Fic: Life is like a song (3/5)
Jared’s senior year of high school absolutely flies by, he’s so ridiculously busy with school work and extra curricular activities, especially after he gets onto the Presidential scholar programme. It’s nice to see the looks in his parent’s eyes, that he’s so often seen focused on Jensen, directed towards him. Jared graduates as valedictorian of his class, but Jensen always has to upstage him, and gets a full ride on the doctoral programme for Physical Therapy at South Western.
Jared gets a full ride to college and decides to go to Dallas. No matter what anyone says, it’s because they run the political science course he wants to major in, and not because that’s where Jensen is. Besides, he already feels at home there, from the times he’s visited Jensen, and he knows his mom likes the idea of him being close to Jensen. She worries about Jared, thinks he has his head either up in the clouds or stuck in his school books, and he knows she worries about Jensen too. She thinks he’s too quiet, and she’d still like him to eat more.
Jared’s roommate is called Chad. He knows everyone and also knows all the best gossip. He has no problem at all with the fact that Jared’s bi, and when Jared joins the LGBT, after some prodding from Jensen, Chad hangs out with them and is totally cool. So Jared can forgive him for the fact that he’s sometimes a complete douche. He plays his music too loud, brings conquests back to their dorm room and doesn’t seem to care that Jared’s trying to sleep, and he insists on smoking weed almost all the time. Now, Jared’s no prude, but he doesn’t need to see his room mate’s naked ass and he doesn’t need to be high when he’s trying to write up papers.
“You know, if you need to study you can always come hang out here.” Jensen tells him after Jared complains, yet again, that Chad’s driving him nuts. “I know it seems a little crazy sometimes.” He laughs as Mike chases Allison across the room, yelling that she was cheating at whatever game they were playing on the Nintendo. “But Mike doesn’t actually live here anymore.” He adds that loudly, laughing when Mike flips him off. “And Tom’s at work during the day so if there’s anyone here it’s usually only me and I’m studying too.”
“You don’t mind?” Jared asks.
“Wouldn’t offer if I did.” Jensen pushes his shoulder.
So whenever Chad gets to be too much Jared walks the 10 minutes to Jensen’s apartment, letting himself in with the key Jensen gave him. He tries not to abuse Jensen and Tom’s hospitality too often, but he still hears Tom and Jensen talking about him, even though they’re in the bedroom with the door closed.
“Why is he always here?” He hears Tom ask, and immediately starts packing up his stuff.
“He’s not always here.” Jensen retorts. “He’s been here twice this week, once because I ran out of aspirin and got a headache and he brought me some over, and today. You know he works hard and his roommate isn’t always that considerate.”
“Can’t he just go to the library?” Tom asks.
“Why are you being such a jerk about this?” Jared’s never heard Jensen’s voice so loud and he decides to leave to avoid having to listen if they’re going to have a full scale argument, especially over him. He calls out that he’s going and he’ll see Jensen whenever, then rushes out of the door. Jensen obviously figures out that he’d heard them arguing, because he makes a point of reiterating that it’s fine for Jared to study there and Tom’s just a pissy bitch since his promotion because he’s under a lot of pressure. Jared thinks Jensen’s under a lot of pressure, trying to deal with a stressed out boyfriend and complete his doctoral programme, but he doesn’t say anything because he also doesn’t think it’s a good sign that Jensen’s calling Tom a pissy bitch. They’ve been together for about 18 months and Jared knows Jensen’s head over heels in love with the man.
His first year at college flies by too, and he absolutely loves it. He misses home, a little, but he finally got a car in his senior year of high school so if it ever gets too bad, which it does once or twice, he can just jump in the car and go home for a while. Having Jensen so close by helps too, of course. He likes his classes, and he thinks he’s already chosen his major, and feels like it’s the right decision, while Chad’s still angsting about what to do. He and Chad decide to move into off campus accommodation together for the next academic year, and Jared hopes it’ll be easier when they have more than one room at their disposal.
