Deserving Chapters 20-21
Happy birthday, zelda_queen! :)
Today's update is a double bill. This is because I couldn't wait to do Chapter 21, because it has The Line. So this will be quite a long post.
Chapter 19 ended with a contrived cliffhanger. I say contrived because there were characters present who actually did know what was going on, but we didn't get to see it from their POVs despite the author going into everyone's POV on the slightest whim at all other times. It's a consequence of inconsistent viewpoint I'd not actually considered before I saw it in action here. It's related to what How Not to Write a Novel lists as "The Service Interruption": conspicuously withholding information from the reader that's known to the POV character, for the sake of manufacturing artificial tension.
Kingsley offers an explanation:
“They were looking for her, Harry. Single’s men have been searching high and low for her. Mrs. Lang is demanding that she be returned dead or alive.”
“Mrs. Lang?”
“She is the mother of Joseph Lang, Millicent’s guide. Harry you were wise not to bring her to the party. I don’t think we could have rescued her a second time.”
“Do you think they will be after Snape and Draco?”
“No, these are covert missions. The collars and chains would have eventually disappeared after a while. We have seen it done before, they place a spell on the ground where the Marked Ones on the premises get chained down and the elves are incarcerated so they cannot free them.”
So these supposedly covert operatives try to find her by rampaging around, causing a scene wherever they go and hoping that one of the people they give the My Immortal treatment to will be the one they're looking for. In other words, Lang's minions are to strategy what the author is to consistent POV.
“Well, if we are confessing, I must admit I was a bit cross at you when I saw that you did not bring her. I guess we all need to sit back and remember who our friends are. Harry, we all care and worry about Severus but we still care and consider you a friend. You’ve got to admit you don’t make it easy sometimes.”
Harry did not respond and the silence grew uncomfortable.
“Harry, Poppy was just called to Ron and Hermione’s house. It seems another Weasley is on its way,” said Kings with an insecure smile.
Holy non sequitur, Batman!
“He is cross,” stated Milly.
“Not really, we just had a tough day at the party.” He did not want to give her details so she would not worry. He had known from the minute the men had landed that they were Single’s men and that they could only be after one person: Millicent.
Only now do we find this out.
“But aren’t parties supposed to be fun?”
“Yes, well, next time you go deal with half a dozen toddlers running all over the place and I will stay home,” said Severus, trying to make light of the situation and not worry his little snake.
This isn't the last we're going to hear of his little snake.
“He is going to find a way, you know,” but Severus had no idea who ‘he’ was. “He will find a way to free you. I can see it in his eyes every time he is near you. He wants you.”
“Sir, forgive me, but I have no idea who you are referring to.”
“The great and powerful Neville Longbottom. He will rescue you and take you away from here.”
I don't know what's worse: that Harry thinks that Neville has the hots for Severus, or that he's right. Anyway, Harry calls Kreacher to take Severus away because he's in a bad mood and you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Or something like that.
“I know that you had friends, and people that were like family to you, and now you are stuck with me; a man whom you loath…”
“Who is having a pity party now?”
“You are mistaken; I in no way pity myself. Somehow one day I woke up and I had a family and friends. And I live in a beautiful home with an elf that feels the need to grant my every wish,” he said smiling down at the forgotten elf.
How is he forgotten? He's right there in the scene and he's just looked at him!
“And I should be the happiest man on earth but I can’t because I feel I have stolen these things, which they do not belong to me. That the rightful owner of these things is suffering because of me. So I ask you, should I not be the one to pay the wrath of this legitimate proprietor?”
"Should I not be the one to pay the wrath of this legitimate proprietor?" looks something from English As She Is Spoke. That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing.
“I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU! DON’T YOU GET IT?” freezing Severus in his tracks.
Which is why he picks him up, drags him to the bathroom and:
Harry turned in an instant, surprising Severus. He grabbed Severus by the neck with one hand and led him to the bathroom. He was not hurting Severus but he was being very forceful in his grip. Once in the bathroom he began to undress Severus, practically ripping off his clothes. He turned on the water and for the first time that night Severus felt a tinge of fear. Was Harry going to burn him? Surely he could not drown him in the shower.
He wasn't, because if he was then the author has just completely defused the impact by pre-empting it. On the upside, she manages a whole block paragraph of doom without resorting to epithets.
