Nov 03, 2015 12:24
Life is beginning to look up a bit.
So, there's a job that I'm applying for that I got through to the second stage. I'm kinda delirious that I did because it implies I'm not a completely useless human being. It implies that people think I have some use and that I have useful skills.
I think that's also a symptom of a few other things. I'm starting to actually get better after the surgery. I just completed a week where I managed to wipe myself out, but the level of exercise it took was vastly in advance of any exercise I'd taken previously. I have walked along the South Bank several times and even once managed to complete a return leg up the North Bank, though that was nearer the start. I've even run for buses and I'm starting to feel like I have more energy. Going out does not totally result in my being wiped out for the evening either. So this is looking up.
Not only that, but I seem to be slowly recovering some mental and emotional equilibrium after the previous bad stuff. This is helping an awful lot. I'm starting to process what happened to me and how I feel about it. Not only that, but I think that it did a hard reset on a whole lot of other problems I'm going through. If you remember another post I wrote about that time, railing at some of the job stuff? Well, I'm kinda realising that a lot of the emotional problems I've had with working are slowly working themselves out. I'm getting more stable and, as a result, I'm getting access to all kinds of skills from my past which don't hurt so much. The idea of being a female programmer is no longer such a bad one. Even maybe being a female physicist isn't too much of a problem now. I have a certain level of positivity and I feel like I've gone through a lot of the worst of it.
This, of course, doesn't mean all of the bad is gone. I'm still aware that I have some more to go through, so expect some regression. But, as I said, I'm happy with how much I've achieved so far, and recent events are forcing me to deal with it all instead of avoid it. I'm healing. It's about time.
work,
feelings,
life,
mental