Fic: Life is like a song (2/5)

[tabbyshhh]

Jared’s not looking forward to Jensen leaving for college. He gets accepted to the University of Texas, and decides to study in Dallas. Jared knows Jensen wants to be a physical therapist and South Western do the doctoral programme so it makes sense for him to get used to being back in Dallas, but Jared selfishly wishes he’d stay and go to the San Antonio campus instead. Jensen gets a full ride, due to his grades and his list of extra curricular activities. Jared doesn’t think he’s ever seen his dad look so proud, and he takes them all out for dinner to celebrate. Even Jeff seems pleased for Jensen.

Jared can’t help but pout a little though. He knows he’s going to miss Jensen a lot and he’ll hardly ever be home once he goes. He’ll probably get a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, and be too busy for Jared. Jensen’s had girlfriends before, he dated a girl called Maria, who was on the bell guard with him, for like six months and she was always really nice to Jared. Much nicer than Jeff’s girlfriend Susie. She’s a cheerleader and takes great delight in rolling her eyes every time Jared speaks. Whenever Jensen’s in the room, though, she flips her hair and giggles a lot, and it’s kind of funny because Jared knows Jensen can’t stand her, even though he’s always polite to her. Jared hasn’t really seen Jensen with any guys other than his usual group of friends, Justin’s in college already but Jared knows Jensen will see him over the summer and he knows that Jensen’s still into guys, even though they don’t talk about it.

There’s a girl in his class who he really likes. Her name’s Alex and she’s really pretty. Jared wants to take her to the summer dance, but he’s not sure how to ask her.

“What does she look like?” Jensen asks.

“Umm, she’s tall.”

“Good.” He grins at Jared who just shakes his head and pretends to look put out. “Go on.”

“She’s got long blondish hair and big blue eyes.” Jared thinks she’d look prettier if she had green eyes but he keeps that to himself because it’s a weird thought, and also there’s not much she can do about it.

“You think she likes you?” Jensen asks.

“How are you supposed to tell?” Jared’s really confused about this.

“Does she talk to you?”

“Sometimes.” Jared frowns. “When she’s on her own. When she’s with her friends she gets kind of giggly and stupid, like Susie does around you.”

“She probably likes you then.” Jensen nods.

“Yeah, ‘cause we know Susie luuuurves you!” Jared teases. Jensen kicks his foot out from where he’s lying on the bed, sending Jared’s desk chair rolling a few feet before Jared wheels himself back.

“Dude, it’s not my fault I’m totally irresistible.” Jensen grins, and Jared loves that they can joke like this.

“Yeah, whatever, stud. So you think I should ask her?” He asks urgently.

“Definitely.” Jensen nods. “It sounds like she likes you. Your mom will be so proud, little Jared, all grown up.”

“I’m taller than you, asswipe.”

“Yeah, yeah. Your whole family are giants.” Jensen rolls his eyes. “I could still take you.” Jared doesn’t doubt it so he just grins.

“Make love not war.” He advises solemnly. Jensen nearly snorts water through his nose.

Jared takes Jensen’s advice and asks Alex to the dance, she says yes and as Jensen predicted, his mom almost cries. Jared goes to the dance and has fun, he even gets his first kiss, remembering the tips Jensen had given him about not chewing gum, and trying not to drool too much.

Jensen goes to the prom with Maria, even though they’ve been broken up for a while, and Jared knows his mom has high hopes that they’ll get back together, just like Jared knows they won’t.

The time for Jensen to leave for Dallas comes all too quickly, and Jared manages not to cry as they wave him off. Jensen’s insisted on driving himself there this time, saying he’s sure he has everything he needs, and he can always come back one weekend to pick up anything he’s forgotten. Jared finds himself childishly hoping Jensen has forgotten something so he’ll have to come and get it. Not even Jeff teases him for being quiet over the next few days.

Jensen promised to email and call often and he sticks to his promise. He bought himself a lap top to take to college with him, so Jared has a desk top computer of his own to use, even though Jeff whines about the fact that he has to use the family computer downstairs. Jared uses the computer for his homework, and he’s not really interested in computer games, so his parents stick to their guns and let him keep it. Jensen emails every couple of days, and it sounds like he’s having a great time at college. He likes all his classes, his roommate is really cool, if a little bit nuts, and Jensen’s made a lot of other friends. He joins the lacrosse team, because his scholarship states he has to do some extra curricular activities, and he also joins the LGBT society.

