Deserving Chapter 48
Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. If you've been following the sporking so far, Chapter 48 needs no introduction. It's not even "just" the revelation about the Dursleys did to Harry, but Chapter 48 is just all of the worst of Deserving distilled into a single chapter. Think about that for a moment.
“Papa, papa, look,” said Serena when she saw Harry coming out of the fireplace. “Look, Papa, look Sir,” she pointed to Harry. “Sir, Sir,” she cried out extending her hands so Harry would pick her up but he was too taken back by her words. Was she calling him Sir?
Yes, because you've already told us from his POV that she was.
Severus looked shocked but reacted right away and went to his husband with open arms. When he had Harry in a hug he said: “Do not answer.”
“But she is calling me,” said Harry into the Potions Master’s ear.
“We taught Richard how to call me Papa I am sure we can do the same with Serena,” explained Severus.
Recycled plots are fun!
Serena called to Sir again and again and when Harry did not respond she got very upset.
Telling rather than showing is generally lazy, though there are a few situations in which it works. Telling as well as showing, to me, indicates an author who's uncertain of the ability of the narrative to do its job of showing us something.
She saw Harry’s broom standing in the corner of the sitting room and looked at it very intently. The broom rose, to her Fathers’ amazement and even more so when they saw it fly towards the fireplace. Harry just barely saved it from the flames.
Harry looked at Severus who was having a hard time swallowing.
“Um, Severus, can she do that?”
Do you even need to ask?
“She just did,” said Severus still trying to make sense of what he had just seen.
“But what happened to twinkles?” Harry said still tracing with his eyes the amazing path his broom had just taken.
“Twinkles are un-channeled magic. Apparently Serena has found a way to channel it successfully,” explained Severus to Harry and himself.
“Is that normal?” asked Harry tentatively.
Severus shook his head. “No, S… Dada. No, Dada I do not believe it is,” he corrected.
It is for a Sue.
“I am fine; really I am,” said Harry with a breathy voice.
“She will learn I promise you. She will call you Dada pretty soon,” Severus assured.
Of course she will. She's a Sue.
Harry knew his husband was being too kind and there was something else on his mind.
“Her magic is not common; is it?”
Severus shook his head. “No, Sir, it is not. We will have to inform Poppy of this.”
"Hello, our child seems to be a Mary Sue. Is there a tonic for that?"
Harry considered Severus’ words. “Is it a bad thing?”
Yes.
“No, Sir, magic should never be considered a bad thing. I grew up with my father trying to convince me that it was foul and it only served as a stimulus to embrace it more. My powers grew and that made me a desirable target of the Dark Lord.”
He's contradicting himself here. He starts by saying that magic is never a bad thing, then goes on to talk about how his magic made him a target for Voldemort.
“Severus, I don’t want to hear his name ever again in this house.
"Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself." Spoken by Dumbledore in Philosopher's Stone, and Harry takes this advice on board throughout the saga. Why the sudden reversal?
Harry lifted Severus chin so their eyes could meet. “We should talk about this ‘Sir’ business,” said Harry leading Severus to sit at the window seat. “Look I have to confess that I like it when you call me Sir. It makes me feel secure. As if you knew and were telling me that you belong to me. And I guess that if you belong to me you won’t leave me. Does that make sense?” said Harry looking, at Severus and trying to read his reaction.
This is Deserving. Of course it doesn't.
“And I was also thinking that you should call your friends and former colleagues by their given names also. Well, except… you know…” said Harry not quite knowing how to phrase his thought. “Neville. I mean you can call him Neville just not when I am around and not when you’re talking to me about him.” To Harry’s surprise Severus was trying to conceal a smile. “What?”
“I cannot help feel a twinge of pride that my young handsome husband is jealous of another man.”
I finally see the point of Severus having to run around addressing everyone formally. It was to set up a scene like this in a way that could almost resemble character development to a reader more generous than me.
“Do I have to remind you that there is a history with you and this other man?”
Severus wondered if Harry knew that his history with Neville was as chaste as Harry’s with Mr. Creevey.
