Phantom Dreams Chapter 5
It's in this, the final posted chapter of Phantom Dreams, that the author descends further into incoherent self-parody. And if you've been following the previous chapters, you'll know that's saying something.
Seifer grins he was close to the end of the bowl. he grins and 'accidently' drops the icecream on his spoon on Squall's chest. at the edge of his shirt at the top.
"Shit!"Squall jerked,trying to sit up,face the picture of surprise as his face collided with seifer's arm."seifer!"he growled,shoving at the larger man.
"What? It fell. Not my fault." Seifer grins holding him down. He then leans down and pulls the collar Of Squall's shirt down and starts licking off the icecream.
Look, I have no problem with people slashing Squall and Seifer. If that's your thing, knock yourself out. (YKINMKATOK, in fanficrants parlance.) But at least try to keep them in character. Hook them up all you want, just not like this. You can't just lift scenes from your favourite shounen-ai manga or wherever and jam FFVIII characters in there. It doesn't work.
Squall followed him out,punching him in the arm as he turned to go to his own rooms."ever call me sounding like a girl again, I'll draw lionheart on you."He threatened,sounding half serious.
I can't make sense of this dialogue. Call him sounding like a girl? What? When did he do that?
"Oh really?"
Seifer grins. "Night princess." he says softly walking to the elevator. He then just wlaks around the quad a bit.
He just teleported from the elevator to the quad.
Grabbing lionheart he headed down to irvine's room,pounding on the door,still looking a little rumpled.
In which Squall manages to pick up Lionheart, walk to Irvine's room and knock on the door all at the same time. And presumably check his reflection out as well, otherwise how does he know he looks rumpled?
Squall rolled his eyes a little,pushing open the door to the TC."Come on.Lets find a T-rex."he said,wanting something big enough to give him a challenge.
This is the first we see the FFVIII characters doing FFVIII-like things.
"Like they are any challange anymore." Irvine grins.
Squall and Irvine forgot that monsters level with the player, complacently neglected their junctions and got killed by the next T-Rexaur. The End.
"you know you look like the perfect Uke but really you don't act like one. How dissapointing." Irvine sighs theatrically.
Irvine the genre-savvy yaoi fanboy. What.
Squall stared after him for a moment,drawing lionheart before following,not sure if he should be insulted that he looked so submissive,or glad that he didn't act the part.Shaking his head a little,he smiled throwing himself whole heartedly into the fight,for the moment forgetting everything else.
And despite the fact that Squall's mind is focused entirely on the battle, we don't see it described at all.
Irvine was clearly enjoying the battle. It was only a small battle for them really. But it was fun none the less. "So you seemed kind of flushed when you came to my door." Irvine says picking up the potion they had got from the dragon.
Since when the fuck did T-Rexaurs drop potions?
Zell laughed a little,heading for the front hall way."Well, selphie might.Squall might just sit and glare at you till you do."
"You think he wouldn't enjoy running me through with his gunblade?" Seifer asks.
How very Freudian.
"dont worry, he tells irvine, or selphie,or whoever happens to piss him off that he's gonna run them through,and he hasn't yet."
Because Squall, the patron saint of stoicism, is in the habit of threatening to stab people for being annoying.
Zell pouted a little."I bet you'd tell selphie if she asked."he said,curious about squall's relationship troubles,looking around for the hyperactive girl.
"she's off making people get ready for Easter." Irvine laughs everyone knew the hyper active young woman was Irvines weakness.
You know, describing characters as "the whatever" rather than using their names or an appropriate pronoun in a misguided attempt not to repeat yourself doesn't work when you repeat yourself anyway. And again, why are they celebrating Easter?
"she might already have ideas of her own." Irvine laughs. "Though she really wanted me to make a move on Squall. I'll tell you! She even found this thing online. where people post stories. she is one sick little puppy let me tell you." Irvine laughs
Selphie goes on the Uber-Pit and ships Squall/Irvine. This fic has started sporking itself!
Squall bit his lip,holding back the moan that wanted to escape as he shivered under seifer's fingers,turning a little,pressing a gentle kiss to his lips,a hesitant unsure kiss,but a first stumbling step.
Seifer kisses back just as gently. He made a soft happy moan in the back of his throat. He continues to move his hand lightly up and down Squall's abdomen and chest. His leg moving just a little snuggling between Squall's legs his hip over Squall's.
