Fic: Life is like a song (1/5)

[tabbyshhh]

Title: Life is like a song
Author:
tabbyshhh
Wordcount: 32,546
Rating: NC17
Characters/Pairings: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles (Also - Jensen/Justin Hartley, Jensen/Tom Welling, Jensen/Wentworth Miller, Jared/Milo Ventimiglia, Mike Rosenbaum/Allison Mack and very brief mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jensen/OFC, Jared/OMC, Jared/Sandy and Jared/OFC.)
Warnings: RPS, AU
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: None of this is real. At all.
Summary: Jared’s mom thinks this is a phase he’ll get over. She’s wrong.

Jared’s 9 when his father gets a promotion in the accounting firm he works for. It comes with his own office, a team of staff and a huge salary increase. Jared’s big brother, Jeff, who knows everything, tells him that they’ll get new bikes, new cars, maybe even a new house.

In reality his mom has different ideas, and Jared knows, even at 9 years old, that his mom is more important than anyone and she gets what she wants. It turns out, what his mom wants is more children. Jared already has an older brother and a little sister, so he isn’t exactly sure what to make of it all when his mom announces that they will be fostering disadvantaged children. Jared doesn’t even know what foster means.

The first kid his mom fosters is called Kellie. She’s ok. But she’s a girl, so in reality, she sucks. She stays for about two months and then her mom gets out of the hospital and she goes home. Jared’s mom cries for days and his dad says they shouldn’t foster anymore. But, Jared’s mom gets her way, as always, and a few weeks later another girl comes to stay. She’s called Divine, which Jared thinks is a stupid name, but she teaches him how to beat Jeff at Connect4 so he guesses she was ok too. After Divine leaves to go and live with her Grandmother in Ohio Jared tells his mom that if they have to foster any more, could they foster a boy instead, since Jeff’s turned 13 and decided he’s too cool to spend time with his little brother.

Jared’s 10 by the time the next foster kid arrives, and he’s thrilled to hear it’s a boy. Jensen, which Jared thinks is kind of a girly name, is 14, which isn’t great because that makes him even older than Jeff and even more likely to pick on him.

“Jensen won’t pick on you, sweetheart.” His mom promises when he raises this. No matter what Jeff says, just because he likes to talk to his mom does not make him a Momma’s boy. “Jensen’s very sweet. He hasn’t had a very easy life and we’re going to take care of him, ok?” Jared nods his agreement, hearing his father’s muttered comment about her liking to pick up strays, whatever that means.

Jensen isn’t really what Jared expects. He’s tall, and really kind of skinny, with a girly face to go with his name. He speaks really, really quietly, so sometimes it’s hard to hear him, and he always calls Jared’s mom ma’am and his dad sir, even after they tell him not to. He also doesn’t eat much, which Jared finds kind of strange, but Jensen’s always happy to pass on his left over dessert to Jared. Jared thinks he likes Jensen the best out of the kids his parents have fostered so far.

“It’s not fair, mom.” Jeff whines to his mother. Jared tries not to roll his eyes, his momma doesn’t like it, but Jeff’s always whining lately. Jared thinks he should be more like Jensen and just keep quiet. “Why does Jensen get his own room and I have to share?”

“We’ve already discussed this, Jeff.” Jared knows his mom’s not happy when she sounds like that, and he knows if Jeff doesn’t stop it soon he’ll be in big trouble. “Jensen’s older than you. He needs space.”

“I need space!” Jeff’s whining steps up a gear. He and Jeff have always shared a room, the room Jensen has had been the guest room until his mom decided to foster. Then it was given over for that purpose. Jared used to like sharing a room with his big brother, they would stay up late and giggle over comic books and ghost stories, but Jeff thinks he’s too cool for all that now.

“I don’t mind sharing with Jared if Jeff wants a room to himself.” Jared almost jumps when Jensen speaks, he’s so quiet sometimes it’s easy to miss the fact that he’s in the room. Jared’s mom looks startled and Jeff flushes bright red so Jared thinks he wasn’t the only one who hadn’t noticed Jensen curled up in the arm chair in the corner reading.

“No, sweetie.” Jared’s mom shakes her head immediately. “You’re the oldest and you need some space. Jared means well but he can be a little…enthusiastic sometimes.” She shoots a fond glance at Jared so he manages not to be too upset. Besides, he figures she’s probably right.

“I don’t mind.” Jensen repeats in his usual quiet tone. “It’s warm and dry.” He gives her a small smile. “I’ve slept worse places. And, Jared’s not that bad.” He sends a slightly bigger smile Jared’s way and Jared grins back deciding immediately that Jensen is definitely his favourite.

