In This World and the Next Chapter 4
Is this a break from Hogwarts Exposed or vice versa? ITWATN is just that bad.
Disclaimer: I write purely for fun and it's free, anyone wishing professional standards of writing should go and buy a book.
Because profic is always better than fanfic. Consider your favourite fanfic, whatever it might be, and how much you'd rather be reading this instead.
Waking with Hermione in his arms had been the norm with Harry for the last six months, waking with an eleven-year-old Hermione Potter in his arms was totally different yet just as wonderful.
As I said, this really isn't much of a break from Hogwarts Exposed.
Hermione could only smile at how well her husband knew her, "I was trying to figure out how my parents kept their memories and wondering if anyone else might."
He knew not to offer up some flippant answer when Hermione was in serious mode, "The sorting hat said the 'powers that be' wanted to help us, I don't think they could have helped me anymore yesterday than your mum and dad remembering us being a couple. I had visions of sleeping in the dog kennel in the back garden."
Even the story itself admits that the whole thing is running on deus ex machina. And the Sorting Hat, as we saw in its scene, has far overstepped its remit. It was designed by the four founders to sort new students into houses based on their mindset and preferences, not serve as a do-anything plot device.
"I can't think of anyone else who could really help us by retaining their memories."
Not just deus ex machina, but undisguised plot convenience. Having Harry himself note that people are retaining their memories (somehow) for his sake doesn't improve matters.
"What about Sirius?" she offered quietly, unprepared for Harry bursting into laughter.
"Can you imagine anyone giving that sort of knowledge to a marauder? It would lead to total chaos, ok our way might lead us there eventually but Sirius or Remus would see it as their duty to muck things up as much as possible just because they could."
I'm pretty sure Harry didn't need to renounce the protective charm and browbeat the Dursleys with magic and blackmail, but he did that anyway. Just because he could, you might say.
Harry was thoughtful for a minute, "Did you get a chance to talk with Luna about her time in Malfoy Manor when we were at Bill's cottage?"
Hermione shook her head, "I was still recovering myself and you had just buried Dobby, not one of our better days."
"I spoke to her a little and there was pain behind those lovely eyes, I don't know if it was because her father betrayed us or her experiences at the manor. Knowing who we were dealing with, nothing would surprise me with those animals."
Considering how the author decided to open this story, odds are that he's got the Hermione's Talent interpretation of the Death Eaters at Malfoy Manor in mind.
Breakfast time in the Grangers and the four fell easily into their well-established pattern, they had been doing it as a family for six months in Australia, the only difference here was that they now had a snowy owl perched on Harry's shoulder and Hermione fed Hedwig all her bacon.
"Well I'll see our lawyers first thing this morning; get them on to Harry's guardianship and finding a buyer for our practice."
Enjoy and savour this rare sighting of the endangered semicolon. You know, if you put this and HE together you might end up with something that uses semicolons appropriately but is otherwise totally unreadable.
Emma nodded in agreement, "While you're in there I'll check the travel agents across the street for brochures on Australia, perhaps you two could pick up some books while you're out shopping?" she noticed Hermione had her head lowered so not to look at them, "Hermione love, that's not a criticism of you, we really enjoyed our time there in the place you chose for us but we have other considerations to take into account this time.
The author's comma-spliced run-on sentences look ridiculous enough in narration, but in dialogue they give the impression that everyone is hyperventilating.
Hermione understood, "We'll try to find information on Australian magical schools but the British ministry doesn't seem too keen on supplying information about alternatives to Hogwarts. We may have better luck in Gringotts than Flourish and Blots. That will allow us to do our clothes shopping in London."
The expression on his wife's face was one Harry had only previously associated with libraries, he would quickly come to realise that Hermione adored shopping, not for her self per se but the chance to buy her husband nice things was better than a book.
FUCK OFF!
No, really, fuck off. This doesn't deserve a response any more constructive than that. Cut to the Burrow, where evil!Molly is planning her next move.