Harry grabbed him again leading him into the shower. Severus was surprised to find that the water was not too hot. He saw as Harry took a washcloth and soap and began to lather it up. He was rubbing both objects with fury. He then let the soap fall and took the washcloth to Severus’ right cheek and began to rub. It only took Severus a second to realize why; Kings had kissed that cheek. After rubbing the cheek raw he took Severus’ hand and began to rub his arm, repeating the process with the other arm. Again Severus understood, Neville had lifted him by the arms. But then Harry turned him with a forceful pull, slamming his face against the tile. Harry put his legs between Severus’ and made him part them. Severus felt the washcloth covered hand force its way between his butt cheeks.
I know I've mentioned this before, but neither Severus nor Harry would use the phrase "butt-cheeks". Whose POV is this scene meant to be in anyway?
Harry was rubbing up and down but thankfully he was not penetrating. Severus could feel Harry’s heavy breathing on his neck. Harry was not giving him any leeway to move and Severus was finding it difficult to breathe, being pressed up so hard against the tile. Up and down went Harry’s forceful hand.
It actually seems to be entirely in Severus' POV, aside from the "butt-cheeks" blip. It's not all that badly written considering it's a random and rather silly scene that seems to show Harry as being completely insane.
Severus got up on the bed besides him and began to stroke his fingertips ever so lightly across Harry’s back. Harry had never felt such a pleasing sensation. It was heaven.
I knew the POV had stayed consistent for too long. As soon as I start thinking that maybe the author has finally got the hang of it, bang!
Severus continued his fingertip magic on every part of Harry’s body.
Wait, I thought Marked Ones were stripped of their magic?
He could see the stress leaving his Guide’s body with each stroke. At one point he noticed that Harry was tensing and relaxing his buttocks.
And it's back into his POV.
He leaned over to whisper in his husband’s ear.
“Would you like me to stimulate your prostate?”
"I say, absolutely! That would be most splendid!"
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” was the sharp intake of his husband.
This chapter brought to you by Uncyclopedia.
This gave him more control and he was able to impale himself on that magical finger.
Epic fingering!
“If I abuse the nerve it will stop giving you pleasure. It becomes unsensitized to touch,” was the professor’s explanation.
Apparently he's now a professor of physiology.
“Should I get ready or perhaps no lube tonight?”
Harry turned on a dime and grabbed Severus by the neck again.
“LUBE! Always lube. Don’t make me repeat it,” came the menacing voice.
I don't know how people can enjoy this fic unironically with dialogue like this. I honestly don't. I mean, we've got people talking about personal lubricant in the kind of tone the rest of us reserve for things like the outbreak of World War III. ETA: And shouldn't that be "turned on a Knut"?
Harry came in the middle of Severus’ plight.
“Go wash up.”
Severus obeyed.
The author seems to have run out of purple.
The next morning they wake up and nothing much happens. There's a bit of a mix-up over the whoring money, a subplot that's gone on far too long to no purpose, because there's a Galleon on the night-stand and it's only half a Galleon for a "penetration". It's so boring and pointless I nearly fell asleep typing that.
Harry decided to show off his ability to gulf down big amounts of food when an owl landed on the window sill. Kreacher got the letter and gave to his Master. It was the announcement of the birth of Ron and Hermione’s baby. At the end was a thank you note for the basket.
As you'll recall, the birth of Ron and Hermione's first child at least six years early was completely skipped over in favour of the epic, momentous confrontation over lube.
They walked the children around the garden. Millicent and Harry were holding Baby’s hand and prompting him to walk. Richard was getting better at the task by the day. He only needed one of Papa’s hands in order to move.
I honestly can never remember which one is "Papa". I'm not joking nor exaggerating for effect here; I really can't.
“Yes, mint is the common name for mentha. Do you think you can say men-tha?” He said slowly in an attempt to get Richard to repeat: he simply giggled.
Harry rolled his eyes. “Snape! Give him a break. He isn’t one and he can already recognize a plant. I think that is pretty amazing.”
I quite like this exchange, even though the scene is pretty much filler and it once again shows Richard as the nascent Gary Stu he is.
“Sir, it is not prudent to set our standards low with our child. He is a very smart child and is very quick to learn. Why limit him just because of his age?” argued the professor.
See what I mean? Anyway, Harry takes Richard up on his broom after he's once again recited his "up, up, up" catchphrase.