He calls once a week and speaks to all of them, even Jeff, who’s having relationship trouble with Susie.

Jared finally manages to get the phone off Megan, waiting until Jensen finishes laughing before he starts speaking.

“Dude, when you whine like that you’re voice is totally higher than Meg’s.” Jensen wheezes.

“Shut up. My mom wants to know if you’ve been eating properly.” Jared responds.

“She always wants to know that.” Jensen sighs but Jared hears the fondness behind it. His mom had spent the summer teaching Jensen how to cook things that he could make in bulk and then freeze in portions and eat slowly. She’d been thrilled with how well Jensen had taken to cooking. Jensen had already admitted that it was a good skill, the food in the cafeteria was dire so he could trade in his cooking skills for favours he might need. “I eat fine.”

“Whatever.” Jared shrugs. “Like I care.” Jensen just laughs, knowing Jared’s teasing. “You’re coming home in a few weeks, right?”

“Home?” He can hear Jensen’s frown.

“Yeah, for Thanksgiving.”

“I don’t know.”

“What?” Jared asks in disbelief. “You have to.”

“Jared…”

“It’s only a couple of hours away.”

“I know.”

“So you’ll come?”

“I’m not sure.” Jensen sighs. That’s it, Jared decides, time to bring in the big guns.

“Mom.” He marches into the kitchen and holds out the cordless phone to his mother. “Tell Jensen he has to come home for thanksgiving.” She takes the phone from him, frowning a little. Jared’s dad just rolls his eyes and returns to reading the newspaper.

“Jensen, honey?” His mom says. “What’s this I hear about you not coming home for Thanksgiving?” There’s a brief pause and Jared really wishes he could hear what Jensen was saying. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course we want you to come home. Just because you’re 18 and away at college doesn’t make you any less part of this family.” She pauses again. “Don’t be silly, Jared can’t wait to see you, he doesn’t care about sharing his room. Good boy, we’ll see you in two weeks then. Have you been eating properly?” Jared Sees his father stifle a laugh. “You tried the new recipe I sent you? Good. Ok, I’m going to hand you back to Jared before he wears a hole in my kitchen floor with his pacing. Love you, sweetheart.” She pauses, probably so Jensen can repeat the sentiment and then hands the phone back to Jared.

“Tattle tale.” Jensen says immediately. Jared laughs loudly.

“Well, you were being a girl. You know they want you home, and God help you if you’ve lost any weight, man, she’ll go nuts.” He grins.

Jensen gets home on the Tuesday night, driving up after his classes have finished. He lets Jared’s mom feed him, even while she clucks around him saying that he looks like he might actually have gained some weight, and it’s about time. Jared thinks Jensen has put on weight, he’s still slender, nowhere near as big as Jeff, but his shoulders are broader and his biceps are bigger. He tells Jared that their lacrosse coach makes them work out at the gym and he’d said Jensen could only play if he gained five pounds. Then he falls fast asleep, on top of his comforter, leaving Jared to take off his shoes and cover him with the blanket, and really, Jared thinks, nothing’s changed. He’s done this a thousand times when Jensen had just dropped onto the bed after a night of studying or a late lacrosse or baseball practice. The familiarity soothes him.

His mom’s thanksgiving dinners are legendary, Jared can’t ever imagine wanting to spend thanksgiving anywhere else, and even Jensen manages to clear his plate. They watch football together, his mom and Megan chatting to Jensen about college, while Jared, his dad and Jeff listen to the commentator. If Jensen didn’t have such a quiet voice Jared knows Jeff would have demanded they go and sit somewhere else if they insist on talking about things other than the game, but Jared thinks it’s nice to hear the soft murmur in the background. The following day Jared’s still too full to really do much, other than talk to Jensen about college and his new friends.

“Mike’s nuts.” Jensen laughs after telling him yet another story about his crazy roommate that has Jared laughing so hard he nearly cries. “But he’s cool, y’know? He doesn’t care who I bring back or anything.” Jared just nods, thinking he understands what Jensen means. “I want to tell your mom.” Jensen says, even more quietly than usual after a small pause. “I just…I feel like I’m lying.”

