Fic: Life is like a song (4/5)

[tabbyshhh]

Jared knows exactly where he wants to take Jensen, and spends the rest of the day preparing. He doesn’t want to just go for dinner or something, because they’ve eaten together so many times it would be kind of ridiculous. He really hopes Jensen likes where he’s taking him, and that he understands what Jared’s trying to say. So the next day he drags Jensen to the car, although there’s not really much dragging about it. It’s just a case of getting Jensen to wrap up the piece of research he’s doing.

“Close your eyes.” Jared sing songs as they get closer to their destination.

“Close my eyes?” Jensen gives him an incredulous look.

“Yeah. I want it to be a surprise. If you don’t want to close your eyes I could always blindfold you.” Jared grins.

“No way.” Jensen closes his eyes obediently.

“Keep your eyes closed.” Jared insists as he takes a left and puts the car in park. He walks round to Jensen’s door and opens it, helping Jensen out. They walk round to the front of the car together. “Ok.” Jared bounces on his toes a little. “You can open them.”

Jensen opens his eyes and they widen immediately as he looks down at the small lake in front of them.

“Jared?” He gasps.

“Yeah?”

“How do you even know about this place?”

“You showed it to me the first time I came to visit you in Dallas.” Jared replies, going to the trunk to grab the blanket and picnic basket. “We drove past and you pointed it out.”

“That was years ago.” Jensen sounds surprised that Jared would remember.

“Yeah. You said you used to come here with your parents.” Jared reminds him. “I always remember the things you say about them. You don’t talk about them much.” Jared takes Jensen’s hand and leads him to a secluded spot near some trees. “We can sit here. I didn’t want to force you to cover yourself in sun block, so we can move into the shade when it gets a little hotter.”

“I don’t burn that easily.” Jensen helps Jared spread out the blanket.

“Liar.” Jared grins. “You remember that summer we went to Florida? You couldn’t walk properly for two days and my mom’s never let you out in the sun without protection since.” Jared giggles.

“It’s not funny.” Jensen pouts. “I got five new freckles just walking from the car.”

“Then it’s a good job I love your freckles, huh?” Jared teases, pulling Jensen to sit down next to him.

“You made this yourself?” Jensen looks doubtfully at the picnic basket. Jared really hasn’t ever picked up Jensen’s knack for cooking, no matter how hard his mom tries to teach him.

“Allison helped.” Jared admits with a smile. They share chicken salad and cheese cake for dessert, laughing and joking like always. The only difference is that Jensen’s sitting pressed against Jared’s side, and Jared occasionally lean’s down to press a kiss to his lips. It feels like this was the way things always should have been.

“When did you decide you wanted to be a physical therapist?” Jared asks, when Jensen’s lying with his head in Jared’s lap.

“You know this story.” Jensen replies, his eyes blinking open. They’ve moved to sit in the shade but it’s still warm and Jensen looks drowsy, his eyes closing again when Jared runs his fingers through his hair softly.

“No I don’t. You just always knew it was what you wanted to do.” Jared corrects. Jensen’s silent for a few minutes and Jared just waits patiently, stroking his hair. Jensen doesn’t talk about his past often, and sometimes actively changes the subject to avoid doing so. He’s beginning to think Jensen’s fallen asleep when he finally starts to talk. His voice is even softer than usual, but Jared’s hearing is always tuned in to Jensen’s quiet tones so he hears him straight away.

“After I woke up from my coma I was stuck in bed for weeks because I had a broken femur.” Jared’s heard enough biology from Jensen to know that that’s the thigh bone. “It’s one of the worst bones in the body to break because it has this membrane around it and…” Jensen pauses, realising he’s rambling. “Well, anyway, when it finally healed I had to have physical therapy to be able to walk. The thing was, I just wasn’t interested. I’d just lost my entire family. I didn’t really have any motivation to work hard, and it hurt like a son of a bitch.” Jensen shakes his head at the memory. “But I had this physical therapist called Jeff. He was just training, like me now, but he was really cool and always found some way to get me motivated. I was on my feet and out of the hospital way faster than anyone expected. I went to live with my uncle.”

Jensen pauses and Jared waits patiently, running his fingers though Jensen’s hair.

