Phantom Dreams Chapter 4
Previously on Phantom Plot Dreams, Seifer returned to Balamb Garden a year after the war. This momentous occasion produced no drama nor conflict in the slightest. Squall and Seifer have displayed about as much personality as a plank of wood between them, Quistis, Zell and Irvine might as well be scenery and Selphie, aka The Suspicious Doelike Female, who I suspect is being used as the author surrogate, has set herself up as Garden's answer to Rosemary Conley. And she's turned emo. Seriously. Rinoa, who hasn't appeared nor even been mentioned in the fic nor will she ever be, has got off lightly.
Squall rubbed his eyes,getting dsomething to eat
Squall prepares and eats his unspecified breakfast one-handed, given that he's evidently using the other one to rub his eyes the entire time. The author clearly had the same English teacher as Jaiden Lee Malfoy whose writing, eye-searingly godawful as it was, managed at least not to stray into the present tense every other sentence. Unlike:
"No." Seifer says leaning back against the chair with a sigh.
Yeah.
Squall pushed it open,walking over,looking out to.
To what?
"Selphie has decided that you need to get back in the game. So she's introduced a fitness class to everyone,but the main reason is to get you to come."He shrugged a little."It'll be interesting,if nothing else."
So the whole exercise program is a plot by Selphie to lure Seifer out. Why is anybody's guess. It's not so she can put the moves on him because this is supposed to be a Squeifer, and it's not so she can take revenge for his role in the destruction of Trabia Garden because that would be too interesting.
"goodie! Seifer! Ah I have the greatest Idea let's go to the Cafeteria and eat together." Selphie grins happily.
"why?" Seifer asks warily.
Ordinarily Seifer would have good reason to be wary at this. Fortunately for him, he's in Phantom Dreams.
"Eight!" Selphie smiles taking both of their arms.
Bel-Shamharoth heard her. The End.
Irvine looks up and swallows his food before coughing and taking a drink then staring. "Holy mother of my chocobo." He syas softly.
At least the writer has the decency to hang a lampshade on this truly inane piece of dialogue:
"holy mother of your chocobo?"Zell grinned,looking at his friend, really,the things irvine came up to say.
Which leads on to...
Zell sputtered a little,looking at his friend."My hair does not look like a chocobo's!"He growled,looking at the man.
Squall frowned a little,looking at seifer almost worriedly, before turning."stay irvine.I'll grab the food."He said, leaving, since the cowboy was already sitting and comfy and he had yet to.
"you so,like do! all you need to do now and strut around and go, like Wark!" Irvine imitates a chocobo perfectly.
Seifer grins a little. Settling back into the chair.
Selphie giggles. "It's true zell! It really is! Isn't it seifer? Hey! Is that why you used to call him Chicken all the time?" Selphie asks eyes wide.
"I thought some of you would have figuresd it out earlier." Seifer smirks.
No, just no. Seifer didn't call Zell a chicken-wuss because of his hair! He called him a chicken-wuss (the "wuss" part is surely a clue) to provoke him, because he's a jerk. What's the point of writing about Seifer if you're just going to turn him into a fucking teddy-bear? There are decent good!Seifer fics out there, but none of them take the "he was good all along" route because it's self-evidently bullshit. Yes, his worst acts were done under Ultimecia's mind control, but he was still a jerk before she got hold of him.
zell frowned,looking at his childhood tormentor.
"We're tormenting you!" Wait, I thought Seifer's behaviour towards Zell was only supposed to have been good-natured ribbing about his hair looking like a chocobo*, not anything actually worthy of the label "torment". That fits in with the author's saccharine conflict-free take on the FFVIII-verse. It takes something to screw up continuity when there isn't even a plot.
(* Incidentally, given that FFXIII - released after this fic - actually features a character with a chocobo nesting in his hair, this whole chocobo-hair thing is quite funny. Just not in the way the author intended.)
