Function
In the most behavioral respect, the hard thing to figure out is the goal. Since it's spiritualism-like, their is no such thing as a wrong answer, only a wrong question. And the question is you. Point, I can get whatever I want. If I can't get it, I don't really want it, and that's why I consider society to be deluded. But I want to keep this short (relative to my usual length), and therefore the objective is the perspective and behavior is the focus. The question: What is stability? Of course, in terms of my present self, anyone who wants some therapy is going to have to get an appointment in person. Sigh, I miss that from high school.
- Social: Elimination of social anxiety. Ability to approach strangers. Having confidence around women and other people that have some I need. This is done similarly to looking down to the person, but the trick is confidence brings them into a perspective of mindfulness, in which the person cannot even be considered a person/human, but rather a sentient organism with theory of mind free of prejudgement and labels. The ability to converse with acquaintances I have little in common with. Comrades are the ideal point.
Progress: Varies by mood. Sometimes, I can be obnoxious as hell, other times, I avoid things with some insecurities but tend to have a clear mind. I have made so much progress since middle school that I won't even claim social to be a priority. My friends aren't perfect but they outdo the minimum needs and I can be ascetic/fully celibate the rest of the way. And enjoy it, too.
- School: Get a good enough GPA and other credentials for honors. Get good classes. Learn and have easiness.
Progress: I am doing decently, and if things fail, I have already accepted it. Keep in mind, I consider two B's to be failure. My GPA is high enough, I have enough passion, and the study I assisted in will be published soon, and as such I believe I will get into the honors program in Psych. I will have to work hard, though, but I am surely learning. New class registration for me begins on the 30th.
- Work: I need a good job that is close, has interesting enough people, enough hours, and a decent enough wage for me to live by and have money to spend/save. It cannot compromise my mental health.
Progress: The diner is close, has potentially interesting people but I am having issues with that, but the hours are getting a bit too low and my wage is too low. Oh, and I hate cooking. I may look for a new job soon, but the stress of starting a new job makes it difficult.
- Anxiety: Ability to concentrate and do activities I deem necessary when I plan so, if reasonable. Largely to succeed at other things listed.
Progress: Meditation, Methylphenidate, writings, and readings. Meditation is incredible and has such a strong logical structure when you force it into western terminology. The drug is a miracle drug and I am measuring why it works sometimes and not others (apparently, it is impossible, but a psychiatrist never trusts cognitive factors). I am taking very detailed records and am figuring out how to increase the strength of the drug by knowing what mood I should be in beforehand, how to control symptoms, when to eat in comparison, and even figure out how to experience the effects of the drug without even taking it (and, believe it or not, is not only very possible but it is also one of the best results to occur naturally, thanks to the relation between stimulants and metatherapy. Heidegger is brilliant, academics are insightful, and it all mixes together.
I have 2 weeks of data for the previous version and next week will introduce the new (maybe final) version. It is fully comprehensive and easy to use and read. I meditate almost daily but attempt to practice mindfulness in generic situations to raise meditative insight as well as the other topics I have discussed. I severely cut back on smoking for no real reason and it was not very difficult because of this mindfulness.
Issue: I have an anxious feeling I am forgetting a category. I might be, but it must not matter too much then. I severely doubt the existence of another entire category, however. What I am experiencing is the deep anxiety that has plagued me over the course of the past year. I look at my situation and see what must be done, but the anxiety corrupts this. As such, I have become an extremely organized person. I check my planner and see there is nothing I should be worrying about. I start to find things to worry about, which is problematic as I am trying to eat a sandwich or take a very needed break and play some GTA: Vice City, but the anxiety can actually ruin it so I cannot perform the behavior. This is the enemy. Mindfulness completely removes it, but as such, it is very difficult to achieve strong mindfulness, especially in an intense situation. I attempt to label everything by its essence, and this seems to be the cause of my anxiety (as well as the rest of America, who cannot see anything for what it is). It is very difficult to experience mindfulness sometimes and I cannot break off my desire for the essence of things. For example, I have looking forward to a cigarette for several hours, but writing this, I am reminded that there is no purpose in smoking past a small amount of hedonism and thus I should not smoke. I want to rationalize and trivialize the issue, but it doesn't matter. For this instance, it was hard to convince myself to do nothing but I guess I did it.
