I was tired of being afraid. That I had decided matter of factly. I just didn't know what to do about it because every time I did try to do something about it I wound up playing psycho fun house with Faith. What used to be Faith and maybe this was karmic retribution for the hell I put her through in high school, who knows. Why would she fixate on
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"You don't get to leave, not until she's right again and you know that. You try and escape and I'll get you." Merrick whispered up at me and smiled again before turning and marching out of the room. I turned my attention back to Connor and... Faith, swallowing hard and forcing a smile onto my face. Angelus said if I played nice he wouldn't hurt me, so I was going to play nice. A pillow came sailing through the air and nailed Connor in the back of his head as he was near tears, Faith's voice calling out telling him not to cry.
"Hey now." I said calmly and picked up the pillow and set it back on the bed pulling Connor with me by his small hand. Faith seemed younger or maybe she was just smaller, I don't know. I sat down on the edge of the bed and patted a space for Connor to sit down. "Let's not fight because we have more important things to do. Do you guys like secrets? Good secrets?" My voice dropped down low, very low so that any vampires in the vicinity couldn't hear what I was about to say to my two "children."
"I'm not really your Mommy." I looked at Faith seriously and then at Connor. Well I was kind of his Mommy until Wesley stole him away. It made me wonder why in the hell Angelus had them both, Faith I could understand but Connor? "I'm going to help us get out of here, the people that live here are bad. That little girl? Very bad. The man? Really seriously bad. We aren't safe here and I want to take us somewhere safe."
I looked into each of their faces and hoped like hell they would want to get out of here, they weren't safe. I wasn't safe and I was saving Faith. Faith you know the one who smacks me around and has fun with drugs with me? Yeah so you could say that this whole baby Faith thing? Totally creepy. Possibly even more creepy than giving birth to a thirty-five year old black woman. Possibly. She was adorable though and I had the overwhelming urge to just pick her up and hold her, keep her safe and love her.
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I could remember him telling me that I was spawn from evil. The stories of my real mommy and daddy and the horrible things they did to the man I called Father's family. "Cling to the good and lay waste to the evil, Stephen. You're a good boy. God gave you to me. Fight the evil inside you. You can do it my son."
I backed away from the woman and Faith, my mind reeling with the memory as I looked around the room trying to figure out how I could have this clear memory of a place that had been home when I was this room that was supposed to be home too. I only stopped backing up when my back connected with the wall. I slid down slowly, wrapping my arms around my knees as I stared at Faith and the woman with tear filled eyes.
This wasn't right. I wasn't supposed to be here and if the lady didn't want to be my mommy because she knew the truth about me, it would only be a matter of time before Faith found out my secret too. I was demon spawn, a child of evil, and maybe Faith wasn't supposed to live with the bad man but this was where I was supposed to be.
I looked away, preferring to stare at the door so I could keep watch. Had to keep watch in case someone tried to come in and hurt us. Always had to stand guard because monsters and demons were around every corner and you never knew when they would attack. One mistake and Father and me would die. I couldn't fail him when God gave me to him, but where was my father?
Did the evil daddy get him? Did I already fail? My body started to shake as the tears fell. I couldn't save anyone and there was no one here to protect me.
"I don't want to be a child of evil. It's not fair. I try to be a good boy." I sobbed, burying my head in my hands as I tried to hide, ashamed that I'd given into crying in front of anyone.
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"Shut up, Connor!" I yell at him loudly, bounding off of the bed and walking up to the pretty girl. I stare up at her with an angry scowl at my face. She doesn't know what do, she's still confused so I kick her in the shin. She yells ow and gives me an angry look. Good! Pretty girls aren't supposed to make Connor cry.
"I don't like you." I announce loudly, still glaring up at her. "Your hair is stupid. And you're not my Mommy."
Where was the hissy girl? She likes me, so maybe if I told her to hiss at the fake Mommy she would. She could scare her away and then it would just be me and Connor. Then Connor would stop crying or else I'd hit him with a pillow until he shut up.
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"Damn straight you little psychotic- vampire turned kid again!" I snapped out and gripped her by the arm hard and steered her over to the bed and plopped her little butt down. "You are right I am not your Mommy and thank God for small favors. I am not anyone's Mommy at all! You two stay here and Angelus is going to kill you both. I'm sure he has a special eye on you Faith considering you were his bitch like two days ago. And as far as I'm concerned I hope you stay a little baby because that means you won't come after me ever again!"
I didn't even take the time to consider what I was saying. I was confused and scared to death. Angelus had come to collect me to watch after these two and low and behold one of them just happens to be Faith. Little, tiny, human Faith. I should just kill her now, put a pillow over her face and make her go to sleep for forever. That would get rid of so many of my problems.
"I don't really give a crap if the two of you want to stay here and play with Mr. Psychotic and his little blonde vampire friend. I'm out of here." I turned around and headed for the door and felt a small hand grip around my wrist. I turned and glanced down at the hand. "Connor? Let me go. I'm leaving."
