Figured it out
I have figured out what the crippling, frustrating thing is that makes me cry and rage and veer away from my computer every time the issue of publishing my book comes up.
God knows I've dissected this a hundred times.
I've got THREE novels WRITTEN. COMPLETED. And I know the plots for the next three or four! And people have read them and liked them. AND I've gotten short stories published.
So what the hell stops me from sending in the damn books?? What EXACTLY is it that is my stalling point?
The query/synopsis.
Yes, of course, but WHY?
I cite my crippling fear of asking for things from strangers. And I'm not kidding about the crippling part. I literally can't ask a stranger what TIME it is without experiencing symptoms of a panic attack. If I'm in a strange building and I need to find the restroom, I could start crying. I can PERFORM in front of people with no trouble whatsoever, I can stand in front of 100 people and sing, or put on a skit, or even read announcements or try and entice volunteers to a committee... but ask me to ask directions and I'm a wreck.
Yes, but that's not all, is it? Because I sent in short stories and got them published and didn't die, did I?
And mulling over the difference between the short story submission and the novel submission process is when it hit me.
I didn't have to sell the short stories. I wrote a little cover letter "blah blah short story thanks for reading k" and then sent them the story. They rejected or accepted the story.
I have immense faith in this story, and the characters. I know they can carry themselves to an agent, make him/her love them, and then go on to a publisher. I know they can.
I have no faith that I can sell them.
I cannot write that fucking query letter and synopsis. I cannot condense my work down to those 5-6 pages. I can't make them interesting. I can't sell them, and I've never EVER been able to sell things. Everything I write trying to advertise or interest people is flat and stupid-sounding. I can't even make my baby rats sound great - I read the stuff I write to my adopter/waiting list and it's just like "blah blah, listing babies, this one's cute, lol" and it's not INTERESTING.
I just want to send the BOOK to people. Or the first three chapters. Or the first five or six. I know if I could get someone to READ it, I could find someone who would love it, and someone who would sell it and someone who would buy it. I don't WANT to have it all resting on my non-existent ability to SELL it, because I can't do it.
And my parents and most of the Pack look at me and go "you need to do this, you need to try harder, you need to just do it." Doesn't it occur to people that there are some things that people are not CAPABLE of? I literally have more confidence that I would be able to tame a wild horse than that I will be able to write a query letter and synopsis that actually is as good and interesting and gripping to read as the book, in a way that makes people WANT to read the book.
And I think the main reason is because the story is at least 80% character driven. How can I put the plot on paper in a way that makes people interested when I can't go into the thoughts and feelings of my protagonists, and THEY'RE the ones driving the plot?
*hides in a hole and cries*
God knows I've dissected this a hundred times.
I've got THREE novels WRITTEN. COMPLETED. And I know the plots for the next three or four! And people have read them and liked them. AND I've gotten short stories published.
So what the hell stops me from sending in the damn books?? What EXACTLY is it that is my stalling point?
The query/synopsis.
Yes, of course, but WHY?
I cite my crippling fear of asking for things from strangers. And I'm not kidding about the crippling part. I literally can't ask a stranger what TIME it is without experiencing symptoms of a panic attack. If I'm in a strange building and I need to find the restroom, I could start crying. I can PERFORM in front of people with no trouble whatsoever, I can stand in front of 100 people and sing, or put on a skit, or even read announcements or try and entice volunteers to a committee... but ask me to ask directions and I'm a wreck.
Yes, but that's not all, is it? Because I sent in short stories and got them published and didn't die, did I?
And mulling over the difference between the short story submission and the novel submission process is when it hit me.
I didn't have to sell the short stories. I wrote a little cover letter "blah blah short story thanks for reading k" and then sent them the story. They rejected or accepted the story.
I have immense faith in this story, and the characters. I know they can carry themselves to an agent, make him/her love them, and then go on to a publisher. I know they can.
I have no faith that I can sell them.
I cannot write that fucking query letter and synopsis. I cannot condense my work down to those 5-6 pages. I can't make them interesting. I can't sell them, and I've never EVER been able to sell things. Everything I write trying to advertise or interest people is flat and stupid-sounding. I can't even make my baby rats sound great - I read the stuff I write to my adopter/waiting list and it's just like "blah blah, listing babies, this one's cute, lol" and it's not INTERESTING.
I just want to send the BOOK to people. Or the first three chapters. Or the first five or six. I know if I could get someone to READ it, I could find someone who would love it, and someone who would sell it and someone who would buy it. I don't WANT to have it all resting on my non-existent ability to SELL it, because I can't do it.
And my parents and most of the Pack look at me and go "you need to do this, you need to try harder, you need to just do it." Doesn't it occur to people that there are some things that people are not CAPABLE of? I literally have more confidence that I would be able to tame a wild horse than that I will be able to write a query letter and synopsis that actually is as good and interesting and gripping to read as the book, in a way that makes people WANT to read the book.
And I think the main reason is because the story is at least 80% character driven. How can I put the plot on paper in a way that makes people interested when I can't go into the thoughts and feelings of my protagonists, and THEY'RE the ones driving the plot?
*hides in a hole and cries*