Deserving Chapter 23 part 1

Oct 31, 2010 14:28

Happy Halloween, everyone. It's party time! Also, body horror.

It was two days before Richard and Harry’s birthday and Harry was running around making sure everything was perfect. He had just confirmed with the muggle party hire company that the trampoline would be set up Saturday morning and would be picked up Monday morning. Those were one set of muggles he did not have to worry about.

What they probably do have to worry about is how to deliver to a house that's invisible to Muggles.

“You have forgotten nothing Husband. I was just wondering when you would be sitting down. You have not sat still for over a week. And… I-have-been-meaning-to-ask-you-something,-but-have-not-found-the-appropriate-time-to-do-so,” Snape blurted out in one breath.

That's a surprisingly eloquent blurt.

“Is this about you still fearing me?”
Snape could hear the hurt in Harry’s voice.

Yes, Harry is so hurt that the guy he's enslaved, forcibly impregnated and nearly killed twice fears him.

“Sir, I do not have money or any way to acquire it and the money I do earn, I am forbidden to use. I would like to buy something that will help me please you in the bedroom, but I do not know if I am allowed to use…” Severus searched for a less hurtful term. “… the money bag in the last drawer.”
“NO, I have told you not to use that money. So let me see if I get this straight, you want to buy something that will make you a better…” Harry also had to stop to find a less hurtful term. “… be a husband?”

I still don't understand the deal with the whoring money. It just seems to accumulate, doesn't actually do anything and the money bag must be pretty full right now if it's not one of those money bags of holding à la Methods of Rationality.

It also occurs to me that despite the fact that there was a set rate for a handjob (way back in Chapter 2) he's not actually given one at any point, unless the "AAAAAAAAAAA!" business counts. Nor has he given a successful blow-job, yet was inexplicably paid for the unsuccessful ones. I guess it all symbolises the fact that this whole misbegotten subplot makes no sense.

Severus was grateful for the small gesture. Harry had been trying hard to not hurt him lately and in occasions he even found his husband trying to make him laugh.

Since when did Severus Snape have a sense of humour?

“Snape, this can really wait, you know,” admonished the Guide.

Who admonished the oh forget it.

Sunday morning and Kreacher had prepared a huge breakfast yet everyone was waiting for Harry who was still outside double checking that everything was in place.

JKR herself is more than a little prone to getting days of the week wrong so I'm not going to hold it against this author either, but for the sake of completeness the 31st July 2000 was actually a Monday.

There was no getting him into the house and Milly, Severus and the children were getting hungry. They knew their problem was solved when Dennis walked in through the floo.

All of them, all at once? And the year-old babies also understood that Dennis' arrival was a good sign how?

Soon the guests started arriving. Harry charmed the floo to sound like the front doorbell so the entertainers would think that they were arriving through the front door.

The front door that, I am once again forced to ask, they found how?

Harry saw with glee that everyone was fascinated by all the party activities. It was great to see Minerva jumping on the trampoline

Minerva McGonagall. On a trampoline. Lolwut.

and Harry had to think quickly to keep Hagrid from getting on to it.

Hagrid, on the other hand, I can indeed see trying and epically failing to trampoline. I actually think he's been the most in character of all the cast so far. The fact that he's not got any dialogue probably helps.

He led him over to the pony where Hagrid began to ask the muggle all sorts of questions.

Like what?

Richard was running all over the place without any support. He seemed to find it easier to run than to walk. He loved the pony but kept on asking it to fly up. The muggle simply laughed at the child’s imagination.
“Tell your dad to get you a flying horse for your second birthday,” said the muggle laughing but none of the adults seem to get the joke.

I admit I quite enjoyed this interlude. :)

“Go with Dennis,” said Harry.
“Izzy,” said Richard with a big smile.
Everyone laughed. “Yep, go with Izzy,” repeated Harry, liking the sound of the nickname.

Yes, you read that right. The token gay character gets a female nickname. In the author's defence I honestly don't think it was intentional, but unfortunate implications are unfortunate.

His long blond hair flowed with the wind and his bright green eyes seem to smile on their own. “Wow! Dennis is beautiful,” he caught himself thinking, but quickly dismissed the idea.

Dennis the bishounen. Why is Harry ogling him? Is he even of legal age yet?

Soon everyone was sporting hats, swords, poodles, butterflies and even a bike made out of balloons. Mr. Weasley would not take his eyes off the clown and even tried to make a sword of his own, but when he failed he distracted the clown and used his wand to whip one up. The clown was impressed to see that Mr. Weasley’s sword had an elaborate handle and was thin and wide at the blade, but when the clown try to get to secret of his achievement he simply said: “Magic,” and smiled.