“He had a drinking problem and my dad’s death hit him really hard. He wasn’t really in a good place to be looking after a kid with pretty serious emotional issues.” Jensen shakes his head again. “He used to hit me, and stuff. When I was 10 he broke my wrist. I had to go to the hospital and when the cast came off I had to have therapy. Jeff was still there, he’d finished training but they took him on as a therapist. I guess after a week or two he noticed that I always had a new bruise or a cigarette burn or something. He figured out what was going on and reported it to child welfare. I guess he thought he was helping.”

Jared nods when Jensen’s eyes flicker to his face and then drift closed again.

“I went to a couple of foster homes after that but…You know how shy I was when I came to live with you, and I guess a lot of them thought I was just being difficult on purpose. They had all these strategies to deal with the kids that got loud or violent but I was kind of…an anomaly.” Jensen sighs. “You know about the last foster home I was in before I came to you guys.” Jared knew that they didn’t feed him much, other than force feeding him cookies, that they beat him and just generally treated him like crap. “Anyway, I ended up in the hospital. I passed out at school due to lack of nutrition and dehydration and exhaustion.” Jensen shrugs a little. “Jeff heard I was there and came to visit me. He made me tell him what was going on and reported it to child welfare again. After that he kept in touch with me. Like, when I came to live with you guys.” Jared thinks he’s heard Jensen mention Jeff briefly in passing, but doesn’t know if he just got it confused with his brother. “I guess he wanted to make sure I was ok. He even came to court when the state prosecuted my foster parents.”

“Are you still in contact with him?” Jared asks quietly.

“With Jeff?” Jensen opens his eyes and smiles up at him. “He’s my supervisor at the hospital.”

“Really?” Jared laughs. “Wow, that’s cool.”

“Yeah.” Jensen nods. “I don’t know if wanting to be a physical therapist had more to do with him, or with the actual job.” He admits. “But I was always good at science and maths. In English and classes like that, you had to have an opinion, and I’d kind of taught myself that that only led to getting hurt. In maths and science there’s pretty much a right answer and a wrong answer. Once I decided to be a physical therapist…I just really love it. That’s why I decided to do the doctoral programme and not just the Masters degree.” Jared leans down to kiss him. He knows how much Jensen enjoys his studies, and he knows that he must be really good with patients, being so gentle and softly spoken, but not taking any shit from anyone.

“I wish I knew what I want to do.” Jared sighs.

“You’re only in your second year of college and you know what you want to major in.” Jensen laughs. “You’re ahead of most people.” Jared lets him change the subject to talk about something else, because he’s learned more about Jensen’s past in the last half hour than he’s ever heard before and it makes his heart swell a little as he realises Jensen does trust him with things he wouldn’t share with anyone else.

Jared thinks it might have been the best first date he’s ever been on, and he really hopes Jensen shares his enthusiasm. The way Jensen kisses him on the cheek and pretends to close the door on him when they reach their apartment, like Jared was just being polite in walking him to the door, makes him crack up laughing, and they eventually fall on the sofa together in a tangle of limbs.

“I need to call my mom.” Jared sighs.

“You’re going to tell her?” Jensen sounds nervous and Jared can’t resist kissing him.

“I have to. You know I can’t lie to her about anything.”

“Yeah. You always were a momma’s boy.” Jensen teases.

“Hey, see if I put out now.” Jared pretends to be upset, Jensen just rolls his eyes.

“You know I’m just joking. Your mom’s great. And you really put out on the first date?” Jensen raised an eyebrow.

“For you? I might consider it.” Jared kisses him again because he can’t quite get over the fact that he’s allowed to now. “Anyway, I think she’ll be glad because you…” He pokes Jensen in the ribs. “Have the worst taste in men. Like, ever.”

“I do not.” Jensen pouts and Jared melts a little. “You’re a catch.”

“I am.” Jared agrees, reaching for the phone. Jensen tries to wriggle away.

“No, no! I don’t want to be lying here with your hand on my ass when you call her.”

“I’ll put it somewhere else.” Jared slides his hand up to Jensen’s hip. “You stay right there and then you’ll be able to hear her not freaking out or getting upset and then it won’t be so hard for me, and her, to convince you she’s fine with it. If anything, she’s probably going to tell me to be careful with you. She thinks you’re fragile.”

“Yeah, I’m made of china.” Jensen agrees, rolling his eyes. He still lets Jared pull him closer as he dials the phone though.

“Hi, momma.” Jared greets happily.