“It’ll be fine.” Jared promises. “She’ll be fine.” His mom loves Jensen, she won’t care that he’s gay.

It turns out Jared’s right. Jensen waits until they’re all sitting in the living room after dinner, Megan’s at a birthday party for one of her friends, and he just says casually that he’s gay and he wanted them to know. Didn’t want to lie to them anymore.

“Dude, we know.” Jeff grins immediately. “You were on the Bell Guard.” Jensen just sighs, but he’s smiling and it seems for once that Jeff’s maybe done the right thing. Jared’s mom and dad hug Jensen, and tell him it makes no difference whatsoever. His mom immediately starts asking if he’s dating someone and Jared hears Jensen mention Justin, even while he’s trying to avoid his mom’s gaze because she’s giving him her knowing look, like she knew he already knew. Jared has a weird dream that night, and he wakes up with sticky boxers for the first time in a couple of years. He corners his mom in the kitchen later.

“I don’t think I should share my room with Jensen anymore.” He tells her, trying not to sound too urgent about it. He knows they’re the only ones in the house, but the others could be back any minute and he needs to talk to her.

“Excuse me?” His mom turns to look at him. “You and Jensen have shared for years.”

“I know but…” Jared pauses. “I don’t want to anymore.” He adds weakly. “Can’t I just sleep on the couch when he’s here?”

“Honey.” His mom sighs a little. “Jensen will be back for a few weeks over Christmas, and then for nearly two months in the summer. It’s just not practical. Besides, he’ll be hurt if you suddenly stop sharing with him.” She moves closer to Jared. “I know you don’t care that he’s gay…”

“No, I already knew about that.” Jared shakes his head dismissively. His mom gives him her best why am I not surprised look, but reverts back to looking concerned a few seconds later. “It’s just…” He doesn’t want to say it, he doesn’t think he can. She places her hand on his arm and it’s clear the second she figures out what he’s trying to say. She always said she could read him like an open book.

“Oh, sweetheart.” She kisses his cheek. “It’s natural to have crushes on older boys at your age. Jensen’s very good looking and you two have always been close. It’s just a phase, it’ll pass.” Jared’s not so sure it will. “You’ll be fine.” She assures him.

“Yes, momma.” Jared just nods, letting her think she’s made him feel better, when really his entire stomach feels twisted up in knots. Later, when Jensen’s telling him how he and Megan beat Jeff and Jared’s dad at touch football, he tries to laugh and act natural, but really he’s watching the way Jensen’s mouth moves when he talks, eyeing the curve of his bicep as he throws the baseball up in the air and catches it. He really doesn’t think this is just a phase.

Christmas comes and goes, and every thing’s the same as always. Jensen’s just the same, if anything, he’s more confident now, he stills speaks quietly but he speaks a little more than he used to and Jared often hears his parents telling enquiring relatives and friends that Jensen’s blossoming at college. Jared settles into high school, he makes the junior varsity basketball team, and wishes Jensen could come and see him play. When Jensen is home, Jared finds it easy to slip back into their friendship, but he finds himself watching Jensen more closely than ever. Jensen doesn’t come home during Spring break. The LGBT have organised some kind of trip and he goes on that, but he promises to come home soon for a visit.

When the phone rings and it sounds like no-one’s there, Jared knows it’s Jensen before the older boy manages to gasp out Jared’s name.

“It’s ok, Jen.” He says softly, rushing to find his mom immediately. “Just take some aspirin and lie down, we’ll be there soon.” He tells his mom Jensen’s sick and his dad drives them all the way to Dallas, where they meet Jensen’s roommate for the first time. He’s pacing in the hallway outside their room, saying he knew Jensen had migraines but he’s never seen him this bad, and Jensen’s been a little stressed about finals but this thing with Justin just seems to have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Jared’s mom goes in to see Jensen, while Jared and his dad try to get some sense out of Mike. It turns out that they broke up, Justin cheated on Jensen over spring break, and apparently Mike’s going to kill him.

“Only if I don’t get there first.” Jared growls.

“You must be Jared?” Mike gives him a wide smile. “Man, have I heard a lot about you, kid?” He laughs a little. “You want me to tell you where his room is?”

“Now, now.” Jared’s dad interrupts. “He’s only 15. I’d like him to wait a few more years before he gets a criminal record.”