To be fair, Harry's wasn't chaste by choice.
“I believe I am owed mind blowing sex, Harry,” he said with an even wickeder smile.
It's mind-blowing alright, just not in the way the author intends.
Harry smiled but had no control over a yawn that escaped him, making Severus remember that his husband had not slept in over thirty-six hours.
He's remarkably coherent considering.
Severus felt the warm saliva bathing his manhood.
As you do.
The suction was just the right amount to send him to the moon and back. Those two fingers toying with his rectum added the perfect touch.
Add the perfect touch to your suction with new RectumFinger™ today!
He was in heaven. Never before had he had such a blow… Severus opened his eyes in complete and utter shock. The fact that his eyes were open and he was no longer dreaming did not stop nor affect the feelings that his body was having.
Which aren't actually described beyond what amounts to "this felt really good". All we get are the mechanics.
“Sir,” he said with difficulty. “Sir… what?” oh what was Harry doing? Oh yes, another finger. The burn was exquisite.
The burn? What the hell, did he just cast Incendio up there or something? FUCKING OW. For the sake of my sanity, I'm going to assume that was a typo for "bum", as in bumming.
A part of Severus wanted Harry to stop. He was supposed to be giving his husband this pleasure. But another part of him would have burned in hell so this feeling would never end.
But it would have been an exquisite burn.
“Sir, Sir it feels so good. Sirrr,” he said amongst shallow breath.
If he's breathing shallowly, how's he meant to enunciate "Sirrr!" with the rolled r and everything? Then again, he's not beaten Harry's record of being able to say "Dumbledorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!" in a strangled way.
Severus gave him a tender smile and guided Harry’s head again this time meeting no resistance. Harry dove in and emerged with tiny pool of milk puddle in his tongue. He closed his eyes and swallowed in front of Severus.
“It’s warm.”
“And probable bitter,” countered Severus.
Harry shook his head. “Comforting,” and went back to sucking on his spouse’s nipple. Severus felt as it went from experiment to pleasure. Harry was sucking and he could feel the fluid leave his body to enter Harry’s.
What. No. WHAT IS THIS FUCKING SHIT.
Harry chuckled and started a slow ministration with his fingers.
\~/
One by one he entered his spouse as he sucked on the Professor’s cock making Severus moan and trash his fist on the mattress.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh,” was the scream of pleasure that escaped Severus’ soul.
Harry looked up with a smile and licked a drop of cum that was escaping his mouth.
That somehow seemed to have done so before he even ejaculated. The problem with surgical detail in sex scenes (see also this fanficrant) is that when the detail lapses, important things that a reader might have taken for granted had the author gone for a more broad-strokes approach to description from the outset appear not to have taken place.
Also, I questioned in the write-ups for earlier chapters the author's use of "seed" when it's not actually seeding anything, so I guess you have to be careful what you wish for because "cum" isn't any better. D:
“This has to work; it just has to. Do you have any idea how dangerous he is right now?” said Kingsley in the Potter sitting room, not asking anyone in particular. They were all waiting to hear from Hagrid.
“He is like a cornered animal. Have you read all the rubbish he has been writing about Mona and how she is helping the Death Eaters reunite and reorganize? Rubbish! Pure rubbish.”
This is how the scene began. There was no scene setting - we just launched into this uncharacteristically quiet litany from Kingsley about how "he" (Single?) was trying to mess up the world by badmouthing "Mona" (ugh) in the Prophet. Exactly what he's meant to be achieving, and how he's still in a position to do anything at all, is beyond me.
“Kingsley, will you please sit down? We are all quite aware of the situation. I am sure we will soon hear from Hagrid. Good news I hope,” said Minerva from Harry’s favorite chair sipping some of Kreacher’s chamomile tea.
Minerva, who's been one of the biggest douches in the entire fic (easily up there with Single) yet seems to have escaped without any consequences. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see her back relatively in character, but even so.
“If anyone can get the placenta of a unicorn that would be Hagrid. The man cannot walk in a straight line without knocking everything in his path
Including unicorns, it seems.