After a couple of months sharing with Jensen, he’s still Jared’s favourite. In fact, Jeff seems to be regretting ever asking for his own room, because as soon as Jared starts pestering Jensen instead of him, he tries his best to get Jared’s attention. Jensen’s exactly the same as always. He’s still really quiet, eats next to nothing, and works hard on his school work. Jensen’s in high school, so Jared’s mom says he has to give him lots of time to do his homework and not bug him. Jared tries his best not to bug him, and Jensen doesn’t mind helping Jared with his homework sometimes, so it’s working out pretty well.

In November Jared’s Grandma comes to stay. His mom and dad take Jensen to Dallas and Jared cries because he thinks Jensen isn’t coming back.

“Of course he’s coming back, pumpkin.” Jared’s mom promises, kissing his cheek. “We just have to finish up some things in Dallas and then everything will be fine.” Jared wants to believe his mom, he really does, but Jensen’s been even quieter than usual the last few days, and Jared’s sure he heard him crying the night before. Three days after they leave his parents are back, with Jensen, and Jared’s never been so glad to see them in his life. His Grandma tells them he was pining, that he didn’t even want a second helping of dessert. Jared’s mom ruffles his hair and Jared thinks his Grandma might be an even bigger tattle tale than Megan.

After that it seems like Jensen’s a permanent fixture. Everything seems ok, Jared’s worried that Jensen must be sick because he has to see a doctor after school every Monday and Thursday, but his mom assures him Jensen’s not ill and when he asks Jensen, Jensen promises he’s fine and it’s just something he has to do.

Jared’s mom seems to be getting kind of upset about the fact that Jensen doesn’t eat properly, even when she makes his favourite things. Every night they have the same conversation over dinner.

“Don’t you like you’re dinner, honey?” Jared’s mom asks.

“I like it.” Jensen replies quietly. “I’m just not very hungry.”

“You know what the Doctor said, Jensen.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jensen’s response always gets a sigh out of Jared’s mom.

“Why don’t you try and eat a little more then?” She requests.

“Leave him alone, Sherry.” Jared’s father will sometimes interject. “He’ll work it out in his own time.” Jared’s mom usually pouts for a few seconds but then the conversation moves on, as it usually does pretty quickly in the Padalecki household, and Jensen’s left to quietly push his food around his plate. Jared’s mom never refuses to give Jensen dessert, the way she threatens Jared if he doesn’t clean his plate not that that’s really likely, but Jensen hardly ever finishes his dessert, and usually gives his leftovers to Jared.

Now, Jared really likes Jensen. He thinks he’s the coolest person he’s ever met, way cooler than Jeff, and Jeff’s friends. But Jensen is just really strange sometimes. The strangest thing about Jensen, is so weird that Jared almost fails to comprehend it. Jensen does not like…Cookies. He never eats them, ever. Not even with milk, which he seems to drink a lot of, much to Jared’s mom’s delight. Jared’s not sure if his mom knows that Jensen never eats the cookies he’s been given, but saves them and usually hands them over to Jared. Except when they’re cinnamon raison, which are totally Megan’s favourite, and then he always gives her at least one, which Jared’s fine with.

“You’re sure you don’t want them?” Jared asks, when Jensen pushes two cookies into his hand on the way out of the house. Jared’s mom insists on slipping food into Jensen’s school back pack, even though he has lunch in the school cafeteria.

“Nope.” Jensen gives him a grin and then runs to catch his school bus.

Jared still doesn’t get it. It’s weird. He doesn’t know anyone who doesn’t like cookies. Jared’s world is always a better place when his mom bakes cookies.

“You’re sure you don’t want them?” He asks again, when Jensen drinks his milk but passes the cookies to Jared.

“I don’t like cookies.” Jensen gives him a little shrug.

“How can you not like cookies?” Jared’s nearly 11, so he’s not a little kid anymore and he really wishes his voice wouldn’t squeak like that. Jensen never teases him about it like Jeff though. “They’re double chocolate chip.” He waves one under Jensen’s nose but pulls it away quickly when Jensen looks like he might throw up. “Why don’t you like them?” Jared asks quietly after a few minutes. Jensen looks at him. Like, really looks at him, and then sighs a little.

“You really want to know?”

“Yeah.” Jared nods emphatically. It’s important for his sanity to know how someone could not want to eat one of his mom’s homemade double chocolate chip cookies.

“Ok.” Jensen sighs again and puts down his pen, turning away from the desk, where he’d been trying to do his algebra homework, to face Jared. “The place I lived before here, they weren’t very nice.”

“The cookies?” Jared asks innocently.

“The people.” Jensen corrects with a tight smile. “I was really hungry, so I took a cookie without asking.” He looks away from Jared and at the plate of cookies before his eyes dart back to his homework. “They caught me and made me eat every cookie in the jar since they said I was so greedy. Once you’ve tasted cookies coming back up, they don’t taste so great going down either.” Jensen shrugs and shudders a little.

“Is that why you don’t live with them anymore?” Jared asks quietly after a moment. “Because they were mean to you?”

