and after some joking around about how sexy math is, [but it's really no joke], we decided to eat at farmer boys. it tasted great, and strangely? I was outgoing and talkative with him, who we were ordering from, and anyone else we ran into that night. I was happy. I stared at who was taking me out and kept puffing my chest out to look more sexy, lol, but he told me he thought I was a 'hottie'. LOL! he wanted to see a movie with me and I decided that we had time to do that. lol, this is where he started puttin the moves on me. which...I was nervous about, but didn't necessarily NOT want.
I told him more about my home-life, he told me more about his. I always like that. that kind of way of connecting. we get to the movie theatre and we don't know what to see, and we finally decide on beowulf. I'd read the book in AP lit last year, and needless to say, with angelina jolie and her boobs in it, it was nothing like the book.
but we go in the movie theatre and we're sitting together up in the top right corner, just laughing about the stupid parts of the movie and how beowulf gets naked for like every battle he's in. in the middle, he asked in the CUTEST way you could imagine, "can I hold your hand??..."and I smiled teasingly and unsurely and said..."uhhhh....I dunno.....:):)..." and laughing about it, and he asked am I making you nervous, and I said a little *giggle giggle* but eventually after that and him pretending to be scared and holding onto me for the durating of those parts, it happened and we held hands. I was scared because I knew how soon this was, and you know what happens when you do these sorts of things too soon without knowing how you feel. but in any event I engaged in it and held hands, and it felt soooooo gooooood....lol I had to control my hormones. but I liked just being there with him, and I was not nervous [well nervous about holding hands and getting close like that but NOT nervous for once in my life about the way I looked or being interesting. I'd already found out that he was really into me.]
we leave. he asks if he can kiss me but I did protest at that. he labels my type [those ones who don't even kiss on the first date] but he respects it, and he takes me home and I say that I don't want to go home, and he says he would like to spend more time with me. I liked that. Since I didn't want to leave, we parked down my street and talked some more with the rain pouring onto the windows [it was so hot!] and then he takes me home...except I forget my mp3 player in the movie theater!!! we go back to get it [calling home first of course] but they're closed...and I call the next day and they don't have it :( :( :( but he's so sweet and says he will replace it because it is 'all his fault' [lol now you know he's really trying to win me] but of course I will not let him do that because it was really MY fault for leaving it there! lol
but yeah...he was amazing. I'm seeing him again in just a few minutes :) I was supposed to see brandon today but he has business to do. so since it's so close to break [I mean prison] and lawrence has time off today, that's why I decided to see him :)
do I even have time to talk about NJ Matt? yeah, I suppose I do. I listened to dr. laura today while getting ready to come here to RCC and take my final.
a girl called...she was 19, and her boyfriend was 29. [lol, matt and I are 28 and 18.] dr. laura said she should dump him. She talked about how a 29 year old being interested in a teenage girl meant something different. She said that it showed that if he's really interested in someone her age, he's interested in someone whom he knows will look up to him as a 'hero' and her everything, and that she will also put up with a lot of bullshit. She said that he's doing this because he probably thinks a woman his own age would never tolerate what his 19 year old tolerates of him.
this...is soo.....TRUE!
goodness!
look at all the abuse I've taken from matt this past year. look at how I was used.
look at how I long I've been hanging around. no wonder teenagers are targets in this sort of thing. that phone call meant a lot to me, and I will use it when I talk to matt next time.
while I was working out, I had angry thoughts about matt. I hated him for wanting his ex the way he does and only because his ex has become god from all his hard work in the gym. this is why matt has taken up the gym so vehemently - not because of me. he didn't tell me this, but since he said he has had ex issues and I saw his pics, I put two and two together. he is really as flawed in the same way I am, and he is lower than me because I go out on dates all the time wheras he fucks people via the internet, and probably real life too for that matter. and to put a cherry ontop of the sundae, I friended his ex andrew and am going to get to know him, and get on his side of the boat. I don't know what he will be like or if he will even respond. but we will see. if everything goes the way I've been thinking it would, he and I will become friends and matt will be zilch with him, due to how I imagine we both will be talking about him. No, I will not sit back as matt's 28 year old ass gets off scott free. action needs to be taken. but with these recent dates with brandon and lawrence...I haven't done much thinking about matt. lol. just today. now that I know I am capable of meeting nice guys like them, why am I getting so worked up about this jerk in new jersey? the mystery of the century.