“KINGSLEY, sit down,” Sly ordered his boss while comforting Millicent in his arms.
It's strange to see Kingsley being ALLCAPS'd rather than doing it himself.
Draco walked up to his husband and smiled that was all it took for Kingsley to take him his arms and stay still until Hagrid appeared through the fireplace.
Draco no longer seems to have any kind of agency. He's barely more than a prop in this scene. And yet the Draco/Kingsley pairing is being held up as this paragon of pure shining Twu Wub™ and that's, shall we say, problematic.
“Good day everyone,” said Hagrid with a broad grin.
“You’ve got it!” said everyone at once.
Everyone at once? Really? Is there a hive mind or something?
Hagrid’s chest blew up with pride. “Yeah, well it wasn’t easy, mind yeh…” but there was no time to listen to the half giant’s story.
Now the author develops a sense of urgency. After several chapters of "a few months went by without anything at all happening".
Neville could see his professor’s hands shaking. “The time has come professor. It is finally here. We are going to give them back what no ministry has the right to take away. Especially not from innocent witches and wizards.”
Severus knew Neville was right. But he could not stop feeling a twinge of fear. What would the ministry do when they found out that their decreed had been revoked?
Their decree hasn't been revoked, because if it had then giving the Marked Ones their magic back would be a non-issue. Rather it's being defied.
The potion went from a dull green to a shimmering blue. They watch how a cloud of sparkeles hovered above the caldron then zoomed back into it.
A cloud of sparkles. Really. I'm not joking. This was the exact wording. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.
The potion was done. There was no turning back. The Marked Ones would get their magic back and hopefully that would lead to finding a way to give their children the magic they are entitled to.
Because it's not as simple as giving them the same potion. There's this Lamarckian thing going on where the Marked Ones losing their magic also affected their children.
Once upstairs everyone tried to make light conversation to try to make time pass but every time someone would cast tempo only the second hand seemed to move.
I'm assuming "tempo" (or more properly Tempo) is a time-telling spell: I've not been able to find it on the wiki, the Lexicon or any of the usual spell lists, possibly because wizards in the books do actually use clocks.
They all noticed when Harry perked up his ear and apparated retuning minutes later with Serena who had just woken up. Everyone celebrated her arrival with the customary praises: big, how pretty, how smart.
How much of a Sue.
“Don’t cry Serena. Dada will be right back. He just went to get Richard,” Millicent cooed.
From one Sue to another. Hands up who can see canon!Millicent cooing. Thought not.
But Serena wanted no part of it. She did not know Millicent the way that Richard did. To her she was a stranger.
But somehow she knew that Richard did, but didn't care, and fuck it if I can tell whose POV this is supposed to be.
Kreacher did not want to tell Master Draco to give him the child. A good elf never told a master what to do but he needed to feed Serena who in turn had no idea why this was taking so long.
Because of bullshit like this. Yet again the POV shifts mid-sentence. Who taught this author how to write, really?
“Oh, that,” he said looking at his guest. “Yeah, it seems she has found a way to channel her magic. At least that is what Severus says.”
“Harry,” cried Hermione. “That’s not good.”
“No it is not,” Minerva chimed in. “If Single were to find out that her powers are great at this young age he would try to use that against your family Mr. Potter.”
Like you care. You were all for breaking up his family and condemning him as the most evil wizard since Voldemort barely ten chapters ago, remember?
“How can he use that against my family?”
“Harry, don’t you see? He will surely try to imply that Severus’ dark magic has seeped into Serena,” said a clearly concerned Hermione.
I know I've said it before, but it's important: all this is happening after Harry pwned Single. For all they talk about it, he needs to actually do something for the reader to see him as a credible threat again.
“That’s absurd;
Absurdity, in Deserving. Perish the thought.
“Well, no… I didn’t know I was a wizard. That I could do such things,” Harry analyzed as he spoke.
“Harry I don’t think Serena knows she is a witch
I think she does. Because she's (all together now) A SUE.
