Deserving Chapter 38
I intended Chapters 38 and 39 to be a single update, but they're both so teeming with fail that it was getting too long. So 39 to follow shortly.
Severus watched as Harry got dressed. He thought he saw Harry go for his money bag but thankfully thought better of it.
Very thankfully. Please let's not have the whoring money plot restart.
Severus looked out the window and was surprised to see Harry walking away from his house. Why didn’t he disapperate?
Wizards aren't supposed to Apparate everywhere anyway. This author, along with many others, overuses it.
He could see the sadness in Harry’s posture. He was definitely disappointed.
So here he didn't Disapparate because the author needed him to be walking so as to convey this information.
Harry walked away with an inexplicable heaviness in his stomach. Why was it so had to move away from that place? He did not want to use magic; it would be too fast and it hurt too much to leave.
Through two POVs at once.
The following Friday Dennis walked in through the floo with a brown paper bag full of groceries in his hands and a broad smile on his face.
“Good evening, love,” he said pecking Harry in the lips. “Everything is ready and I’ve got everything we need for tonight.”
Harry looked lost and grabbed the bag out of Dennis’ hand out of pure courtesy. Dennis pulled out a box from the bag.
“Look! Cake mix!” he said in what Harry thought a too enthusiastic voice.
In which the fic finally acknowledges that it's edging into WDYMINA territory.
“Good luck getting that into Kreacher’s kitchen,” warned Harry.
“Got that covered, love. I owled the Professor and asked him to have Kreacher take care of Richard tonight. We have the house all to ourselves,” said Dennis with a sexy smile.
In which Harry's attraction to bishie!Dennis is telegraphed so blatantly even Stephenie Meyer would think twice.
“Look, I will leave you to this. Call me when dinner is ready.”
“Harry!” reacted a stunned Dennis. “I am not going to cook for you. We are a couple. We do things together. YOU and I are going to cook. It will be fun. You’ll see.”
So basically Dennis is taking on the role of the Manic Pixie Dream Boy.
Dennis was beautiful when he smiled. Everything about him was perfect.
Now I'm just imagining Dennis as Edward. I wonder if he sparkles.
“Did you cut your hair?”
“Oh, Harry I can’t believe you noticed. Yes, I went to the mall because as wonderful as the Wizarding World is it has no sense of style,” said Dennis with a coy giggle.
Next time on Queer Eye for the Straight Wizard!
Dennis looked hurt, Harry obviously didn’t trust him.
POV, dammit!
“Look, I’m sorry. It’s just that as an Auror we are trained never to let anyone touch our wand,”
Too easy.
Dennis smiled and fell right into the soul sucking kiss that Harry locked him in.
I stand corrected. Deserving!Dennis isn't a Meyerpire, he's a Dementor.
Harry apparated them to the guest room. Dennis looked puzzled.
"Why are we Apparating everywhere? Don't we have legs?"
“Oh, love; I can just imagine how much you are suffering.
"My love for you is like a lovely river of loving, love."
Dennis cast a disrobing spell and soon they were both naked in each other’s arms. Harry cast nox.
“Harry! Why did you turn off the lights?” said Dennis, casting lumos.
That's not how spell incantations are written. They're capitalised and italicised in all instances, as a quick skim of any of the books could tell you, and rarely if ever used as nouns anyway.
“Love, when two people are in love they make love with all their senses. Touch,” he said as he stroked Harry’s hair. “Vision,” he said as he gave Harry a very seductive glance. “Smell,” he whispered, taking a deep breath near Harry’s neck. This made Harry mew.
Harry was feeling so aroused.
This is almost at the "they had begun to fall in love with each other" level of show-don't-tell fail.
“Love, don’t you see? I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier. I have been yours since the night you were released but it wasn’t until tonigt… Oh, Merlin! It wasn’t even your idea. And then you couldn’t even fathom the idea of taking me in the same room where you made love to him…”
“I HAVE NEVER MADE LOVE TO HIM!” said Harry, turning with a menacing glower towards Dennis. But Dennis did not back down.
ALLCAPS are go!
“How did he abandoning me keep me from going to Azkaban?”
“You don’t get it; do you love? Madam Sprout told the Professor that either he divorce you or she would send you to Azkaban. The Professor didn’t have the heart to ask you for a divorce so he told Neville that if he got you to accept the divorce the Professor would marry him.”
Sprout, if you'll recall, is a member of the "let's screw over the guy we owe our lives to" club with Pomfrey and McGonagall.