But no sooner had Harry left the ground he was landing with a crying Richard in his arms. Severus rushed to their side.
“Is he afraid of the height?” asked Severus, aching to take the child in his arms but knowing that it would not be prudent to do so. Richard needed to find comfort in his Dada also.
“No, he was fine but then he realized he could not see you and started to cry for you,” explained Harry, still on the broom and holding on to the now a sobbing Richard.
“Oh, I see, just a touch of separation anxiety then,” diagnosed Papa.
I think this is the only time I've ever seen "diagnosed" as a dialogue tag. Why is Severus so medically adept in this fic, anyway?
“I think it is time for him to cut the umbilical cord.
This metaphor once again leads me to ponder the biology of this fic's take on mpreg. Down that route lies madness.
I believe that if you take him back up and bring him right back down when he begins to get anxious, he will understand that he is in control and he will be able to prevail over his insecurities,” Severus hypothesized.
Hypothesised? What is this, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality?
The next time they landed Severus took Richards little hand in his, “Silly baby, are you having fun? Are you making Dada go around in circles?” Richard giggled while Millicent looked on in amazement. Richard was the child of a Marked One but Harry treated him as if Richard was the child of a prince. She knew of no other Guide that treated his child quite like Harry did.
No, that wasn’t true. Draco’s Guide threw their son a party. Could you believe it? She wished now that she could have gone, if only for a little while. It felt like forever since she’d had cake but she knew she had no right to ask. And singing. How she missed singing along with Pansy on her bed, pretending they were the Wyrd Sisters.
How dare they?! Milly could feel herself getting hot. How could they just rip music and Pansy and love away from her? Just because she wanted to be with her friends and to please her family more then she could be brave or smart? When she was only eleven? She could believe that Professor Snape would get a Guide who would care for him. After all, he’d cared for them. And he was a war hero. But how was she different to Draco? What had she done to deserve Lang as a Guide? What had her little baby boy done to be saddled with such a horrid name?
She sighed and looked down at Baby, still too small and too silent. She’d had a peek at the baby books Harry had around the house. Baby should be doing a lot more things at his age that were coming so easily to Richard. But what could I do? thought Milly as she hugged her little boy.
The author's note tells us that this scene was entirely written by the beta. Aside from the bit about "ZOMG TEH BABY HAZ A BAD NAME!", the inanity of which I've already covered and isn't exactly her fault, it's quite well written. This seems to confirm my own hypothesis that the better written parts of the fic to date can at least in part be credited to her.
Speaking of the name business, it rears its ugly head in this chapter too.
“Have you decided on a name for him?” asked Harry out of the blue and startling Millicent out of her musing.
Millicent looked up at him confused then she bowed her head. “He has a name, Sir,” she said in a very meek tone and attitude.
“Look I know of loads of people that never use their given name. I am sure that we can get that birth certificate fixed, but we can’t do it now without revealing your whereabouts. Why don’t you pick a name and we will all start using it and when the time is right we will fix his legal papers and he doesn’t even have to know about it. Agreed?”
Of course I question the need for any of this, but whatever.
Millicent looked at her professor for guidance. Snape gave her an encouraging smile.
“I do like Baby.”
Harry looked to Severus with a ‘is she kidding?’ look. Severus looked away. Harry was on his own.
“Look, Millicent, I know it is an endearing term but he is going to grow up to be a bloke and blokes don’t go around with names like *Baby*,” explained Harry, trying to make her understand without making her feel bad.
Hallelujah! Sanity!
Anyway, the subject moves onto BTB né Sin's health.
“So you do think something is wrong?”
“I am not a trained physician
Well, you could have fooled me. Anyway, a tl;dr discussion of finance ensues when they discuss how to pay Madam Pomfrey when she comes to check up on BTB né Sin - of course the thrice-damned whoring money comes up again - and pretty much all that can be taken from it is that the wizarding world has no equivalent of the NHS. Cut to the bedroom again.
That night when they got to the bedroom Severus still looked distracted. Harry started undressing and announced that he was going to take a bath. It took Severus a couple of minutes to go over and help him undress. Severus went into the loo and ran the water but was completely oblivious of the fact that Harry had gotten in, taken a shower and now was waiting for Snape to put the towel in his hands to good use.
“It would be nice to be able to dry myself up. If only I had a towel,” said the Gryffindor amazed at how gone Snape was.