“We don’t applaud it. Severus says that if we don’t make too much of it she will grow bored and stop and he is pretty good at these things.”
But Harry caught Millicent’s smile. And everyone followed his gaze. She was barely holding back a bark of laughter.
Millicent looked at everyone and tried to take deep breathes to keep her laughter in.
“I am sorry, but I can’t help it. This is just the beginning. Serena will be a handful and there is little that can be done about that. Wait until she…” but no, she would let it be a surprise. She knew they would all be there to witness the transformation.
Millicent and her prophetic dreams of plot pre-emption.
“Till she what?” asked Poppy.
“Oh, don’t mind me. It’s just my silly dreams. We all know divination is not an exact science.”
All but Harry seemed to be alright with this statement. He had seen Millicent predict the future too many times to know that in her it was an exact science. Just then Severus and Neville came up with a tray of vials. The potion was done.
Now that's what I call timing.
“Draco would you like to go first?” asked Severus unsure of what Draco’s answer would be.
No shit. I think that's the general assumption when a non-rhetorical question is being asked.
“I don’t know what to wish for,” said Draco mesmerized by the wand in his hand.
Ron approached him and spoke very clearly and slowly. “It’s a wand not a genie.”
Okay, this dialogue is about the only good point in the festering pile of shite that is Chapter 48.
Making everyone laugh and Draco turn red. Kingsley gave a laud barking laughter and took his lover in his arms joy spilling from his pores. Draco placed the tip on his wand to his neck and made a collar appear stopping Kings’ laughter abruptly.
“Draco?” asked a confused Kingsley.
“I know you have always feared the day I would get my magic back. I wanted to show you that I will always be yours. And I wanted everyone else to know that also.”
“We agreed you would never wear that out of our bedroom.”
Oo-er!
Severus revealed the catalogue where they had gotten his plug. Harry looked at it and tried to guess what Severus was getting at.
“You want a new toy,” he asked tentatively.
Severus took a deep breath understanding that he would have to explain.
“Amador has his plug. Everyone can see his plug. It tells the world that he is wanted by his master. Mine cannot be seen by anyone.”
meicdon13 pointed this out in the comments to Chapter 44: wouldn't Amador's plug be hidden by his tail? Even leaving aside the fact that this supposedly profound statement is a centaur trotting around with what amounts to a cork up his arse, which is just too inherently lulzy an image to take seriously.
So this is what the Centaurs were talking about. This is what Severus wanted, what he needed. Harry was not expecting this and did what he usually did when he wasn’t prepared, he made light of things.
Show, don't tell!
“Yeah, well, do you blame Kingsley? Draco is gorgeous. He has to mark him as his own,” said Harry trying to make light of the subject.
You've already said. Also, Satan will be skiing to work before Harry compliments Draco. Especially like that.
Severus turned to look at Harry but turned away almost immediately. Harry realized he would have to tell Severus the whole story.
Here it comes. By the power vested in me by AdultFanfiction.net, I declare Vernon Dursley...
“Aunt Marge,” he said answering the unspoken question. “It’s true that he did it but she made him do it. In his defense he really did try to get out of it,” continued Harry as he saw more and more questions arrive in Severus’ eyes.
Yes, it's exactly what you think. D8
Severus was finding none of this amusing or chuckle worthy.
Which is just as well. From the out-of-story perspective though, it really is, because the author is nowhere near a good enough writer to cover such sensitive issues with any kind of competence. It just doesn't convey the horror of the situation. All I can do is refer to this, which I originally posted in response to enochiansigils ' comment on Chapter 1:
Yeah, it's [the Ministry's institutionalised rape, but this is also an example] one of those things that would be appalling and horrific if they were happening in real life but in fiction read more like black comedy than tragedy. Deserving has a lot of those, as I think does fanfic in general: Dark Secrets and The Last War are also replete. If you want to write tragedy you've got to sell us the characters' suffering, otherwise it just looks like a macabre slapstick routine.
Harry considered his next words. Details were not really necessary.
That's never stopped this author before, but I'm relieved beyond all measure that it has now.