“Parents.” Mike sighs. “They spoil everyone’s fun.”

A short while later they’re in the car on the way back to San Antonio. Jensen’s lying on the back seat, his head pillowed in Jared’s lap, while Jared holds a cool cloth over his eyes, partially to block out as much light as possible, and partially to try and reduce his fever a little. Jensen’s shaking and Jared’s sure at least some of the moisture on the cloth is tears. When they get home his dad and Jeff have to practically carry Jensen up the stairs to bed and Jared has to spend a few minutes calming Megan down who’d burst into tears as soon as she saw how ill Jensen looked. When Jared finally makes it up to his bedroom he sees Jeff pacing outside.

“His boyfriend did this to him?” He hisses at Jared.

“Kind of.” Jared shrugs.

“Bastard.” Jeff frowns before storming off to his own room.

Jared slips into his bedroom quietly. His mom’s got Jensen tucked under the cashmere blanket and the blinds are shut tight, blocking out the light. She’s trying to coax Jensen to drink some water but it doesn’t look like she’s getting very far. Eventually Jared’s dad persuades her to just let Jensen sleep, and they tell Jared to go to bed too, it’s later than any of them realised now. When Jared wakes up he sees Jensen squinting at him in the dark.

“If you’re going to open your eyes, at least put your glasses on or you’ll make it worse.” Jared sighs. Jensen closes his eyes and relaxes a little when Jared moves to sit on the edge of his bed and stroke his hair. “You feel better?”

“A bit.” Jensen’s voice is hoarse and barely there. “I haven’t had one that bad for years.”

“I remember.” Jared states quietly. “Why didn’t you tell me? About Justin.”

“I was humiliated.” Jensen’s eyes remain closed. “I thought…I don’t know what I thought.”

“You shouldn’t be humiliated. It’s not your fault the guy’s a jerk who obviously can’t see a good thing when it’s in front of him.” Jared hisses, struggling to keep his voice quiet. “You deserve better.”

“That’s what Mike said.”

“I like Mike.” Jared agrees.

“You guys have a lot in common.” Jensen smiles so Jared hopes it’s a compliment. “You’re both nuts and never stop talking. If I hadn’t shared with you for so long I think I would have had a hard time living with him this year. I guess Jeff did us a favour.”

“I guess he did.” Jared agrees, stroking Jensen’s hair, suddenly ridiculously grateful that his mom had seen right through him when he had wanted to stop sharing a room with Jensen. Jensen recovers quickly from his headache, and then his mom spends days feeding him, while Megan makes him eat ice cream and watch chick flicks to get over his heart break. Jared tries to be as normal as possible, eating Jensen’s cookies and making him help with his biology homework, even though he’s sure Jensen knows he could do it on his own. Jensen decides to stay for a few weeks and study for his finals at home, and Jared loves having him there. It doesn’t take long before he’s back to his usual self.

A few days before Jensen’s due to go back to college to take his finals the phone rings and Jared answers. Jensen pauses the movie they were watching. Jared wants to scream when the person on the other line introduces himself.

“Hi, it’s Justin. Justin Hartley.”

“Hi.” Jared struggles to keep his tone normal, he’s not going to scream and shout at the guy, he doesn’t want him to know he’s affected Jensen so badly that it’s even upset Jared. “Can I help you?” He asks politely, because his momma raised him right.

“Um, I kind of wanted to speak to Jensen.” Jensen’s watching Jared now and when Jared mouths Justin to him, he shakes his head.

“He’s not here right now.” Jared replies.

“Oh, uh, where is he?”

“Out with friends.”

“Oh, ok. Can you tell him I called?”

“Sure thing.” Jared promises. “Bye.” He hangs up before Justin can say anything. “Justin called.” He tells Jensen who laughs suddenly and then presses play on the remote control. Jared doesn’t miss the murmured thanks, Jared. He’s always been good at picking out Jensen’s voice, no matter how quietly he speaks.