Her pipe dream of Ginny marrying the-boy-who-lived and solving all their financial problems would appear to be just that.
Ah yes, the "let's steal Harry's vault" cliché. First Lucius, now Molly. I can't help thinking that writers whose minds jump so readily to the villains coveting Harry's gold are projecting a little. The Weasleys wouldn't accept Harry offering them the money, let alone scheme to take it. It's almost as ridiculous as Dumbledore being after the Potter gold. Yes, those fics exist. In the plural.
The lad was the spitting image of James and her Ginny could easily be mistaken for a younger Lily Potter,
The "Ginny is just Lily" argument, usually accompanied by horribly mangled pseudo-Freudian pop psychology, is an HMS STFU classic. Again, it can be refuted just by looking at the books. Lily's most notable physical feature is her eyes, which are green like Harry's but notably not like Ginny's brown eyes. The argument seems to rest on both of them having red hair, except that Lily's is usually described as "dark red" which Ginny's never is.
She was rudely ejected from her muse by the highly unusual spectacle of her husband cursing up a storm, she approached and noticed the object of his venomous outburst was this morning's Prophet.
There's nothing highly unusual about anyone cursing up a storm in this fic. It might as well be called "In This Shit and the Fuck". I admit I'm no stranger to the fine art of profanity myself, but I'm not (usually) writing dialogue for the likes of Hermione Granger.
Harry Potter and his wife were attacked by a woman and her family of redheaded children while eating breakfast in Hogwarts yesterday. The Hogwarts staff and the Headmaster stood by and left the young couple to defend themselves, only to then punish the Potters for doing so. This was the final straw which saw his broken wand laying on the castle floor, after the headmaster's thinly veiled attempts at threatening him with having his wand snapped failed to keep them in Hogwarts.
Ah yes, the Daily Prophet and its famous pro-Harry bias.
Harry Potter exclusively revealed the reason behind this action to the Daily Prophet, these are his own words, unedited as was our agreement with the young man.
This was not the action of a petulant child,
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SuspiciouslySpecificDenial
rather of someone who gave the British Magical community one last chance and it failed just as spectacularly as all my other dealings with it. It is now my intention to leave these shores for good, since the country holds nothing but bad memories for me.
Apart from, you know, all the times in the books where Harry actually was genuinely happy. You might argue that this is Harry playing the role of his eleven-year-old self, but he's not been particularly inclined to do that hitherto so I'm not about to assume that he is now.
When my girlfriend, now wife became eleven she received a visit from Professor McGonagall. The professor explained in great detail to Hermione and her nonmagical parents exactly what was involved with her being a witch and attending Hogwarts.
There should be an editor's note here to the effect of: "Yes, this eleven-year-old boy actually is talking about having a girlfriend and a wife as though that's perfectly normal at his age."
At Kings Cross I was accosted by a strange plump lady with red hair that just wouldn't take no for an answer as she tried to drag me off somewhere, the station authorities dealt with her as I sped to board the train and find my Hermione.
The same woman attacked me next morning as I sat having breakfast and only my wife's quick reactions saved me from her obvious rage.
And, you know, the fact that she was unarmed. Because hexing unarmed people is about as badass as this author seems willing to let Hermione be.
My wife and I then had to defend ourselves against four of her children while the staff watched on, only when we had them subdued did the staff act. A greasy-haired professor by the name of Snipe gave Hermione and me detentions in a childishly obvious attempt to keep us in the castle.
Nobody's going to see through this cunning and impenetrable code, are they?
Through extensive research the Prophet can reveal that the family in question are the Weasleys and Snipe is none other than head of Slytherin, potions professor Severus Snape.
"Extensive research" apparently meaning "having a brain", though in this fic that's never a given. And only now does the paper attempt an explanation of the whole underage marriage thing.
Hermione has been my best friend for many years before becoming my girlfriend.