“It was fast. A couple of minutes on the kitchen floor.
Upon which Harry shouted at Vernon: "I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK!"
... I'm going to hell. Continued...
“Papa, papa, look,” said Serena when she saw Harry coming out of the fireplace. “Look, Papa, look Sir,” she pointed to Harry. “Sir, Sir,” she cried out extending her hands so Harry would pick her up but he was too taken back by her words. Was she calling him Sir?
Yes, because you've already told us from his POV that she was.
Severus looked shocked but reacted right away and went to his husband with open arms. When he had Harry in a hug he said: “Do not answer.”
“But she is calling me,” said Harry into the Potions Master’s ear.
“We taught Richard how to call me Papa I am sure we can do the same with Serena,” explained Severus.
Recycled plots are fun!
Serena called to Sir again and again and when Harry did not respond she got very upset.
Telling rather than showing is generally lazy, though there are a few situations in which it works. Telling as well as showing, to me, indicates an author who's uncertain of the ability of the narrative to do its job of showing us something.
She saw Harry’s broom standing in the corner of the sitting room and looked at it very intently. The broom rose, to her Fathers’ amazement and even more so when they saw it fly towards the fireplace. Harry just barely saved it from the flames.
Harry looked at Severus who was having a hard time swallowing.
“Um, Severus, can she do that?”
Do you even need to ask?
“She just did,” said Severus still trying to make sense of what he had just seen.
“But what happened to twinkles?” Harry said still tracing with his eyes the amazing path his broom had just taken.
“Twinkles are un-channeled magic. Apparently Serena has found a way to channel it successfully,” explained Severus to Harry and himself.
“Is that normal?” asked Harry tentatively.
Severus shook his head. “No, S… Dada. No, Dada I do not believe it is,” he corrected.
It is for a Sue.
“I am fine; really I am,” said Harry with a breathy voice.
“She will learn I promise you. She will call you Dada pretty soon,” Severus assured.
Of course she will. She's a Sue.
Harry knew his husband was being too kind and there was something else on his mind.
“Her magic is not common; is it?”
Severus shook his head. “No, Sir, it is not. We will have to inform Poppy of this.”
"Hello, our child seems to be a Mary Sue. Is there a tonic for that?"
Harry considered Severus’ words. “Is it a bad thing?”
Yes.
“No, Sir, magic should never be considered a bad thing. I grew up with my father trying to convince me that it was foul and it only served as a stimulus to embrace it more. My powers grew and that made me a desirable target of the Dark Lord.”
He's contradicting himself here. He starts by saying that magic is never a bad thing, then goes on to talk about how his magic made him a target for Voldemort.
“Severus, I don’t want to hear his name ever again in this house.
"Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself." Spoken by Dumbledore in Philosopher's Stone, and Harry takes this advice on board throughout the saga. Why the sudden reversal?
Harry lifted Severus chin so their eyes could meet. “We should talk about this ‘Sir’ business,” said Harry leading Severus to sit at the window seat. “Look I have to confess that I like it when you call me Sir. It makes me feel secure. As if you knew and were telling me that you belong to me. And I guess that if you belong to me you won’t leave me. Does that make sense?” said Harry looking, at Severus and trying to read his reaction.
This is Deserving. Of course it doesn't.
“And I was also thinking that you should call your friends and former colleagues by their given names also. Well, except… you know…” said Harry not quite knowing how to phrase his thought. “Neville. I mean you can call him Neville just not when I am around and not when you’re talking to me about him.” To Harry’s surprise Severus was trying to conceal a smile. “What?”
“I cannot help feel a twinge of pride that my young handsome husband is jealous of another man.”
I finally see the point of Severus having to run around addressing everyone formally. It was to set up a scene like this in a way that could almost resemble character development to a reader more generous than me.
“Do I have to remind you that there is a history with you and this other man?”
Severus wondered if Harry knew that his history with Neville was as chaste as Harry’s with Mr. Creevey.
To be fair, Harry's wasn't chaste by choice.
“I believe I am owed mind blowing sex, Harry,” he said with an even wickeder smile.