When he’s trying to study for finals and Chad lights up, because he just can’t cope with the pressure anymore - and Jared thinks what fucking pressure? - Jared takes his revision notes to Jensen’s apartment. He knocks on the door, since it’s Sunday, not wanting to use the key Jensen gave him since Tom’s probably there. Jensen lets him in with a tired smile that Jared’s gotten used to seeing lately, his doctoral programme is taking it out of him, what with the research and the regular hours he has to put in at the hospital.
Jensen’s making coffee and Jared frowns at the blue black bruising on his wrist.
“What happened to your arm, man?” He reaches out to touch but Jensen pulls away, and really Jared should have known better.
“Nothing.” Jensen murmurs, passing him a mug of strong coffee.
“Nothing?” Jared asks. “Dude, it looks bad.”
“I had an accident at the gym.” Jensen looks away and Jared’s stomach twists. He doesn’t think Jensen’s ever blatantly lied to him before. Tom’s out but he gets back not long after Jared arrived. He tries to fuss around Jensen, but Jensen backs away, eventually walking into the bedroom, murmuring something about taking a shower, and slamming the door behind him. Jared meets Tom’s gaze, and it’s Tom who looks away first. Jared wishes he knew what to do.
Jared agonises over it for the rest of the day, his revision falling to the wayside. Tom goes into the bedroom to see Jensen, but comes out a short while later looking dejected. Jared can’t muster up an ounce of sympathy, he’s too busy thinking about the best poison he can get his hands on quickly to spike Tom’s tea with. He considers calling Jeff, who has this really, almost irrational, protective streak when it comes to Jensen. If he didn’t know Jensen would hate him for it forever he’d totally call Jeff and laugh when Jeff burst through the door and beat Tom to a pulp. If he didn’t know Jensen would hate him forever…he thinks he’d beat Tom himself. Jensen comes out of the bedroom eventually.
“You want to go get some dinner?” He asks Jared quietly, tugging down the cuff off his hoodie so the bruising is completely hidden. It’s clear that the invitation doesn’t extend to Tom. Jared nods, collects his stuff and leaves with Jensen, not saying goodbye to Tom. They get seated and order their drinks and food, making small talk about Jensen’s work at the hospital and Jared’s finals. It’s more stilted than any conversation Jared ever remembers them having.
“Jared, just…” Jensen sighs and tugs on his sleeve again.
“Just what?” Jared asks. “You want me to just pretend nothing’s happened, Jen? I’m not an idiot, I know you didn’t do it at the gym. You want me to just play nice with him and act like everything’s ok?”
“I played nice with Sandy.” Jensen replies, and that’s a low blow, because Jared had been totally in love with Sandy for the six months that they’d dated. Even after she’d cheated on him, he’d forgiven her and decided to give it another go, until Jensen had gently told him she was cheating on him again. “Even after she ripped out your heart and stamped on it.”
“She didn’t stamp on me.” Jared hopes Jensen knows the difference.
“Jay.” Jensen sighs. “It was an accident.”
“An accident?” Jared demands, trying really hard to keep his temper in check. He has to remind himself that Jensen hasn’t done anything wrong.
“A mistake.” Jensen says firmly. “It won’t happen again.”
“You’re sure?” Jared asks, meeting Jensen’s gaze. “Would you even tell me if it did?”
“I obviously can’t lie to you for shit.” Jensen shrugs. “So yeah.”
“Jesus, Jensen.” Jared sighs. “You should have just knocked some of his teeth out of his head.”
“I don’t like violence.” Jensen murmurs, after the waitress leaves their food and departs.
“My mom’ll kill me if she ever finds out I didn’t tell her about this.”
“You can’t tell her.” Jensen says adamantly. “And for God’s sake don’t tell Jeff. Just don’t tell anyone.”
“If he does it again…”
“He won’t.” And that’s the end of that conversation.