“And now I have lost him. Neville will never hurt him.”
Dennis felt his heart go out to his love. “No, love, like you the Professor could not handle being touched by Neville. Neville was very hurt but then he understood that the Professor’s heart belonged to you.”
This happened when?
“I won’t go back on my word!” charged Harry.
That's not a charge.
Harry got up, unsure of what to do. He walked to the bed. Then he walked to the loo. Then he was walking towards the door.
“Love, why don’t you begin by getting your wand and getting dressed?” guided Dennis.
Well, he's got his wand.
Once everything was in place he started walking towards the door when he realized he had his wand in his hand and he was a wizard. He disappeared right before Dennis’ eyes.
I rant when authors have the characters avoiding magic when they'd canonically use it but the converse is just as true. As far as I know, the residents of the Potterverse don't Apparate everywhere at all times.
Harry goes to visit Severus:
“I know what happened. I know you did not want to leave me. It’s alright; everything is going to be alright now. If you give the word our family will be reunited at once.”
“They will take you away to Azkaban,” contested Severus.
“Six months. Six months is the maximum penalty for illegal potions. And did you know they have conjugal visits?”
I very much doubt that. Then again, this being fanfic-land and conjugal visits meaning more sex takes place, Azkaban probably does indeed have conjugal visits.
“Azkaban is a foul place,” whispered Severus with closed eyes, enjoying the kisses that he now knew were meant for him.
In the Deservingverse, it probably still has Dementors.
“Do you really think it is worst than losing our family?”
Severus knew Harry had a point. Somehow he was getting his family back. He could not argue with that kind of reasoning. He shook his head.
Well, that was very quickly resolved.
“Yes, but before we can have anymore children I will have to reclaim you.”
Which, of course, means giving him a bath.
Severus felt those words deep inside his being. Harry was going to reclaim him. It felt like nectar to his soul.
Which, considering what else gets likened to nectar in Deserving, is an image I didn't want.
“Yes,” hissed Severus.
Severus is a Parseltongue in this fic.
Harry wrapped him in his arms and apparated them to Severus’ little room. Severus looked confused.
Ever since I noticed just how overused Apparition is in Deserving, I can't unsee it and now every instance looks wrong.
“You can’t re enter my house until I have reclaimed you,” Harry explained.
Yes, I think we've established this.
Continued...
Severus watched as Harry got dressed. He thought he saw Harry go for his money bag but thankfully thought better of it.
Very thankfully. Please let's not have the whoring money plot restart.
Severus looked out the window and was surprised to see Harry walking away from his house. Why didn’t he disapperate?
Wizards aren't supposed to Apparate everywhere anyway. This author, along with many others, overuses it.
He could see the sadness in Harry’s posture. He was definitely disappointed.
So here he didn't Disapparate because the author needed him to be walking so as to convey this information.
Harry walked away with an inexplicable heaviness in his stomach. Why was it so had to move away from that place? He did not want to use magic; it would be too fast and it hurt too much to leave.
Through two POVs at once.
The following Friday Dennis walked in through the floo with a brown paper bag full of groceries in his hands and a broad smile on his face.
“Good evening, love,” he said pecking Harry in the lips. “Everything is ready and I’ve got everything we need for tonight.”
Harry looked lost and grabbed the bag out of Dennis’ hand out of pure courtesy. Dennis pulled out a box from the bag.
“Look! Cake mix!” he said in what Harry thought a too enthusiastic voice.
In which the fic finally acknowledges that it's edging into WDYMINA territory.
“Good luck getting that into Kreacher’s kitchen,” warned Harry.
“Got that covered, love. I owled the Professor and asked him to have Kreacher take care of Richard tonight. We have the house all to ourselves,” said Dennis with a sexy smile.
In which Harry's attraction to bishie!Dennis is telegraphed so blatantly even Stephenie Meyer would think twice.
“Look, I will leave you to this. Call me when dinner is ready.”
“Harry!” reacted a stunned Dennis. “I am not going to cook for you. We are a couple. We do things together. YOU and I are going to cook. It will be fun. You’ll see.”
So basically Dennis is taking on the role of the Manic Pixie Dream Boy.
Dennis was beautiful when he smiled. Everything about him was perfect.
Now I'm just imagining Dennis as Edward. I wonder if he sparkles.
“Did you cut your hair?”
“Oh, Harry I can’t believe you noticed. Yes, I went to the mall because as wonderful as the Wizarding World is it has no sense of style,” said Dennis with a coy giggle.