It's mind-blowing alright, just not in the way the author intends.
Harry smiled but had no control over a yawn that escaped him, making Severus remember that his husband had not slept in over thirty-six hours.
He's remarkably coherent considering.
Severus felt the warm saliva bathing his manhood.
As you do.
The suction was just the right amount to send him to the moon and back. Those two fingers toying with his rectum added the perfect touch.
Add the perfect touch to your suction with new RectumFinger™ today!
He was in heaven. Never before had he had such a blow… Severus opened his eyes in complete and utter shock. The fact that his eyes were open and he was no longer dreaming did not stop nor affect the feelings that his body was having.
Which aren't actually described beyond what amounts to "this felt really good". All we get are the mechanics.
“Sir,” he said with difficulty. “Sir… what?” oh what was Harry doing? Oh yes, another finger. The burn was exquisite.
The burn? What the hell, did he just cast Incendio up there or something? FUCKING OW. For the sake of my sanity, I'm going to assume that was a typo for "bum", as in bumming.
A part of Severus wanted Harry to stop. He was supposed to be giving his husband this pleasure. But another part of him would have burned in hell so this feeling would never end.
But it would have been an exquisite burn.
“Sir, Sir it feels so good. Sirrr,” he said amongst shallow breath.
If he's breathing shallowly, how's he meant to enunciate "Sirrr!" with the rolled r and everything? Then again, he's not beaten Harry's record of being able to say "Dumbledorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!" in a strangled way.
Severus gave him a tender smile and guided Harry’s head again this time meeting no resistance. Harry dove in and emerged with tiny pool of milk puddle in his tongue. He closed his eyes and swallowed in front of Severus.
“It’s warm.”
“And probable bitter,” countered Severus.
Harry shook his head. “Comforting,” and went back to sucking on his spouse’s nipple. Severus felt as it went from experiment to pleasure. Harry was sucking and he could feel the fluid leave his body to enter Harry’s.
What. No. WHAT IS THIS FUCKING SHIT.
Harry chuckled and started a slow ministration with his fingers.
\~/
One by one he entered his spouse as he sucked on the Professor’s cock making Severus moan and trash his fist on the mattress.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh,” was the scream of pleasure that escaped Severus’ soul.
Harry looked up with a smile and licked a drop of cum that was escaping his mouth.
That somehow seemed to have done so before he even ejaculated. The problem with surgical detail in sex scenes (see also this fanficrant) is that when the detail lapses, important things that a reader might have taken for granted had the author gone for a more broad-strokes approach to description from the outset appear not to have taken place.
Also, I questioned in the write-ups for earlier chapters the author's use of "seed" when it's not actually seeding anything, so I guess you have to be careful what you wish for because "cum" isn't any better. D:
“This has to work; it just has to. Do you have any idea how dangerous he is right now?” said Kingsley in the Potter sitting room, not asking anyone in particular. They were all waiting to hear from Hagrid.
“He is like a cornered animal. Have you read all the rubbish he has been writing about Mona and how she is helping the Death Eaters reunite and reorganize? Rubbish! Pure rubbish.”
This is how the scene began. There was no scene setting - we just launched into this uncharacteristically quiet litany from Kingsley about how "he" (Single?) was trying to mess up the world by badmouthing "Mona" (ugh) in the Prophet. Exactly what he's meant to be achieving, and how he's still in a position to do anything at all, is beyond me.
“Kingsley, will you please sit down? We are all quite aware of the situation. I am sure we will soon hear from Hagrid. Good news I hope,” said Minerva from Harry’s favorite chair sipping some of Kreacher’s chamomile tea.
Minerva, who's been one of the biggest douches in the entire fic (easily up there with Single) yet seems to have escaped without any consequences. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see her back relatively in character, but even so.
“If anyone can get the placenta of a unicorn that would be Hagrid. The man cannot walk in a straight line without knocking everything in his path
Including unicorns, it seems.
“KINGSLEY, sit down,” Sly ordered his boss while comforting Millicent in his arms.