Which should still not be a serious thing when you're eleven, for goodness' sake.
On the train to Hogwarts I asked her to always be mine and she answered that she would as I placed a ring on her finger. The ring came from my vault and it turned out to be the Potter family ring. Combined with our feelings towards each other this resulted in us becoming married.
The ring caused some kind of magical soul bond, like when Harry and Snape's Patronuses started shagging in Deserving. There's no reason that this should lead to two underage people being legally married, however.
As marriage was always going to be in our future together, this has just brought the happy event forward a few years. I just hope her father forgives me for not asking his permission first.
Her father needs to forgive him for not asking his permission first because apparently they went back in time to 1891 rather than 1991.
We here at the Prophet can't help but think that any young witch returning home to inform her parents she was married to Harry Potter would be just cause for a massive party of epic proportions.
Oh, it's epic something alright.
Why was the boy who saved us all, abandoned at night on a muggle doorstep?
Re-read the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Whilst you're there, you might want to pay particular attention to the capital letter at the beginning of the word "Muggle".
Why was he never checked-up on and left ignorant off our world?
Re-read the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Assuming, that is, that you read it in the first place.
Are our children really safe at Hogwarts when people can just walk right in there and attack a student eating breakfast in the great hall?
I don't know, but as this incident was made up by the author with no canon precedent it's not a valid basis for criticising the wizarding world anyway. Amelia Bones and a pair of Aurors (or "aurors" as the author puts it) visit the Burrow, because apparently it's standard practice for the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement (or should that be the "head of the department of magical law enforcement"?) to handle routine investigations personally.
Amelia was angry that someone could send something so dangerous by owl, supposing a child had opened that? Still, she had a job to do, "Molly Weasley I have received two complaints that demand I investigate your actions against Mr Harry Potter."
"My actions? What about this on my face and then what he said about me? I'll 'strange plump lady' the little shit if I ever get my hands on him."
That's right, just announce your intention to assault an eleven-year-old to the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement! The designated villains in this fic are written as too stupid to actually do any harm to our heroes (which makes the fact that Ron managed to overpower Hermione twice all the more egregious, of course) leaving Harry and Hermione themselves looking more like bullies than heroes.
Amelia kept her cool, "Could you please explain to me what happened on the first of September in Kings Cross Station."
"Albus asked me to keep an eye out for him, so when I saw the lad looking lost I offered to help him onto the platform but he started screaming that I was trying to take him away. Muggles came from everywhere and jumped all over me and my family, Ron got his jaw broken and the muggles drilled holes in it and wired it up. Didn't see that mentioned in the bloody Prophet but then Ron's not the famous boy-who-married-at-eleven!"
I thought you were supposed to be bashing Molly, not giving her the most sympathetic viewpoint in the story so far. Cut to Harry and Hermione in the Leaky Cauldron, where everyone is queuing up to fawn over them.
The boy in question was currently pressed up against the bar, trying to protect Hermione as best he could.
Because she can't protect herself, or for that matter help to protect him. I hate this fic. Back at Hogwarts:
Snape was losing it big time, he was raving and ranting while waving a copy of the Prophet in Dumbledore's face. "Albus I demand you do something about these malicious slurs printed here, the Potter brat and his mudblood bitch should never have been allowed to leave the castle."
Speaking of rereading the books: Snape's Worst Memory from Order of the Phoenix and The Prince's Tale from Deathly Hallows should explain why Snape isn't going to be calling anyone a Mudblood (again, note capitalisation) least of all someone connected with Harry. But of course the author likes neither of those books, so instead we have Snape the one-dimensional straw antagonist. He's still not quite as annoying as HE!Snape, so at least that's something.