Jared’s still not happy about it, but Tom makes a clear effort to make it up to Jensen, and never bitches about the fact that Jared spends a hell of a lot more time at their apartment now. Jared tells Jensen it’s because of Chad, but really, he just wants to keep an eye on the two of them.
He feels even worse about it when he returns home for the summer and Jensen stays in Dallas because doctoral programmes don’t break for summer. He’s in constant contact with Jensen though, whether it’s by phone or email, and Jensen seems happy, although Jared knows how good he is at faking it.
Chad calls, three weeks before they’re due to go back to school, to tell him that he’s proposed to Sophia, so he thinks he’s going to be living with her next semester and sorry, man. Jared panics but Jensen just tells him to come to Dallas and stay with him and Tom while he looks for somewhere he can afford to rent on his own, since it’s too late to get a room on campus and everyone he knows is already set up with a place to live. Except Sandy, he guesses, who was going to live with Sophia, but there is no way in hell Jared can bring himself to live with her, it’s just not an option.
So after another fruitless day of searching for a flat that he can afford and isn’t already tenanted by insane people, Jared lets himself back into Jensen’s apartment with a weary sigh. Jensen’s standing by the breakfast bar looking nervous and Jared frowns because Jensen. Has. A. Black. Eye.
“Oh, hell no.” Jared’s standing in front of Jensen immediately, and this close he can see Jensen’s split lip and the bruises on his neck too. He reaches out his hand to touch Jensen’s face but Jensen, predictably, flinches away from the touch. “You fall off the treadmill?” Jared asks, voice dead. Jensen’s eyes skitter to Jared’s face and then away again before he shakes his head silently. “Jesus. Where is he?” Jensen doesn’t answer, but Jared hears the master bedroom door opening and he’s across the room before he even knows he’s moving.
“You better be leaving.” He says to Tom, keeping his voice low because Jensen hates yelling.
“I am.” Tom replies. Jared sees the bag clutched in his hands, and Tom’s split knuckles hammer home just how hard he must have hit Jensen.
“Good. Leave faster. Anything you can’t carry we’ll box up and send to you.” Jared hisses. “If I wasn’t a better man than you and if Jensen didn’t hate violence I’d break every bone in your face, let you know how it feels when someone bigger than you decides you need a fist to the face.”
“You want to call your Rottweiler off?” Tom says to Jensen.
“He has a right to be mad at you.” Jensen shrugs. His voice is hoarse and if Jared hadn’t already known from the bruising it would have been obvious that Tom had choked him. “Just get out.”
“Jen…”
“What?” Jensen snaps. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Don’t tell me you love me. You should have thought about that before you decided to make me your punch bag. You think I’m so pathetic I’ll just keep on taking your shit, Tom? You’re wrong.” Jensen’s voice is as quiet as always, but Jared recognises the fury behind his eyes from the few times he’s seen Jensen honestly lose his temper. “It’s not like this is the first time, and it’s not like you just lashed out. You held me up against the wall and punched me in the face. Twice.” Jared winces, having to really stop himself from losing it and beating the crap out of Tom, the only thing stopping him is that he doesn’t want to give Jensen any reason to not want to be around him, not now when Jared can see his heart breaking from across the room.
“Get out.” Jared pulls himself up to his full height and chivvies Tom out of the door before immediately returning to Jensen’s side. He gets back to Jensen just as the tears start to fall, and hugs him fiercely.
“What’s wrong with me?” Jensen sobs. “Why do people always want to hurt me? Why do they think that’s ok?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.” Jared whispers against his hair. “Nothing. They’re just jerks. You know I’d never hurt you. Ever.” He hugs Jensen tighter and then releases him so he can wipe the tears from his face. Jared has a few tears of his own to dry. “I wish I could beat the crap out of him.” He sighs.
“No you don’t.” Jensen shakes his head. “I don’t want you to be like him. I don’t want you to be violent. I don’t want to look at you and have that image of you in my mind.”