“One of the reasons.” Jensen shrugs again and turns back to his homework. Jared never asks if Jensen’s sure he doesn’t want his cookies again. He knows the answer.

Things seem to be going well for a while. Jensen’s lived with them for nearly a year, he’s fifteen now and Jared’s eleven, but Jensen never treats him like a kid. Jensen only has to see the doctor once a week now and he eats a little more, although his appetite is nowhere near the size of Jared’s. He’s still kind of weird about food, sometimes he won’t eat much for days and other times he just about cleans his plate, although it usually takes him a while.

Tonight when they’re sitting at the table Jared can tell it’s going to be one of those days when Jensen doesn’t eat much. He hasn’t for the past few days and Jared can see his momma watching Jensen with growing frustration. Jeff and Megan have already left the table and Jared’s only still there because he didn’t want to eat his broccoli so he had to sweet talk his mom into letting him have dessert. Jensen’s food has to be cold by now and Jared’s just waiting for his mom to excuse him from the table the way she usually does when it’s clear he’s not going to eat any more.

“Jensen.” She sighs softly. “You’ve barely eaten for days, honey.”

“I’m not hungry.” Jensen replies. Something in his tone sounds strange and Jared looks up from his jello.

“You must be.” His mom shakes her head. Jensen just shrugs and Jared’s mom sighs loudly. Jared recognises that look on her face and it’s never a good thing to make her look like that. Last time she looked at Jared like that he’d pushed Megan too high on the swing out back and she’d fallen off and banged her head. “Well, you’re not leaving the table until you clear that plate.” Jared’s mom says. Jensen doesn’t respond, just keeps pushing the food around his plate with his fork. His mom’s fried chicken and mashed potatoes is one of Jared’s favourite things to eat, but the lump of mush on Jensen’s plate doesn’t seem to resemble food much anymore. Jared finishes his jello but doesn’t ask to be excused from the table, something keeping him there. It’s not until his dad comes into the room that Jared realises Jensen is crying.

“Sherry.” His dad says sternly. “You know what the doctor said.” Jared’s mom just continues wiping down the counter tops. “Jensen, you go on up to your room now if you’ve had enough to eat.” Jared’s dad’s voice is soft.

“Yes, sir.” Jensen mumbles and all but runs from the room.

“Sherry.” His dad tuts softly. “You know the more we make a big deal out of it the more of an issue it becomes in his mind. You can’t force him to eat.”

“But he’s been doing so well, Gerry.” His mom sighs. “I just hate to see him go backwards like this.”

“He’s going to have good days and bad days.” His dad sighs and shakes his head a little. “I’m going to walk the dog.”

Jared’s stomach feels weird, and it’s not because he ate too much this time. His mom and dad don’t fight often, and they always do it quietly, but he hates that disappointed tone his dad gets, it’s just how he sounds when Jared picks on Megan or uses a curse word. Half of him wants to run upstairs and see if Jensen’s ok. Jensen always throws an arm around him and makes him laugh whenever he cries, usually because Jeff’s been mean to him, sometimes he even has a cookie hidden away that he gives to Jared. But Jensen’s fifteen and Jared’s never actually seen him cry before, and he’s not sure how to help. Cookies obviously won’t do it. His mom turns to look at him and he frowns a little.

“You made Jensen cry, momma.” He tells her. She looks a little like she might start crying herself, and Jared wishes he hadn’t said anything.

“I know.” She takes a seat next to Jared and smiles at him a little weakly. “I’m just worried about him.”

“Why doesn’t he eat right?” Jared asked. “Is it like with the cookies?”

“Jensen told you about that?” His mom looks surprised, but a little pleased, the way she looks when Jared gets full marks on a math quiz or reads a really hard word in a book.

“Yeah. He told me why he doesn’t like them.” Jared nods.

“It’s a little bit like that.” His mom says gently, reaching out to tuck Jared’s too long hair behind his ear, and Jared knows that means a trip to the hair dresser in the near future. “The people who took care of Jensen before he lived here…they didn’t take care of him very well.”

“They were mean to him.” Jared agrees.

“Very mean.” His mom nods. “They used to hit him, a lot. Sometimes in the stomach. And they’d hit him so hard that he would throw up.” His mom speaks slowly and softly, giving Jared time to process what she’s saying. “You know what it feels like when you throw up?”

“It’s horrible.” Jared shudders, remembering the stomach bug he caught 6 months ago.

“Exactly. So Jensen learned that if his stomach was empty, no matter how hard they hit him, he wouldn’t throw up very much.” His mom explains.

“But no one here’s going to hit him.” Jared protests.

“Of course not.” His mom agrees fervently. “And Jensen knows that too, he’s been here for a while now, I think that’s why he was getting better at eating. It’s just going to take a while before he eats properly. And he’ll probably never eat like a Padalecki.” She gives Jared a smile and ruffles his hair.