Before Albus could answer, Minerva's calm voice fanned the flames of Snape's temper tantrum, "Professor Snape, using language like that is a serious breech of professional etiquette, the fact that it's in front of students leaves me with no option but to administer an official reprimand. Personally, for a head of house to use such words in reference to students turns my stomach. I find Mr Potter's descriptions of what happened here yesterday to be totally accurate. His assessments of some members of staff were also right on the money and I shall be approaching the board with a view to having some such screening system in place in the very near future."
And in any sensible world Snape would already know this and have held his tongue even if he was the kind of person to sling "Mudblood" around. But being an antagonist in ITWATN means you have to be a complete idiot. Actually, I'll rephrase that. Being in ITWATN means you have to be a complete idiot.
Severus looked expectantly at the headmaster, awaiting his usual neutralising comments that would save his arse but they never came. Dumbledore's number one priority was getting the Potters back to Hogwarts, their very public decrying of his potions master left him in a bind. If he supported Severus then the Potters would class Albus in the same bracket, if he didn't then Minerva in her current Minx mode would have Severus suspended before the week was out.
Yes, I know this is an omniscient narrative. There's a very clear author's voice, unlikeable as it might be. That's still no excuse for not starting a new paragraph when you shift POV, just as you would when you change speakers in dialogue.
He didn't appear for lunch and had to be summoned when Amelia turned up with a couple of aurors and demanded to speak with the senior staff. The meeting convened in Dumbledore's office.
Amelia threw in some general questions to get the ball rolling, "First of all, I would like to determine just how accurate the description of yesterdays events that appeared in the Prophet actually is. Secondly, what steps are being taken to insure it doesn't happen again."
Severus couldn't believe how they were all shitting themselves because Prince Potter threw a hissy fit. "The brat broke the rules and should be left to rot, Hogwarts should not be making exceptions for pampered Princes who turn up with a wife in tow. Let them stew, they'll come crawling back."
Again, the designated villain presents one of the most reasonable arguments in the story so far.
Amelia could see Harry's description of this vile man fitted him to a T.
And here I thought Amelia Bones was supposed to be intelligent and perceptive.
Snape's sneer was on full power, "I can't understand why you're all buying into this. He's playing with you."
Amelia shook her head in dismay at this professors antics, she was so glad Susan had been sorted into Hufflepuff.
And if she's lucky, she won't appear in the fic at all. (Which does seem to be the fate for most of the Harry Potter supporting cast in far too much fanfic. Hogwarts ends up feeling strangely empty.) Then she'll be spared having to choose between mindlessly revering a complete wanker and being bashed for not mindlessly revering a complete wanker.
"Oh I think I've seen all I need to of you for the moment professor." Both aurors moved aside and Snape was soon slithering out the door as Amelia continued. "Ok let's deal with the school stuff first. Mrs Weasley has admitted running up to the boy with the intention of grabbing him, was that your impression Minerva?"
"She appeared ready to throttle the boy, if Mrs Potter hadn't reacted so quickly that's what probably would have happened."
As I noted when I sporked Deserving and it couldn't make its mind up whether Hermione kept her name when she married or not, I could see her decision going either way. The point is that she'd at least consider the question rather than just going with the flow as she seems to have done here. Then again, Hermione has been going with the flow since the fic began. When HE!Hermione starts to look almost proactive in comparison, you know you're in trouble.
Albus pounced on this, "Perhaps Minerva could accompany you, she's already met the parents and spoken with both Potters. It could help break the ice, rather than a stranger just turning up on their doorstep."
"Perhaps, since you mentioned doorstep Albus, I want to get to the bottom of why a baby was left abandoned on one. Any ideas?" Amelia watched with interest as the colour drained from Dumbledore, while Minerva couldn't even look at Amelia and actually lowered her head. It would seem they had more than an idea of what happened that night.
This, far from reflecting badly on Dumbledore, makes the entire Ministry look like a bunch of idiots. Granted, the Ministry in the books didn't always know what it was doing either, but at least it knew where Harry Potter lived. Dumbledore saved Harry from being hunted down and killed by Death Eaters, and we're supposed to side with the people who spent ten years not even bothering to find out what happened to him.