“I know.” Jared pulls Jensen into a hug again. “You won’t ever have to.” He promises. He manages to get Jensen to eat something and sleep a little, as well as getting some aspirin inside him, hoping they can avoid a migraine and knowing that Jensen’s face had to be hurting him. Jared orders dinner from Jensen’s favourite Thai restaurant and wakes him up to get him to eat it.
“Did you find a place to stay?” Jensen asks while they’re eating, an old football game playing silently in the background.
“No.” Jared sighs. “The first place seemed ok but the guy had pet rats and the girl said I couldn’t cook meat in the kitchen.” Jared shrugs at Jensen’s open astonishment at that. “The second place the room was so tiny Sandy would have struggled to lie down in it. The third place had gone. The fourth place was way further out of town than I realised and the fifth place smelled like cat piss.”
“Did they have cats?” Jensen wrinkles his nose.
“Not that I saw.” Jared shares his bemusement with Jensen.
“You know, you can just stay here.” Jensen offers.
“Really?” Jared asks, not wanting to sound too hopeful.
“Sure. I don’t really like the idea of living on my own, and people have been calling the guest room Jared’s room for months now.” He smiles at Jared, it’s shaky but it’s there.
“Yeah. I guess you’ll need help making the rent with Tom gone too.” Jared says.
“I don’t pay rent, Jay.” Jensen smiles at him and rolls his eyes when Jared looks amazed. “You think my parent’s died and didn’t leave me a dime?” He asks. “It was in a trust and I got it when I turned 21. When me and Mike were living here the landlord told us he wanted to sell. I got it for a really good price since he wanted it off his hands quickly.” Jensen nodded. “So you just have to pay utilities and groceries, that kind of thing.”
“Cool.” Jared nods. Things are looking up. “At least it means I won’t have to get a job this year.”
“Lazy ass.” Jensen smiles again. “So…How’s Milo?” Jared blushes bright red immediately and Jensen starts laughing. Jared can’t help it, he always blushes when anyone mentions Milo. He’d met him through the LGBT, and Mike had somehow known him too, since Mike knows everyone. When Mike had found out that Jared had a crush on him, via Jensen, although Jared didn’t know how he knew since he’d never told anyone, he’d made it his mission to get them out on a date together. He’d persuaded Chris and Steve to put on a gig, which wasn’t exactly difficult, and made sure both Jared and Milo attended. They’d been on a few dates since and Jared liked him a lot. He was still kind of wary after Sandy, and it was still hard not to compare Milo to Jensen every second, but they were having fun together and Jensen said that was all that mattered.
“Good.” Jared nods. “He should be back in Dallas in the next few days.”
“You heard from him over the summer?”
“Yeah, he’s been emailing me and stuff.” Jared nods.
“Cool. Just…” Jensen pauses and purses his lips a little, wincing in pain when it pulls the cut. “Just be careful, ok?”
“Careful?” Jared frowns.
“Yeah.” Jensen sighs. “He kind of…He stares at me a lot.”
“Dude.” Jared can’t help but laugh. “Everyone stares at you. You are pretty gorgeous.”
“Even looking like this?” Jensen asks.
“As much as I hate seeing your face mashed up like that? Yeah, you still look gorgeous.” Jared admits. Jensen blushes a little.
“Sorry. I think I’m probably projecting or something.” He shakes his head and makes a dismissive gesture with his fork.
Jared’s mom’s delighted when he tells her he’s going to live with Jensen. She keeps asking what happened between Jensen and Tom, but Jared promised he wouldn’t tell. Jensen says he will tell her, it’s just not a conversation he really wants to have over the telephone. It’s been a week since Tom left, and if Jensen thinks Jared hasn’t noticed that he totally refuses to answer the phone he’s not fooling anyone. The number of times Jared answers the phone and gets dead air on the other end lets him know for certain that Tom’s been trying to speak to Jensen.