“Can I go check he’s ok?” He asks, suddenly wanting to check on Jensen. His mom nods and Jared shoots upstairs, stopping abruptly when he gets to the room they share, because Jensen’s fast asleep, lying on his stomach with the covers almost covering his face. Jared just sighs softly and sits down to do his homework.

Jensen joins the baseball team and Jared’s dad is so proud it’s almost funny. He tells everyone he knows about it, and takes Jared to every home game and a few of the away ones. Jared’s never really been a big fan of baseball, he’s taller than everyone else in his class so he’s always been pushed into playing basketball, but he likes how it makes Jensen smile when he hits it out of the park, and sometimes Jensen shouts things when he’s on the field, and it’s the only time Jared ever hears him raise his voice. Jeff comes with them sometimes, but Jared likes it better when he’s not there. He doesn’t get to spend time alone with his dad very often, and they usually go out for food after the game so Jared likes to sit next to Jensen and his dad always lets him. Jeff sometimes pushes him out of the way so he can get next to Jensen. Since Jeff started high school he’s been even more annoying and sucks up to Jensen a lot, because Jensen’s friends are cool and all the girls follow him around.

Jensen goes to the spring dance with Maria, Jared thinks she’s real pretty but Jensen just laughs when he tells him that and ruffles his hair. His mom almost cries when she sees Jensen in his tux, looking nervous but managing to smile weakly when Jared’s mom takes a picture of him. Jensen stays at his friend’s house after the dance so Jared doesn’t see him until the next day, but Jensen doesn’t really seem to want to talk about the dance, and pretty much hides from Jared’s mom, which is kind of weird. Jared doesn’t understand why until he goes to his own spring dance a few years later.

Jensen does lots of after school activities. Jared kind of misses him because he hardly ever gets home much before dinner and then he has to do his homework after. He goes out with his friends on Friday nights and weekends, but he usually makes time for Jared on a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes Jensen will go to church with Jared’s momma on a Sunday morning. He tells Jared that he used to go with his own mom, and it’s the first time Jared’s heard Jensen talk about his real parents. He doesn’t know where they are, or what happened, but he thinks they might be dead. So anyway, Jensen plays baseball, he plays lacrosse, and he joins the Bell Guard. Jeff says that’s like cheerleaders, but Jensen says it isn’t and Jared always believes Jensen over Jeff.

Jensen talks a lot more now than he did at first, which isn’t surprising really, since he’s been living with them for over two years. But then Jared’s dad throws his mom a surprise birthday party when she turns 40 and both sides of Jared’s huge family descend on them and it’s like they’ve stepped back in time. Jensen’s met most of his family before, just not all at once, and Jared has to admit that he feels a little overwhelmed himself, and he loves being the centre of attention, so for someone like Jensen who despises it, the weekend must be a nightmare. Jared watches, torn between horror and amusement as all his girl cousins swoon over Jensen and trail him around the house, giggling and flicking their hair, while the guys try to coax him into yet another game of baseball. Jared’s aunties all coo over how well mannered Jensen is, and Jared hears his dad telling his uncles about the lacrosse game last week that Jensen’s team won.

Jensen’s been cornered by Jared’s Great Aunt Mildred, and Jared can see her advancing on him to kiss him and squeeze his cheeks, which Jared knows from experience really kind of hurts. The thing is, that as much as Jensen is more talkative and open now that he’s lived with them for so long, he still doesn’t really like to be touched. They’re a very touchy feely family, but Jared sees the way Jensen still flinches when his mom hugs him, despite the fact that she does it nearly every day. The only person Jensen seems happy to let hug him is Megan, and that’s because she’s still so little. So Jared decides to be brave and risk the wrath of Aunt Mildred. He runs across the room to where Jensen is standing, almost against the wall now, and skids to a stop just next to him.

“Jen!” He gives him a big grin. “You have to come and see.” He tugs on Jensen’s hand. Jensen looks torn between being polite and staying where he is, or following Jared. “Sorry Aunt Mildred.” Jared gives her his best smile. “But I need Jensen.” His Aunt huffs a little but stops advancing on Jensen so Jared pulls him out into the hallway.

“What’s so urgent?” Jensen asks, not hiding the fact that he’s relieved to have escaped the din and clamour of the living room.

“Nothing.” Jared grins at him. “But Aunt Mildred always pinches really hard and your cheeks are still red from whatever my cousin Carrie whispered in your ear before so I didn’t want them to set on fire.” Jensen just stares at him a minute before he starts laughing. Jared loves that he’s the only one who ever makes Jensen laugh like this. Really laugh, until his sides hurt and he looks like he might cry.

“You are just…” Jensen heaves in a breath. “Completely incorrigible.”

“Everyone keeps saying that.” Jared doesn’t know what it means but people seem to have a smile on their face when they say it so he’s pretty sure it isn’t bad. He doesn’t think Jensen would call him names after he just performed a daring rescue.