It's strange to see Kingsley being ALLCAPS'd rather than doing it himself.
Draco walked up to his husband and smiled that was all it took for Kingsley to take him his arms and stay still until Hagrid appeared through the fireplace.
Draco no longer seems to have any kind of agency. He's barely more than a prop in this scene. And yet the Draco/Kingsley pairing is being held up as this paragon of pure shining Twu Wub™ and that's, shall we say, problematic.
“Good day everyone,” said Hagrid with a broad grin.
“You’ve got it!” said everyone at once.
Everyone at once? Really? Is there a hive mind or something?
Hagrid’s chest blew up with pride. “Yeah, well it wasn’t easy, mind yeh…” but there was no time to listen to the half giant’s story.
Now the author develops a sense of urgency. After several chapters of "a few months went by without anything at all happening".
Neville could see his professor’s hands shaking. “The time has come professor. It is finally here. We are going to give them back what no ministry has the right to take away. Especially not from innocent witches and wizards.”
Severus knew Neville was right. But he could not stop feeling a twinge of fear. What would the ministry do when they found out that their decreed had been revoked?
Their decree hasn't been revoked, because if it had then giving the Marked Ones their magic back would be a non-issue. Rather it's being defied.
The potion went from a dull green to a shimmering blue. They watch how a cloud of sparkeles hovered above the caldron then zoomed back into it.
A cloud of sparkles. Really. I'm not joking. This was the exact wording. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.
The potion was done. There was no turning back. The Marked Ones would get their magic back and hopefully that would lead to finding a way to give their children the magic they are entitled to.
Because it's not as simple as giving them the same potion. There's this Lamarckian thing going on where the Marked Ones losing their magic also affected their children.
Once upstairs everyone tried to make light conversation to try to make time pass but every time someone would cast tempo only the second hand seemed to move.
I'm assuming "tempo" (or more properly Tempo) is a time-telling spell: I've not been able to find it on the wiki, the Lexicon or any of the usual spell lists, possibly because wizards in the books do actually use clocks.
They all noticed when Harry perked up his ear and apparated retuning minutes later with Serena who had just woken up. Everyone celebrated her arrival with the customary praises: big, how pretty, how smart.
How much of a Sue.
“Don’t cry Serena. Dada will be right back. He just went to get Richard,” Millicent cooed.
From one Sue to another. Hands up who can see canon!Millicent cooing. Thought not.
But Serena wanted no part of it. She did not know Millicent the way that Richard did. To her she was a stranger.
But somehow she knew that Richard did, but didn't care, and fuck it if I can tell whose POV this is supposed to be.
Kreacher did not want to tell Master Draco to give him the child. A good elf never told a master what to do but he needed to feed Serena who in turn had no idea why this was taking so long.
Because of bullshit like this. Yet again the POV shifts mid-sentence. Who taught this author how to write, really?
“Oh, that,” he said looking at his guest. “Yeah, it seems she has found a way to channel her magic. At least that is what Severus says.”
“Harry,” cried Hermione. “That’s not good.”
“No it is not,” Minerva chimed in. “If Single were to find out that her powers are great at this young age he would try to use that against your family Mr. Potter.”
Like you care. You were all for breaking up his family and condemning him as the most evil wizard since Voldemort barely ten chapters ago, remember?
“How can he use that against my family?”
“Harry, don’t you see? He will surely try to imply that Severus’ dark magic has seeped into Serena,” said a clearly concerned Hermione.
I know I've said it before, but it's important: all this is happening after Harry pwned Single. For all they talk about it, he needs to actually do something for the reader to see him as a credible threat again.
“That’s absurd;
Absurdity, in Deserving. Perish the thought.
“Well, no… I didn’t know I was a wizard. That I could do such things,” Harry analyzed as he spoke.
“Harry I don’t think Serena knows she is a witch
I think she does. Because she's (all together now) A SUE.
“We don’t applaud it. Severus says that if we don’t make too much of it she will grow bored and stop and he is pretty good at these things.”
But Harry caught Millicent’s smile. And everyone followed his gaze. She was barely holding back a bark of laughter.