I did well on my math final. yay :)
now time to freshen up in the bathroom for my second date :O)
oh, I had drama with herman and he wrote a blog about me, to which I responded very badly. don't remember if I told you the second half or even the first half. herman, whom I cut off and blocked two days ago, is a little ameoba in the hierarchy of what I have been thinking about and what has been important to me. so I will not barf anymore at the sight of him or the thought of being used for sex by him -- as he said in his blog, that is what he was planning on doing with me.
lol, that little shit. finally I'm free of him.
now I promise I'll get out of here :D
more dates.
=D
I went on two more. one was with someone named brandon, very sexy, very nice guy. one problem - he is 31 years old. I know, =O.... I'll make the date with him short. it was short in of itself because of my situation at home, but we went out to eat and back to his friends' place. there was a slight problem, and that was that he and his friend iris [janet] smoke marijuana. and they wanted to do it right there before we went in to eat. I guess I don't have a problem with people smoking weed, but just that he felt he HAD to do it right there in front of me baffled me. however they did ask me if I minded, and since I didn't want to start any problems with these people that I had just met that very day, I said no. so I watched them take a few hits before we went into the restaurant to eat.
this could have been the weed, but he was very Lively. very entertaining. I didn't have to do much work to impress him. Iris was very nice too, and after a while I decided that I liked the two of them. the food was good. he was very attractive, and I was concerned that he was not going to like me because of my size. however, he didn't seem to have a problem with that and even still considers me attractive. I was pleased with that. we just went back to his friend's place, [whom I met earlier that evening], I guess to just sit there and hang out for the remainder of my self-imposed alotted time. there they smoked more marijuana while I was there and since I felt uncomfortable I asked if I could use their computer and check my mail while I did that. I amused them with kittenbreak.com and puppybreak.com and then I made my impression as a nice person to them.
This was last week. I usually talk to brandon on the phone about different things and it's nice talking to him; he's made a good impression on me. I forget how old he is sometimes. one thing concerned me, and that was last night he was getting sexual with me over the internet/phone the same way that matt nevo was during the summer when I turned 18. I told him about that, and about how it wasn't a good idea and about my experience with matt. Instead of trying to convince me like matt did that it was okay to be sexual and it was okay to do this and that and to enrapture ourselves in fantasy...he told me that my logic made sense and that he would calm down. Which he did. and called me today anyway, instead of abandoning me for not putting anything out. Good sign.
Now to my next date, Lawrence. Man.....and I have to say this.....he is HOT! Just like with brandon, I couldn't believe someone so beautiful was interested in the likes of me. I took a huge risk in calling him. Reason being, his personality online was that of a determined person, someone who takes no B.S. from people. And he's a bit of a partier. and when I say a bit you know that I mean a huge one. LOL! he left his number a while back...I'd always been scared to use it. We didn't talk much in the last two months, but he messaged me every once in a while saying he'd still like to meet me and take me out. so two days ago I had absolutely NOTHING to do and wanted someone to go out with...I had been counting on going to lunch with local matt or hanging out with brandon but that never happened, both were busy...and I'd told lawrence online about my situation at home and how it would be a good idea to at least meet before the semester ended, so that I never had to have the pain of sneaking out during the break.
Soo I'd remembered that he'd given me his number...and I was scared..thinking does he really want to go out with me? is he really interested in traveling the distance to meet me? But I really wanted to do something that day with so much time to spare. So I called and left a message saying who I was and exactly what I was calling for LOL! Needless to say...he called back shortly :) we worked something out around his schedule and my schedule and after some talking on the phone about different things like his job and his past, I finally met him. I had to wait for him, so I called home to lie about going to the movies with xtine and matt and my parents thankfully bought it - so I had more time with him that evening.
I was effin scared. and when I stepped into his car, [it was raining outside], I saw exactly what was on my computer screen - a strong, beautiful man. and it smelled like weed in the car - lol - he does the green too. like I said, I suppose I don't mind that.
so he was talkative - which I like - I don't have much of a life so I run out of jokes pretty quick. he introduced himself and talked about how terrible traffic was. He asked me where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, and after some joking around about how sexy math is, [but it's really no joke], we decided to eat at farmer boys. it tasted great, and strangely? I was outgoing and talkative with him, who we were ordering from, and anyone else we ran into that night. I was happy. I stared at who was taking me out and kept puffing my chest out to look more sexy, lol, but he told me he thought I was a 'hottie'. LOL! he wanted to see a movie with me and I decided that we had time to do that. lol, this is where he started puttin the moves on me. which...I was nervous about, but didn't necessarily NOT want.