I read the list and it is very unimpressive. Things are more difficult than it sounds, but there isn't that much and I am not worrying about any of that and I can't figure out what is bothering me.
- Social: Elimination of social anxiety. Ability to approach strangers. Having confidence around women and other people that have some I need. This is done similarly to looking down to the person, but the trick is confidence brings them into a perspective of mindfulness, in which the person cannot even be considered a person/human, but rather a sentient organism with theory of mind free of prejudgement and labels. The ability to converse with acquaintances I have little in common with. Comrades are the ideal point.
Progress: Varies by mood. Sometimes, I can be obnoxious as hell, other times, I avoid things with some insecurities but tend to have a clear mind. I have made so much progress since middle school that I won't even claim social to be a priority. My friends aren't perfect but they outdo the minimum needs and I can be ascetic/fully celibate the rest of the way. And enjoy it, too.
- School: Get a good enough GPA and other credentials for honors. Get good classes. Learn and have easiness.
Progress: I am doing decently, and if things fail, I have already accepted it. Keep in mind, I consider two B's to be failure. My GPA is high enough, I have enough passion, and the study I assisted in will be published soon, and as such I believe I will get into the honors program in Psych. I will have to work hard, though, but I am surely learning. New class registration for me begins on the 30th.
- Work: I need a good job that is close, has interesting enough people, enough hours, and a decent enough wage for me to live by and have money to spend/save. It cannot compromise my mental health.
Progress: The diner is close, has potentially interesting people but I am having issues with that, but the hours are getting a bit too low and my wage is too low. Oh, and I hate cooking. I may look for a new job soon, but the stress of starting a new job makes it difficult.
- Anxiety: Ability to concentrate and do activities I deem necessary when I plan so, if reasonable. Largely to succeed at other things listed.
Progress: Meditation, Methylphenidate, writings, and readings. Meditation is incredible and has such a strong logical structure when you force it into western terminology. The drug is a miracle drug and I am measuring why it works sometimes and not others (apparently, it is impossible, but a psychiatrist never trusts cognitive factors). I am taking very detailed records and am figuring out how to increase the strength of the drug by knowing what mood I should be in beforehand, how to control symptoms, when to eat in comparison, and even figure out how to experience the effects of the drug without even taking it (and, believe it or not, is not only very possible but it is also one of the best results to occur naturally, thanks to the relation between stimulants and metatherapy. Heidegger is brilliant, academics are insightful, and it all mixes together.
I have 2 weeks of data for the previous version and next week will introduce the new (maybe final) version. It is fully comprehensive and easy to use and read. I meditate almost daily but attempt to practice mindfulness in generic situations to raise meditative insight as well as the other topics I have discussed. I severely cut back on smoking for no real reason and it was not very difficult because of this mindfulness.
Issue: I have an anxious feeling I am forgetting a category. I might be, but it must not matter too much then. I severely doubt the existence of another entire category, however. What I am experiencing is the deep anxiety that has plagued me over the course of the past year. I look at my situation and see what must be done, but the anxiety corrupts this. As such, I have become an extremely organized person. I check my planner and see there is nothing I should be worrying about. I start to find things to worry about, which is problematic as I am trying to eat a sandwich or take a very needed break and play some GTA: Vice City, but the anxiety can actually ruin it so I cannot perform the behavior. This is the enemy. Mindfulness completely removes it, but as such, it is very difficult to achieve strong mindfulness, especially in an intense situation. I attempt to label everything by its essence, and this seems to be the cause of my anxiety (as well as the rest of America, who cannot see anything for what it is). It is very difficult to experience mindfulness sometimes and I cannot break off my desire for the essence of things. For example, I have looking forward to a cigarette for several hours, but writing this, I am reminded that there is no purpose in smoking past a small amount of hedonism and thus I should not smoke. I want to rationalize and trivialize the issue, but it doesn't matter. For this instance, it was hard to convince myself to do nothing but I guess I did it.
I read the list and it is very unimpressive. Things are more difficult than it sounds, but there isn't that much and I am not worrying about any of that and I can't figure out what is bothering me.