Oh, don't start the whole "the Gryffindor" thing again. I thought the author had finally realised how dumb this looks. Anyway, Severus is still in a stress over the money and Harry is in a stress over Severus being in a stress and flies off to an unspecified place. He comes back at midnight, there's more money talk then:
Severus looked over his shoulder and saw that Harry was holding his manhood in position.
"Manhood in position: check."
He walked back a step to bridge the gap and began to descend but it was awkward because he didn’t have anything to hold on to. If he held on to the armrest he would not be able to spread his cheeks apart for easy penetration.
And that's terrible.
Harry decided it was not working and got up, bumping his cock into Severus. It was the big cock this time. The powerful one.
Harry has more than one cock and changes them for AAARGH MY BRAIN! D8
Severus put one knee at either side of Harry’s hip and in a kneeling position found the task easier to accomplish. Again Harry was waiting for him with his cock in hand. Once Harry was nudging at his entrance Severus reached back and spread his cheeks giving Harry easy access. Harry moved his head sideways to better glance at his cock penetrating his Marked One.
This chapter brought to you by IKEA.
Oh yes it was the big one and it was filling Severus to the brim. The sensation was overwhelming.
He's only just put it in!
“Rise,” came the order.
Severus took a deep breath and complied. Then Harry clutched Severus’ hips and slammed him down.
OHHHHHHH! Severus’ mind was mush.
I doubt it's common for one thrust to make someone's mind mush.
Severus rose as high as Harry’s possessive grip would allow him and again he was slammed back down onto the big one. This time his eyes were closed and his head was hanging back and like a sudden flood that no one could control, he ejaculated, sending his sending his seed all over Harry. Some of it fell in the Guide’s mouth.
Wait, what? How is that even physically possible? He's taking him from behind, so unless his dick faces backwards I... don't want to contemplate how this is meant to work any more than I have to. D:
Harry pushed Severus off him and with a face of discus
Sort of round and heavy?
“I hate that you have a cock. I hate it! I hate that I am married to someone who has a cock!”
The text is gold because it's comedy gold. This is The LINE. This is Deserving's "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" moment. Every badfic has one. "Dumbledorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!" came close, but this... I mean really. There's nothing I can say about it that it doesn't say for itself. It's just... I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK!
Continued...
Today's update is a double bill. This is because I couldn't wait to do Chapter 21, because it has The Line. So this will be quite a long post.
Chapter 19 ended with a contrived cliffhanger. I say contrived because there were characters present who actually did know what was going on, but we didn't get to see it from their POVs despite the author going into everyone's POV on the slightest whim at all other times. It's a consequence of inconsistent viewpoint I'd not actually considered before I saw it in action here. It's related to what How Not to Write a Novel lists as "The Service Interruption": conspicuously withholding information from the reader that's known to the POV character, for the sake of manufacturing artificial tension.
Kingsley offers an explanation:
“They were looking for her, Harry. Single’s men have been searching high and low for her. Mrs. Lang is demanding that she be returned dead or alive.”
“Mrs. Lang?”
“She is the mother of Joseph Lang, Millicent’s guide. Harry you were wise not to bring her to the party. I don’t think we could have rescued her a second time.”
“Do you think they will be after Snape and Draco?”
“No, these are covert missions. The collars and chains would have eventually disappeared after a while. We have seen it done before, they place a spell on the ground where the Marked Ones on the premises get chained down and the elves are incarcerated so they cannot free them.”
So these supposedly covert operatives try to find her by rampaging around, causing a scene wherever they go and hoping that one of the people they give the My Immortal treatment to will be the one they're looking for. In other words, Lang's minions are to strategy what the author is to consistent POV.
“Well, if we are confessing, I must admit I was a bit cross at you when I saw that you did not bring her. I guess we all need to sit back and remember who our friends are. Harry, we all care and worry about Severus but we still care and consider you a friend. You’ve got to admit you don’t make it easy sometimes.”
Harry did not respond and the silence grew uncomfortable.
“Harry, Poppy was just called to Ron and Hermione’s house. It seems another Weasley is on its way,” said Kings with an insecure smile.
Holy non sequitur, Batman!
“He is cross,” stated Milly.
“Not really, we just had a tough day at the party.” He did not want to give her details so she would not worry. He had known from the minute the men had landed that they were Single’s men and that they could only be after one person: Millicent.
Only now do we find this out.
“But aren’t parties supposed to be fun?”