Disclaimer: I write purely for fun and it's free, anyone wishing professional standards of writing should go and buy a book.
Because profic is always better than fanfic. Consider your favourite fanfic, whatever it might be, and how much you'd rather be reading this instead.
Waking with Hermione in his arms had been the norm with Harry for the last six months, waking with an eleven-year-old Hermione Potter in his arms was totally different yet just as wonderful.
As I said, this really isn't much of a break from Hogwarts Exposed.
Hermione could only smile at how well her husband knew her, "I was trying to figure out how my parents kept their memories and wondering if anyone else might."
He knew not to offer up some flippant answer when Hermione was in serious mode, "The sorting hat said the 'powers that be' wanted to help us, I don't think they could have helped me anymore yesterday than your mum and dad remembering us being a couple. I had visions of sleeping in the dog kennel in the back garden."
Even the story itself admits that the whole thing is running on deus ex machina. And the Sorting Hat, as we saw in its scene, has far overstepped its remit. It was designed by the four founders to sort new students into houses based on their mindset and preferences, not serve as a do-anything plot device.
"I can't think of anyone else who could really help us by retaining their memories."
Not just deus ex machina, but undisguised plot convenience. Having Harry himself note that people are retaining their memories (somehow) for his sake doesn't improve matters.
"What about Sirius?" she offered quietly, unprepared for Harry bursting into laughter.
"Can you imagine anyone giving that sort of knowledge to a marauder? It would lead to total chaos, ok our way might lead us there eventually but Sirius or Remus would see it as their duty to muck things up as much as possible just because they could."
I'm pretty sure Harry didn't need to renounce the protective charm and browbeat the Dursleys with magic and blackmail, but he did that anyway. Just because he could, you might say.
Harry was thoughtful for a minute, "Did you get a chance to talk with Luna about her time in Malfoy Manor when we were at Bill's cottage?"
Hermione shook her head, "I was still recovering myself and you had just buried Dobby, not one of our better days."
"I spoke to her a little and there was pain behind those lovely eyes, I don't know if it was because her father betrayed us or her experiences at the manor. Knowing who we were dealing with, nothing would surprise me with those animals."
Considering how the author decided to open this story, odds are that he's got the Hermione's Talent interpretation of the Death Eaters at Malfoy Manor in mind.
Breakfast time in the Grangers and the four fell easily into their well-established pattern, they had been doing it as a family for six months in Australia, the only difference here was that they now had a snowy owl perched on Harry's shoulder and Hermione fed Hedwig all her bacon.
"Well I'll see our lawyers first thing this morning; get them on to Harry's guardianship and finding a buyer for our practice."
Enjoy and savour this rare sighting of the endangered semicolon. You know, if you put this and HE together you might end up with something that uses semicolons appropriately but is otherwise totally unreadable.
Emma nodded in agreement, "While you're in there I'll check the travel agents across the street for brochures on Australia, perhaps you two could pick up some books while you're out shopping?" she noticed Hermione had her head lowered so not to look at them, "Hermione love, that's not a criticism of you, we really enjoyed our time there in the place you chose for us but we have other considerations to take into account this time.
The author's comma-spliced run-on sentences look ridiculous enough in narration, but in dialogue they give the impression that everyone is hyperventilating.
Hermione understood, "We'll try to find information on Australian magical schools but the British ministry doesn't seem too keen on supplying information about alternatives to Hogwarts. We may have better luck in Gringotts than Flourish and Blots. That will allow us to do our clothes shopping in London."
The expression on his wife's face was one Harry had only previously associated with libraries, he would quickly come to realise that Hermione adored shopping, not for her self per se but the chance to buy her husband nice things was better than a book.
FUCK OFF!
No, really, fuck off. This doesn't deserve a response any more constructive than that. Cut to the Burrow, where evil!Molly is planning her next move.