Jensen aces his finals, just like they all knew he would. He comes home a week before they kick him out of the dorm so he can go to Jeff’s graduation, and he gets a job at the local gym working as a life guard at the pool. Jared thinks it’s the best thing that ever happened to him because he gets free access to the pool using the visitors pass Jensen gets as an employee, and that means he gets to see Jensen wearing the tight yellow t-shirt and red shorts that are the uniform, and no matter how much Jensen complains about it, Jared thinks it makes him look hot. With the number of women who get into difficulties in the pool Jared knows he’s not the only one. He also knows his mom was wrong, and his feelings for Jensen are in no way a phase.

Justin comes by to see Jensen during the summer, but he’s stopped by Jeff who meets him on the path and tells him in no uncertain terms to get lost. They start yelling and Jensen goes outside to try to separate them. Jared follows but stands back, trying not to get too involved. At least until Jeff and Justin start throwing punches and he sees Jensen step back in horror. Jensen hates raised voices, and he hates physical violence even more, Jared thinks he probably dealt with enough of that before he came to live with them. He steps in and separates Jeff and Justin, almost getting a black eye for his trouble. He tells Jeff to go inside, amazed when his older brother actually complies.

“If you want him back you should be grovelling on your knees.” He tells Justin, who looks a little surprised at the venom in Jared’s tone. “Not starting a fight on his path. If you knew him at all you’d know he hates people who resort to violence.” He turns and walks away from Justin, putting a hand on the small of Jensen’s back possessively and leading him inside. Jeff apologises to Jensen immediately, but he just gets a weak smile for his trouble as Jensen goes upstairs. Jared feels kind of sorry for his brother, he knows he was only trying to help.

The next year absolutely flies by. Jensen lives in an off campus apartment with Mike, and Jared goes to visit him a couple of times at the weekend, since his mom’s realised Jensen will pick him up and bring him back which means she gets to feed him and send him back to college with huge amounts of food. Jeff goes to visit a couple of times too and Jared tries not to feel too put out by it, because he knows he and Jensen still get on better, but Jeff’s at college in Austin now so he and Jensen have something in common, which they haven’t for a while.

When Jared loses his virginity he calls Jensen freaking out because he didn’t use a condom and now he might die or be a dad and he totally can’t cope with that. The disappointment he hears in Jensen’s tone when he chastises him is his undoing and bursts into tears.

“I’m never having sex again.” He wails.

“Hey.” Jensen soothes. “Don’t be dumb. Sex isn’t always followed by emotional breakdowns. If this was her first time too then the chances are you didn’t catch anything, and you’ll just have to hope she’s not pregnant. It was a really dumb thing to do though, Jared.” Jared knows that. Every time he and Jensen have talked about sex, Jensen had told him about using contraception.

He spends the next few weeks buried in his school books, trying to smile brightly at his mom and not let her know anything’s wrong. When he hears her talking to her dad saying he’s eating less than Jensen used to he knows he’s not doing a good job. After almost three weeks of agony Claire tells him she got her period and they share a relieved kiss. Jared thinks he’s going to wait a while before he has sex again, because Jensen said if he can’t be responsible about it he’s obviously not mature enough, and as much as it had stung at the time, he thinks Jensen is probably right.

He kisses a guy for the first time the year after that. He’s almost seventeen, and his palms are sweating, but the guy looks like Jensen, so when he kisses Jared Jared doesn’t even think to push him away. It’s different to kissing a girl, he doesn’t have to bend down as far, and it’s not as soft or gentle because he doesn’t feel the need to worry about hurting him. It’s kind of cool and Jared thinks he’ll definitely be doing it again. Jensen isn’t dating anyone, not seriously anyway. Jared knows he’s been on a couple of dates, and he hears Mike asking about someone when he’s visiting once, but Jensen just waves a hand dismissively and Jared swallows down the jealousy. If this is a phase, it’s the longest one in history.

Jensen aces his finals for the third year in a row and Jeff manages to pass his, although Jared’s not sure how, since his brother joined a fraternity and studying seems to be the last thing on his mind. Jensen’s working at the gym again this summer, and they promoted him to helping out in the weight room, as well as a life guard. He managed to get Jared a job there too, and Jared’s really enjoying it. He really wants to save up enough money to get a car so he can visit Jensen more often when he goes back to Dallas.

