(no subject)
When I was young, I took piano lessons. When it was time to practice, I would lay the piece on the piano and study it - really visualizing how I was going to play it. Then I'd place my fingers on the keys and say to myself, "Now I am going to play this song perfectly."
Invariably, of course, I would eventually hit a wrong note, and this would break my heart. I would slam the keys with my palms and start to cry. Slowly, I would pull myself together, wipe my nose, grit my teeth and say, "Okay. This time I will play this song perfectly."
I've never really thought of myself as a perfectionist, I guess because I've never thought of my personal standards as being particularly high. But here is my point: I don't know how to make a mistake and just keep going. For some neurotic reason, I feel that I must start over in order to correct myself. Unfortunately, this is a wholly impractical way to approach life. And yet.
So I am kinda redoing my life again. I'm taking it as an opportunity to correct many mistakes that I've made, and it is daunting. Hopefully I will have the strength of character to continue on once I start making mistakes from here on out, because I don't know if I have the energy to start all over again. I can't quit life like I quit piano.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, one of the mistakes I've become aware of is that I have taken you, Livejournalers and Livejournal-readers, for granted. I find that I really care for you all, even though I have given you little more than a sparse spattering of comic strips and scattered thoughts over the years. Perhaps I believed that I could not be part of this community without posting comics or drawings. Perhaps I believed that none of you would be interested in knowing me any better than my comics allowed.
That said, one of the biggest things I took for granted was Sticks and Stones. I have realized that writing a comic every day makes me happy. I have a few lingering commitments that need to be addressed before I relaunch my website, but know that it is coming. And soon. Or soon-ish.
Invariably, of course, I would eventually hit a wrong note, and this would break my heart. I would slam the keys with my palms and start to cry. Slowly, I would pull myself together, wipe my nose, grit my teeth and say, "Okay. This time I will play this song perfectly."
I've never really thought of myself as a perfectionist, I guess because I've never thought of my personal standards as being particularly high. But here is my point: I don't know how to make a mistake and just keep going. For some neurotic reason, I feel that I must start over in order to correct myself. Unfortunately, this is a wholly impractical way to approach life. And yet.
So I am kinda redoing my life again. I'm taking it as an opportunity to correct many mistakes that I've made, and it is daunting. Hopefully I will have the strength of character to continue on once I start making mistakes from here on out, because I don't know if I have the energy to start all over again. I can't quit life like I quit piano.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, one of the mistakes I've become aware of is that I have taken you, Livejournalers and Livejournal-readers, for granted. I find that I really care for you all, even though I have given you little more than a sparse spattering of comic strips and scattered thoughts over the years. Perhaps I believed that I could not be part of this community without posting comics or drawings. Perhaps I believed that none of you would be interested in knowing me any better than my comics allowed.
That said, one of the biggest things I took for granted was Sticks and Stones. I have realized that writing a comic every day makes me happy. I have a few lingering commitments that need to be addressed before I relaunch my website, but know that it is coming. And soon. Or soon-ish.