Jensen’s also been avoiding speaking to his friends about the break up, or anything else really. He’ll talk to them briefly on the phone but he’s barely been out of the apartment and he won’t let them come over. Jared’s really not surprised when he opens the door one morning to find Mike, Chris and Steve standing there. They all file in past him before he can make more than a token effort not to let them in. Jensen’s standing by the sink, doing dishes, and doesn’t even turn to look at them.
“Jenny!” Mike pretty much yells all the time and it always takes Jared a second to get used to him when he’s got his ears tuned in to Jensen’s quiet voice. “What’s going on, man? You don’t call you don’t write!” He throws a hand over his eyes dramatically but it’s lost on Jensen who refuses to turn around.
“Jen.” Chris tries next. “We’re worried about you, man. Tom said he fucked up but won’t say what happened, just that you kicked him out and won’t talk to him. You guys were good together…” He pauses when he feels the heat of Jared’s glare on him. “What the fuck?” Chris has never been one to back down from a confrontation. Jared sees Steve put a soothing hand on Chris’ arm.
“Jen.” Jared says softly, turning his attention to Jensen. “You can’t hide forever, man. I don’t see why you still feel the need to protect him.” He’s speaking quietly but he knows the other three can hear him too.
“I’m not.” Jensen says softly, and he sounds about two seconds away from crying.
“So, what? You’re just going to face the window the whole time they’re here, man? That’s nuts. They’re your friends.” Jensen turns to look at Jared, and it’s the good side of his face that’s displayed, but from the sudden silence Jared guesses they’ve noticed the bruising on his neck. Jensen nods and turns to face them completely, looking down at the floor. Steve appears in front of him and tips his face up gently, not seeming upset when Jensen flinches away from the touch.
“Tom did this to you?” He asks. Jensen just nods again.
“That fucker.” Chris hisses. “I saw the bastard yesterday, and he had the balls to stand there and tell me how much he loves you and wishes you’d at least talk to him. Fucker.” Chris swears again. Mike is unusually silent, staring at Jensen’s face with a deep frown. “Why was his face intact?” Chris demands suddenly of Jared, up in his face even though he’s a good deal shorter. Jared doesn’t react, he knows Chris’ anger isn’t really aimed at him, he’s just the easiest target in the room.
“Jensen doesn’t like violence.” Jared shrugs. “As much as it might have felt good at the time to let him see what it feels like, Jensen didn’t want me to and I would have regretted it later.”
“You tell your mom?” Chris asks Jared.
“He won’t let me.” Jared shrugs.
“Dude, you’re so whipped.” He hears Chris mutter before he steps back, patting Jared on the arm. The small smile Jensen sends Jared’s way lets him know he did the right thing letting Chris have his outburst.
“Ok, so we can’t kill him?” Mike checks. Jensen shakes his head. “No violence at all?” Jensen smiles and shakes his head again. “Well, boys….” Mike rubs his hands together and Jared has never seen such an evil smile outside of the old Grinch cartoons. “Looks like we have some severe mental torture to plan!”
“Mike!” Jensen’s laughing and Jared’s suddenly glad the guys are there. “I just want to forget about it. I’m not taking him back, I don’t care what he says or does, I’ll never be able to trust him again. So I want to move on.”
“Ok. This requires drinking and cute…boys.” Mike sighs. “You’re sure you don’t want to switch it up and go for a girl?”
“No thanks.” Jensen wrinkles his nose prettily. “Been there done that. Really not my scene.”
“It’s true.” Jared nods when they all look at him. “He kind of got around at high school.”
“That is not true!” Jensen laughs, looking shocked. Jared raises an eyebrow. “Ok, maybe I was trying to convince myself I wasn’t gay.”
“It didn’t work.” Jared announces, smiling when everyone laughs.
“So anyway.” Mike says. “Drinking?”
“There’s no way I’m going out looking like this.” Jensen replies.