Her pipe dream of Ginny marrying the-boy-who-lived and solving all their financial problems would appear to be just that.
Ah yes, the "let's steal Harry's vault" cliché. First Lucius, now Molly. I can't help thinking that writers whose minds jump so readily to the villains coveting Harry's gold are projecting a little. The Weasleys wouldn't accept Harry offering them the money, let alone scheme to take it. It's almost as ridiculous as Dumbledore being after the Potter gold. Yes, those fics exist. In the plural.
The lad was the spitting image of James and her Ginny could easily be mistaken for a younger Lily Potter,
The "Ginny is just Lily" argument, usually accompanied by horribly mangled pseudo-Freudian pop psychology, is an HMS STFU classic. Again, it can be refuted just by looking at the books. Lily's most notable physical feature is her eyes, which are green like Harry's but notably not like Ginny's brown eyes. The argument seems to rest on both of them having red hair, except that Lily's is usually described as "dark red" which Ginny's never is.
She was rudely ejected from her muse by the highly unusual spectacle of her husband cursing up a storm, she approached and noticed the object of his venomous outburst was this morning's Prophet.
There's nothing highly unusual about anyone cursing up a storm in this fic. It might as well be called "In This Shit and the Fuck". I admit I'm no stranger to the fine art of profanity myself, but I'm not (usually) writing dialogue for the likes of Hermione Granger.
Harry Potter and his wife were attacked by a woman and her family of redheaded children while eating breakfast in Hogwarts yesterday. The Hogwarts staff and the Headmaster stood by and left the young couple to defend themselves, only to then punish the Potters for doing so. This was the final straw which saw his broken wand laying on the castle floor, after the headmaster's thinly veiled attempts at threatening him with having his wand snapped failed to keep them in Hogwarts.
Ah yes, the Daily Prophet and its famous pro-Harry bias.
Harry Potter exclusively revealed the reason behind this action to the Daily Prophet, these are his own words, unedited as was our agreement with the young man.
This was not the action of a petulant child,
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SuspiciouslySpecificDenial
rather of someone who gave the British Magical community one last chance and it failed just as spectacularly as all my other dealings with it. It is now my intention to leave these shores for good, since the country holds nothing but bad memories for me.
Apart from, you know, all the times in the books where Harry actually was genuinely happy. You might argue that this is Harry playing the role of his eleven-year-old self, but he's not been particularly inclined to do that hitherto so I'm not about to assume that he is now.
When my girlfriend, now wife became eleven she received a visit from Professor McGonagall. The professor explained in great detail to Hermione and her nonmagical parents exactly what was involved with her being a witch and attending Hogwarts.
There should be an editor's note here to the effect of: "Yes, this eleven-year-old boy actually is talking about having a girlfriend and a wife as though that's perfectly normal at his age."
At Kings Cross I was accosted by a strange plump lady with red hair that just wouldn't take no for an answer as she tried to drag me off somewhere, the station authorities dealt with her as I sped to board the train and find my Hermione.
The same woman attacked me next morning as I sat having breakfast and only my wife's quick reactions saved me from her obvious rage.
And, you know, the fact that she was unarmed. Because hexing unarmed people is about as badass as this author seems willing to let Hermione be.
My wife and I then had to defend ourselves against four of her children while the staff watched on, only when we had them subdued did the staff act. A greasy-haired professor by the name of Snipe gave Hermione and me detentions in a childishly obvious attempt to keep us in the castle.
Nobody's going to see through this cunning and impenetrable code, are they?
Through extensive research the Prophet can reveal that the family in question are the Weasleys and Snipe is none other than head of Slytherin, potions professor Severus Snape.
"Extensive research" apparently meaning "having a brain", though in this fic that's never a given. And only now does the paper attempt an explanation of the whole underage marriage thing.
Hermione has been my best friend for many years before becoming my girlfriend.
Which should still not be a serious thing when you're eleven, for goodness' sake.
