Betrayed Revenge Intro and Chapters 1-2
A bit of a break from Deserving. I think we all deserve it. *rimshot*
What happens when Mary Sue's abusive Death Eater ex, who happens to be a canon character who isn't actually evil in the books, rises from the dead as a malevolent ghost with the help of an unaccountably still alive Voldemort and the Greek god Hades?
"Betrayed Revenge" by Jaiden Lee Malfoy is the fic that aims to answer that question, even if it's one you'd never actually asked. Because really, why would you? You know those fics where the first line of the summary immediately tells you it's going to suck?
Sequal to Dark Secrets
Yeah. Dark Secrets in a nutshell: Ron is a Death Eater. Sue finds out. Ron fails epically at keeping her on his side. Draco shags Sue. Draco kills Ron. The End. Voldemort, meanwhile, sits twiddling his thumbs the whole time. And, despite this being set in the seventh year, never actually confronts Harry. As I pointed out in the Dark Secrets sporking, the presence of a Mary Sue makes Harry himself irrelevant. Even though she displays all the magical inclination of a drunken turkey.
Freshly graduated from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry, Hermione, Draco, and Jaiden were all working for the Ministry of Magic, rooming together. Everything was going great until….
'Guess Who?'
Appeared out of nowhere on their kitchen window, but how could that be Ron was dead, and how strange things are happening to them and around them. To make matters worse, Draco and Jaiden are in for a little surprise…
Chapter One " You… Malfoy, " A Death Eater called, " the Dark Lord wants to see you, "
We kick off with formatting!fail for which I don't know whether to blame the author or the Pit. I'm not going to bother with the bold from here on in.
Lucius jerked his head sharply, " I'll be there in a minute, "
The author hasn't learned how to punctuate dialogue since Dark Secrets,
" Ah Lucius, "
" My Lord… " Lucius said as he gazed around the room, " You wanted to see me? "
" Yes I did, " Voldemort said walking over to him.
" About what My Lord? "
" Your son… " Voldemort said, then began to pace.
" My son? " Lucius asked confused.
" Yes your son… " He repeated.
This monotonous conversation carries on for most of the chapter. The thrust is that Ron should be resurrected to take revenge on Draco, who's betrayed the Death Eaters despite never actually having been one in the author's personal canon.
Take revenge on Draco, who's betrayed the Death Eaters.
" Hades… father of the underworld, greatest of the Greek Gods, I call upon you to release a young spirit taken from this earth so violently… I… offer you this blood sacrifice… " He paused, in his right hand a dagger appeared, turning slightly he shoved the dagger into Wormtail's abdomen, releasing the dagger, he threw Wormtail into the fired, his shrieks of pain followed echoing off the stone walls, they quickly diminished " In return for thy spirit of Ronald Weasley… "
A meticulous reconstruction of forbidden blood rituals that actually took place in Ancient Greece. Since when did the Greek gods wield power in the Potterverse?
Chapter 2 begins in Grimmauld Place, with what I have to admit is a semi-decent piece of scene-setting:
Jaiden woke to the screaming of Sirius's Mother's Painting, her head pounded even more no thanks to her.
Meet Jaiden Spencer, our Mary Sue heroine.
Searching through her wardrobe, she took out a deep blue robe; that set off her auburn hair, and sapphire eyes.
Because it's important to look your best when you're out fighting the forces of darkness. Yes, despite having no magical talent and being completely useless in a fight, Jaiden is an Auror.
" I tried, but that is kinda hard with you rushing me, I'm a little clumsy, "
Oh yes, she can't be a Mary Sue because she's endearingly clumsy. The Stephenie Meyer defence. Of course, this just raises further questions as to how the hell exactly she qualified as an Auror.
" I know, " She kissed him and the both apparated to the Ministry of Magic.
" SPENCER, MALFOY! " A burly man called out when they apparated in, " My office now… "
Jaiden looked at Draco confused. Draco just shrugged and ushered her inside and closed the door. Jaiden opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off.
The Ministry of Magic is situated on the Featureless Plain of Disembodied Dialogue, one of this author's favourite locations.
" I expect you are wondering why I've called you two in here. "
" Yes we are, " Draco answered.
" Your last assignment, you let TWO DEATH EATERS GET AWAY! "
See, she's useless.
" You two are Aurors, you were trained to handle situations such as those! " Zelba shouted at them.
" Yes I know that, but it was ten to one, " Jaiden said.
"And I get lunch at quarter to!"
Draco and Jaiden stepped out of Zelba's office only to have it slammed behind them. They shuffled over to their desks where they sank down into their seats.
" Jeeze what did you two do to get him that angry? " Harry asked.