Millicent looked at everyone and tried to take deep breathes to keep her laughter in.
“I am sorry, but I can’t help it. This is just the beginning. Serena will be a handful and there is little that can be done about that. Wait until she…” but no, she would let it be a surprise. She knew they would all be there to witness the transformation.
Millicent and her prophetic dreams of plot pre-emption.
“Till she what?” asked Poppy.
“Oh, don’t mind me. It’s just my silly dreams. We all know divination is not an exact science.”
All but Harry seemed to be alright with this statement. He had seen Millicent predict the future too many times to know that in her it was an exact science. Just then Severus and Neville came up with a tray of vials. The potion was done.
Now that's what I call timing.
“Draco would you like to go first?” asked Severus unsure of what Draco’s answer would be.
No shit. I think that's the general assumption when a non-rhetorical question is being asked.
“I don’t know what to wish for,” said Draco mesmerized by the wand in his hand.
Ron approached him and spoke very clearly and slowly. “It’s a wand not a genie.”
Okay, this dialogue is about the only good point in the festering pile of shite that is Chapter 48.
Making everyone laugh and Draco turn red. Kingsley gave a laud barking laughter and took his lover in his arms joy spilling from his pores. Draco placed the tip on his wand to his neck and made a collar appear stopping Kings’ laughter abruptly.
“Draco?” asked a confused Kingsley.
“I know you have always feared the day I would get my magic back. I wanted to show you that I will always be yours. And I wanted everyone else to know that also.”
“We agreed you would never wear that out of our bedroom.”
Oo-er!
Severus revealed the catalogue where they had gotten his plug. Harry looked at it and tried to guess what Severus was getting at.
“You want a new toy,” he asked tentatively.
Severus took a deep breath understanding that he would have to explain.
“Amador has his plug. Everyone can see his plug. It tells the world that he is wanted by his master. Mine cannot be seen by anyone.”
meicdon13 pointed this out in the comments to Chapter 44: wouldn't Amador's plug be hidden by his tail? Even leaving aside the fact that this supposedly profound statement is a centaur trotting around with what amounts to a cork up his arse, which is just too inherently lulzy an image to take seriously.
So this is what the Centaurs were talking about. This is what Severus wanted, what he needed. Harry was not expecting this and did what he usually did when he wasn’t prepared, he made light of things.
Show, don't tell!
“Yeah, well, do you blame Kingsley? Draco is gorgeous. He has to mark him as his own,” said Harry trying to make light of the subject.
You've already said. Also, Satan will be skiing to work before Harry compliments Draco. Especially like that.
Severus turned to look at Harry but turned away almost immediately. Harry realized he would have to tell Severus the whole story.
Here it comes. By the power vested in me by AdultFanfiction.net, I declare Vernon Dursley...
“Aunt Marge,” he said answering the unspoken question. “It’s true that he did it but she made him do it. In his defense he really did try to get out of it,” continued Harry as he saw more and more questions arrive in Severus’ eyes.
Yes, it's exactly what you think. D8
Severus was finding none of this amusing or chuckle worthy.
Which is just as well. From the out-of-story perspective though, it really is, because the author is nowhere near a good enough writer to cover such sensitive issues with any kind of competence. It just doesn't convey the horror of the situation. All I can do is refer to this, which I originally posted in response to enochiansigils ' comment on Chapter 1:
Yeah, it's [the Ministry's institutionalised rape, but this is also an example] one of those things that would be appalling and horrific if they were happening in real life but in fiction read more like black comedy than tragedy. Deserving has a lot of those, as I think does fanfic in general: Dark Secrets and The Last War are also replete. If you want to write tragedy you've got to sell us the characters' suffering, otherwise it just looks like a macabre slapstick routine.
Harry considered his next words. Details were not really necessary.
That's never stopped this author before, but I'm relieved beyond all measure that it has now.
“It was fast. A couple of minutes on the kitchen floor.
Upon which Harry shouted at Vernon: "I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK!"
... I'm going to hell. Continued...