On the train to Hogwarts I asked her to always be mine and she answered that she would as I placed a ring on her finger. The ring came from my vault and it turned out to be the Potter family ring. Combined with our feelings towards each other this resulted in us becoming married.
The ring caused some kind of magical soul bond, like when Harry and Snape's Patronuses started shagging in Deserving. There's no reason that this should lead to two underage people being legally married, however.
As marriage was always going to be in our future together, this has just brought the happy event forward a few years. I just hope her father forgives me for not asking his permission first.
Her father needs to forgive him for not asking his permission first because apparently they went back in time to 1891 rather than 1991.
We here at the Prophet can't help but think that any young witch returning home to inform her parents she was married to Harry Potter would be just cause for a massive party of epic proportions.
Oh, it's epic something alright.
Why was the boy who saved us all, abandoned at night on a muggle doorstep?
Re-read the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Whilst you're there, you might want to pay particular attention to the capital letter at the beginning of the word "Muggle".
Why was he never checked-up on and left ignorant off our world?
Re-read the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Assuming, that is, that you read it in the first place.
Are our children really safe at Hogwarts when people can just walk right in there and attack a student eating breakfast in the great hall?
I don't know, but as this incident was made up by the author with no canon precedent it's not a valid basis for criticising the wizarding world anyway. Amelia Bones and a pair of Aurors (or "aurors" as the author puts it) visit the Burrow, because apparently it's standard practice for the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement (or should that be the "head of the department of magical law enforcement"?) to handle routine investigations personally.
Amelia was angry that someone could send something so dangerous by owl, supposing a child had opened that? Still, she had a job to do, "Molly Weasley I have received two complaints that demand I investigate your actions against Mr Harry Potter."
"My actions? What about this on my face and then what he said about me? I'll 'strange plump lady' the little shit if I ever get my hands on him."
That's right, just announce your intention to assault an eleven-year-old to the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement! The designated villains in this fic are written as too stupid to actually do any harm to our heroes (which makes the fact that Ron managed to overpower Hermione twice all the more egregious, of course) leaving Harry and Hermione themselves looking more like bullies than heroes.
Amelia kept her cool, "Could you please explain to me what happened on the first of September in Kings Cross Station."
"Albus asked me to keep an eye out for him, so when I saw the lad looking lost I offered to help him onto the platform but he started screaming that I was trying to take him away. Muggles came from everywhere and jumped all over me and my family, Ron got his jaw broken and the muggles drilled holes in it and wired it up. Didn't see that mentioned in the bloody Prophet but then Ron's not the famous boy-who-married-at-eleven!"
I thought you were supposed to be bashing Molly, not giving her the most sympathetic viewpoint in the story so far. Cut to Harry and Hermione in the Leaky Cauldron, where everyone is queuing up to fawn over them.
The boy in question was currently pressed up against the bar, trying to protect Hermione as best he could.
Because she can't protect herself, or for that matter help to protect him. I hate this fic. Back at Hogwarts:
Snape was losing it big time, he was raving and ranting while waving a copy of the Prophet in Dumbledore's face. "Albus I demand you do something about these malicious slurs printed here, the Potter brat and his mudblood bitch should never have been allowed to leave the castle."
Speaking of rereading the books: Snape's Worst Memory from Order of the Phoenix and The Prince's Tale from Deathly Hallows should explain why Snape isn't going to be calling anyone a Mudblood (again, note capitalisation) least of all someone connected with Harry. But of course the author likes neither of those books, so instead we have Snape the one-dimensional straw antagonist. He's still not quite as annoying as HE!Snape, so at least that's something.
Before Albus could answer, Minerva's calm voice fanned the flames of Snape's temper tantrum, "Professor Snape, using language like that is a serious breech of professional etiquette, the fact that it's in front of students leaves me with no option but to administer an official reprimand. Personally, for a head of house to use such words in reference to students turns my stomach. I find Mr Potter's descriptions of what happened here yesterday to be totally accurate. His assessments of some members of staff were also right on the money and I shall be approaching the board with a view to having some such screening system in place in the very near future."