What? When did he appear?
" We let two Death Eaters escape, " Jaiden told him.
" Whoa what? " Harry said slightly confused, " How did you manage that? "
" We got ambushed when we was tracking them down, it was a trap… we barely got out of there alive, " Draco explained as he rubbed his temple.
" Damn, that must have been horrifying, " Harry, told them, " Does Zelba know? "
" Yeah but he don't care… and now further notice we are on desk duty, "
Stop reiterating what we've already been told!
Leaning on her desk, Jaiden put her head in her hands, her headache had come back full forced, and to make that worse her stomach was killing her.
" Jade honey? What's wrong? " Draco asked concerned.
" Its those damn headaches again, " Jaiden, told him with a slight pain in her voice, " And to make matters worse my stomach is cramping like hell, "
Aaargh!
(Also, the stomach thing? I cannot possibly begin to imagine what's being subtly foreshadowed here.)
" FILTHY MUDBLOOD'S DEGRADING MY HOUSE! " Sirius's mother was shrieking at the top of her lungs.
Meet Walburga Black, who (unusually for the Jaidenverse) isn't OOC. Shame about the rogue apostrophe.
" What are you talking about? I am here, " Hermione said coming about of the kitchen, " Man you guys are noisy… " She said walking over and stood next to Harry.
" Well that's not our fault, its the damn painting's fault, " Jaiden told her.
" I know, I know believe me I tried to get it off, but that charm's ancient, " Hermione told them shrugging.
" Well try harder, "
Hermione just pulled a face at them and went back into the kitchen.
" What? It's true, "
" Whatever… " Hermione called back.
Hermione would not say "whatever". Not in a million years. If only that were as OOC as she gets in this fic.
Waving them into the kitchen, she put then into the sink,
This logic!fail is a Jaiden Lee Malfoy hallmark. She can't put the dishes into the sink whilst she's waving them into the room, unless they can be in two places at once.
suddenly the room plummeted to
... oblivion. The End.
freezing cold.
The Dementor ate her soul. The End.
She could see her breath, turning in a circle her eyes landed on the window above the sink…
Getting closer she could just make out something happening to the window. It was like a finger was drawing on it, a few seconds later, she stared at was on the window, her blood ran as cold as the room. Two words had appeared, just two words…
" Guess who… "
In which Ron takes his vicious, bloody revenge by... writing on the window!
Continued...
What happens when Mary Sue's abusive Death Eater ex, who happens to be a canon character who isn't actually evil in the books, rises from the dead as a malevolent ghost with the help of an unaccountably still alive Voldemort and the Greek god Hades?
"Betrayed Revenge" by Jaiden Lee Malfoy is the fic that aims to answer that question, even if it's one you'd never actually asked. Because really, why would you? You know those fics where the first line of the summary immediately tells you it's going to suck?
Sequal to Dark Secrets
Yeah. Dark Secrets in a nutshell: Ron is a Death Eater. Sue finds out. Ron fails epically at keeping her on his side. Draco shags Sue. Draco kills Ron. The End. Voldemort, meanwhile, sits twiddling his thumbs the whole time. And, despite this being set in the seventh year, never actually confronts Harry. As I pointed out in the Dark Secrets sporking, the presence of a Mary Sue makes Harry himself irrelevant. Even though she displays all the magical inclination of a drunken turkey.
Freshly graduated from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry, Hermione, Draco, and Jaiden were all working for the Ministry of Magic, rooming together. Everything was going great until….
'Guess Who?'
Appeared out of nowhere on their kitchen window, but how could that be Ron was dead, and how strange things are happening to them and around them. To make matters worse, Draco and Jaiden are in for a little surprise…
Chapter One " You… Malfoy, " A Death Eater called, " the Dark Lord wants to see you, "
We kick off with formatting!fail for which I don't know whether to blame the author or the Pit. I'm not going to bother with the bold from here on in.
Lucius jerked his head sharply, " I'll be there in a minute, "
The author hasn't learned how to punctuate dialogue since Dark Secrets,
" Ah Lucius, "
" My Lord… " Lucius said as he gazed around the room, " You wanted to see me? "
" Yes I did, " Voldemort said walking over to him.
" About what My Lord? "
" Your son… " Voldemort said, then began to pace.
" My son? " Lucius asked confused.
" Yes your son… " He repeated.
This monotonous conversation carries on for most of the chapter. The thrust is that Ron should be resurrected to take revenge on Draco, who's betrayed the Death Eaters despite never actually having been one in the author's personal canon.
Take revenge on Draco, who's betrayed the Death Eaters.