“What are you boys up to?” His father asks, coming into the hallway and smiling at them. He looks concerned when he notices the tears in Jensen’s eyes. They’re from laughing but he doesn’t know that. “Everything ok, Jensen?”

“Yes, sir.” Jensen nods, tucking his hands into his pockets and looking at the floor.

“I know it’s kind of crazy here today. You need to escape to your room or anything just go ahead. We’ll come and get you when it’s time to eat.” Jared’s dad promises. Jensen looks up hopefully.

“That’s ok?”

“Of course.” Jared’s dad nods. “You’ve had more than your fair share of harassment today I think.” Jensen nods and mutters his thanks before he practically runs upstairs. Jared wishes he could follow him, but his dad throws an arm around his shoulder and leads him back into the lounge to face his Aunt Mildred.

When Jared’s 13 he’s on the basketball team at junior high, and once a week they practice with the junior varsity squad at the high school. Jared likes it, it’s fun and he thinks it’ll be cool to know some people when he goes to high school next year. Jeff’ll be a senior then but Jensen will have left for college, which is something Jared’s not thinking about because it makes his stomach hurt. So every Wednesday he goes to the high school. His mom’s ok with it because Jensen has baseball practice on Wednesdays so he drives Jared home afterwards. Jeff was really jealous when Jensen got a car pretty much as soon as he passed his test, but Jared’s mom had explained to them that Jensen paid for it out of his own money and it made sense since he stayed late at school so often and all the buses had gone by the time his practices finished. She said Jensen got money from the State because the people he had lived with before them had been so mean to him when they were supposed to look after him, and if he wanted to spend that money on a car it was his choice. It made Jared’s mom and dad’s lives easier since they didn’t have to collect him from school every night, and Jensen was usually happy to run errands and drive them around to places.

Today Jared gets out of basketball practice feeling exhausted but wanting to tell Jensen all about the new drill he learned. Jensen’s pretty good at basketball but when Jared asked him why he didn’t try out for that team he just said he preferred baseball and lacrosse. Jensen’s pretty good at football too, but Jeff says he doesn’t play it much because he’s afraid of getting his pretty face mashed up. Jensen had ignored Jeff for the rest of the day after that, which Jared thought served him right. He knew Jensen didn’t like playing football because it was a contact sport and Jensen still didn’t like to be touched.

So it’s kind of a shock when he rounds the bleachers, taking a short cut to where he’s supposed to meet Jensen, and see’s him kissing the captain of the lacrosse team. He doesn’t seem to mind him touching him. Jared frowns a little at the sight of this guy touching Jensen, he’s seen Justin play and heard Jensen talk about him, but never actually met him. Jared’s not sure if he should turn away and go the long way to Jensen’s car or clear his throat and let them know he’s there. The decision’s taken out of his hands when Jensen pushes Justin away reluctantly.

“I’ve got to go. Jared’ll be waiting.” For some reason Jensen’s voice carries over to where Jared’s standing. He coughs slightly, trying not to blush.

“Fuck.” Justin turns and starts towards Jared before a hand on his arm pulls him back sharply. “Jen…” Jared’s stomach hurts, only he gets to call Jensen that.

“That’s Jared.” Jensen’s voice sounds soothing and slightly amused.

“I thought you said he was in junior high.” Justin sounds confused.

“I did.” Jensen grins.

“Jesus, kid.” Justin shakes his head at Jared. “You’re gonna be a freaking giant.” It’s probably true. Jared’s already 6 feet tall, the same height as Jensen who his mom says has nearly finished growing. Jared hopes he stops soon too, it’s not as much fun as it used to be, being so much taller than all his friends.

“Why do you think he plays basketball?” Jensen shoves Justin a little. “I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Justin watches Jensen pick his book bag up and sling an arm around Jared’s shoulders to lead him to the car.

“You’re not gonna tell your mom are you?” Jensen asks in the car.

“Tell her what?” Jared asks, trying not to fiddle with his back pack.

“About Justin.”

“I never told her when I caught you making out with a girl. I didn’t even tell her when I caught you fucking Cindy Pascoe.”

“Jared.” Jensen shakes his head at the curse word. “It’s kind of different.” He adds with a sigh.

“’Cause he’s a guy?” Jared asks curiously.

“Yeah.” Jensen nods, glancing at Jared out of the corner of his eye and then focusing intently on the road ahead.

“I don’t care if you’re gay.” Jared shrugs. “My mom won’t care either, but I’m not gonna tell her. Who you kiss is your business.” Jensen glances at him again but silence reigns for a few seconds.

“Thanks, Jared.” Jensen says eventually. “You’re pretty cool, y’know that?”

“Tell that to Jeff.” Jared sighs, hiding his wince when he sees Jensen’s perceptive gaze locked on him. He gets out of the car when Jensen does, letting his bag trail behind him.

“He giving you shit again?” Jensen frowns.

“He always gives me shit.” Jared shrugs.