“Ok, so drinking at home until Jensen is back to his usual ridiculously pretty self.” Mike nods, clapping his hands together once more. “Jared, go buy alcohol, Chris, you can…”
“Jared’s not old enough to buy alcohol.” Jensen interrupts. Jared can’t find it in him to be upset at the way they all tease him suddenly about being a baby, not when their presence has really cheered Jensen up.
Jared’s only seen Jensen drunk a handful of times, but he’s really fun. It’s like he loses all of his hang ups and gets a little bit more confident, joining in with the games they’re playing, dancing, and even raising his voice to a normal level. Jared has to practically pour him into bed by the time Mike declares himself unfit to think up any more drinking games and promptly passes out on the couch.
“You ok to share with, Jen?” Steve asks. He’s probably the most coherent other than Jared, who still hasn’t got much of a taste for drinking. “If we take your bed…”
“It’s fine.” Jared promises. “I can keep my hands to myself.” And there he goes. He already has a big mouth but drinking just makes his tongue extra loose. He doesn’t think he mishears Steve muttering “I know you can”.
He manages to get Jensen out of his sneakers and jeans and tucked under the covers, before he strips himself and gets in. Jensen immediately curls against him. They’ve shared beds before, on family vacations and stuff, but it’s never really been like this.
“Love you.” Jensen puffs against his chest. Jared feels like he’s taking advantage of him. Jensen’s drunk and probably thinks he’s in bed with Tom or something. “Love you, Jared.” Ok, so that theory’s out the window. Jared decides it hurts too much to think and when he wakes up, Jensen’s awake, swallowing aspirin and handing two to Jared.
Things seem to settle down quite quickly after Jensen finally lets his friends in on what had happened. They settle into an easy rhythm of life, as Jared had known they would. They’d spent years sharing one room, sharing an apartment was a lot easier, and they’d never really fought anyway.
Jared’s concerned about Jensen though. He’s clearly broken hearted over Tom, but he’s letting his friends talk him into all sorts of things to help him get over it, the first being dating. Lots of dating. Jared agrees that Jensen needs to know that there are other men out there who’ll find him attractive, he’s endearingly blind to his own physical attractiveness, but he thinks Jensen’s taking it too far. He doesn’t say anything to Jensen about it, since he doesn’t want to upset him, and when he raises it with Chris and Mike they just tell him to stop being a jealous bitch. Steve’s a little more understanding but points out that Jensen is a grown man and can do whatever he wants.
After a few one night stands Jensen seems to calm down a little and settle on some guy from the gym. Jared speaks to him about it, worried that Jensen was throwing himself into a relationship so soon after Tom, but Jensen assures him it’s just sex. Jared’s not sure if that makes him feel better or not.
“Does he always look like that?” Milo asks. They’re lying on the couch watching a movie, and Jensen just stumbled out of his room, his hair sticking up in all directions and his glasses perched endearingly on his nose. It looks like he must have fallen asleep doing some research because he’s chewing on a pen and mumbling about coffee.
“Pretty much.” Jared grins.
“Man.” Mile shakes his head. “No wonder you have a thing for him.”
“Huh?” Jared hopes he heard wrong.
“You heard me, man.” Milo ruffles his hair. “It’s cool, I totally get it. If I lived with him I’d have a thing for him too.”
Jared wonders if he’s just really, really obvious about how he feels. He knows he’s not the most subtle person in the world, people tease him about it often enough. He decides not to worry about it. It’s not like Jensen doesn’t know anyway.
Jared feels like he and Jensen barely get to spend anytime together anymore. They seem to have completely opposing schedules. When Jensen’s at home studying Jared has classes, and when Jared’s home Jensen’s working at the hospital. Then he spends a lot of time at the gym, and stumbles in late with gym boy as Jared’s taken to calling him, even though he knows his name is Wentworth. And really, it serves him right for having such a stupid name in the first place. Jared’s decided that Jensen hates him and wants to torture him, because gym boy is really loud in bed, and honestly, if they’re having sex that often Jared’s not sure how Jensen can even walk anymore.
Chad just laughs when he tells him.