At which point the fic abruptly ends.
Seifer grins he was close to the end of the bowl. he grins and 'accidently' drops the icecream on his spoon on Squall's chest. at the edge of his shirt at the top.
"Shit!"Squall jerked,trying to sit up,face the picture of surprise as his face collided with seifer's arm."seifer!"he growled,shoving at the larger man.
"What? It fell. Not my fault." Seifer grins holding him down. He then leans down and pulls the collar Of Squall's shirt down and starts licking off the icecream.
Look, I have no problem with people slashing Squall and Seifer. If that's your thing, knock yourself out. (YKINMKATOK, in fanficrants parlance.) But at least try to keep them in character. Hook them up all you want, just not like this. You can't just lift scenes from your favourite shounen-ai manga or wherever and jam FFVIII characters in there. It doesn't work.
Squall followed him out,punching him in the arm as he turned to go to his own rooms."ever call me sounding like a girl again, I'll draw lionheart on you."He threatened,sounding half serious.
I can't make sense of this dialogue. Call him sounding like a girl? What? When did he do that?
"Oh really?"
Seifer grins. "Night princess." he says softly walking to the elevator. He then just wlaks around the quad a bit.
He just teleported from the elevator to the quad.
Grabbing lionheart he headed down to irvine's room,pounding on the door,still looking a little rumpled.
In which Squall manages to pick up Lionheart, walk to Irvine's room and knock on the door all at the same time. And presumably check his reflection out as well, otherwise how does he know he looks rumpled?
Squall rolled his eyes a little,pushing open the door to the TC."Come on.Lets find a T-rex."he said,wanting something big enough to give him a challenge.
This is the first we see the FFVIII characters doing FFVIII-like things.
"Like they are any challange anymore." Irvine grins.
Squall and Irvine forgot that monsters level with the player, complacently neglected their junctions and got killed by the next T-Rexaur. The End.
"you know you look like the perfect Uke but really you don't act like one. How dissapointing." Irvine sighs theatrically.
Irvine the genre-savvy yaoi fanboy. What.
Squall stared after him for a moment,drawing lionheart before following,not sure if he should be insulted that he looked so submissive,or glad that he didn't act the part.Shaking his head a little,he smiled throwing himself whole heartedly into the fight,for the moment forgetting everything else.
And despite the fact that Squall's mind is focused entirely on the battle, we don't see it described at all.
Irvine was clearly enjoying the battle. It was only a small battle for them really. But it was fun none the less. "So you seemed kind of flushed when you came to my door." Irvine says picking up the potion they had got from the dragon.
Since when the fuck did T-Rexaurs drop potions?
Zell laughed a little,heading for the front hall way."Well, selphie might.Squall might just sit and glare at you till you do."
"You think he wouldn't enjoy running me through with his gunblade?" Seifer asks.
How very Freudian.
"dont worry, he tells irvine, or selphie,or whoever happens to piss him off that he's gonna run them through,and he hasn't yet."
Because Squall, the patron saint of stoicism, is in the habit of threatening to stab people for being annoying.
Zell pouted a little."I bet you'd tell selphie if she asked."he said,curious about squall's relationship troubles,looking around for the hyperactive girl.
"she's off making people get ready for Easter." Irvine laughs everyone knew the hyper active young woman was Irvines weakness.
You know, describing characters as "the whatever" rather than using their names or an appropriate pronoun in a misguided attempt not to repeat yourself doesn't work when you repeat yourself anyway. And again, why are they celebrating Easter?
"she might already have ideas of her own." Irvine laughs. "Though she really wanted me to make a move on Squall. I'll tell you! She even found this thing online. where people post stories. she is one sick little puppy let me tell you." Irvine laughs
Selphie goes on the Uber-Pit and ships Squall/Irvine. This fic has started sporking itself!
Squall bit his lip,holding back the moan that wanted to escape as he shivered under seifer's fingers,turning a little,pressing a gentle kiss to his lips,a hesitant unsure kiss,but a first stumbling step.
Seifer kisses back just as gently. He made a soft happy moan in the back of his throat. He continues to move his hand lightly up and down Squall's abdomen and chest. His leg moving just a little snuggling between Squall's legs his hip over Squall's.
At which point the fic abruptly ends.