“He’s just jealous.” Jensen shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it, he’ll grow up.”

“You never acted like him.” Jared reminds him.

“I grew up before I met you.” Jensen shrugs. “I had to.” Jared gets the feeling that Jensen’s telling the truth.

Jeff and Jensen get on ok. Not as well as Jared and Jensen, of course. Jared knows that Jeff is jealous of Jensen, it makes sense really. Jensen gets good grades, he’s good at sports, he’s really popular and all the girls want to date him, and as it turns out, some of the guys too. Jensen’s always nice to Jeff, he lets him hang out with him and his friends, even takes him to parties and comes home with Jeff in time for his curfew which is half an hour earlier than Jensen’s. Jared still sees the way Jeff glares at Jensen sometimes when he brings home his report card with all As on it, or when Jared’s dad is rattling on about Jensen’s baseball statistics this season.

Jeff doesn’t ever say anything to Jensen though. He likes to take his frustration out on Jared, and Jared thinks it might be because Jensen likes him best. Jeff always finds something to pick on him about, whether he’s calling him a geek, because it’s not just Jensen who gets good grades, or just generally pushing him around. After Jared caught Jensen and Justin kissing, and told him about Jeff, Jensen keeps a closer eye on them, telling Jeff to back off when he thinks his teasing goes too far.

Things come to a head after a while. Jared doesn’t even really remember what they were fighting about, but he tells Jeff to get lost, which isn’t even cursing, and Jeff suddenly just launches at him and punches him in the stomach. It hurts like hell but Jared manages to stay standing and push Jeff away, but he just comes back and they’re pretty much wrestling standing up. Jared sees his dad come into the room out of the corner of his eye and thinks thank god, but Jensen gets there before his dad and drags Jeff off him by his shirt. Jared just watches as Jensen shoves Jeff up against the wall, his fists closing tight on the front of Jeff’s shirt to hold him there.

“What the hell is your problem?” Jensen asks. Jared’s amazed that his voice remains quiet, but it’s almost like a hiss and it’s way scarier than if Jensen had been yelling. He wonders why his dad doesn’t step in to separate them. Jeff’s taller than Jensen, has about 20 pounds on him too since he started to play football at school and bulked up.

“I’m sick of his attitude.” Jeff sneers, his voice sounding loud and obnoxious after the quiet tone of Jensen’s question. “He’s always copying you. Trying to be the perfect golden boy.”

“What are you talking about?” Jensen asks, shaking Jeff a little. Jeff struggles to get away and almost hits Jensen but suddenly Jensen has an arm at his throat and Jeff goes completely still. “Don’t start something you can’t win, Jeff.” Jensen growls but it’s still eerily quiet. “You might be bigger than me but you’ve never had a fight in your life and you won’t win this one.” Jensen loosens his hold a little. “You have a problem with Jared you talk to me about it because that’s obviously who your real issue’s with. You think I’m the golden boy?” Jensen shook him a little. “You have no idea how lucky you are, do you? You have no idea what the real world’s like, and one day you’re going to pick on someone who just won’t take it, and get your ass handed to you.” Jared thinks for Jeff, that day might be today. “You think it’s easy for me? Living here with your perfect family, and knowing I’m never going to see mine again? Getting good grades?” He scoffs. “I work my ass off to get good grades and you know it. If you put some effort in instead of playing on your damn computer you might do a little better. Jared’s a better man than you’ll ever be and he’s not even in high school yet.” Jensen shakes Jeff one last time before letting go. “I’m sorry.” He glances at Jared’s dad before practically running out of the room and upstairs.

“I think you owe your brother an apology.” Jared’s dad says to Jeff, and Jared’s never heard him sound so disappointed before. Jared doesn’t really know what to do when Jeff mumbles sorry to him so he just nods. He’s kind of freaked about what happened. He’s never seen Jensen lose his temper like that before, ever. He’s certainly never seen him get physical with anyone, even when Jeff’s been at his most obnoxious in the past.

He follows his dad quietly when he goes up to talk to Jensen. Jensen’s pacing in their room and starts to talk as soon as Jared’s dad walks in.

“I’m really sorry. I know I shouldn’t have put my hands on him, I just don’t see why he thinks it’s ok to hit Jared and he was really going for it.” Jensen shakes his head, his eyes downcast. “I don’t understand what he has to be so angry about.”

“It’s ok.” Jared’s dad keeps his tone soft, matching Jensen’s perfectly. “You did the right thing.” Jensen looks up, clearly confused and Jared sees the soft smile on his dad’s face. “He has no right to put his hands on Jared, or anyone else, and I’ll discuss that with him when he’s had chance to think. You didn’t say anything that didn’t need saying and I’m very proud that you didn’t just hit him.”

“He doesn’t know what it feels like to be hit.” Jensen shrugs. “It’s different when you’re playing football than when someone aims to hurt you.”

