and like every birth, it was a necessary pain. i know, i know, it's all worth the wait.
Well there I have gone, writing a fairly long paragraph that was depressing and meandering, but now I feel better and all those words seem foreign to me now, and I don't think I should post them. Yes, I am literally in the hardest part of my life thus far, but I see very little profit to be gained from getting angry and bitter at anything or anybody because of it. It is going to be okay. Sometimes I kind of wish I could dump onto someone the details of everything that is going on, but again, I see no reason to dwell on it in writing when I have to face it nearly every moment of every day anyway. I am letting it go. Do not worry about me, but rather pray for me and add your hope to mine.
In better news, The Winter Olympics. Okay, I love sports, but never got into them much because I hate the amount of strife that competition causes between people, but the winter olympics never fail to make me want to try ice skating one more time because I love watching it. And speed-skating is by far my favorite olympic sport. The first race that Apolo skated last night was so brilliant. He glided around everyone elegantly and his moves were very well-thought out. And J.R. Celski! He's adorable (and likes indie music and reading interesting books and is modest about his accomplishments so far), but he really is a good skater and he's come really far. I'm not sure if he's skating again this week (Apolo skates on Wednesday I believe, so I'd guess J.R. will skate that night, too), but if he does I hope he has a chance at another medal, this time better than bronze.
I'm trying to take it slowly, day-by-day, reading more and writing and working out my poetry and trying to find a glimmer of something greater as I look to the future. I don't know what's happening or why it's happening or what I should say about it except that I still have hope. And I am living off of that. It could be worse, but it isn't, and it won't be. It will never be worse. And anyway, I have chocolate, lots of it (too much -- well, that's not really possible), and my hold on the next book in the in R. Sutcliff's Eagle of the Ninth series should be in at the library either tomorrow or the next day, and there is always V.N. in March and Fiddler and people. There is always people. And there is always Jesus even when everything is hazy and blurry and bloody and dark and meandering. He is always there. And with Him comes a warm sense of wisdom that fills everything even when I'm struggling to believe. It will get better. I will do everything I've ever wanted to do. I have to, for one reason or another. I mean, I don't have to, but I should.
Happy Valentine's Day. :)
In better news, The Winter Olympics. Okay, I love sports, but never got into them much because I hate the amount of strife that competition causes between people, but the winter olympics never fail to make me want to try ice skating one more time because I love watching it. And speed-skating is by far my favorite olympic sport. The first race that Apolo skated last night was so brilliant. He glided around everyone elegantly and his moves were very well-thought out. And J.R. Celski! He's adorable (and likes indie music and reading interesting books and is modest about his accomplishments so far), but he really is a good skater and he's come really far. I'm not sure if he's skating again this week (Apolo skates on Wednesday I believe, so I'd guess J.R. will skate that night, too), but if he does I hope he has a chance at another medal, this time better than bronze.
I'm trying to take it slowly, day-by-day, reading more and writing and working out my poetry and trying to find a glimmer of something greater as I look to the future. I don't know what's happening or why it's happening or what I should say about it except that I still have hope. And I am living off of that. It could be worse, but it isn't, and it won't be. It will never be worse. And anyway, I have chocolate, lots of it (too much -- well, that's not really possible), and my hold on the next book in the in R. Sutcliff's Eagle of the Ninth series should be in at the library either tomorrow or the next day, and there is always V.N. in March and Fiddler and people. There is always people. And there is always Jesus even when everything is hazy and blurry and bloody and dark and meandering. He is always there. And with Him comes a warm sense of wisdom that fills everything even when I'm struggling to believe. It will get better. I will do everything I've ever wanted to do. I have to, for one reason or another. I mean, I don't have to, but I should.
Happy Valentine's Day. :)