Another half-decent interlude. Unfortunately I know what's coming later in this chapter, and this is just trying to lull me into a false sense of security and it won't work.

Soon the entertainment was dismissed and everyone sang to Richard who blew out the candle on his cho-cho train cake. After that people started saying their goodbyes and when Kings, Draco and Nicky were about to leave, Kings gave Harry a pat on the back.
“Cheer up, Harry, he hasn’t done twinkles yet, but you will see, soon… very soon.”

Of course he will. He's a Gary Stu.

“A year ago he was a little itty-bitty thing that fit in the palm of our hands and he was so hungry. Do you remember how he cried at the top of his lungs? You could tell he was going to be a strong one,” said Dennis shaking his head in amusement. “Things have changed; haven’t they?” he continued as Harry was still staring at the embers. “Not one nasty word to the professor all day. I knew you would come around. I knew that deep down in you was the hero that I have always admired. Don’t every forget that Harry. There are so many of us that look up to you. We need you to be there. The shinning star we know you can be.”
He paused but there was still no response from Harry.
“He is a good man, a good father, and even you must admit he is a good husband. I have seen him come out in your defense more times than you deserved.”
Harry meditated on these words. Yet again he was the monster and Snape was the victim. When did everyone forget all the wrongs that Severus Snape committed? Why is it so easy for them to forget? Harry saw a glimpse of the answer. Was it because Snape was not as cruel as Voldemort? Was it because when he cared for someone he would do what ever it took to keep that person safe? He knew why Dennis cared about him. He even felt a bit grateful to Severus for helping out is little friend. He wanted Izzy to be safe. Mr. Creevy did not deserve to see another child go.

I have to admit, the author does reflective quite well. Anyway, Harry and Severus get to discussing the organisation of the Auror Office and how much it must suck that Harry doesn't work with Ron anymore. Ron, as you might recall, jumped on the OOC train right at the beginning and renounced Harry. As did Hermione. Because apparently they care more about Severus than their best friend.

“I would have thought that Kingsley would keep the dynamic duo together.”
“That’s what we were hoping for but Kingsley would not hear it. You need a partner with experience and plus Ron and I were both Gryffindors,” explained Harry but not really explaining at all.

Make your mind up! Is he explaining or not?

“It is a little known fact that there is no better Auror combination than a Gryffindor and a Slytherin. It makes a lot of sense, if you look at their individual strengths you will agree that it is a partnership made in heaven.”

The other two houses are screwed. I mean, who's ever heard of a Hufflepuff Auror?

“So your partner is a Slytherin?”
“Mark Sly, the best duelist on the force.

With a name like that, of course he's a Slytherin.

“Mark is a great partner and I have learned a lot from him but he is no friend. He keeps to himself. Not like Ron’s partner Rick, he and Ron have a great relationship. The two couples get along fine even when there is a generation gap. Hermione just loves Peggy, who has written a couple of books on understanding Muggle Politics.”

Well, I can certainly see how being in Slytherin makes it easier to understand Muggle politics. I quite like this aside, but it could have been less clumsily exposited.

Anyway, Harry goes up to the bedroom to find Severus there with a cake, and I won't make a Portal reference. The cake is the least of our concern, because:

Snape slowly walked out from behind the little table and Harry could see that he was wearing a short white tunic as those seen in the gladiator movies and Snape even had the sandals that crisscrossed his legs and tied up at the knees.
Harry was trying hard not to laugh. “Where on earth did you buy that?”
“I requested a catalogue,” said Snape, standing to his full height.
“A catalogue… and where did you find out about this catalogue?” asked Harry, sure that it had been a catalogue of exotic if not erotic merchandise.

Not that erotic, because I'm picturing Rodney.

He was looking right at Snape’s groin when Severus took the hem of the tunic and lifted it up…
Harry jumped out of his seat, propelling himself so close to Severus that he could feel the hot air flare from his Guide’s nostrils.
“Snape! What have you done?” Harry screamed, horrified at what was between Severus’ legs. Instead of a penis and testicles Severus was formless like a doll with a dark triangle of pubic hair.

What.

It's not over yet.

dennis the flaming stereotype, whoring money, credit where it's due, convention of the psychics, harry potter, brain bleach, said bookism, badfic:deserving, i hate that you have a cock, the cake is a lie, reading the books is a good idea

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