“Yes, well, next time you go deal with half a dozen toddlers running all over the place and I will stay home,” said Severus, trying to make light of the situation and not worry his little snake.
This isn't the last we're going to hear of his little snake.
“He is going to find a way, you know,” but Severus had no idea who ‘he’ was. “He will find a way to free you. I can see it in his eyes every time he is near you. He wants you.”
“Sir, forgive me, but I have no idea who you are referring to.”
“The great and powerful Neville Longbottom. He will rescue you and take you away from here.”
I don't know what's worse: that Harry thinks that Neville has the hots for Severus, or that he's right. Anyway, Harry calls Kreacher to take Severus away because he's in a bad mood and you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Or something like that.
“I know that you had friends, and people that were like family to you, and now you are stuck with me; a man whom you loath…”
“Who is having a pity party now?”
“You are mistaken; I in no way pity myself. Somehow one day I woke up and I had a family and friends. And I live in a beautiful home with an elf that feels the need to grant my every wish,” he said smiling down at the forgotten elf.
How is he forgotten? He's right there in the scene and he's just looked at him!
“And I should be the happiest man on earth but I can’t because I feel I have stolen these things, which they do not belong to me. That the rightful owner of these things is suffering because of me. So I ask you, should I not be the one to pay the wrath of this legitimate proprietor?”
"Should I not be the one to pay the wrath of this legitimate proprietor?" looks something from English As She Is Spoke. That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing.
“I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU! DON’T YOU GET IT?” freezing Severus in his tracks.
Which is why he picks him up, drags him to the bathroom and:
Harry turned in an instant, surprising Severus. He grabbed Severus by the neck with one hand and led him to the bathroom. He was not hurting Severus but he was being very forceful in his grip. Once in the bathroom he began to undress Severus, practically ripping off his clothes. He turned on the water and for the first time that night Severus felt a tinge of fear. Was Harry going to burn him? Surely he could not drown him in the shower.
He wasn't, because if he was then the author has just completely defused the impact by pre-empting it. On the upside, she manages a whole block paragraph of doom without resorting to epithets.
Harry grabbed him again leading him into the shower. Severus was surprised to find that the water was not too hot. He saw as Harry took a washcloth and soap and began to lather it up. He was rubbing both objects with fury. He then let the soap fall and took the washcloth to Severus’ right cheek and began to rub. It only took Severus a second to realize why; Kings had kissed that cheek. After rubbing the cheek raw he took Severus’ hand and began to rub his arm, repeating the process with the other arm. Again Severus understood, Neville had lifted him by the arms. But then Harry turned him with a forceful pull, slamming his face against the tile. Harry put his legs between Severus’ and made him part them. Severus felt the washcloth covered hand force its way between his butt cheeks.
I know I've mentioned this before, but neither Severus nor Harry would use the phrase "butt-cheeks". Whose POV is this scene meant to be in anyway?
Harry was rubbing up and down but thankfully he was not penetrating. Severus could feel Harry’s heavy breathing on his neck. Harry was not giving him any leeway to move and Severus was finding it difficult to breathe, being pressed up so hard against the tile. Up and down went Harry’s forceful hand.
It actually seems to be entirely in Severus' POV, aside from the "butt-cheeks" blip. It's not all that badly written considering it's a random and rather silly scene that seems to show Harry as being completely insane.
Severus got up on the bed besides him and began to stroke his fingertips ever so lightly across Harry’s back. Harry had never felt such a pleasing sensation. It was heaven.
I knew the POV had stayed consistent for too long. As soon as I start thinking that maybe the author has finally got the hang of it, bang!
Severus continued his fingertip magic on every part of Harry’s body.
Wait, I thought Marked Ones were stripped of their magic?
He could see the stress leaving his Guide’s body with each stroke. At one point he noticed that Harry was tensing and relaxing his buttocks.
And it's back into his POV.
He leaned over to whisper in his husband’s ear.
“Would you like me to stimulate your prostate?”
"I say, absolutely! That would be most splendid!"
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” was the sharp intake of his husband.
This chapter brought to you by Uncyclopedia.
This gave him more control and he was able to impale himself on that magical finger.
Epic fingering!
“If I abuse the nerve it will stop giving you pleasure. It becomes unsensitized to touch,” was the professor’s explanation.
Apparently he's now a professor of physiology.