They’ve both got a rare day off together, so they’re lying in the hammock out back, Jared’s feet hanging over the end. They’ve nearly tipped out of it twice, laughing so hard that they forgot to be careful, as Jensen regaled Jared with stories of Mike’s latest antics. Jensen’s just finishing telling Jared about Mike’s first date with Allison, a girl he’d been crushing on for ages. She’d finally agreed to go on a date with him, only it hadn’t gone so smoothly and Mike had ended up in the hospital with a broken wrist after a series of mishaps. Jared knew Mike and Allison had been dating for two months now so he didn’t feel too bad for laughing at the older man’s woes.

When Jared finally manages to stop laughing and get control of his breathing, he turns his head and Jensen’s face is right there. He doesn’t think, just closes his eyes and presses his lips to Jensen’s. Jensen stays relaxed next to him, his mouth soft and pliant, but he doesn’t kiss Jared back at all. Jared pulls back when he realises he’s not getting a response, and sighs when he sees the look on Jensen’s face. Jensen’s not freaking out or anything, but he looks a little wistful, like he knows he can’t give Jared what he wants.

“Jared.” Jensen sighs.

“I’m sorry.” Jared says immediately. He doesn’t want to listen to all the reasons Jensen probably has for why he shouldn’t have kissed him, Jared’s age, the fact that they’re practically brothers…the list goes on and Jared’s thought of every argument Jensen could come up with, and there’s no real response to most of them.

“Don’t be.” Jensen’s hand is warm on his shoulder. “You just have really lousy timing.”

“Huh?”

“I’m kind of seeing someone.” Jensen tells him. “I know I should have told you but…We’re taking it slow.”

“How long have you been dating him?”

“Couple of months.” Jensen shrugs. “I just…I like him. Kind of a lot.”

“Ok.” Jared nods. It hurts a lot less, being rejected like this. It almost feels like Jensen’s saying if he wasn’t seeing someone he would have kissed back. “So…I’m not exactly straight.”

“No shit.” Jensen grins.

“You knew?” Jared asks.

“Yeah.” Jensen’s smile turns a little shy. “You’ve been….kind of watching me for a few years now.”

“Oh.” Jared feels his cheeks heat.

“Your mom said it was just a phase…”

“That’s what she told me too.” Jared can’t help the laugh that spills out.

“You know what though?” Jensen grins at him brightly and Jared’s stomach hurts. “You’re 17, you’re hot. You should date some girls, date some guys. Figure it out a little. I wish I’d dated more when I was your age instead of getting so hung up on Justin.” It’s the first time Jensen’s ever mentioned him without pain showing in his eyes, and Jared has to begrudgingly admit that this new guy might actually be good for Jensen.

“You made up for it the last couple of years.” Jared points out, hoping his teasing smile hides how much that sounded like an accusation.

“I guess.” Jensen keeps smiling. “Your dad said that’s what the first few years at college are all about. Figuring out who you are and who you want to be. I guess…maybe I just closed myself off a little after Justin and now I feel like it’s time to give myself a chance, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Jared nods. If this guy makes Jensen happy then Jared wants him to have this. Jensen deserves to be happy more then anyone Jared knows. They stay in silence for a while, and eventually Jared pretends to have fallen asleep, so he can have an excuse to snuggle up to Jensen for a while longer. He cracks his eyes open a little when he hears someone coming towards them and shuts them again when he realises it’s his mom.

“Don’t get up, sweetheart.” She tells Jensen. “He looks like he’s flat out, and you both need the rest with all the hours you’ve been working.”

“He’s pretty determined to save up for his car.” Jensen nods. Jared feels guilty listening in to their conversation, but not enough that he pretends to wake up. He hears his mom pulling up a chair to sit next to Jensen.

“So…” She pauses. “He finally got around to kissing you.” Jensen tenses and Jared has to fight not to blush or open his eyes in shock.

“You saw that?” Jensen asks, his voice tight. “I’m sorry, I know I should have pushed him away but…”

“No.” Jared’s mom interrupts. “You did the right thing, Jensen. He would have been hurt if you’d pushed him away. You were honest with him and you gave him some good advice.”

“I’m just passing on what you and Gerry told me.” Jared feels Jensen relax against him now he knows he’s not in any kind of trouble.

“We want the best for both of you.” His mom agrees. “You want to tell me about this new boy you’re seeing?” She asks.