“Dude, Jensen doesn’t make any noise.” He points out. “It’s damn hard to hear him when he’s talking never mind anything else. If you weren’t here to repeat it at normal human level I’d miss most of what he says.” Jared laughs a little, because he knows it’s hugely frustrating to Chad that Jensen knows he can’t hear him, years of abusing his ears with loud music catching up with him, but Jensen doesn’t raise his voice at all if Chad misses what he says. Jared feels like Jensen’s translator sometimes, but really Jensen and Chad don’t have much in common so they don’t talk much.
“I’m going out.” Jensen walks past the back of the couch and Jared pauses the computer game to look up. Jensen’s dressed in his gym gear.
“Meeting gym boy?” He asks. Jensen just rolls his eyes and nods, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge and stuffing it into his bag.
“Listen, Jen, I have a class at eight tomorrow morning so I really need to get some sleep.” Jared looks up at him beseechingly, relieved when Jensen just laughs.
“Ok, in the interests of your continued academic success I’ll stay at his tonight.” Jensen offers magnanimously.
“You don’t sleep well anywhere else.” Jared frowns, feeling selfish all of a sudden.
“Dude, he’s not going to be sleeping.” Chad sighs and rolls his eyes. Jensen laughs and ruffles Chad’s hair before dropping a kiss on top of Jared’s head and heading for the door.
“I’ll be fine, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says.
“Keep your cell phone close!” Jared calls just as Jensen pulls the door closed.
“Dude, he’s not going to murder him.” Chad rolls his eyes again. “Y’know, it’s kind of cute that he’s older than you but you act like you’re the older brother.”
“He’s not my brother.” Jared growls, pushing Chad’s shoulder, and seriously, why is he even friends with Chad? “Just because I’ve known him for years doesn’t mean…”
“I know, I know.” Chad holds his hands up in surrender. “Soul mates are soul mates, you can’t help when you meet them.” Ok, Jared concedes that Chad can actually be worth having around. He even lets him win.
Jared pulls the pillow over his head and tries not to scream in frustration. He really needs to sleep. Like, really or he’s going to get up and go nuts and slit someone’s throat with a kitchen knife. That someone is pretty definitely going to be Wentworth fucking Miller. Jared gets that Jensen’s attractive, and so is Wentworth, so they’re having all kinds of really hot sex, but does he have to be so loud about it? Jensen’s managing to keep quiet. Although, Jared muses, Jensen is a little odd so maybe that’s why. But then he feels guilty for calling Jensen odd, even in his head, and just pulls the pillow tighter over his face and tries to go to sleep. He could probably call Milo and go over there, except Milo would think he was coming over for sex and by the time he got there and had sex, Jensen and Wentworth probably would have finished anyway and he could have been asleep in his own bed. Ok, so he definitely knows he’s overtired and rambling, but if Wentworth doesn’t shut the fuck up really soon Jared’s going to have to go and knock on the door and ask them to keep it down. Half an hour later he finally goes to sleep, more angry than he’s been in a long time.
Thanksgiving and Christmas go smoothly. Jensen tells Jared’s mom what happened with Tom, and when Jared sees her later she flings herself at him and almost hugs the life out of him for helping Jensen be strong. Jared’s not sure what the hell she’s talking about.
They go back to Dallas a few days after New Year and settle straight back into their routine with a few small changes. He and Milo break up. Jared likes Milo a lot, and the sex is good, but their relationship really wasn’t going anywhere. So, when Milo tells him he thinks he needs to be in a relationship with someone who’s ready to invest as much in it as he is, or not in love with Jensen, which is what Jared thinks Milo means, Jared just kisses him and they have fantastic goodbye sex. Jensen asks what happened and Jared tells him they decided to be friends. It’s not really a lie.