And in any sensible world Snape would already know this and have held his tongue even if he was the kind of person to sling "Mudblood" around. But being an antagonist in ITWATN means you have to be a complete idiot. Actually, I'll rephrase that. Being in ITWATN means you have to be a complete idiot.
Severus looked expectantly at the headmaster, awaiting his usual neutralising comments that would save his arse but they never came. Dumbledore's number one priority was getting the Potters back to Hogwarts, their very public decrying of his potions master left him in a bind. If he supported Severus then the Potters would class Albus in the same bracket, if he didn't then Minerva in her current Minx mode would have Severus suspended before the week was out.
Yes, I know this is an omniscient narrative. There's a very clear author's voice, unlikeable as it might be. That's still no excuse for not starting a new paragraph when you shift POV, just as you would when you change speakers in dialogue.
He didn't appear for lunch and had to be summoned when Amelia turned up with a couple of aurors and demanded to speak with the senior staff. The meeting convened in Dumbledore's office.
Amelia threw in some general questions to get the ball rolling, "First of all, I would like to determine just how accurate the description of yesterdays events that appeared in the Prophet actually is. Secondly, what steps are being taken to insure it doesn't happen again."
Severus couldn't believe how they were all shitting themselves because Prince Potter threw a hissy fit. "The brat broke the rules and should be left to rot, Hogwarts should not be making exceptions for pampered Princes who turn up with a wife in tow. Let them stew, they'll come crawling back."
Again, the designated villain presents one of the most reasonable arguments in the story so far.
Amelia could see Harry's description of this vile man fitted him to a T.
And here I thought Amelia Bones was supposed to be intelligent and perceptive.
Snape's sneer was on full power, "I can't understand why you're all buying into this. He's playing with you."
Amelia shook her head in dismay at this professors antics, she was so glad Susan had been sorted into Hufflepuff.
And if she's lucky, she won't appear in the fic at all. (Which does seem to be the fate for most of the Harry Potter supporting cast in far too much fanfic. Hogwarts ends up feeling strangely empty.) Then she'll be spared having to choose between mindlessly revering a complete wanker and being bashed for not mindlessly revering a complete wanker.
"Oh I think I've seen all I need to of you for the moment professor." Both aurors moved aside and Snape was soon slithering out the door as Amelia continued. "Ok let's deal with the school stuff first. Mrs Weasley has admitted running up to the boy with the intention of grabbing him, was that your impression Minerva?"
"She appeared ready to throttle the boy, if Mrs Potter hadn't reacted so quickly that's what probably would have happened."
As I noted when I sporked Deserving and it couldn't make its mind up whether Hermione kept her name when she married or not, I could see her decision going either way. The point is that she'd at least consider the question rather than just going with the flow as she seems to have done here. Then again, Hermione has been going with the flow since the fic began. When HE!Hermione starts to look almost proactive in comparison, you know you're in trouble.
Albus pounced on this, "Perhaps Minerva could accompany you, she's already met the parents and spoken with both Potters. It could help break the ice, rather than a stranger just turning up on their doorstep."
"Perhaps, since you mentioned doorstep Albus, I want to get to the bottom of why a baby was left abandoned on one. Any ideas?" Amelia watched with interest as the colour drained from Dumbledore, while Minerva couldn't even look at Amelia and actually lowered her head. It would seem they had more than an idea of what happened that night.
This, far from reflecting badly on Dumbledore, makes the entire Ministry look like a bunch of idiots. Granted, the Ministry in the books didn't always know what it was doing either, but at least it knew where Harry Potter lived. Dumbledore saved Harry from being hunted down and killed by Death Eaters, and we're supposed to side with the people who spent ten years not even bothering to find out what happened to him.