Anyway, the chapter unsurprisingly passes without conflict. They get ice cream. Specifically:
"Neopolitan.With sprinkles."
Probably the author's favourite, in keeping with standard badfic practice. Of course, fridge logic (freezer logic?) leads one to question exactly where Neapolitan ice cream is supposed to come from in the FFVIII-verse.
Concluded...
Squall rubbed his eyes,getting dsomething to eat
Squall prepares and eats his unspecified breakfast one-handed, given that he's evidently using the other one to rub his eyes the entire time. The author clearly had the same English teacher as Jaiden Lee Malfoy whose writing, eye-searingly godawful as it was, managed at least not to stray into the present tense every other sentence. Unlike:
"No." Seifer says leaning back against the chair with a sigh.
Yeah.
Squall pushed it open,walking over,looking out to.
To what?
"Selphie has decided that you need to get back in the game. So she's introduced a fitness class to everyone,but the main reason is to get you to come."He shrugged a little."It'll be interesting,if nothing else."
So the whole exercise program is a plot by Selphie to lure Seifer out. Why is anybody's guess. It's not so she can put the moves on him because this is supposed to be a Squeifer, and it's not so she can take revenge for his role in the destruction of Trabia Garden because that would be too interesting.
"goodie! Seifer! Ah I have the greatest Idea let's go to the Cafeteria and eat together." Selphie grins happily.
"why?" Seifer asks warily.
Ordinarily Seifer would have good reason to be wary at this. Fortunately for him, he's in Phantom Dreams.
"Eight!" Selphie smiles taking both of their arms.
Bel-Shamharoth heard her. The End.
Irvine looks up and swallows his food before coughing and taking a drink then staring. "Holy mother of my chocobo." He syas softly.
At least the writer has the decency to hang a lampshade on this truly inane piece of dialogue:
"holy mother of your chocobo?"Zell grinned,looking at his friend, really,the things irvine came up to say.
Which leads on to...
Zell sputtered a little,looking at his friend."My hair does not look like a chocobo's!"He growled,looking at the man.
Squall frowned a little,looking at seifer almost worriedly, before turning."stay irvine.I'll grab the food."He said, leaving, since the cowboy was already sitting and comfy and he had yet to.
"you so,like do! all you need to do now and strut around and go, like Wark!" Irvine imitates a chocobo perfectly.
Seifer grins a little. Settling back into the chair.
Selphie giggles. "It's true zell! It really is! Isn't it seifer? Hey! Is that why you used to call him Chicken all the time?" Selphie asks eyes wide.
"I thought some of you would have figuresd it out earlier." Seifer smirks.
No, just no. Seifer didn't call Zell a chicken-wuss because of his hair! He called him a chicken-wuss (the "wuss" part is surely a clue) to provoke him, because he's a jerk. What's the point of writing about Seifer if you're just going to turn him into a fucking teddy-bear? There are decent good!Seifer fics out there, but none of them take the "he was good all along" route because it's self-evidently bullshit. Yes, his worst acts were done under Ultimecia's mind control, but he was still a jerk before she got hold of him.
zell frowned,looking at his childhood tormentor.
"We're tormenting you!" Wait, I thought Seifer's behaviour towards Zell was only supposed to have been good-natured ribbing about his hair looking like a chocobo*, not anything actually worthy of the label "torment". That fits in with the author's saccharine conflict-free take on the FFVIII-verse. It takes something to screw up continuity when there isn't even a plot.
(* Incidentally, given that FFXIII - released after this fic - actually features a character with a chocobo nesting in his hair, this whole chocobo-hair thing is quite funny. Just not in the way the author intended.)
Anyway, the chapter unsurprisingly passes without conflict. They get ice cream. Specifically:
"Neopolitan.With sprinkles."
Probably the author's favourite, in keeping with standard badfic practice. Of course, fridge logic (freezer logic?) leads one to question exactly where Neapolitan ice cream is supposed to come from in the FFVIII-verse.
Concluded...