Jensen’s still fucking Wentworth, but they never spend time together other than at the gym or in bed. Jensen finally confides to Jared that the guy’s gorgeous but dumb as a box of rocks. That’s not exactly how he puts it, but Jared likes to think of it in those terms, because he knows Jensen likes smart guys. But really, he knows Jensen can do better, and it’s been six months since Tom so he thinks he’s over him. He thinks he should start dating again. On the other hand, Jared likes being the one that Jensen talks to. When he was with Milo, Chad used to say that he and Jensen were dating each other, but fucking other men. Jared’s not sure if he likes how perceptive Chad can be.
So when he sees Jensen dressed and ready to go to the gym again, he just can’t stop himself.
“Jensen.” He stands in front of the door. “Don’t go.”
“Don’t go?” Jensen gives him a confused smile. “You got something against me keeping fit?”
“No.” Jared replies. He has no problem with Jensen keeping fit, especially when Jensen walks around the apartment in just a pair of low slung sweat pants, showing off his hard earned fantastic body. “I just…I don’t think you should do this anymore.”
“Do what?” Jensen frowns a little.
“This thing with Wentworth.”
“What?” Jensen gives a short laugh. “I told you, it’s just sex.”
“I know.” Jared nods. “And that’s the problem. When you were trying to get over Tom, it made sense. But now…You deserve more than just sex, Jen. And I know you want more than that too. Just, not with Wentworth since he makes Chad look like Stephen Hawking…”
“Don’t be mean.” But Jensen’s smirking so Jared ignores the reprimand. “Jared…”
“No, just listen for a minute, ok? Please?” Jared asks. Jensen nods because he’s never been able to resist the puppy dog eyes. “Good.” Jared takes a deep breath, because he has to say all of this and has no idea how what he’s thinking will actually spill out of his mouth. “I know when you first started this thing it was what you needed, to get out there and prove to yourself that you could have any guy you want.” Jared shook his head, this wasn’t really what he wanted to say. “But now…You deserve better.”
“Better than what?” Jensen still looks confused, but he’s hearing Jared out at least.
“Better than just sex.” Jared replies. “Better than some guy who has no idea what you’re studying for your doctorate. Has no idea who you really are, Jen.” Jared sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “You deserve someone who hears everything you say, and everything you don’t. Who cares about your studies as much as you do. Someone who can hang out with your friends. Who cares about you.” Jared takes a deep breath. “You deserve a guy who loves you.”
“That guy better be you, Jared.” Is all Jensen says before he kisses him. And this is nothing like the time Jared kissed Jensen, all those years ago, because Jensen’s on the attack, his kiss hard and demanding, until Jared runs his hands into Jensen’s hair and softens the kiss a little, pulling away eventually. Jensen’s lips are red and shiny, and his eyes are wide. If Jensen looks this good when he’s been kissed, Jared can only imagine what he looks like when he comes.
“Let me take you out.” Jared murmurs against Jensen’s mouth.
“Out?” Jensen asks stupidly, blinking a little. “Jared, we know everything there is to know about each other. You don’t need to take me out.”
“I know.” Jared kisses him again. “I just want to do this right.” He says seriously, holding Jensen’s gaze. Jensen eventually nods and steps back a little, laughing when Jared grabs at him to keep him close.
“When?”
“Tomorrow?”
“I had some research I wanted to do.” Jensen muses. Jared knows Jensen schedules his time carefully, because Jensen is more than a little neurotic. “But I guess I could do it now instead.” He smiles.
“Cool.” Jared nods, he knows exactly where he wants to take Jensen.
“I should probably call Went and tell him about…” Jensen waves a hand between the two of them. Jared nods encouragingly. “I don’t think he’ll be surprised though. He kept trying to get me to agree to a threesome with you.” Jensen’s blush rises brighter than ever on his cheeks and Jared can’t help the shocked little laugh that escapes. A threesome with Jensen and Wentworth would undoubtedly have been hot, except for the part where the mere idea of letting anyone else touch Jensen makes him want to drag him into the bedroom and keep him there yelling mine, mine, mine, until the rest of the world gets the message.
Part 4/5