“You heard that too?” Jensen sighs. “His name’s Tom.” Jared’s ears perk up at that. He’s heard of Tom before, although he’s never met him, he thinks it’s one of Mike’s friends. Or maybe one of Chris or Steve’s. Jensen had met the two of them on the Lacrosse team, although they were seniors when he’d been a freshman, and they’d bonded over a love of music. Chris and Steve had a band and Jensen had taken Jared to see them once, which he thinks might be where he heard about Tom. “He just graduated. He majored in Finance.”

“He must be smart.” Jared can hear the smile in his mom’s voice as clearly as he can hear the fondness in Jensen’s tone when he talks about Tom. “Is he staying in Dallas then?”

“Yeah.” The hammock sways and Jared guesses Jensen must be nodding. “He’s got an internship at the accounts department of some huge company. He’s really smart so he’ll probably get a job there.”

“So he’s a year older than you?”

“Yeah.”

“And how did you meet him?”

“Mike knows him somehow.” Jensen answers. “And Chris was his RA a few years back, I met him at one of Chris’ shows.”

“What does he look like?” Jared wants to laugh knowing how much Jensen must be squirming having to answer these questions.

“He’s tall. Not quite as tall as Jared but nearly. Dark hair, grey-green eyes.” Jensen gives a little shrug and then runs his hand into Jared’s hair to stop his head lolling backwards. Jared thinks he’s doing a good job of pretending to be asleep.

“And you’ve been dating for a few months?”

“Yeah. Just…we’re just taking it slowly. I wasn’t so sure at first because I was still…well, you know how I was after Justin, but he won me over. We kind of had to talk about it when I was coming home from the summer and I decided I really like him. I’ll probably go down and visit him if I get a few days off work. And I might persuade him to come up here.”

“I’d like to meet him.” Jared’s mom says before he hears her push away her chair and leave them to it. He knows without looking that she ruffled Jensen’s hair, she just can’t help herself, she has to have some kind of contact with him.

Jensen doesn’t treat him any differently at all after the kiss and Jared thinks he loves him even more because of it. It takes roughly 24 hours for Jeff to cause trouble again though. He’s playing baseball with Jensen in the back garden, well, Jeff’s pitching and Jensen’s hitting them, while Jared watches from the back porch trying to get his head around some of his summer reading. He doesn’t think they know he’s there, or at least Jeff doesn’t, since he’s facing the opposite direction.

Jeff’s the one who persuaded Jensen to go out in the garden, even though he knows Jensen has to stay out of the sun and Jared’s mom had insisted on Jensen putting sun block on which he hates. So Jared’s a little confused about how hard his brother is pitching. Luckily, Jensen’s good at baseball and manages to hit every ball, no matter how low or close to his body it is. He’s not really surprised when he hears Jeff’s next words, but by the look on Jensen’s face he wasn’t expecting it.

“So, you want to tell me how you turned my brother into a fag?” Jeff asks, as he pitches. Jensen swings too hard and the ball sails over the house. Would have been a home run if this were a real game, Jared thinks, before he focuses on Jensen’s reaction.

“What?” Jensen’s frowning.

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, I want to know what you’re talking about?”

“I saw him kiss you.” Jeff hisses.

“Jesus.” Jensen runs a hand through his hair. “Did everyone see that?” He asks, mostly to himself. “What does it matter?”

“Of course it matters.” Jeff replies.

“What, so it’s ok for me to be a fag, but not your brother?” Jensen demands. “And since when is it ok to use that kind of language in your mom’s house?” He asks. “Y’know, I thought you were past this. I thought we were friends.”

“We were.” Jeff replies tightly.

“Look, I didn’t do anything to Jared. He’s his own person. You know as well as me how stubborn he is.”

“Yeah, but he always had to copy you.”

“He’s not copying me, Jeff.” Jensen sighs. “He never did. Just because he likes school and I did too doesn’t mean he copies me. Just because he and I have more in common doesn’t mean he copies me. You’re two different people.”

“We weren’t before you got here.”

“That’s not my fault either.” Jensen shrugs. “You think if I had a choice I would have been an orphan who got kicked around from place to place? I’m not going to apologise to you for finally getting lucky, finally finding somewhere safe to live, something you’ve always had.” Jensen’s voice is low but Jared can still hear him. “If you and Jared grew apart that’s not my fault. You’re the one who threw a tantrum so you got your own room, you’re the one who never made time for him, let your friends pick on him. You think he’s incapable of making his own decisions about anything, that he copies me so much he’s even going to copy my sexuality?” Jensen shakes his head. “He’s your brother and you don’t know him at all.” He sighs sadly. “If you want to know about Jared, talk to him.”