I told him more about my home-life, he told me more about his. I always like that. that kind of way of connecting. we get to the movie theatre and we don't know what to see, and we finally decide on beowulf. I'd read the book in AP lit last year, and needless to say, with angelina jolie and her boobs in it, it was nothing like the book.
but we go in the movie theatre and we're sitting together up in the top right corner, just laughing about the stupid parts of the movie and how beowulf gets naked for like every battle he's in. in the middle, he asked in the CUTEST way you could imagine, "can I hold your hand??..."and I smiled teasingly and unsurely and said..."uhhhh....I dunno.....:):)..." and laughing about it, and he asked am I making you nervous, and I said a little *giggle giggle* but eventually after that and him pretending to be scared and holding onto me for the durating of those parts, it happened and we held hands. I was scared because I knew how soon this was, and you know what happens when you do these sorts of things too soon without knowing how you feel. but in any event I engaged in it and held hands, and it felt soooooo gooooood....lol I had to control my hormones. but I liked just being there with him, and I was not nervous [well nervous about holding hands and getting close like that but NOT nervous for once in my life about the way I looked or being interesting. I'd already found out that he was really into me.]
we leave. he asks if he can kiss me but I did protest at that. he labels my type [those ones who don't even kiss on the first date] but he respects it, and he takes me home and I say that I don't want to go home, and he says he would like to spend more time with me. I liked that. Since I didn't want to leave, we parked down my street and talked some more with the rain pouring onto the windows [it was so hot!] and then he takes me home...except I forget my mp3 player in the movie theater!!! we go back to get it [calling home first of course] but they're closed...and I call the next day and they don't have it :( :( :( but he's so sweet and says he will replace it because it is 'all his fault' [lol now you know he's really trying to win me] but of course I will not let him do that because it was really MY fault for leaving it there! lol
but yeah...he was amazing. I'm seeing him again in just a few minutes :) I was supposed to see brandon today but he has business to do. so since it's so close to break [I mean prison] and lawrence has time off today, that's why I decided to see him :)
do I even have time to talk about NJ Matt? yeah, I suppose I do. I listened to dr. laura today while getting ready to come here to RCC and take my final.
a girl called...she was 19, and her boyfriend was 29. [lol, matt and I are 28 and 18.] dr. laura said she should dump him. She talked about how a 29 year old being interested in a teenage girl meant something different. She said that it showed that if he's really interested in someone her age, he's interested in someone whom he knows will look up to him as a 'hero' and her everything, and that she will also put up with a lot of bullshit. She said that he's doing this because he probably thinks a woman his own age would never tolerate what his 19 year old tolerates of him.
this...is soo.....TRUE!
goodness!
look at all the abuse I've taken from matt this past year. look at how I was used.
look at how I long I've been hanging around. no wonder teenagers are targets in this sort of thing. that phone call meant a lot to me, and I will use it when I talk to matt next time.
while I was working out, I had angry thoughts about matt. I hated him for wanting his ex the way he does and only because his ex has become god from all his hard work in the gym. this is why matt has taken up the gym so vehemently - not because of me. he didn't tell me this, but since he said he has had ex issues and I saw his pics, I put two and two together. he is really as flawed in the same way I am, and he is lower than me because I go out on dates all the time wheras he fucks people via the internet, and probably real life too for that matter. and to put a cherry ontop of the sundae, I friended his ex andrew and am going to get to know him, and get on his side of the boat. I don't know what he will be like or if he will even respond. but we will see. if everything goes the way I've been thinking it would, he and I will become friends and matt will be zilch with him, due to how I imagine we both will be talking about him. No, I will not sit back as matt's 28 year old ass gets off scott free. action needs to be taken. but with these recent dates with brandon and lawrence...I haven't done much thinking about matt. lol. just today. now that I know I am capable of meeting nice guys like them, why am I getting so worked up about this jerk in new jersey? the mystery of the century.
I did well on my math final. yay :)
now time to freshen up in the bathroom for my second date :O)
oh, I had drama with herman and he wrote a blog about me, to which I responded very badly. don't remember if I told you the second half or even the first half. herman, whom I cut off and blocked two days ago, is a little ameoba in the hierarchy of what I have been thinking about and what has been important to me. so I will not barf anymore at the sight of him or the thought of being used for sex by him -- as he said in his blog, that is what he was planning on doing with me.
lol, that little shit. finally I'm free of him.
now I promise I'll get out of here :D