“Should I get ready or perhaps no lube tonight?”
Harry turned on a dime and grabbed Severus by the neck again.
“LUBE! Always lube. Don’t make me repeat it,” came the menacing voice.
I don't know how people can enjoy this fic unironically with dialogue like this. I honestly don't. I mean, we've got people talking about personal lubricant in the kind of tone the rest of us reserve for things like the outbreak of World War III. ETA: And shouldn't that be "turned on a Knut"?
Harry came in the middle of Severus’ plight.
“Go wash up.”
Severus obeyed.
The author seems to have run out of purple.
The next morning they wake up and nothing much happens. There's a bit of a mix-up over the whoring money, a subplot that's gone on far too long to no purpose, because there's a Galleon on the night-stand and it's only half a Galleon for a "penetration". It's so boring and pointless I nearly fell asleep typing that.
Harry decided to show off his ability to gulf down big amounts of food when an owl landed on the window sill. Kreacher got the letter and gave to his Master. It was the announcement of the birth of Ron and Hermione’s baby. At the end was a thank you note for the basket.
As you'll recall, the birth of Ron and Hermione's first child at least six years early was completely skipped over in favour of the epic, momentous confrontation over lube.
They walked the children around the garden. Millicent and Harry were holding Baby’s hand and prompting him to walk. Richard was getting better at the task by the day. He only needed one of Papa’s hands in order to move.
I honestly can never remember which one is "Papa". I'm not joking nor exaggerating for effect here; I really can't.
“Yes, mint is the common name for mentha. Do you think you can say men-tha?” He said slowly in an attempt to get Richard to repeat: he simply giggled.
Harry rolled his eyes. “Snape! Give him a break. He isn’t one and he can already recognize a plant. I think that is pretty amazing.”
I quite like this exchange, even though the scene is pretty much filler and it once again shows Richard as the nascent Gary Stu he is.
“Sir, it is not prudent to set our standards low with our child. He is a very smart child and is very quick to learn. Why limit him just because of his age?” argued the professor.
See what I mean? Anyway, Harry takes Richard up on his broom after he's once again recited his "up, up, up" catchphrase.
But no sooner had Harry left the ground he was landing with a crying Richard in his arms. Severus rushed to their side.
“Is he afraid of the height?” asked Severus, aching to take the child in his arms but knowing that it would not be prudent to do so. Richard needed to find comfort in his Dada also.
“No, he was fine but then he realized he could not see you and started to cry for you,” explained Harry, still on the broom and holding on to the now a sobbing Richard.
“Oh, I see, just a touch of separation anxiety then,” diagnosed Papa.
I think this is the only time I've ever seen "diagnosed" as a dialogue tag. Why is Severus so medically adept in this fic, anyway?
“I think it is time for him to cut the umbilical cord.
This metaphor once again leads me to ponder the biology of this fic's take on mpreg. Down that route lies madness.
I believe that if you take him back up and bring him right back down when he begins to get anxious, he will understand that he is in control and he will be able to prevail over his insecurities,” Severus hypothesized.
Hypothesised? What is this, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality?
The next time they landed Severus took Richards little hand in his, “Silly baby, are you having fun? Are you making Dada go around in circles?” Richard giggled while Millicent looked on in amazement. Richard was the child of a Marked One but Harry treated him as if Richard was the child of a prince. She knew of no other Guide that treated his child quite like Harry did.
No, that wasn’t true. Draco’s Guide threw their son a party. Could you believe it? She wished now that she could have gone, if only for a little while. It felt like forever since she’d had cake but she knew she had no right to ask. And singing. How she missed singing along with Pansy on her bed, pretending they were the Wyrd Sisters.
How dare they?! Milly could feel herself getting hot. How could they just rip music and Pansy and love away from her? Just because she wanted to be with her friends and to please her family more then she could be brave or smart? When she was only eleven? She could believe that Professor Snape would get a Guide who would care for him. After all, he’d cared for them. And he was a war hero. But how was she different to Draco? What had she done to deserve Lang as a Guide? What had her little baby boy done to be saddled with such a horrid name?
She sighed and looked down at Baby, still too small and too silent. She’d had a peek at the baby books Harry had around the house. Baby should be doing a lot more things at his age that were coming so easily to Richard. But what could I do? thought Milly as she hugged her little boy.