“Jared!” She always sounds so pleased to hear from him. “How are things, honey?”

“Really really good.” He assures her.

“Your classes are ok?”

“Yeah, Jensen helped me study for my chemistry quiz so I think I did pretty well.”

“Good.” He can tell his mom’s nodding, she knows science isn’t his strong suit. Unlike Jensen he prefers subjects where he has to form an opinion, all the Padeleckis are the same. “How is Jensen? I called him a few days ago, and I swear, all that boy does is study and go to the gym.”

“He’s good too.” Jared tries to hold back a laugh as Jensen rolls his eyes again. “Actually, that’s kind of what I called to talk to you about.”

“Jensen?” He can hear her frown. “You said he was ok…”

“Oh, he is.” Jared says certainly. “I took him on a date today.” He kept his voice level but feels Jensen tense next to him.

“Really?” His mom sounds amused. “And how did that go?”

“Really well.” Jared can’t hide the grin from his face. “I told you it wasn’t a phase.”

“And I told you you’d regret it if you hid from him.” His mom replies and Jared can’t help but laugh at the shock on Jensen’s face because of how easily his mom is accepting this. “Is he there?” She asks. “I should probably talk to him. That boy worries too much and I don’t want him getting a headache.”

“I’ll just get him.” Jared holds the phone away from his face and waits a few seconds before passing it to Jensen, so his mom won’t know how close they are.

“Hi.” Jensen says quietly. He sounds tense and Jared runs a hand down his arm soothingly.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Jared can hear how his mom’s tone has softened. After hearing a little more about Jensen’s past he realises why Jensen considers himself so lucky to have gotten Jared’s mom as a foster mother, and why he’s so concerned about losing her. “How are you?”

“I’m doing good.” Jensen replies.

“I hear Jared managed to drag you away from the books long enough to take you on a date.”

“Yeah.” It’s more breath than words.

“Where did he take you?”

“To the park.” Jensen smiles up at Jared. “For a picnic.”

“Oh dear.” Jared hears his mom sigh. “I hope you didn’t eat anything he made himself.” Jared thinks he should be more upset about that comment, but it makes Jensen laugh and suddenly the tension leaves his body.

“He had a little help from Allie, Mike’s girlfriend.” Jensen replies. “It was good.” He smiles at Jared.

“And will there be a second date?” Jared’s mom asks, and Jared’s glad he’s not the only one she chooses to tease.

“I think so.” Jensen glances up at him through his lashes and blushes when Jared nods enthusiastically.

“I’m glad, honey.”

“Really?” Jensen frowns a little.

“Yes.” Jared has to smile, his mom sounds so certain that even Jensen couldn’t doubt her honesty. “You two have always been close. I would have worried if you’d started something when Jared was younger but he’s almost 20 now, and lord knows that boy always gets what he wants in the end.” Jensen smiles as Jared grins broadly at him. “And at least I know he’ll treat you right. You need someone to take care of you.”

“I do not.” Jensen pouts and Jared can’t resist pressing a kiss to his neck. He passes the phone back to Jared after a few more minutes and when Jared finally hangs up he finds Jensen’s fallen asleep, his face pressed into Jared’s neck. It’s kind of weird, to know that he can just reach out and touch Jensen now, when he’s always had to be so careful and restrict the physical contact he allowed himself so much.

Jensen’s friends figure out what’s going on pretty quickly. Jared’s been walking round with a huge grin on his face and Jensen’s been more upbeat and talkative than Jared’s seen him…well, ever. Chris teases Jensen about the fact that he’s always wrapped around Jared, or pressed against him whenever possible. Jensen just replies that he spent years keeping his hands to himself and now he’s making up for it. Jared doesn’t even care that Chris and Mike tease him about the shit-eating grin he’s wearing after that.

For their second date Jared takes Jensen to the batting cages and is rewarded with Jensen’s beaming smile, which is all it’s ever really taken to make his day. He knows Jensen misses playing baseball now he has so much to do. He still plays amateur lacrosse with Chris and Steve but he’s been saying he might have to give it up because his doctorate is taking up so much of his time. Jared’s been trying his best not to monopolise Jensen’s time, it’s just a good thing he gets on so well with Jensen’s friends so they can all hang out together. Jensen’s even been making a special effort to raise his voice to an audible level when Chad comes by, and Chad tells Jared it’s about fucking time he asked Jensen out.