“I know.” Jared’s dad nods in agreement. “It won’t happen again.” Jared’s dad sounds determined and Jared’s really glad he’s not Jeff right now. At dinner, Jensen pushes his food around his plate and Jared sees his mom glaring at Jeff like she blames him. He hears Jensen apologising to his mom later, for not eating his dinner and for the fight with Jeff. He’s even more surprised when he hears Jensen apologise to Jeff.

A few weeks later Jared’s mom and dad are taking Jensen to Dallas again. Jared’s not sure why, but Jensen’s been really quiet for a few days so he doesn’t want to ask. He heard Jensen saying that he would drive himself but his mom wouldn’t give in. Jeff’s supposed to be in charge, and even though he’s been nicer to Jared since Jensen told him he had to, Jared’s not really looking forward to it.

He’s sitting on the couch with Jensen, trying to decide what to watch on tv, whilst watching Jensen chew on his cuff out of the corner of his eye.

“Jensen, honey.” His mom says quietly, popping her head round the door. “You ready to go in a few minutes?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jensen answer. Jared sees rather than hears his mom sigh at the response, but she leaves quickly. Jensen uncurls himself and sets his feet down on the floor, slipping them into the sneakers he’d pulled off earlier.

“You want to come?” He asks Jared softly.

“To Dallas?” Jared asks. Jensen nods. “Sure.” Jared grabs his own sneakers and then follows Jensen out to his dad’s people carrier. His mom and dad don’t look surprised to see him when they get in. Jared still doesn’t know what they’re going to Dallas for, and Jensen’s really quiet for the whole journey. Jared chats with his mom and dad about school, sports, anything that comes to mind, somehow knowing that Jensen wants to be left alone and also knowing that his mom doesn’t seem to understand that Jensen just isn’t as outspoken as her own children. They stop for lunch when they reach Dallas, and then they go to a florists and Jensen picks out some really nice flowers, seeming to know exactly what he wants to get. Jared thinks he knows where they’re going now.

When they reach the cemetery his dad drives them to one of the parking lots, quite a long way past the entrance.

“We’ll wait right here for you.” He tells Jensen quietly. Jensen nods but he catches Jared’s eye, and Jared reads it as an invitation so he gets out and walks with Jensen.

“It was car accident.” Jensen says it so quietly Jared almost misses it. “We were coming home from church. I don’t remember what happened. I was in a coma for a week and when I woke up, they were all gone. My mom, my dad, my big brother and my little sister.” Jared doesn’t know what to say so he just stays quiet, and when they reach the grave he stops a few paces behind Jensen, wanting to give him space but not leave him alone. He sees the four names on the gravestone and the date tells him why they came today. It’s exactly 10 years since Jensen’s whole family were killed. Jared can remember being 7 years old, and the thought of losing his family then, losing them now, chokes him up a little.

“Hey guys.” He hears Jensen talking quietly, as he arranges the flowers. “I’m sorry I haven’t been by for a while, but I live out in San Antonio now. This is Jared.” He says. “I live with him. Things are going pretty good now, better than the last time I was here, after court.” Jared remembers the last time his parents took Jensen to Dallas but he hadn’t known he was going to court. “I joined the baseball team, dad. And the Lacrosse team. I’m on the Bell Guard too. Don’t laugh, Josh, I like it. I’m getting pretty good grades, and applying for college. My guidance counsellor thinks I’ve got a pretty good chance of getting a scholarship, but I got some money off the state and that’ll pay if I don’t.” Jared hears him pause and take in a shaky breath. “I really miss you guys. That hasn’t gotten any easier. But the people I live with now, they’re really good to me. I know you’d like them. I have my own car now, so I’ll try to come and see you more often, when I’m not so busy with school.” Jared hears the choked sob and aches to step closer, not sure if he’d be intruding. “I really miss you.” Jensen’s shoulders slump and Jared moves to stand next to him, wrapping an arm around him and letting Jensen cry on his shoulder. A few tears slip from his own eyes and land in Jensen’s hair.

He has no idea what to say so he just stays quiet, holding Jensen tight and letting him get it all out. He’s not sure how long they were standing like that when Jensen pushes back and scrubs a hand over his face.

“Sorry.” His eyes are downcast.

“Don’t be.” Jared shakes his head. “You want to stay a while longer?”

“No.” Jensen replies quickly. “I don’t really like it here. I don’t feel like I have to come here to be with them, I know they’re always with me.” He shrugs a little. “It just would have felt wrong not to come today.” Jared nods and they walk slowly back to the car. It’s obvious that Jensen’s been crying, probably pretty obvious that Jared has too, but his parents don’t say anything as they get back in the car. They also don’t say anything when Jared chooses to sit right next to Jensen, or when Jared’s mom turns to ask them something a short while later and Jensen’s fast asleep with his head on Jared’s shoulder.

