Friday nonsense. Silliness in the air.
As a former flight attendant and current flight attendant trainer, I've witnessed and heard hundreds of things being said on a plane that have made people either burst into laughter or get the WTF look on their face. Things could get rather strained at times when the pilot drops a verbal bomb from their dark-humor arsenal, and the one way to fix that is if the flight attendants fight fire with fire and respond in a witty way. And mind you, dumb passengers asking dumb questions are a whole universe of silliness of its own.
So here are some examples.
Dumb questions by passengers...
"The pilot has gone to the toilet, who's driving the plane now?"
"My kids look bored. Do you have someone on the crew who could do card tricks?"
"Can't you really open the window for a while?"
"Can I smoke a cigarette at the balcony?"
"Could you please tell the pilot to fly lower so I can see the city?"
Complaint: "The stewardesses were not nearly as sexy as I expected".
"Excuse me, why don't I have mobile phone coverage here?"
Pilot WTF moments...
"Good evening, everybody. Let me greet someone here on board who is having the first flight in their life, and also makes 50 today. Let us all wish a happy birthday to our chief pilot!"
"Delta Airlines is proud to announce that it has some of the best pilots in the world on the team. Unfortunately none of them is on board of this plane at the moment".
"If you are flying with your kid, please help them put the oxygen mask on. If you are flying with several kids, perhaps it is now the time to decide which of them is your favorite".
"Thank you all, and remember that no one loves you and your money more than Southern Airlines does".
"Thank you for flying with us, and have a good day. The last one to remain on board will do the cleaning".
"Ladies and gentlemen, the smokers sector is on the right-side wing. You could use the place to smoke a cigarette - if you somehow manage to get there".
"We apologize for the delay. A passenger from the flight from Frankfurt has decided to throw up the food we served him there".
"Upon leaving the plane, please do not forget to take all your belongings. Anything that remains behind will be divided among the crew. We thank you in advance if you do not forget to take your wife and children".