For their third date, Jensen takes Jared to the aquarium. They walk shoulder to shoulder through the tunnels and past the tanks, Jensen reading quietly from the guide book and politely brushing off the attendant who comes over to talk to him. Jared’s pretty glad Jensen got rid of her quickly because her flirting was getting really irritating. He catches Jensen’s amused smile and removes his hand from the small of Jensen’s back, they’re still in Texas after all.

“My parents used to bring me here.” Jensen says quietly when they’re eating in the cafe later. Jared looks up in surprise. “Josh loved it.” He shakes his head and smiles a little before catching Jared’s eyes. “I know you want me to talk about my past more. I try.” He looks down at his plate and then back up at Jared. “It’s just not easy. I tell you more than I’ve ever told anyone. Other than my therapist.” He adds with a slight shrug.

Jared reaches across the table to grip Jensen’s hand briefly. To hell with what people think. “I know.” He assured Jensen. “I want to know all about you, but I get how hard it is, and I’m never going to push.”

“That’s one of the best things about you.” Jensen smiles shyly. “You don’t push. Ever since the day I met you you’ve just been there. Waiting for whatever I could give.”

“You’ve always given me a lot.” Jared can’t help the tender tone of his voice, even as it makes Jensen blush.

Jared still can’t quite believe he gets to have Jensen like this; naked and writhing under his hands. Jensen’s skin is soft but the lean muscle is hard and the noises he makes are intoxicating. In Jared’s fantasies Jensen had always been silent in bed, in reality he’s anything but. His moans and gasps are quiet against Jared’s ear, but he’s been tuned into the sound of Jensen’s voice for so long now that he could never miss the sound of Jensen’s breathy whispers of god and yes and more and Jared.

Jensen arches up against him when he flicks his tongue against his nipple, that long lean body pressed against Jared’s own, and Jared quickens the pace of his fingers, pressing inside Jensen. He found out quickly that Jensen likes bottoming. Likes sex, but pretty much struggles to ask for what he wants. He has to wonder if all the partners Jensen has had before were too preoccupied with being in bed with such a beautiful lover to worry about his pleasure much. Jensen pants against his ear as he slides in, murmuring Jared’s name over and over. His voice gets slightly louder as he gets closer to completion, one hand clutching reflexively at Jared’s hip, the other buried in his hair, until he finally cries out Jared as he comes. Jared tips over the edge immediately because that was so loud it kind of hurt his ear and he looks at Jensen, blinking to get his vision clear.

“Are you blushing?” He nuzzles Jensen’s neck to let him know he’s teasing.

“Maybe.” Jensen hides his face in Jared’s neck, biting lightly. “No one’s ever made me get that loud before.” Jared can’t help the swell of pride he feels at that. “No one’s ever made me feel the way you do.”

“No one’s ever loved you like I do.” Jared says, nipping at Jensen’s lips softly. They’ve been together for more than 2 months now and Jared’s always been certain that this is love. That this is forever. Because there’s no way in hell he’s letting Jensen go now. He deals with the condom and cleans Jensen up quickly before climbing back into the bed and wrapping Jensen up in his embrace. Jared loves Jensen, completely and totally, but he thinks sleepy Jensen is his favourite. He gets clingy and giggly and it’s just too sweet for words. Of course, Jared’s always known he liked sleepy Jensen, he remembers years of listening to Jensen giggle when he told him stories as they lay in the dark back in the room they shared in his mom’s house.

“I love you.” Jensen whispers, before he submits fully to sleep, and Jared’s heart is about ready to burst.

He’s really not looking forward to going back to San Antonio for the summer, not with Jensen still in Dallas. He tries to talk Jensen into letting him stay in Dallas and get a job there, but Jensen reminds him that his mom won’t forgive either of them for it, and promises to visit often. Jared sulks for a few days, it won’t be the same at all. He bets his parents won’t even let them share a room anymore, unless they absolutely promise not to have sex, and Jared knows Jensen will keep any promises he makes to them. He knows because that’s what happened over spring break. He only stops sulking when Chris tells him to stop being an asshole because he’s making Jensen miserable, and he spends the rest of the week they have left together assuring Jensen that he’s fine and they’ll be fine. It’s not like they haven’t been apart before.