“He doesn’t talk to me.”

“That’s because you’ve never shown an iota of interest in him, other than when you feel left out.” Jensen walks past Jeff.

“Where are you going?” Jeff demands, grabbing Jensen’s arm.

“Get off me.” Jensen shakes loose. “I’m going inside, because I’m really close to losing my temper, and last time I did that I nearly choked you. This time I have a baseball bat in my hand, so I think it’s in both our best interests if I just go.”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Jared hears his dad’s voice coming from behind him. Jared had stood when Jeff grabbed Jensen’s arm but he hadn’t got any further. Jensen walks up the porch steps and hands the bat to Jared’s dad, opening his mouth to speak.

“Don’t apologise to me, Jensen. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Jared’s dad tells him. Jensen gives a sharp nod and closes his mouth with a snap before going inside. “Jared, go on in and check Jensen’s ok, please. I want to talk to your brother.”

When Jared gets upstairs Jensen’s sending an email on his laptop. He clicks send before Jared gets chance to see it all, but he manages to read things are kind of crazy here, please say you’ll come visit soon?.  He’s under no illusions who that was sent to.

“I’m sorry.” He says softly after Jensen gives him a weak smile.

“About what?” Jensen frowns and Jared thinks again how much his new, shorter, hair cut suits him. He looks like a man now, no matter how pretty his face is.

“About Jeff. I don’t know why he blames you whenever I don’t live up to his expectations.” Jared says.

“Fuck his expectations.” Jensen replies. Jared blinks stupidly for a second, Jensen hardly ever swears.

“Huh?”

“You heard me.” Jensen grins at him. “You’re 17 years old. You’re old enough to know your own mind. It’s none of his business whether you like guys or girls. It never bothered him that I’m gay, so I know he’s not homophobic. If anything he’s probably just worried about you, and that’s fine, he’s your big brother…” Jensen pauses to run a hand through his hair. “But I swear I nearly took his head off with that bat when he called you a fag.” Jared can’t help but laugh.

Jeff apologises to Jensen that same evening, Jared leaves them to it, and when Jeff comes out of his room it’s obvious he’s been crying a little. Jensen seems less tense now that he’s talked it out with Jeff, and he and Jared go for a run as soon as the sun is low enough in the sky that his mom won’t insist on covering Jensen in sun block again.

Two weeks later Tom makes it up to see them. Jensen tells Jared he’s coming, gives him time to prepare, and when he hears the rumble of a truck coming up the drive he drags Jared outside by the hand, clearly excited for them to meet. Jared tries to look away when Jensen kisses Tom through the open car window, but he doesn’t really succeed since Jensen had shown him a photograph of Tom and it turns out he’s really, really hot. Tom gets out of the car and throws Jared a wide, white smile.

“You must be the infamous Jared?” Tom asks, holding out his hand. Jared shakes it firmly and matches his grin. “I was beginning to think you were Jen’s imaginary friend, ‘til Mike said he’d met you.”

“Jerk.” Jensen nudges him with his hip. “You’ve seen pictures of him.” Jared knows that’s true. He knows there are several pictures of Jensen and Jared all over Jensen and Mike’s apartment. Jared wishes he could hate Tom, he really wants to, but it turns out he’s actually a pretty nice guy. His mom loves him immediately and Jared even hears his dad talking to him about his new internship, he doesn’t understand a word since it’s all financial jargon, but he knows that Tom must be smart since his dad seems impressed. He and Jensen share an eye roll and a fake yawn, laughing when Tom and Jared’s dad both glare at them.

Jared even offers to sleep on the couch so Tom can have his bed, it’s a hollow offer really, since he knows there is no way in hell his mom will let this guy sleep in the same room as Jensen. She also won’t let Jensen take the couch because it’s really uncomfortable and Jensen’s headaches always show up when he doesn’t get enough sleep. Eventually they put a cot in the dining room and Jeff sleeps down there for two nights, Jared thinks it’s a nice way for him to apologise again to Jensen.

Part 3/5