Jensen pushes his food around his plate as they eat dinner, just the four of them since Josh and Megan had already eaten when they got home. Jared’s mom and dad keep shooting worried glances at each other.

“Are you feeling ok, sweetheart?” Jared’s mom asks eventually. “You haven’t touched a bite and you look a little flushed.”

“I kind of have a headache.” Jensen speaks even more quietly than usual and winces a little.

“Would you like some aspirin?” Jared’s mom is by his side immediately, her hand touching his head lightly. “You do feel a little warm.”

“Yes please.” Jensen nods and swallows the pills as soon as she hands them over. “I think I might go lie down, if that’s ok.”

“Of course it is, sweetie.” Jared’s mom nods. “If you need anything just let me know.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jensen nods and goes upstairs.

“It’s been a rough day.” Jared’s dad says soothingly to his mom, she just nods, clearing the table and running water into the sink. Jared sees her shoulders shaking though, and knows she’s crying. “You ok, little man?” His dad asks. Jared smiles a little, his dad hasn’t called him that for years.

“I think so.” He nods.

“You did a good job today.” His dad says, giving him a small, proud smile. “I think it helped Jensen to have you there.” Jared nods and excuses himself, wanting his dad to make his mom feel better and not waste time on him.

He goes up to his bedroom, taking a glass of cool water for Jensen. He sets it on the bedside table, hearing Jensen’s whispered thanks, even though the older boy doesn’t open his eyes. Jensen got a lot of headaches when he first came to live with them, and Jared knows that when he has one light makes his eyes hurt, and the cotton comforter he usually uses feels coarse against his skin. Jared roots in the closet as quietly as possible and comes out with cashmere blanket that had been put away after the last time Jensen had had a headache, and settles it over Jensen’s still form.

“Shhh.” He murmurs before Jensen has chance to say thank you. He leaves the room, closing the door behind him wincing at the loud click the latch makes. When he goes to bed Jensen’s asleep, but his face is still flushed. Jared refills the glass of water and leaves the two aspirin his mom gave him on Jensen’s bedside table in case he wakes up. He’s awoken in the morning by a soft groan.

“Hey.” He says softly, more breath than voice. “You ok?” It’s a dumb question really.

“Uh-uh.” Jensen replies. “I think…” He pauses. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” Then he’s up and out of the bed before Jared’s sleepy mind has really comprehended what’s going on. He hears Jensen retching when he reaches the landing.

“Mom!” He yells. He doesn’t get a response so he just repeats it louder before going to the bathroom. Jensen’s rinsing out his mouth and squinting against the light. Jared loops an arm around him and helps him to walk back towards their bedroom.

“Jared Tristan Padalecki.” His mom’s complaining on her way up the stairs. “What have I told you about yelling in the house like that?” He ignores the question in favour of getting Jensen, who’s shaking now, back to his bed and tucked under the blanket.

“Jensen threw up.” Jared says softly when she gets into the room.

“Oh, honey.” She sits on the edge of Jensen’s bed and hugs him, and Jensen doesn’t even move away from it like he normally does. Instead Jared sees his shoulders shake and when he speaks it’s obvious he’s crying a little.

“I hate throwing up.” Jensen murmurs pitifully.

“I know.” Jared’s mom’s whispering now. “Jared, can you close the blind please?” He does as he’s told, blocking out the light. “Ok, now ask your daddy to call the doctor, and bring Jensen a fresh glass of water and some aspirin.” Jared nods. “And a cool cloth.” She adds as he’s on his way out of the door. Jared tells his dad and then collects the things his mom wanted, rushing back upstairs and then slowing down to enter the bedroom quietly. His mom’s still sitting on the bed and Jensen’s head is pillowed in her lap. She makes him sit up to take the aspirin and drink some of the water, and then gets him to lie down again so she can dab his face with the cool wash cloth. Jared wishes he could help, standing around just sucks.

The doctor gets there pretty quickly, and after he examines Jensen Jared hears him telling his dad that Jensen has a migraine and it was probably brought on by the stress of the last few days. Jared’s dad nods and sighs a little, rubbing a hand over his face after the doctor leaves.

“You ok?” Jared asks. He doesn’t want his dad to get sick too. He’s been banished from his room for a while so his mom can take care of Jensen, and he’s just waiting around down stairs for her to come down so he can ask how Jensen is.

“I’m fine.” His dad smiles at him. “Jensen will be ok too.” He tells Jared surely, it must have been obvious how worried he was.

“His headaches were never this bad before.” Jared reminds him.

“I know, but Jensen’s got a lot on his plate at the moment. He’s trying to keep his grades up and do well in his extra curricular activities and he’s been applying for colleges. With this weekend being the anniversary…” His dad sighs again. “It just got to him. Things will settle down a little.”

Jared has faith in his dad, and it turns out he’s right. It takes a couple of days but Jensen makes a full recovery and only misses two days of school.

Part 2/5