Still, the first night alone in the room he and Jensen have shared for years, brings home just how much he misses him, and Jared can’t sleep. He wanders down to the kitchen and makes himself cocoa, which doesn’t taste anything like as good as when Jensen makes it for him. His mom finds him curled up on the couch watching an old baseball game and smiles at him gently before tucking a blanket round his shoulders and going back to bed. Jared’s last thought before he falls asleep on the couch is that he has the best family in the world.

He has three days off, so he drives to Dallas to spend them with Jensen, after his mom promised she wouldn’t be upset and Megan threatened to kill him if he didn’t go and make Jensen stop sounding like someone just killed his puppy every time she spoke to him. When he lets himself into the apartment Jensen’s sitting on the sofa with his knees pulled up to his chest, and Chris is sitting next to him, an arm thrown over his shoulder. Jared’s hackles raise immediately until he sees the amusement in Chris’ eyes and then he relaxes, knowing Jensen would never cheat on him. The fact that Chris is about as straight as they come helps too. Chris’ expression immediately returns to concern and Jared moves to kneel in front of Jensen, seeing how pale he is.

“I fed him advil and about a gallon of water.” Chris promises before Jared can ask if he’s done anything to offset the impending headache.

“What’s wrong?” Jared asks Jensen softly, pressing a kiss to his temple. Jensen shakes his head and grimaces a little, but looks up when Chris nudges him.

“My uncle showed up today.” He replies. “At the hospital.”

“Your uncle?” Jared asks, trying not to demand to know where he is so he can go kick his ass.

“Yeah.” Jensen nods. “It’s been like 14 years or something since I last saw him and I was still terrified when I saw him standing in the parking lot. If Jeff wasn’t there I probably would have just run away.”

“What did he want?” Jared asks quietly.

“To see me.” Jensen shrugs. “He’s been to rehab and he’s attending alcoholics anonymous. He wanted to see me to apologise and to ask if maybe…maybe I could forgive him and let him be my uncle again. He said…He said I look a lot like my mom.” Jensen’s voice breaks and he chokes back a sob. Jared gathers him up in his arms immediately.

“You don’t have to see him again, Jen.” Jared promises. He’ll file a restraining order or something, whatever it takes.

“He’s the only family I have.” Jensen’s voice wavers.

“You know that’s not true.” Jared corrects as gently as possible.

“You know what I mean.” Jensen offers him a tired smile. “He’s my dad’s brother. He looks a lot like him. I just…I think I want to do this but it’s going to take time.”

“Then he’ll have to give you time.” Jared says firmly.

“You think you’d meet him with me?” Jensen asks tentatively. “Do you think you could without wanting to hurt him?”

“I might want to hurt him.” Jared admits. “But I never would, you know I’m not violent, baby.” Jared can only get away with calling Jensen baby under certain circumstances, especially when there are other people around, but he thinks this counts as one of those rare occasions.

So that’s why Jared finds himself sitting opposite Jensen’s uncle, his thigh pressed against Jensen’s under the table as he tries to be supportive. Tries not to judge the man sitting opposite him. It’s not easy when Jensen still bears the scars of his abuse and neglect, both physical and emotional. Jensen’s Uncle David doesn’t really look much like him. There’s something similar in the shape of his jaw and nose, but Jared’s seen pictures of Jensen’s family and knows Jensen looks a lot like his mom. He also knows that David really does look a lot like Jensen’s dad. David’s talking, telling Jensen about the programme he’s in, how he’s trying to rebuild his life. Then Jensen takes his turn, talking about college and his doctoral programme.

David’s eyes had gotten kind of wide when Jensen had appeared with Jared in tow, but to his credit he hadn’t been too obvious if he was surprised his nephew was gay. He’d tried to include Jared in the conversation a few times too, and while Jared appreciated the effort he doesn’t have much to say to the man. He’s being polite and courteous, because his momma raised him right, but he’s only here to support Jensen, he has no desire to be David’s new best friend. When David goes to the bathroom Jensen nudges him in the ribs with his elbow and Jared thinks he’s going to get told off for being so quiet.

“Thanks for being here, Jay.” Jensen says, his usual quiet voice even softer than normal. It’s been amusing Jared that David has to lean over to catch most of what Jensen says, but at the same time he knows Jensen’s voice gets quieter when he’s tense or nervous so he slips a hand under the coat slung over the back of Jensen’s chair and rubs his back gently. “It really means a lot to me.”