The author's note tells us that this scene was entirely written by the beta. Aside from the bit about "ZOMG TEH BABY HAZ A BAD NAME!", the inanity of which I've already covered and isn't exactly her fault, it's quite well written. This seems to confirm my own hypothesis that the better written parts of the fic to date can at least in part be credited to her.
Speaking of the name business, it rears its ugly head in this chapter too.
“Have you decided on a name for him?” asked Harry out of the blue and startling Millicent out of her musing.
Millicent looked up at him confused then she bowed her head. “He has a name, Sir,” she said in a very meek tone and attitude.
“Look I know of loads of people that never use their given name. I am sure that we can get that birth certificate fixed, but we can’t do it now without revealing your whereabouts. Why don’t you pick a name and we will all start using it and when the time is right we will fix his legal papers and he doesn’t even have to know about it. Agreed?”
Of course I question the need for any of this, but whatever.
Millicent looked at her professor for guidance. Snape gave her an encouraging smile.
“I do like Baby.”
Harry looked to Severus with a ‘is she kidding?’ look. Severus looked away. Harry was on his own.
“Look, Millicent, I know it is an endearing term but he is going to grow up to be a bloke and blokes don’t go around with names like *Baby*,” explained Harry, trying to make her understand without making her feel bad.
Hallelujah! Sanity!
Anyway, the subject moves onto BTB né Sin's health.
“So you do think something is wrong?”
“I am not a trained physician
Well, you could have fooled me. Anyway, a tl;dr discussion of finance ensues when they discuss how to pay Madam Pomfrey when she comes to check up on BTB né Sin - of course the thrice-damned whoring money comes up again - and pretty much all that can be taken from it is that the wizarding world has no equivalent of the NHS. Cut to the bedroom again.
That night when they got to the bedroom Severus still looked distracted. Harry started undressing and announced that he was going to take a bath. It took Severus a couple of minutes to go over and help him undress. Severus went into the loo and ran the water but was completely oblivious of the fact that Harry had gotten in, taken a shower and now was waiting for Snape to put the towel in his hands to good use.
“It would be nice to be able to dry myself up. If only I had a towel,” said the Gryffindor amazed at how gone Snape was.
Oh, don't start the whole "the Gryffindor" thing again. I thought the author had finally realised how dumb this looks. Anyway, Severus is still in a stress over the money and Harry is in a stress over Severus being in a stress and flies off to an unspecified place. He comes back at midnight, there's more money talk then:
Severus looked over his shoulder and saw that Harry was holding his manhood in position.
"Manhood in position: check."
He walked back a step to bridge the gap and began to descend but it was awkward because he didn’t have anything to hold on to. If he held on to the armrest he would not be able to spread his cheeks apart for easy penetration.
And that's terrible.
Harry decided it was not working and got up, bumping his cock into Severus. It was the big cock this time. The powerful one.
Harry has more than one cock and changes them for AAARGH MY BRAIN! D8
Severus put one knee at either side of Harry’s hip and in a kneeling position found the task easier to accomplish. Again Harry was waiting for him with his cock in hand. Once Harry was nudging at his entrance Severus reached back and spread his cheeks giving Harry easy access. Harry moved his head sideways to better glance at his cock penetrating his Marked One.
This chapter brought to you by IKEA.
Oh yes it was the big one and it was filling Severus to the brim. The sensation was overwhelming.
He's only just put it in!
“Rise,” came the order.
Severus took a deep breath and complied. Then Harry clutched Severus’ hips and slammed him down.
OHHHHHHH! Severus’ mind was mush.
I doubt it's common for one thrust to make someone's mind mush.
Severus rose as high as Harry’s possessive grip would allow him and again he was slammed back down onto the big one. This time his eyes were closed and his head was hanging back and like a sudden flood that no one could control, he ejaculated, sending his sending his seed all over Harry. Some of it fell in the Guide’s mouth.
Wait, what? How is that even physically possible? He's taking him from behind, so unless his dick faces backwards I... don't want to contemplate how this is meant to work any more than I have to. D:
Harry pushed Severus off him and with a face of discus
Sort of round and heavy?
“I hate that you have a cock. I hate it! I hate that I am married to someone who has a cock!”
The text is gold because it's comedy gold. This is The LINE. This is Deserving's "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" moment. Every badfic has one. "Dumbledorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!" came close, but this... I mean really. There's nothing I can say about it that it doesn't say for itself. It's just... I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK!
Continued...