Pink Pineapples are Not Fashion Forward
It's strange to start thinking about school.
I don't know what it's going to be like, living at home. I'm trying to make a concentrated effort to stay at home. I need to be used to staying home on school nights, just relaxing and doing homework or whatever. And my friends need to be used to me not always being around too. I feel like if I'm kinda strict about not going out when i have school, at least at first, my friends won't ask me to hang out. I feel the need to just re arrange my room.... sort of like nesting just to get into the mentality of school. Not to mention if my room isn't clean I'll find the excuse to clean it instead of doing work. I'm thinking that this semester won't be so bad. I don't foresee a lot of work coming from Psych, Math will probably suck but it's only twice a week. And education classes are usually paper oriented and it's typically one or two major papers so that shouldn't be too bad.
I know i need to get a job but i keep putting it off. I guess I'm not really willing to give up my freedom. I want to get a job in some sort of office just so I can keep my evenings and weekends. I wish Erie still wanted me.... as much as i hate that job at points, it was nice to be done at 5 and have awesome flexibility with my hours. not to mention a ton of down time with nothing to do except surf the web or read. I did pick up an application at White House Black Market. I feel like that could be a fun job... easy and of course I love that store so it could be fun.
Fern had a good idea... to ask for two months of just trial to see how the substitute teaching thing works out. And if I'm not called a whole lot or if I'm not making enough money then i can get a job with a more steady income. I really am starting to regret not saving enough money this summer. I need to be saving money for Italy.
So much happens so fast. I just wish I didn't care. Anyone else. ANYONE and I have to deal with her. again. I just don't understand. Part of me just wants to completely ignore everything. I think that's what I'm going to attempt to do. I don't know what else to do. Hiding my feelings never really works, I'm way too passive aggressive, but maybe this time I'll really try to just not think about it. It's not like I can do anything about it. I just hate that the more independent of her I try to become the more I feel territorial and the more I feel like I have so much to lose. I don't want her around. So hopefully they'll just hole up together for a week and then the same thing that always happens will, without fail, happen again, and I can look at all the pieces. I just don't want her around. I don't want her to go to Newman, I don't want her at Market, I don't want her to meet the Painter guys, I don't want her to know Megan or Sarah or Gracie or anyone else I don't even want her to know about the scooter. I just want her to not try to get in and i know that he's too stupid to keep it separate. But I can't have my way because my way is stupid. I can't be possessive of people or places that are barely mine. But i can't help but be on edge. One thing is for sure. If she's around, I will not be.
The Weiss Family on Friday. She better not be there.
I don't know what it's going to be like, living at home. I'm trying to make a concentrated effort to stay at home. I need to be used to staying home on school nights, just relaxing and doing homework or whatever. And my friends need to be used to me not always being around too. I feel like if I'm kinda strict about not going out when i have school, at least at first, my friends won't ask me to hang out. I feel the need to just re arrange my room.... sort of like nesting just to get into the mentality of school. Not to mention if my room isn't clean I'll find the excuse to clean it instead of doing work. I'm thinking that this semester won't be so bad. I don't foresee a lot of work coming from Psych, Math will probably suck but it's only twice a week. And education classes are usually paper oriented and it's typically one or two major papers so that shouldn't be too bad.
I know i need to get a job but i keep putting it off. I guess I'm not really willing to give up my freedom. I want to get a job in some sort of office just so I can keep my evenings and weekends. I wish Erie still wanted me.... as much as i hate that job at points, it was nice to be done at 5 and have awesome flexibility with my hours. not to mention a ton of down time with nothing to do except surf the web or read. I did pick up an application at White House Black Market. I feel like that could be a fun job... easy and of course I love that store so it could be fun.
Fern had a good idea... to ask for two months of just trial to see how the substitute teaching thing works out. And if I'm not called a whole lot or if I'm not making enough money then i can get a job with a more steady income. I really am starting to regret not saving enough money this summer. I need to be saving money for Italy.
So much happens so fast. I just wish I didn't care. Anyone else. ANYONE and I have to deal with her. again. I just don't understand. Part of me just wants to completely ignore everything. I think that's what I'm going to attempt to do. I don't know what else to do. Hiding my feelings never really works, I'm way too passive aggressive, but maybe this time I'll really try to just not think about it. It's not like I can do anything about it. I just hate that the more independent of her I try to become the more I feel territorial and the more I feel like I have so much to lose. I don't want her around. So hopefully they'll just hole up together for a week and then the same thing that always happens will, without fail, happen again, and I can look at all the pieces. I just don't want her around. I don't want her to go to Newman, I don't want her at Market, I don't want her to meet the Painter guys, I don't want her to know Megan or Sarah or Gracie or anyone else I don't even want her to know about the scooter. I just want her to not try to get in and i know that he's too stupid to keep it separate. But I can't have my way because my way is stupid. I can't be possessive of people or places that are barely mine. But i can't help but be on edge. One thing is for sure. If she's around, I will not be.
The Weiss Family on Friday. She better not be there.