“I know.” Jared smiles, wishing they lived somewhere where they could just kiss without anybody caring. “You know I’m always here for you.” The blinding smile Jensen gives him is so worth the fact that his jaw aches from grinding his teeth so hard and he relaxes finally, even managing to smile at David as he comes back to the table.

It turns out David wants to be a pretty permanent part of Jensen’s life, and apparently Jensen’s going to let him, so they fall into a pattern of going out for lunch with him every Sunday. He comes to watch Jensen play Lacrosse once or twice too, but Jared wishes he wouldn’t because he has to keep distracting him every time Chris gets close enough to where they’re sitting and sends a threatening glare David’s way.

Chris and Jensen have it out soon enough, because Chris can never back down and once Jensen’s made up his mind he’s a stubborn son of a gun. Maybe he picked up something of the Padaleckis after all. The argument probably doesn’t go how Chris expected, because it ends with him on his back, staring up at Jensen who’s just shoved him the length of the changing room, getting as close to yelling as Jensen ever does. Steve came to find Jared as soon as the argument started so he puts an arm gently on Jensen’s shoulder, feels the way he’s shaking and prepares to get in the way if Chris thinks he’s going to push Jensen back.

Steve helps Chris up while Jared pulls Jensen gently so his back is pressed against Jared’s front and wraps his arms around him carefully, wanting him to know he’s being hugged, not restrained.

“What the fuck, man?” Chris asks. It’s clear to Jared that Chris has never seen Jensen lose his temper like that. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”

“I don’t need you to, ok?” Jensen’s voice is quiet again, but he sounds to Jared’s trained ears like he’s dangerously close to tears. “Jesus, Chris, I don’t expect you to understand. Why would you?” Jensen shakes his head. “But you could at least give me the respect of believing I know what I’m doing. I don’t need you to protect me. I get enough of Jared trying to do that and even he’s been trying to understand. I don’t expect you to spend time with him. I just don’t need you up in my face about it every second.”

“You know what, man, fuck you.” Chris storms out of the changing room and Steve follows quickly after assuring Jensen it’ll blow over. Jensen turns in Jared’s arms and Jared swallows him in a hug, holding tighter when he feels the tears on his neck. Jensen never cries and Jared really wishes he could follow Chris and knock some sense into him, but he knows Chris is just worried about Jensen because he’s his best friend, aside from Jared, and he’s seen him go through a lot. They all know Jensen’s a lot more fragile than he’d ever admit to being.

Weeks pass and nothing gets resolved between Chris and Jensen. They see each other when they play lacrosse and that’s it. It’s impacting Jensen’s friendship with Steve, who Jared feels really bad for because he’s totally caught in the middle. Jared’s been trying to convince Jensen to call Chris, because he really doesn’t like seeing Jensen this cut up, he’s nearly as bad as when he broke up with Tom.

He and Jensen started arguing what feels like hours ago, and Jared’s really not sure what caused it but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to end soon and Jared thinks he should just go to the library and come back when they’ve both had time to calm down.

“I’m sick of you meddling in my life!” Jensen says. He’s not yelling but it’s the closest he’s ever come to it directed at Jared and he feels it like a punch in the gut.

“Meddling?” He asks. “What the fuck, Jen? I’m your boyfriend, I’m allowed to be concerned about you.”

“I’m not a fucking girl, Jared. I don’t need you to hold my hand and protect me.”

“That’s funny, because that’s exactly what you had me do when you started spending time with your bastard Uncle again. I felt like a fucking bodyguard!”

“Don’t throw that back in my face!”

“Why? You’re pretty much throwing everything I’ve ever done for you back in mine. Jesus Christ, I’ve spent the last decade caring about you more than I care about myself and all you can say is stop meddling.” Jared yells. He sees Jensen flinch, the way he steps back and he realises this is it. He needs to get out or they’re both going to get louder and louder until one of them snaps and considering Jensen hates violence he has a pretty good track record of resorting to it when he’s mad. He doesn’t want Jensen to be afraid of him, and from the way he’s clutching reflexively at the counter he’s backed himself up against he clearly is at the moment. “You know what…” Jared takes a deep breath and a step back. “I’m out of here. Call me when you’ve decided you’re not an asshole.”