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I grabbed hold of Cordy's wrist, narrowing my eyes when she informed me that she was leaving. "No. Sit down and apologize to Faith." I tightened my grip and I knew it had to hurt. I could remember my father in the other place telling me I was special because I was spawned from demons.
I marched her over to the bed and pushed her down so she was sitting next to Faith. "Apologize or..." I paused and looked at Faith who was watching me with wide eyes. "Or we're leaving and we'll leave you here for Daddy and the hissy girl to deal with. They'll be mad at you for being mean to us and making us run away."
The more I thought about my threat, the better it sounded. I had to protect my little sister because that was what big brother's do. "Faith, I think we should tie her up and leave her in the closet. Then we can run away and we'll go to the other daddy's house. Maybe he is nice."
Except the daddy that Cordy called bad has been really nice to us. He took care of us and when Faith had her boo boo he calmed her down. He didn't even punish me for lying and taking the blame for the broken vase, but I knew the things Cordy said had truth to them. The other father told me about my evil parents. It was all confusing and I just wanted to go some place where things made sense.
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Connor says we can tie her up and lock her in the closet for Daddy to find. Oh, he's gonna be so mad! Because by then we would be gone and even if he was mad at us I'll just blame it on Connor. It's totally his idea! And I know he'll always take the blame for me.
"Okay." I say with a shrug. Waiting for big brother to push her into the closet. He's wicked strong and that's why he's always breaking stuff. I don't know why I break stuff, I just do sometimes cause I like to look at lots of different things. And then I drop them.
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"Back off Connor." I said defensively as I began backing from the room with Faith in my grasp. I held my finger out in front of me for emphasis as he stepped forward. "I'll hurt her if you don't stay where you are I swear to God I will. You think I care about her? She's been drugging me and smacking me around for weeks now! I'm not the slightest bit afraid of dropping her ass out a window."
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Cordelia." A calm voice announced from behind me and I turned to see who it was. That creepy little blonde girl yet again, what the hell did she care so much about Faith for. "She's the boss of you and just because she's little from a spell? I'm thinking she is still your boss and I'm going to make sure she's the boss until she's fixed. Put her down."
"Shut up you creepy little troll!" I snapped out and held Faith tighter and backed up toward the bathroom door in the room. "The both of you love her so much you'll just back the hell off me. I will hurt her, I promise." I squeezed Faith tighter and she squeaked, both of their eyes widened and I smiled. That's right, I'll hurt your little trophy.
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I watched as the hissy girl appeared and she told Cordelia to let Faith go too. The mean lady didn't listen. She made more threats and started to back up towards the bathroom. I watched and waited until she was right next to the bathroom door and knew she couldn't get out through the window there. She would be stuck.
I lunged and grabbed hold of Faith, using my strength to pull her out of the mean lady's grasp. Pushing Cordelia as hard as I could, she went through the door and fell back on the bathroom floor. I wasn't sure if Daddy was still home, but if so he would hear the noise and come running.
"You're evil and I am supposed to destroy evil." I said in a low angry voice as I jumped on top of the mean lady and hit her hard. Hitting adults was wrong and I may be punished for it, but I didn't care. No one hurt my little sister.
"Watch her, make sure she doesn't move. We're going to get Daddy." I informed the hissy girl. Not that I wanted to trust the girl who offered to kill me, but she seemed to want to protect Faith so I had no other choice.
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I watch as he hits her through wide eyes cause my brother is wicked strong! It's so cool. I bet he can beat up all the other kids and stuff without hardly even trying. Merrick looks me over before looking back at Connor cause he thinks he's in charge now. Just cause he's older and stronger he thinks he's in charge. But everybody knows he's just a big crybaby.
Merrick nods at Connor and he takes my hand, the two of us bounding down the stairs towards the front door. Quickly I pull on his hand to make him stop.
"How are we gonna find Daddy?"
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"I told you. You're never going to escape Faith, even Connor is protecting her and he doesn't know. He's a dumb boy that's all confused but Faith? I'll make sure she remembers exactly what you've done." She smiled and started humming as she crawled up on the counter and began brushing her hair. "That is if Angelus doesn't kill you first for letting the babies escape."
I felt fear rise up in my body like never before. Oh God. Angelus wouldn't kill me for this would he? I mean he did say I was Faith's property, he wouldn't cross that would he? I mean she marked me! I'd gladly show him where too. Listen to me. I'm a raving lunatic.
"Yeah well you can just kiss my-" I didn't get a chance to finish because her cold hand was suddenly pressed over my mouth and her little body straddled my chest. She glared down at me and her face shifted, angry glowing eyes narrowed.
"You better watch your mouth. I'm staying here until the dark Angel gets here, tell him what you've done." She whispered and brushed hair back from my face admiring the bite marks on my throat. "The dark Star loves you Cordelia, you should consider yourself the luckiest person alive. Alive for now at least." She laughed a cold cruel laugh and kept me pinned to the floor with her small body and cold hand over my mouth.
This really is Hell.
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