" Hades… father of the underworld, greatest of the Greek Gods, I call upon you to release a young spirit taken from this earth so violently… I… offer you this blood sacrifice… " He paused, in his right hand a dagger appeared, turning slightly he shoved the dagger into Wormtail's abdomen, releasing the dagger, he threw Wormtail into the fired, his shrieks of pain followed echoing off the stone walls, they quickly diminished " In return for thy spirit of Ronald Weasley… "
A meticulous reconstruction of forbidden blood rituals that actually took place in Ancient Greece. Since when did the Greek gods wield power in the Potterverse?
Chapter 2 begins in Grimmauld Place, with what I have to admit is a semi-decent piece of scene-setting:
Jaiden woke to the screaming of Sirius's Mother's Painting, her head pounded even more no thanks to her.
Meet Jaiden Spencer, our Mary Sue heroine.
Searching through her wardrobe, she took out a deep blue robe; that set off her auburn hair, and sapphire eyes.
Because it's important to look your best when you're out fighting the forces of darkness. Yes, despite having no magical talent and being completely useless in a fight, Jaiden is an Auror.
" I tried, but that is kinda hard with you rushing me, I'm a little clumsy, "
Oh yes, she can't be a Mary Sue because she's endearingly clumsy. The Stephenie Meyer defence. Of course, this just raises further questions as to how the hell exactly she qualified as an Auror.
" I know, " She kissed him and the both apparated to the Ministry of Magic.
" SPENCER, MALFOY! " A burly man called out when they apparated in, " My office now… "
Jaiden looked at Draco confused. Draco just shrugged and ushered her inside and closed the door. Jaiden opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off.
The Ministry of Magic is situated on the Featureless Plain of Disembodied Dialogue, one of this author's favourite locations.
" I expect you are wondering why I've called you two in here. "
" Yes we are, " Draco answered.
" Your last assignment, you let TWO DEATH EATERS GET AWAY! "
See, she's useless.
" You two are Aurors, you were trained to handle situations such as those! " Zelba shouted at them.
" Yes I know that, but it was ten to one, " Jaiden said.
"And I get lunch at quarter to!"
Draco and Jaiden stepped out of Zelba's office only to have it slammed behind them. They shuffled over to their desks where they sank down into their seats.
" Jeeze what did you two do to get him that angry? " Harry asked.
What? When did he appear?
" We let two Death Eaters escape, " Jaiden told him.
" Whoa what? " Harry said slightly confused, " How did you manage that? "
" We got ambushed when we was tracking them down, it was a trap… we barely got out of there alive, " Draco explained as he rubbed his temple.
" Damn, that must have been horrifying, " Harry, told them, " Does Zelba know? "
" Yeah but he don't care… and now further notice we are on desk duty, "
Stop reiterating what we've already been told!
Leaning on her desk, Jaiden put her head in her hands, her headache had come back full forced, and to make that worse her stomach was killing her.
" Jade honey? What's wrong? " Draco asked concerned.
" Its those damn headaches again, " Jaiden, told him with a slight pain in her voice, " And to make matters worse my stomach is cramping like hell, "
Aaargh!
(Also, the stomach thing? I cannot possibly begin to imagine what's being subtly foreshadowed here.)
" FILTHY MUDBLOOD'S DEGRADING MY HOUSE! " Sirius's mother was shrieking at the top of her lungs.
Meet Walburga Black, who (unusually for the Jaidenverse) isn't OOC. Shame about the rogue apostrophe.
" What are you talking about? I am here, " Hermione said coming about of the kitchen, " Man you guys are noisy… " She said walking over and stood next to Harry.
" Well that's not our fault, its the damn painting's fault, " Jaiden told her.
" I know, I know believe me I tried to get it off, but that charm's ancient, " Hermione told them shrugging.
" Well try harder, "
Hermione just pulled a face at them and went back into the kitchen.
" What? It's true, "
" Whatever… " Hermione called back.
Hermione would not say "whatever". Not in a million years. If only that were as OOC as she gets in this fic.
Waving them into the kitchen, she put then into the sink,
This logic!fail is a Jaiden Lee Malfoy hallmark. She can't put the dishes into the sink whilst she's waving them into the room, unless they can be in two places at once.
suddenly the room plummeted to
... oblivion. The End.
freezing cold.
The Dementor ate her soul. The End.
She could see her breath, turning in a circle her eyes landed on the window above the sink…
Getting closer she could just make out something happening to the window. It was like a finger was drawing on it, a few seconds later, she stared at was on the window, her blood ran as cold as the room. Two words had appeared, just two words…
" Guess who… "
In which Ron takes his vicious, bloody revenge by... writing on the window!
Continued...