He drives around for a while, seriously considering going to San Antonio because he really wants his mom to threaten to bang their heads together like she used to do with him and Jeff, and then they’d laugh and it would be over. They’ve never really fought before and it hurts so damn much because usually, when he feels like this, Jensen’s the one he turns to for comfort and now he can’t. He decides to go see Allie, because Mike might be Jensen’s friend but Allie’s his really, and he doesn’t think he can deal with Chad right now.

When he gets there he’s not really surprised to meet Mike in the hallway, clearly in a rush to get somewhere. Jared just nods at him and Mike relaxes his tensed frame, running out of the building. Jared’s glad Jensen’s not just sitting on his own, he doesn’t want him to feel miserable.

“Hey, honey.” Allie greets him sweetly with a hug and a bag of candy.

“I don’t even know what happened.” Jared finds himself wailing as he finally bursts into tears. Allie hugs him and coos at him until he finally gets to the bit in the story where he left because Jensen looked scared. “And I never wanted to make him look like that. He’s never been intimidated by me.”

“Shhhh.” She soothes. “It’s probably just a natural reaction, what with his Uncle and then Tom…” Allie stops speaking when she realises she’s just made Jared feel worse, because he never wanted his name in a list with those two.

“He’s just…Since the fight with Chris he’s been all moody and I just wanted them to fix it.” Jared sighs. “And he just said I was meddling.”

“This is Jensen though.” Allie reminds him, as if he didn’t know. “He’s pretty good at repressing things until they just get on top of him. Did you mean everything you said?”

“No.” Jared replies immediately.

“And the chances are he didn’t either. You just say things in the heat of anger. Jen’s been struggling with having his uncle in his life again but I know you’ve been really supportive and I know he appreciates it because I heard him tell Mike.” Allie kisses Jared’s cheek. “He’s just upset because he’s fighting with Chris and maybe he thought you were taking Chris’ side. He’s a guy, Jared, he still has pride.”

“I would never take Chris’ side over Jensen, even if I thought he was right, which I don’t.”

“You just need to let Jensen know that. I know it must get tiring, having to reassure him all the time, but you’ve been doing it for years already.” Allie sighs. Jared’s never really thought of it like that before. “Lovers fight, Jay. It was bound to happen sooner or later, we’ve all been expecting it.” She smiles at his shocked face. “We just didn’t know Jen and Chris would be on the outs when it happened.” Just then Jared’s phone rings and he grabs it immediately, hoping it’s Jensen.

“It’s Chris.” He tells Allie, frowning at the phone.

“Might want to answer it then. He doesn’t like being kept waiting.” She advises with a grin.

“Hello?” Jared answers the phone cautiously, because you never know which Chris you’re going to get.

“You better get your ass back here, you gigantic mother fucking bastard, and fix whatever the hell you did.” Chris hisses.

“What?” Jared doesn’t understand.

“He won’t open the door.”

“The door? Where are you?”

“I’m standing outside your apartment trying to stop Mike from breaking down your freaking door.” Chris takes a deep breath. “Jensen called me and got out about two words before he hung up so I came by to check on him.” His tone softens a little and Jared thinks if anything good’s going to come out of this argument at least Chris and Jensen are apparently speaking again. “But when I got here he wouldn’t open the door. Then Mike got here and told me it’s your goddamn fault.”

“We had a fight. He gave as good as he got.” Jared replies.

“It’s Jensen.” Chris reminds him.

“I know, but he’s not as breakable as you think. This is the guy who had you on your ass a few weeks ago.” Jared rejoins.

“I swear to god, Padalecki, if you’ve hurt him…”

“You know I would never lay a finger on him. I love him.” Jared interrupts, furious that Chris would even suggest it. It just brings back the pain of seeing that flicker of fear in Jensen’s eyes.

“I know. Look, are you going to come home and open the door or what? Steve’s the one with the spare key and he’s out of town.”

“He still won’t open up?”

“No.” Chris sighs. “And now Mike’s saying all this crazy stuff like maybe he got one of his headaches and got dizzy, fell over banged his head and blacked out.”

“Yeah, well Mike’s got one hell of an imagination.” Jared’s on his feet immediately though. He can’t think of a reason why Jensen wouldn’t let his friends in, not after he called them. The thought that Jensen might have a headache hits him like a physical blow because Jensen doesn’t take care of himself properly if he’s alone and he gets one. “I’m on my way now.” He says bye to Allie and rushes out to his car, getting back to his apartment building way faster than is legal, he’s sure.