Next time on Queer Eye for the Straight Wizard!
Dennis looked hurt, Harry obviously didn’t trust him.
POV, dammit!
“Look, I’m sorry. It’s just that as an Auror we are trained never to let anyone touch our wand,”
Too easy.
Dennis smiled and fell right into the soul sucking kiss that Harry locked him in.
I stand corrected. Deserving!Dennis isn't a Meyerpire, he's a Dementor.
Harry apparated them to the guest room. Dennis looked puzzled.
"Why are we Apparating everywhere? Don't we have legs?"
“Oh, love; I can just imagine how much you are suffering.
"My love for you is like a lovely river of loving, love."
Dennis cast a disrobing spell and soon they were both naked in each other’s arms. Harry cast nox.
“Harry! Why did you turn off the lights?” said Dennis, casting lumos.
That's not how spell incantations are written. They're capitalised and italicised in all instances, as a quick skim of any of the books could tell you, and rarely if ever used as nouns anyway.
“Love, when two people are in love they make love with all their senses. Touch,” he said as he stroked Harry’s hair. “Vision,” he said as he gave Harry a very seductive glance. “Smell,” he whispered, taking a deep breath near Harry’s neck. This made Harry mew.
Harry was feeling so aroused.
This is almost at the "they had begun to fall in love with each other" level of show-don't-tell fail.
“Love, don’t you see? I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier. I have been yours since the night you were released but it wasn’t until tonigt… Oh, Merlin! It wasn’t even your idea. And then you couldn’t even fathom the idea of taking me in the same room where you made love to him…”
“I HAVE NEVER MADE LOVE TO HIM!” said Harry, turning with a menacing glower towards Dennis. But Dennis did not back down.
ALLCAPS are go!
“How did he abandoning me keep me from going to Azkaban?”
“You don’t get it; do you love? Madam Sprout told the Professor that either he divorce you or she would send you to Azkaban. The Professor didn’t have the heart to ask you for a divorce so he told Neville that if he got you to accept the divorce the Professor would marry him.”
Sprout, if you'll recall, is a member of the "let's screw over the guy we owe our lives to" club with Pomfrey and McGonagall.
“And now I have lost him. Neville will never hurt him.”
Dennis felt his heart go out to his love. “No, love, like you the Professor could not handle being touched by Neville. Neville was very hurt but then he understood that the Professor’s heart belonged to you.”
This happened when?
“I won’t go back on my word!” charged Harry.
That's not a charge.
Harry got up, unsure of what to do. He walked to the bed. Then he walked to the loo. Then he was walking towards the door.
“Love, why don’t you begin by getting your wand and getting dressed?” guided Dennis.
Well, he's got his wand.
Once everything was in place he started walking towards the door when he realized he had his wand in his hand and he was a wizard. He disappeared right before Dennis’ eyes.
I rant when authors have the characters avoiding magic when they'd canonically use it but the converse is just as true. As far as I know, the residents of the Potterverse don't Apparate everywhere at all times.
Harry goes to visit Severus:
“I know what happened. I know you did not want to leave me. It’s alright; everything is going to be alright now. If you give the word our family will be reunited at once.”
“They will take you away to Azkaban,” contested Severus.
“Six months. Six months is the maximum penalty for illegal potions. And did you know they have conjugal visits?”
I very much doubt that. Then again, this being fanfic-land and conjugal visits meaning more sex takes place, Azkaban probably does indeed have conjugal visits.
“Azkaban is a foul place,” whispered Severus with closed eyes, enjoying the kisses that he now knew were meant for him.
In the Deservingverse, it probably still has Dementors.
“Do you really think it is worst than losing our family?”
Severus knew Harry had a point. Somehow he was getting his family back. He could not argue with that kind of reasoning. He shook his head.
Well, that was very quickly resolved.
“Yes, but before we can have anymore children I will have to reclaim you.”
Which, of course, means giving him a bath.
Severus felt those words deep inside his being. Harry was going to reclaim him. It felt like nectar to his soul.
Which, considering what else gets likened to nectar in Deserving, is an image I didn't want.
“Yes,” hissed Severus.
Severus is a Parseltongue in this fic.
Harry wrapped him in his arms and apparated them to Severus’ little room. Severus looked confused.
Ever since I noticed just how overused Apparition is in Deserving, I can't unsee it and now every instance looks wrong.
“You can’t re enter my house until I have reclaimed you,” Harry explained.
Yes, I think we've established this.
Continued...