“He still won’t let us in.” Mike throws his hands up in exasperation when Jared sees him on the landing.

“Yeah, I got that.” Jared nods, fumbling with his keys.

“Cut the humour.” Chris growls.

“You know what, maybe you two should just wait here while I check he’s ok.” Jared says firmly. He sees Chris about to disagree and Mike’s arm shoot out to grab him.

“10 minutes.” Chris nods sharply and Jared nods his agreement.

The apartment’s dark, mostly because it’s dark outside, but Jared can see Jensen is in exactly the same place he was in when Jared stormed out, except he’s sitting on the floor, with his back pressed up against the kitchen counter. His knees are pulled up to his chest and his arms are wrapped around them, his head resting on his knees so his face is hidden. Jared almost thinks he’s asleep until he hears the shuddering breath and Jensen looks up, his eyes glinting in the street light coming through the window. He’s at Jensen’s side in a heartbeat, pressing his hand to Jensen’s head and frowning at how hot he feels.

“You left.” Jensen looks up at his, squinting a little.

“I wanted to give us both time to calm down.” Jared replies, kneeling next to Jensen. “You knew I was coming back.” Jensen shakes his head and then makes a low pained noise in his throat. “Did you take anything?” Jared asks. Jensen shakes his head again and Jared tries to get up to grab him some aspirin. He doesn’t get far when Jensen grabs his wrist tightly.

“Don’t go.”

“I’m not.” Jared promises. “I just want to get you something.”

“No.” Jensen shakes his head again and then screws his eyes up against the pain. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it. I don’t know how I would have got through the last few years without you and then I just…”

“Shhh.” Jared soothes a hand through Jensen’s hair gently. “It’s ok. I’m sorry too. You know I love you, I just wanted to go before things got out of hand, but I’m back now and I’m not going anywhere. Just let me get you some aspirin ok?” Jensen nods and Jared quickly gets two of the stronger aspirin they have tucked away for when Jensen has headaches like this, and a glass of water. He gets Jensen to take the pills and drink half of the water.

“I called Chris.” Jensen whispers against Jared’s neck. “And then I remembered he was mad at me and I didn’t know what to say so I just hung up on him.”

“Chris is here, Jen.” Jared whispers back. “He’s outside waiting to come and see how you are. He called to yell at me to get back here. You know he just worries about you. He’s your best friend.”

“I hurt him.” Jensen sobs out. Jared suddenly realises that maybe the reason Jensen hasn’t just apologised, like he normally would, is that it got physical with Chris and now he’s afraid to speak to him.

“He’s fine.” Jared promises. “Just worried about you. He was just a little surprised but it’s over now. As soon as you’re feeling better you guys can talk this through.” Jared promises.

“I want to talk to him now.” Jensen gives Jared a pleading look which just looks completely pitiful.

“Maybe.” Jared gives in. “Come on, let’s get you in bed and then I’ll get him to come and kiss you goodnight.” Jensen wrinkles his nose a little at that and Jared has to laugh. “Can you walk?”

“No.” Jensen shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Jared kisses him on the top of the head. “You know I love carrying you around.” He scoops Jensen up carefully. He’s not as light as he looks but Jared’s got a good 20 pounds on him so as long as he takes it slowly they’re fine. He settles Jensen down in their bed, helping him change. They have high thread count sheets now, so Jensen’s skin doesn’t get irritated and Jared knows which of Jensen’s sweats and t-shirts are the softest. He digs the old cashmere blanket out of the closet, knowing Jensen can use their expensive comforter, but takes some comfort from having the blanket like he did when he was younger. He tucks Jensen in carefully and closes the black out blinds, glad he’d bullied Jensen into getting some. Jensen’s face relaxes a little as soon as the only light in the room is coming through the door from the living room, dark and grey, light filtering through from the street light outside.

He tucks Jensen in carefully and presses a light kiss to his lips. “I’ll go get Chris now, but after that I want you to sleep.” He instructs.

“I will.” Jensen promises. Jared sticks to his word and sends Chris in, telling him he has to be really quiet and can’t stay for too long. Chris rolls his eyes at him but the weary relief in his shoulders when he comes out of the bedroom lets Jared know this was the right thing to do.

“He’s sleepin’.” Chris sighs, clapping Jared on the back. “When he feels better give me a call so I can come over, ok?”
Part 5/5 and notes